I know this is the wrong message board to discuss my feelings about what is going on. But this is where I'm most comfortable.
For the most part, I stay strong all day when visitors and nurses come and go. Night time is the hardest. Especially once I get him sleeping comfortably. He could wake up any minute and ask for something. By the time I get him what he wants, he's out of it again. I feel like I should be right by his side ready. I'm in the same room. I'm just not holding his hand right now.
Is it wrong that I'm not holding his hand and talking to him every minute? Does that make me a bad person? I do that many times throughout the day. When I do sit with him I watch his chest rise and fall with each breath. When I touch him I feel his strong heart beating. And I can't help but wonder how many more breaths and how many more heartbeats he has left in him?
He was told 3 weeks ago that he had less than 6 months left. The hospice nurse was here today and I talked candidly with her. His son was planning on a visit 11 days from now. She said that it will probably be too late by then. This time next week, I might be at his funeral. (If I can get him a proper funeral...)
I don't know. This is too much. He is so sick. So very, very sick.
I love you Chuck Roach. Even through the worst of times, I've always truly loved you. If I ever doubted myself before, well the pain now just reinforces what I've felt all along and took for granted.
Sleep, Baby. Sleep peacefully and, God-willing, I'll see you in the morning.
I'm hurting bad. I can't be strong anymore.
Hi Jodi, I just checked in. Its ang99 this is my user name on my blackberry. My computer isn't connected at my house rite now so I have use my phone lately to get on line. Its been a while since we talked, we talked a lot when I first joined back in 2005 I think it was. I am really sorry to hear about everything that is going on in your life. How has your drinking been? I know we both used to drink heavily in addition to the pills. I don't really drink anymore. May sound strange, but sub helped me quit drinking but not the pills.anyway I didn't post to talk about me, I posted to say I'm around if you want to chat, vent, ramble, whatever Do you remember me?
Hey, dear Jodi. I'm fairly new to this site so I don't know the whole story, though I'm pretty sure I remember seeing the post you had written about your father. I can't put myself in you shoes, I couldn't even try. I know you are doing what feels rights. Just keep this in mind: will doing this help you to do spiritually? Are you doing it becase you feel guilty? Are you doing it because someone has pressured you to do so? Do it because that is what feels right to do. It's never too late to make amends. For your sanity, I certaintly hope that happens. I will saying a prayer for you tonight as I say all my prayers. If there is anything I can ever do for you, let me know. Take Care, Michelle.
Jodi, I don't know what to say except I understand how you feel, I know that my husband has been so sick lately, he has no energy and I feel like I need to do something but I do not know what to do, he went for a sleep study lt was bad, and now has to go for another one to see how to proceed from here. I feel your pain and I so wish I could be more comfort to you, if comming here makes you feel better then come here and post away, I do when I need to, I can say things that I cannot say to others.
ooo jodie,,,,I remember when my dad died ,my sister freind said why are you crying ,your crying for yourself,not him ,,and I thoght what s this you say ,still didnt understand ,,now I do,,and soon you will uderstand,,,but I want to say .IVE taken care of many people in my life cna for 32 years,and you are doing all the rite things,sweety,you need rite now to be with a freind to help you ,not be alone,,,im sitting here tears falling because you sound so lost sad ,like you want to lay down with him ,and go with him to.but you will see when its time for him to go ,,he in death will give you strengh,god will help you,,,I WISH I COULD BE THERE,,,TO HOLD YOU ,AND BUNDLE YOU UP ,AND HELP CARRY YOUR BURDEN.....LOVE POOPIE,DO YOU WANT MY PHONE NUMBER,,,,OOOOOOOOOOOO ANGEL SWEET ANGEL .WE LOVE YOU,,AND VENT ,TO YOR HEARTS CONTENT,POOPIE,
Actually it is my husband.
He is at the end now. It's only been 3 weeks. I have to go to work now. I hope he makes it until I get back. His life is measured in hours and maybe days now...not weeks.
He is so sick.
He is at the end now. It's only been 3 weeks. I have to go to work now. I hope he makes it until I get back. His life is measured in hours and maybe days now...not weeks.
He is so sick.
im so mad that someone cant help you...going to work ,you poor sweet angel,,you need that help for caregivers ,look up in google ,under fianical help for cancer caregivers,please no your in my thoughts dear,golly im so sad for you,poopie