I have been dating this man for a year now. Hes been amazing and I can honestly say one of the nicest guys Ive dated up until this point in my life. Hes kind, patient, has a great sense of humour and he just makes me feel genuinely happy. But somewhere down the line our relationship is tainted and we both seem to try and avoid it or deny theres even an issue. Its just that lately I'm really starting to question why my boyfriend loves to drink so much, the effects it could have on us long term and are we going to fail in our relationship because of it.
Hes always been a drinker and yes ive known this even before we started dating just not to the full extent. Its just really become more evident and clear how dependent he actually is on alcohol and recreational drugs. Hes not an angry drunk, infact hes the complete opposite. Happy, laughable, free spirit with the occasional joint and dabble of cocaine and there he is high on life. It didnt bother me at first because i like drinking too, i love beer and weed and it just felt like a reward to indulge once in a while after a weeks worth of work.
I know its not okay and its really starting to worry me because we party alot. Ive noticed since we started dating my drinking has increased, and ive regrettably experimented with cocaine. I was never like this before we started dating and i know this isn't healthy. His dependance is way worse than mine; his father was an alcoholic which lead to his parents divorce. He doesnt speak to his dad at all. My fear is were going down the wrong path and were going to end badly.
Weve lost alot of close friends this year our age and mind you we're only in our mid 20s so its played quite an emotional toll on us. Ive found that everytime we get bad news it results in a week of heavy drinking. Just recently a buddy he grew up with passed away and i havent even gotten the chance to talk about it with him. It's healthy to talk about it. But instead in confiding with me he has spent the past week drinking every night and avoided me. Everytime i bring the drinking up he gets very upset with me and avoids the subject but I know he knows hes an alcoholic.
It just seems so unfair how compatible we are and to have something as stupid as alcohol diminish what we have. I hope to spend our lives together and im scared im going to get heart broken in the end.
I just want us to be healthy and i wish he could realize the harm hes doing to both of us. I know id pick a night inside together over spending money at bar but feelings dont seem to be mutual. I know we have alot of growing up still i just really want a future together. Any advice for these situations? I really love him and it breaks my heart to have to give him up
Sweetheart,
I've been exactly where you are. I married that man. Years later I left him (and took our children) I left all the empty bottles around the house lined up on the counter.
After a year of his sobriety, I came back. Whole heartidly! He remained Sober for 4 years until a fatal accident (explosion) at the plant he worked at took two Co worker's lives. He coped by drinking again. ..3 years later, left him again! Sober now again, for 6 years. My point, is, this is a red flag for you. I hope you listen and react differently than I did. No matter how much he loves you, (or maybe future children) he has bad way of coping with the disappointments of life. Life disappointments do not stop. It's only over time and gained wisdom that we gain, and not "lose" throughout these times.
You are worth every bit of a sober, attentive, and supportive man.
He might have a different name.
I've been exactly where you are. I married that man. Years later I left him (and took our children) I left all the empty bottles around the house lined up on the counter.
After a year of his sobriety, I came back. Whole heartidly! He remained Sober for 4 years until a fatal accident (explosion) at the plant he worked at took two Co worker's lives. He coped by drinking again. ..3 years later, left him again! Sober now again, for 6 years. My point, is, this is a red flag for you. I hope you listen and react differently than I did. No matter how much he loves you, (or maybe future children) he has bad way of coping with the disappointments of life. Life disappointments do not stop. It's only over time and gained wisdom that we gain, and not "lose" throughout these times.
You are worth every bit of a sober, attentive, and supportive man.
He might have a different name.
Encourage him to go to AA classes and tell him you'll go with him or maybe counselling. If not you should take a break from him and if looks for you tell him what's bothering you and hopefully he gets the point and gets help. I grew up with alcholics in my home and trust me it messes you up thankfully I didn't chose that life for myself. It's true life always brings problems and we have to learn how to deal with them without drinking or doing drugs. You are very young and don't have kids with this man at the moment don't hold on to someone that isn't willing to get help because you will end up hurt. Best wishes
