I have been posting about my husband who is a alcoholic and drug addict. I finally told him 3 weeks ago that I wanted to seperate, that I was done, I was no longer willing to live this angry, anxious, scared life anymore. I wanted more for ME and our KIDS.
As I have posted, he called begging and crying almost daily for the first week, calling to let me know he signed up for outpatient, still more crying, saying that I should be able to tell he is trying and PLEASE let him come home. Still I said NO. Then he tried sending flowers, emailing perky happy emails, calling and being so upbeat about his new recovery plan. All the while he kept thinking that I would eventually change my mind and let him come home. I HAVE NOT!
As far as I know my husband is going to his outpatient meetings, he goes 3x a week, This would be starting his 3rd week. He says he is going, and I asked if he was attending AA. He said NO that he hasn't gone to AA, that 3 nights a week for 2 hrs is along time, and that he gets alot out of his group, and he doesn't think AA is that important. He says that the people who get up and talk have done WAY MORE stuff than he has ever even thought of doing. He has never gone to jail, he works, never been homeless, etc. He just drinks to much and uses coke on occasion. But he realizes that he hurt his family and wants him family back and is so sorry he hurt us, etc.
My questions is - from all my research and talking with counselors, etc. they all say that along with outpatient, that an alcoholic/addict has to be committed to attending AA meetings also, that outpatient alone will not be enough. That if he is only going to outpatient and not AA, it shows that he isn't giving his recovery 100%, just the minimum to get by. Do they need AA to recover, is he just going to the meetings because he thinks that is what I want him to do, and if he does then he gets brownie points and should be able to come home?
After 25 years of marriage, and 15 being miserable and being an active alcoholic, I can't see that 3 weeks of stopping, going to outpatient, but no AA is doing what needs to happen. He keeps telling me how sorry and that he feels so much pain and he wants to make it up and that he is committed to be sober, etc., but I have a hard time believing that.
I tried AA a few times and it just wasnt for me. I am clean and sober soley through my outpatient meetings. I owe my life to them. So, to answer your question if one is truely devoted to recovery and is giving it 100%, outpatient can worh even without AA. Hope this helps. Good luck.
Hi there, I can understand what you are going through and what your husband is going through...I am a recovering alcholic/addict who was married to an alcoholic/addict for 18 years who is what is considered a "dry" drunk, no program, etc. I have a little over two years and by going to AA meetings I am associating with people who are just like me and receive the hope, strength and encouragement that I need as well. My alcoholism is but a symptom of my disease. The Program is teaching me how to live life on life's terms...what I have observed, and this is just for me, the way I handle life's problems and situations is much different than how my ex-husband does...he seems to get all caught up in the drama and chaos, whereas I do not..I've learned to let go and I've learned that it's not all about me...good luck to you and your family...thanks for reminding me of what it was like. I now come home to a peaceful, quiet home...and I no longer live in fear. What a blessing.
Hi baseballmum.
Alcoholism is a disease of perception .and alcoholics come in many shapes and forms. Alcoholism affects men, women, doctors, lawyers, labours. Black people White people. Catholics. Jews, etc.people with homes people without homes. So I think we (I) have to look at ourselves and the problems that alcohol and drugs are causing us not the other man.
So when I went to AA it was suggested I listen to the similarities and not so much the differences. The differences could be a way out. Like your husband said but my case is different I am not that bad. And that the differences may just be yets if I kept drinking. This hasnt happened YET. It was suggested we ask ourselves if alcohol is costing us more than money .Is it affecting our relationships, work. Although our family and home are still there. How are we (I) going mentally or emotionally. Are people talking about our drinking? One of the symptoms of alcoholism is denial.
In the meetings of AA I found out by listening to others .That the person I was drank and that the person I was will drink again. So I have had to change my old ideas and the fellowship and program of AA has helped me do that. My wife is not alcoholic and today I know how hard it can be for everyone and that alcoholism is a family disease that one alcoholic can affect the lives of around 16 people admedially connected to them.
Things didnt get better overnight for my wife and me but things did get better. So I hope things go o/k for you and your husband. I prayer you both find some peace of mind. The program of AA has helped my wife and I have peace of mind rather than a mind in pieces.
God BlessLionel
Alcoholism is a disease of perception .and alcoholics come in many shapes and forms. Alcoholism affects men, women, doctors, lawyers, labours. Black people White people. Catholics. Jews, etc.people with homes people without homes. So I think we (I) have to look at ourselves and the problems that alcohol and drugs are causing us not the other man.
So when I went to AA it was suggested I listen to the similarities and not so much the differences. The differences could be a way out. Like your husband said but my case is different I am not that bad. And that the differences may just be yets if I kept drinking. This hasnt happened YET. It was suggested we ask ourselves if alcohol is costing us more than money .Is it affecting our relationships, work. Although our family and home are still there. How are we (I) going mentally or emotionally. Are people talking about our drinking? One of the symptoms of alcoholism is denial.
In the meetings of AA I found out by listening to others .That the person I was drank and that the person I was will drink again. So I have had to change my old ideas and the fellowship and program of AA has helped me do that. My wife is not alcoholic and today I know how hard it can be for everyone and that alcoholism is a family disease that one alcoholic can affect the lives of around 16 people admedially connected to them.
Things didnt get better overnight for my wife and me but things did get better. So I hope things go o/k for you and your husband. I prayer you both find some peace of mind. The program of AA has helped my wife and I have peace of mind rather than a mind in pieces.
God BlessLionel
