Hi I'm Carmen. I have never been to one of these forums so I don't know what to say as far as how people usually introduce theirself. I feel completely retarted and creatively weak. I'm sad, hopeless and cant remember how long it takes to feel happy again. I've been doing H for 3 1/2 years or so and pills for 8 years. Everytime I'm in my "detox phase" life seems so miserable and all I can do is hate myself for bringing myself down again. I still have so much to be gratefull for yet all I can do is lay here and wish I was someone else. I have a 4 month old son and I love him dearly and for that I will not kill myself but I day dream about a near death experience and ponder if I would choose to come back into my human body and finish out this life's journey or not. Why do I always make it so hard on myself? I get chance after chance to get straightend out and then I force myself to start all over.sigh..... I know I will see the light again, but will I ever keep following it? How many more times must I cross to the dark side (no pun intended)
Carmen ...Your words broke my heart.....If you have made up your mind to do this PLEASE take it one minute one hr one day at a time..You have spent a long time destroying your brains natural function...So its gonna take time for you to feel ALIVE an well again..I try to think of it like child labor...You want a baby you love its kicks inside your body..Butt when that lil sucker wants out your body HURTS LIKE CRAZY..If the doc would have handed me a gun I would have happily shot my head off..IN THAT MOMENT..Butt once that baby is out you forget just how awful it was...You will be the same with this addiction..Get that sucker out of your body an start healing..Took 9 months to destroy your figure and make your body a mess..RIGHT?? Butt so worth it IM SURE...Once this crud leaves your body just dont shove any more back in..Each day will bring times of trial an times of defeat...Your a good mom wanting to get past this..IM so proud of you for being here with us..I have a daughter in an ern...She left behind two beautiful children...HEROIN..TOOK HER LIFE...Her death was heartbreaking an a relief at the same time..Know I know she is with her higher power an never again SICK between getting a fix..You can do this !!!! Do it for you !!!! OXOX will be watching to see how your doing...One minute at a time girl..Im fresh off vic's day 6...W/D are not fun..Butt will come to pass..Hang in
