My SO has different issues that are keeping him from having sex with me. But the main one that I would like to talk about is his low sex drive due to him being on Methadone.
I have read up on it so I know it is an unfortunate side effect for both men and women. But it hurts the parter of the opiate addict more. I know I'm not the only one that feels unloved, unwanted, neglected and ugly. And the fact that I have a high drive myself makes it really difficult to cope.
He's on a high dose. I know when it lowers he at least gets somewhat driven. I know that until he gets a seriously low dose or kicks it we still won't be able to do it as much as I like. But I would like to be able to at least a few times a month. To me it's unhealthy for long term couples to not be serially active. Intimacy is a big part of a relationship.
He doesn't care to lower his dose when considering other things it would be better for him. If I even mention Viagra etc he gets upset. Basically he says he wants to be able to make love to me but isn't trying to make things happen.
Everytime I say I'm upset about it or how it makes me sad he accuses me of being a sex addict. I may enjoy it a lot but being accused of that and of just being about sex and wanting him to get better just for sex. It really hurts me. I do tell him.
Tell me... Am I a bad person for wanting to be sexually active with the man I love? Is it wrong of me to be sad about? How can I talk to him about it without getting him upset? How do I get him to try things to make it better?
Also, he is 28 I'm 30. He's on 135mg. He was on only a bit less than that our last time, which was months ago.
Wow that's a real high dose. Sheesh Louise I'm 35 and on 20mg..But what about assisting or coaxing him to start dropping his milligram without specifically saying it's for sex. I mean, I'm not trying to say you don't care about his sobriety and only care about your sex life but maybe try to encourage him to start weaning himself off. Tell him it's time to start to maintain a drug free life (gosh darn I'm so pathetic, whom am I to tell when to start doing what's right) sorry, I got a problem going on in my life because I can't grow the F up. Well and if he still doesn't seem ready to budge then maybe it's time to start thinking of putting yourself first . Your happiness. What gives you joy. And I know everyone is built differently but I never seen a guy or girl completely lose their sex drive over methadone. I may be mistaken. But I see alcohol and heroin being that problem for males only not even for females. Sorry I'm no help to you.
He just went down to 130. But only to switch back to the disc/wafer. We have talked about him tappering off before. He was going to try then changed his mind. I just brought it up and wants to just isn't being motivated.
He says he wants to be able to make love but isn't doing much to get there. Back when we first started having it he was on 130 but was used to the dose. His drive was decent. Then he lowered it just a little and we were having it a lot. But then once he got it back up it went away, no drive. He went cold turkey for a reason I'll talk about another time. He got it back but he was too sore to do more than fool around cause he has a different medical condition. He said the other day his drive will come back when he gets used to the dose. But I'm losing my patience. He doesn't even try to pleasure me in other ways.
He says he wants to be able to make love but isn't doing much to get there. Back when we first started having it he was on 130 but was used to the dose. His drive was decent. Then he lowered it just a little and we were having it a lot. But then once he got it back up it went away, no drive. He went cold turkey for a reason I'll talk about another time. He got it back but he was too sore to do more than fool around cause he has a different medical condition. He said the other day his drive will come back when he gets used to the dose. But I'm losing my patience. He doesn't even try to pleasure me in other ways.
I know people say sex isn't important but damn right it is. It's important to have that intimacy. I rarely even gets kisses. And once in a blue moon get a kiss considered making out. Much of the time I feel more like roommates. I get so frustrated I don't care to cuddle anymore cause I want much more. I cry myself to sleep cause I feel ugly and like the man I love doesn't want my body anymore.
This sounds lame but have you ever heard the song circle the drain by Katy perry? I used to have the same feelings as you and feel so down on myself until I heard that song. The lyrics says "you fall asleep during foreplay cause the pills you take are more your forte" and I figured if someone was putting Katy perry down it really must not just be me!! You're not alone hon! You're gorgeous. Try to keep strong, I hope things get better for you guys... I wish I could give you better advice but I'm in the same boat :/
I'm sorry you have to go through it as well. Thanks I hope things will get better for both of us.
