I have a son who went thru rehab for crack and says he has been clean.I am so used to him being on it and lying about everything that now I do not know how to act around him.Are you supposed to call and ask him everyday how he is doing or do you wait for him to bring it up?Someone has said that as a mom you constantly ask him how he is doing and how his day went today.I was avoiding that thinking he will get turned off by it but I was told it will help him talk about it.Maybe I avoid the subject unless he brings it up becouse I am afraid to hear what he might say.I am not 100% sure wether he is clean but if he is not I know it will not be long before I do.As a mom I have alot of guilt.How did my beautiful baby come to this?He has done jail twice.HIs father and I are divorced and I feel this all started when this happened.He was 14,now he is 26.Should I talk to him every day?how do others feel their parents should go about it?I want to do what is best...
elli, thanks for joining us here. i wish we were meeting you under other circumstances.
read the posts here on detachment, they may give you some answers to the question you are seeking.
my son is 24. been thru rehab several years ago, used for several years, is now living in a halfway house.
i can only tell you what i do.
i don't call him every day. i don't ask him about his sobriety, other than maybe every 3 weeks or so. i don't pry. sometimes when we spend time together he offers things about what he is doing, what he is thinking, what he wants to do. unless he asks for advice, i rarely offer it. but i am there for him when he wants to talk to me about such things.
i think that many times an addict or alcoholic is better off talking to strangers, acquaintances, or other addicts or alcoholics about such things. i try not to put him in a position where he has to be less than honest with me.
i have learned that addiction/alcoholism is a disease, it is his disease, he is responsble for dealing with it, he is responsible for his owne sobriey and recoverry. i can't own or possess it.
in recovery circles there are what is known at the 3 "Cs" : i didn't cause it, i can't control it and i can't cure. you may want to adopt the 3 Cs as your own. they have helped others.
we are here to help. many of us. please use us as you can. and please contribute.
and pray a lot. most of us do.
thanks to all who replied.talking about it helps me.I do pray alot,it seems to help.PLease keep on sending your advice, I need to deal with people that are going thru it,specially from parents.I like to hear on what you are going through and how you best deal with it