"Abstinence is often a formidable challenge.But even abstinence is not recovery,only a prerequisite to recovery.Recovery requires a change in attitude and behavior,which means a change in the way the addicted person thinks and has thought for most of his or her life.It means overcoming addictive thinking.The formula can be shown as follows:
Recovery=Abstinence + Change"
Addictive Thinking by Terski,M.D.
My question is to everyone.What tools are you using in your everyday life to change the way you think?
This can be many things.It doesn't have to be solely the 12th steps.Many on here do not go that route so please share your stuff.Everyone is welcome to share.It can be something as simple as changing your eating patterns.
Wow, great post. I'll be interested to see the answers.
Tim:
For me, I had gone to AA before and done the deal. As I have stated before, I stayed clean and sober throughout my 20's. Once I started getting away from meetings and tried some controlled drinking which led to some uncontrolled drug use I could not stop on my own. Like you, there was a couple of years where I was involved with a Boot Camp exercise program that met everyday at 6 am on the beach. I was able to stay clean and sober throughout that time. When I found myself back in active addiction and not being able to stop on my own, I reached out to a friend I had trusted. I agreed to go go to meetings with him but I did not want to. I had no desire to go back to meetings but I was willing to do things differently. Clearly, my way wasn't working. Once I got back to meetings, I thought I knew everything having worked the steps numerous times before. Many times I thought "I'll do this but I won't do that." What I needed to do was have a new experience and let go of my old ideas of what the Program was and what I needed to do and not do. One thing that helped me was being open to realize I don't know everything. I learned this prayer this time around and it helps me whenever I think I know everything:
Set Aside Prayer
God,
Please help me set aside
everything I think I know
about myself, my disease,
these steps, and especially You;
for an open mind
and a new experience
with myself, my disease,
these steps, and especially You.
~Rachel
For me, I had gone to AA before and done the deal. As I have stated before, I stayed clean and sober throughout my 20's. Once I started getting away from meetings and tried some controlled drinking which led to some uncontrolled drug use I could not stop on my own. Like you, there was a couple of years where I was involved with a Boot Camp exercise program that met everyday at 6 am on the beach. I was able to stay clean and sober throughout that time. When I found myself back in active addiction and not being able to stop on my own, I reached out to a friend I had trusted. I agreed to go go to meetings with him but I did not want to. I had no desire to go back to meetings but I was willing to do things differently. Clearly, my way wasn't working. Once I got back to meetings, I thought I knew everything having worked the steps numerous times before. Many times I thought "I'll do this but I won't do that." What I needed to do was have a new experience and let go of my old ideas of what the Program was and what I needed to do and not do. One thing that helped me was being open to realize I don't know everything. I learned this prayer this time around and it helps me whenever I think I know everything:
Set Aside Prayer
God,
Please help me set aside
everything I think I know
about myself, my disease,
these steps, and especially You;
for an open mind
and a new experience
with myself, my disease,
these steps, and especially You.
~Rachel
I love recovery topics. Thanks, Tim.
I'm sure by now everyone knows I go to AA for my recovery and have worked the steps and have taken others thru the steps. For me, abstinence wasn't enough. I relapsed over and over. When I would wake up in the ER from accidental overdoses I would swear on my kid's life I would never use again only to pick up again when I started feeling better. I would run out of pills, go thru w/d, again swear never again, only to pick up when there were pills available. I was still lying. I was still selfish. I was concerned only with myself and what you could do for me. That's the kind of addict I was.
So I went to AA. They taught me how to live without the need to change how I felt. I stopped lying. I learned to care about others and to stay out of my head. I no longer walk around like I am the only person that matters in this world. I learned how not to flip out when things don't go my way. I ask God for help in the morning to get thru the day without drugs or alcohol or a cigarette. I thank Him at night for the blessings of the day. I help others. I go to meetings, not daily any longer but 3-4 times a week. I talk to my sponsor and sponsees. I have to stay active in recovery. There is no sitting back and getting complacent because I know I'll get lazy and forget where I came from and use again. I can come up with all kinds of excuses why I need a pill. I used them for years. Today, I have more excuses why I don't want to take a pill rather than why I want to take one. Life is what I make of it and today it is good. It's funny you mentioned change of diet, Tim. I had to learn to eat breakfast to keep my anxiety level down. I had to learn to keep my home clean to get some manageability in my life. I had to learn to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. These are little things that help me in recovery that people don't think about.
Sorry this is a book.
I'm sure by now everyone knows I go to AA for my recovery and have worked the steps and have taken others thru the steps. For me, abstinence wasn't enough. I relapsed over and over. When I would wake up in the ER from accidental overdoses I would swear on my kid's life I would never use again only to pick up again when I started feeling better. I would run out of pills, go thru w/d, again swear never again, only to pick up when there were pills available. I was still lying. I was still selfish. I was concerned only with myself and what you could do for me. That's the kind of addict I was.
So I went to AA. They taught me how to live without the need to change how I felt. I stopped lying. I learned to care about others and to stay out of my head. I no longer walk around like I am the only person that matters in this world. I learned how not to flip out when things don't go my way. I ask God for help in the morning to get thru the day without drugs or alcohol or a cigarette. I thank Him at night for the blessings of the day. I help others. I go to meetings, not daily any longer but 3-4 times a week. I talk to my sponsor and sponsees. I have to stay active in recovery. There is no sitting back and getting complacent because I know I'll get lazy and forget where I came from and use again. I can come up with all kinds of excuses why I need a pill. I used them for years. Today, I have more excuses why I don't want to take a pill rather than why I want to take one. Life is what I make of it and today it is good. It's funny you mentioned change of diet, Tim. I had to learn to eat breakfast to keep my anxiety level down. I had to learn to keep my home clean to get some manageability in my life. I had to learn to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. These are little things that help me in recovery that people don't think about.
Sorry this is a book.
WOW ...Rachel.I love that prayer.
I too had to have an overhauling in the way I looked at the program.I had spent so many years of my life doing it my way it was no wonder I had such a resentment toward it.Actually it took me doing a year long study group of "A Course In Miracles" for me to shift my perception of AA/NA.Then when I went back it all made sense.
Thanks for your insight.
I too had to have an overhauling in the way I looked at the program.I had spent so many years of my life doing it my way it was no wonder I had such a resentment toward it.Actually it took me doing a year long study group of "A Course In Miracles" for me to shift my perception of AA/NA.Then when I went back it all made sense.
Thanks for your insight.
Kat quotes-"I had to learn to keep my home clean to get some manageability in my life."
LOL.......well,this my exit.
I told Sid the other day that maybe I need to pray more about being cleaner and his response was"No,Tim.You don't need to spend any more time praying but picking up a broom and dust rag might work better"
LOL.......well,this my exit.
I told Sid the other day that maybe I need to pray more about being cleaner and his response was"No,Tim.You don't need to spend any more time praying but picking up a broom and dust rag might work better"
I'm sorry to see that such a good thread doesn't have more posts.
Just "not" using never worked for me. Because I could then just "be" using. Does that make sense? I didn't have any accountability.
And Tim darlin, I know that when the surf is up, you have to go, it's just part of your religion, but it isn't up all the time, so pick up a broom dude, you'll feel so much better for it. <eg>
Just "not" using never worked for me. Because I could then just "be" using. Does that make sense? I didn't have any accountability.
And Tim darlin, I know that when the surf is up, you have to go, it's just part of your religion, but it isn't up all the time, so pick up a broom dude, you'll feel so much better for it. <eg>
Abstinence isn't the answer for me! You could have locked me in a room for 90 days and after 90 days I would have come out and taken every pill I could get my hands on.
Accepting and understanding that I am an addict has been my answer. I could get all the pills I wanted today, pills are so easy to get. I do not want to return to my life as it was. I am my "gatekeeper".
Catherine
Nope....abstinence was NOT enough...worked for a very short time....then it started all over again! Today I am working my steps and getting to the root of the problem....I will never have to live like that again.
I always said I just want to be the way I was before I started using! No way man.....I would never want that....now I love the me I am that I am in recovery. It is a way of life...a new way to live...and feel life on life's terms!
I always said I just want to be the way I was before I started using! No way man.....I would never want that....now I love the me I am that I am in recovery. It is a way of life...a new way to live...and feel life on life's terms!
Tim Awesome post....For me I always for along time thought NOT usen was the same as recovery...BOY have I learned ALOT Id say these past 6 mths the most.
After the crazy hoildays are done I already have an appointment set with a psycotherapist & an all natural MD.
For now Im studying spirituality & learning to embrace God & have a better relationship with him.That may not sound like much but for me its a HUGE step as I turned my back on God years ago.Now Im realizing that such a part of me has been lost due to that.....
After the crazy hoildays are done I already have an appointment set with a psycotherapist & an all natural MD.
For now Im studying spirituality & learning to embrace God & have a better relationship with him.That may not sound like much but for me its a HUGE step as I turned my back on God years ago.Now Im realizing that such a part of me has been lost due to that.....
Lisa quotes-"so pick up a broom dude, you'll feel so much better for it. <eg>"
picking it up is not the problem............you have to actually move it for it to work.LOL........what an order,I can't go through with it.
Glad to see you back Lisa.
picking it up is not the problem............you have to actually move it for it to work.LOL........what an order,I can't go through with it.
Glad to see you back Lisa.
Tim, I know this blonde named Jeannie I can fix you up with <G> Maybe she can teach you to clean with a squinch of the nose.
I hope she can do more than that.
Nope, not for this addict/drunk....
Abstinent for me was one of the easier, softer ways that the Big Book states and yep, sure enough I spent years first substituting drugs, then living in denial that I could conquer this all by myself...and I would do pretty good for a few months until life threw a curve ball and I didn't know how to deal with real life situations which I would always, always go back to the familiar, drug myself out so I wouldn't have to deal with life.......
Today, I work hard on my recovery and yes, it is the utmost important thing in my life, and by doing that not only have I found a HP to trust, I am developing new levels of relationships with my husband and children and oh my gosh, today I have friends....never had it so good in my life and today I am grateful for all the little things that I can see and enjoy....
And Tim, screw the broom....hire a maid once a week and go live & love life....
xoxo
Stacey
ps....Great post....busy at work so it took me awhile to get here....
Abstinent for me was one of the easier, softer ways that the Big Book states and yep, sure enough I spent years first substituting drugs, then living in denial that I could conquer this all by myself...and I would do pretty good for a few months until life threw a curve ball and I didn't know how to deal with real life situations which I would always, always go back to the familiar, drug myself out so I wouldn't have to deal with life.......
Today, I work hard on my recovery and yes, it is the utmost important thing in my life, and by doing that not only have I found a HP to trust, I am developing new levels of relationships with my husband and children and oh my gosh, today I have friends....never had it so good in my life and today I am grateful for all the little things that I can see and enjoy....
And Tim, screw the broom....hire a maid once a week and go live & love life....
xoxo
Stacey
ps....Great post....busy at work so it took me awhile to get here....
Praying has been the major change for me. The conscious contact I have with God now gives me some direction. Instead of living my life in search of ..fill in the blank pills, coke, pot, whatever I could get my hands on. I have a direction not that I always know the way or the "right" choice. I have some one I can ask directions from and thats a power greater than myself. Thanks for this great topic Timmy boy.
Love,
Jane
****edited to say: Tim you want her to cook too? LOL
Love,
Jane
****edited to say: Tim you want her to cook too? LOL
I guess for me abstinece is good enough. I don't do meetings, and I used to see a shrink that specialized in addiction, but he pissed me off so I quit going. Something about rehashing the same s*** over and over again got old really quick. Its pretty cut and dry for me. I was on a nightmarish merry go round, and I made my mind up a year and half ago that I wanted off. The way I see it I have two choices. 1. Be a junkie and f*** up my life, or 2. Forget the pills and be happy. I'm happy with who I am and the choices I have made. I guess I just "get" it.
However, for anyone just starting I highly recommend any type of face to face support they can get. We all need a voice of reason to guide us in the beginning.
Welcome home Lisa! Wow that was quick!!!
Michelle
However, for anyone just starting I highly recommend any type of face to face support they can get. We all need a voice of reason to guide us in the beginning.
Welcome home Lisa! Wow that was quick!!!
Michelle
Tim, Great post this has been weighing on my mind alot lately. For me abstinence right now is not enough.I thought it was but guess what I was wrong. You must of posted this thread for me. Thanks, Shantel
Change your thoughts,
change your life.
I had to think differently. I was miserable and the only way I knew how to cope was to numb out. I couldn't imagine life without chemicals; it was my all.
However, as I passed certain tests sober, a whole new world opened up. I still get into my bad patterns sometimes, but I think two things I took out of the program helped.
Into action and there really are no big deals.
How was the course in miracles? Can you share a bit on that experience?
change your life.
I had to think differently. I was miserable and the only way I knew how to cope was to numb out. I couldn't imagine life without chemicals; it was my all.
However, as I passed certain tests sober, a whole new world opened up. I still get into my bad patterns sometimes, but I think two things I took out of the program helped.
Into action and there really are no big deals.
How was the course in miracles? Can you share a bit on that experience?
LB-It was different.It took me awhile to grasp some of the principles and to this day I don't accept all of it.I stuck with it because I liked the people in my group.It wasn't until after I had finished that I actually realized I was practicing some of the things I learned.
You either will like it or hate it
Its hard to go buy the book and just start reading it.You almost need a guide to get you through it.
The basic premise......this world is a dream and we spend our lives projecting our egos......guilt,shame,anger etc.
One day we will all wake up from the dream
Its deeper than that of course,but it's hard to explain.
You either will like it or hate it
Its hard to go buy the book and just start reading it.You almost need a guide to get you through it.
The basic premise......this world is a dream and we spend our lives projecting our egos......guilt,shame,anger etc.
One day we will all wake up from the dream
Its deeper than that of course,but it's hard to explain.
Tim, I couldn't agree more about needing to change our thinking habits. For me, I needed thinking defenses that would kick in a year, two years, after getting abstinent -- at those times when things were going well, the fear and shame had susided,and my mind could again rationalize playing around the edges of my addiction again. I picked up a lot of helpful tools in the rooms of AA, as well as elsewhere. As you say, it's not necessarily how you do it, but that you just DO it.
My wife worked the Course in Miracles many years ago, and loved it. I've heard many positive testimonials, none negative. It makes me more inclined to check it out. Anything that challenges my way of thinking about spirit is probably a good thing.
My wife worked the Course in Miracles many years ago, and loved it. I've heard many positive testimonials, none negative. It makes me more inclined to check it out. Anything that challenges my way of thinking about spirit is probably a good thing.
