Well, it's been a couple of months since I posted...I did really good staying off of Lortab for about 6 weeks, then, the other night on my way home from work, a deer ran in front of me and I wrecked my car. I ended up going to the Dr. the next day w. a concussion and wouldn't you know it, he gave me a script for 7 Lortabs. Well, addict that I am, I filled the script and promptly took all 7. Didn't even get a buzz from it because I take Naltrexone but I sure felt like CRAP - all that hard work staying clean and at the first rough spot I gobble down Vics! My counselor has encouraged me to find a sponsor at the NA meetings I'd been going to, but the past 2 times I've gone to meetings, noone else has showed up. I've drawn strength from this site in the past and I could sure use some now, I feel like going down the road and buying about 30 vics, just getting wasted.
sherriet, DONT DO THAT!!! im not the greatest person to be talking here and giving advise because im yet to be clean because of all the surgery's that i have just had, but god, you have been doing so good.! One little slip up dosnt mean that you should go and get more. I think you are very smart just for the fact that you came here to tell your story. Keep posting, im listening and so is eveyone eles. Tell us your thoughts. Why do you feel like getting more???
Your Friend, Christina
Your Friend, Christina
I'm 37 y.o. - from the time I was 4 until 13, was molested by my stepdad. I started huffing gas at 13, drinking and smoking dope when I was 14, white crosses at 15, chrystal meth and coke at 20. When I was about 28, I kind of cleaned up for awhile. When I was 32, I had surgery and took Lortab, no problem (Ithought). Then when I got chances to get it from friends, I did occasionally. Before I knew it, I realized I was TOTALLY controlled by this drug, more than anything had EVER kicked my butt before. I've been an addict since before I knew what the word meant and this is the first time in my life that I've tried to deal w. life on it's terms without mind-atering substances. I've been on and off anti-depressants over the years, hospitalized on mental wards 3 times, attempted suicide twice (I don't feel that way now) and do you know what comes to mind? That scene from the Jack Nicholson movie when he walks into the shrink's office, looks at all the depressed psych patients and says, "Did you ever wonder if this is as good as it gets???"...sorry for being such a downer, these are just my thoughts...
Tough it out Sherriet, if you don't give in to those cravings, they pass. Relapse is so common, you needn't feel alone. And I'm sure having a concussion and the trauma of an accident made it really hard. Just pick up and start over. You can do it!!! Good luck to you. Love, Kat
Wow Sherriet, I didn't see the second part of your post. You have had a really hard time in life. You must be one tough lady to have come so far. Hang in there! Love, Kat
Sherriet, i think , after reading your post that you may just be stronger thanyou think.!!!!! I to, along with us all, have had a ruff go of things and i never new what support realy was until i came here. The people on this board will help you more than you think. Hell, just by sitting at your computer right now writing to us, its taking your mind away from walking down the street. (i hope anyway) Well, it realy has, your still here and not down there.(if that makes sence at all??)
I never thought that i could get addicted to pills eaither. As a matter of fact , i was problobly the most cold hearted person when it came to talking with addicts. That sounds horrible, i know. But, through what has happened to me in the past, i have become part of the group. Im so sorry that all that has happened to you in the past. But, thats just what it is, PAST. Now is the Future. And im here to talk whenever you need to. Im off work right now because of a resent surgery and having a hard time myself.Maybe we could help each other in some ways.???? What makes you want to get the pills right now???
Your NEW Friend, Christina
I never thought that i could get addicted to pills eaither. As a matter of fact , i was problobly the most cold hearted person when it came to talking with addicts. That sounds horrible, i know. But, through what has happened to me in the past, i have become part of the group. Im so sorry that all that has happened to you in the past. But, thats just what it is, PAST. Now is the Future. And im here to talk whenever you need to. Im off work right now because of a resent surgery and having a hard time myself.Maybe we could help each other in some ways.???? What makes you want to get the pills right now???
Your NEW Friend, Christina
Ya know, sometimes I feel sorry for myself (like in my last 2 posts - Ha!), but the more I get to know other addicts and hear about their lives, I realize that life is just HARD and it just IS. (BTW, Dog, your life sounds absolutely FASCINATING - you really should put together some memoirs - I'd love to read more!). I try to consciously NOT blame my addictions on my childhood, parents, etc. because life is what you make it, if you get lemons, make lemonade and all that good stuff. I couldn't control what happened to me as a child, but it's within my power to control my life today (even if just for today, with my h.p. - sound familiar?). As I'm sure others feel, I just get that panicky feeling and urge to use because it's how I've coped for SO LONG. And it's during those moments, lost and alone (there's that pity thing again!), that no number of benefits to being clean can provide me the strength I need to abstain. Thankfully, those moments are becoming farther and farther apart, but they still kick a-- when they hit. Thanks for your support, guys, I really appreciate it.
Sherriet, the support is always here. Just need to ask!! But you already know how to do that. My life sucks sometimes to. And right now would be one of those times. I had to get my appendix out and they found out that i had an ovarien cyst that had .. well..."blown up" in so many words. It hurts alot right now and they put me on Percicet for the pain at home. But it made my mind feel like i was gonna die!!! I have taken up to 5-6 Vic's at a time . 20-30 a day and i couldnt handle 2 Percicets every 3 hours.! (go figure) So when i called the Dr. office that handled my surgery, and told them to give me something that was alittle "less" on the brain and more on the pain, they told me NO and have a good night! (can u beleave that??) But, yesterday night, i had to go to the E.R , they thought that i had infections in my incisions , and that was the reason for alot of pain. But it turns out im fine, i just have a hard time dealing with pain and lossing the appendix and the ovarie was alot for my little body to handle. At the point of the surgery, i had tappered down off of Vic's to about 3 or 4 a day and was doing GREAT. Now its all screwed up. See my life is bad to , just in different ways. But you.... You have got to be strong. To go through all that , i would have called it quits long time ago.
your Friend, Christina
P.S. sorry so long. Cant help myself sometimes. I get in the mood to talk.
your Friend, Christina
P.S. sorry so long. Cant help myself sometimes. I get in the mood to talk.
Christina - sorry to hear you've had these health issues...I've had ovarian cysts that burst before, so I know the pain you're talking about. And to have your appendix out at the same time..OUCH!!! Sorry to hear, too, that you're out of work right now, I hope you're able to make ends meet during this time. Try not to worry about that, though, and concentrate on getting better. Remember, "strength to change the things I can, serenity to accept the things I can't..." or something like that! Hey, don't feel bad about long posts, I like reading them and like was just pointed out to me - when I'm reading this, it takes my mind off of using. How do you feel about taking the pain pills right now? One of the things I struggle with is wondering if I may be injured - what would I do to control the pain if I couldn't take narcotics? Some folks may say that we shouldn't take the pills under any circumstance, but I don't know how I'd react if I had alot of pain - I'd probably take the pain pills. I don't know, damned if you do and damned if you don't, huh?
Ya, im the same way, Dam if i do and dam if i dont. Thats about were im at right now too!! I have horrible feelings about taking the pills. But i realy have no choice in the matter right now. I cant walk , cant eat, cant go to the bathroom, cant bend over , cant stand up strait, withou anything hurting. The tape that they put over my stitches, it fell off today and it made it 10 times worse to see what they did to my body. I cryed about it for almost 2 hours today. My fiancee told me that i look great , but we both know that it is a lie! He is trying to be comforting but i know he thinks i look bad to. He is being a great person through all this though, i have a bad time bleeding right now and every night i have woken up with blood on the sheets and on my clothes. He has to help me change and get cleaned up ever night. I hate having someone doing all this for me. But what choice do i have right now?? I have to take a shower with him everyday to, and i feel bad because he has to clean me and its kind of nasty. I hate this, (have i said that enough yet??) Im 25 years old and have 2 kids. My oldest is 9 and my youngest is 4 going on 17. He has been the tough one through all this. He dosnt understand why mommy wont just get up and move like before. How in the heck am i suppost to deal with all this and still work on getting clean off the pills???????
Look, iv gone and taken the subject right off of you. Do you have any kids?? What state do you live in??
Your friend, Christina
P.S. Thanks for letting me get that all out.
Look, iv gone and taken the subject right off of you. Do you have any kids?? What state do you live in??
Your friend, Christina
P.S. Thanks for letting me get that all out.
I havent herd back from you yet, so ill wait another min. maybe the post is long to that your writing. But then i need to go to bed.
I have an early Dr. app. in the morning.
it was nice meeting you though and i hope to hear back from you soon!! Good luck in all you decide to do and be careful.
Your Friend, Christina
I have an early Dr. app. in the morning.
it was nice meeting you though and i hope to hear back from you soon!! Good luck in all you decide to do and be careful.
Your Friend, Christina
Had a few things I needed to get done, but I'm back. You're probably in bed now, maybe you'll come back and read this tomorrow. How long ago did you have your surgery? You shouldn't be having heavy bleeding from your surgical site, that is something your Dr. needs to know about. If the bleeding is vaginal and you're using more than one pad an hour, Dr. needs to know about that, too. Have you tried holding a pillow to your abdomen to support your belly? Sometimes it helps. You said you're going to the Dr. tomorrow, I hope it goes well. I know it's real common to feel badly about the way our bodies look after surgery, I felt awful for quite awhile after having a CSection, but just remember, the cuts will heal and the scars will fade. It may feel tingly or numb for along time, but the pain WILL get better. They say the first 3 days are the worst - I hope you're close to being through that. I think you have enough to worry about right now and some severe pain to deal with - just try to take your meds like the Dr. told you to and let your body heal. You probably have hormonal issues going on, too, so just take it easy on yourself. OK, I've rattled on quite enough! I'm glad we've met, I'll try to post more tomorrow. Sherrie
I was trying to wake up my fiancee to get me up the stairs and he just woke up and came to my aid... I did read the post and im glad we met too. Im usually on this board in the morning . I have a Dr. app. in the morning tommorow though and ill be back on here around 11-12:00 my time. I live in Mich. If that helps you at all. I would like to continue our talk about you if you want.??
I hope all goes well tonight and your feeling alittle bit better. Iknow i didnt help much , but like i said, im still trying too!! You seemed to help me more tonight than me helping you. (thanks)
Until tommorow, Your Friend, Christina
I hope all goes well tonight and your feeling alittle bit better. Iknow i didnt help much , but like i said, im still trying too!! You seemed to help me more tonight than me helping you. (thanks)
Until tommorow, Your Friend, Christina
Christina - Oh, no - I just read your thread to Kat. PLEASE don't think that you scared me away, I just had some chores that I had to get done between posts. Talking w. you tonight has given me strength and you really helped me out of a dark place. Thanks for that! I feel like I let you down - I'm sorry that I wasn't here to respond to your reply...I'm glad that you got connected w. someone else who could talk w. you. Take care, hope you sleep well. Think I'll go to bed myself. BTW, I'm in Iowa...Sherrie
Tomorrow I meet w. my counselor at 12, then work 2p-10p, but I'll try to check posts before I go - take care! Sherrie
Sherrier:
Don't think about your craving, I know that craving is the one that kill us, but remember take from your previous addiction the goods thinks, god always put us in a different ways to get our self stronger, you know what, I admire you sfter doing all that and been clean againd, that's very very good, and sorry about that bad experince of abuse, I couldn't say anything about.
Always when you go back to a doctor againd, say this to them, that you are allrgic to tha meds, that wiil help your self cover if you really want to quit.
remember what pretty life you were living without that drug,try to take Benadryl, and Motrin 800 mg, I know is a higth dose but is better than lortab, and if tha pain still there, take more motrin, but do do more than 1000 mg in one doses.
The first step you did it long time ago, accepting that you have a problem, do not let that drug controll your life,you can do this, if this is difficult, get close to god, he will answer you,
It is hard not to have a person to support you, but remember they do help a lot, but you, yuo are the one who did it, you can do againd your self, but is a lot healthy to have someone ehlping you.You can do this, I thougth that I was stronge but earing from you make me stronge, and make me think that you are stronger than me, you have the power to do everything you can, I have faith on you, YUO ARE NOT A WEAKER, EVERY DAY YOU ARE STRONGER,
God will help you, Call him with from your heart.
Tell this forum what you feel and it will help you a lot.
Don't think about your craving, I know that craving is the one that kill us, but remember take from your previous addiction the goods thinks, god always put us in a different ways to get our self stronger, you know what, I admire you sfter doing all that and been clean againd, that's very very good, and sorry about that bad experince of abuse, I couldn't say anything about.
Always when you go back to a doctor againd, say this to them, that you are allrgic to tha meds, that wiil help your self cover if you really want to quit.
remember what pretty life you were living without that drug,try to take Benadryl, and Motrin 800 mg, I know is a higth dose but is better than lortab, and if tha pain still there, take more motrin, but do do more than 1000 mg in one doses.
The first step you did it long time ago, accepting that you have a problem, do not let that drug controll your life,you can do this, if this is difficult, get close to god, he will answer you,
It is hard not to have a person to support you, but remember they do help a lot, but you, yuo are the one who did it, you can do againd your self, but is a lot healthy to have someone ehlping you.You can do this, I thougth that I was stronge but earing from you make me stronge, and make me think that you are stronger than me, you have the power to do everything you can, I have faith on you, YUO ARE NOT A WEAKER, EVERY DAY YOU ARE STRONGER,
God will help you, Call him with from your heart.
Tell this forum what you feel and it will help you a lot.
