Ok so I post on here relatively a lot so most of you probably know my story. But if you don't a quick summary is my 22 year old fianc is addicted to opiates and pretty much all other pills. He is also type one diabetic so this affects him greatly and I have to call 911 a lot. So anyways he was texting his dealer and asked if he could have the rest of what's in the bag. They were calling it "clear". His dealer was really mad he was texting about it and kept telling him not to just to call him and never bring it up because it's so risky. Essentially he was putting off hanging out with me all night because he was begging him for this stuff. Apparently it was 20 for a small bag. I know it wasn't cocaine because they just call that yay and aren't so secretive about it. So I ended up confronting him. He said it was meth first but that he didn't do it. Then it was adderal his next story. Then it was half cocaine half meth his next story. Then an hour later it was that it was mdma. So I wouldn't go to his house. He goes back to his dealer and they are texting while he is there and he is setting leave some of this stuff in the bathroom and my fianc is just going in there to do it so the dealer roommate doesn't find out. This was all at about 3 am. He never went to sleep until 8am and was calling me and writing me constantly but definitely high not just "adderal". His dealer also said something about his 9 ? He was begging his dealer all night for more every second. Is it meth? My gut instinct says it was. But he insists it wasn't. Even though his story changed 5 times. I know how manipulative and addict can be so I really need outside advice. It really crosses the line of this is what he has done.
I don't even care about the fact of being mad, or being lied to, or him choosing drugs over me. It's really about him. He could die. He is stupid and naive and had no idea what he is doing. And with his diabetes he could easily over dose or die. It's terrifying. And if anything happened and I knew this whole time I would blame myself forever. I just don't know how to get through to him. Meth is the farthest this could possibly go. And I fear for his life every second of the day.
You are not married to him (not that would matter much), why are you still there?
Do you honestly see things improving over time? How's it going so far ??
You have to go and look at the girl in the mirror and ask what the attraction is for him?
You are trying to force a square peg in a round hole .... give it up. RUN !!
The folks at Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can help you get your life back if you ask them.
I would before it's too late.
Good luck.
Bob R
Do you honestly see things improving over time? How's it going so far ??
You have to go and look at the girl in the mirror and ask what the attraction is for him?
You are trying to force a square peg in a round hole .... give it up. RUN !!
The folks at Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can help you get your life back if you ask them.
I would before it's too late.
Good luck.
Bob R
Kate,
"I don't even care about the fact of being mad, or being lied to, or him choosing drugs over me". Really? If something were to happen you would blame yourself? Reaaly? Have you read anything, or talked to anyone about co-dependency at all? You need help. You need to think realistically about what you can really do for him. You cant stop him from taking drugs - that's clear. And that is not a poor reflection on you, by any means. Meht is where you draw the line? Really? Why? Say someone here tells you its definately meth. What then? What does this mean to you?
I know putting a name to it feels like it will somehow resolve things, but will it really? What about it will change. Will he then clearly be an addict to you. Will that make you walk away?
You need to stop worrying about him, and focus on you.
Take care
"I don't even care about the fact of being mad, or being lied to, or him choosing drugs over me". Really? If something were to happen you would blame yourself? Reaaly? Have you read anything, or talked to anyone about co-dependency at all? You need help. You need to think realistically about what you can really do for him. You cant stop him from taking drugs - that's clear. And that is not a poor reflection on you, by any means. Meht is where you draw the line? Really? Why? Say someone here tells you its definately meth. What then? What does this mean to you?
I know putting a name to it feels like it will somehow resolve things, but will it really? What about it will change. Will he then clearly be an addict to you. Will that make you walk away?
You need to stop worrying about him, and focus on you.
Take care
Thank you both so much. Even though people tell me over and over I can't hear it enough. I also agree since I have no major ties ( children or marriage) I don't know what I'm thinking either. I just want to help, thank you for pasting that paragraph! Reading it instead of writing made me realize how incredibly stupid I am. I figured out it was meth. But of course he swears to never do it again. I know it's going to be a never ending cycle and there is no one to stop on his own no matter how much he wants to believe it. I am going to a counselor and am going to start a non meetings. Thank you so much both of you for your advice. Deep down I know what I should do its just the constant manipulation gets to me. Thank you again for telling me what I need to hear and understand.
Best of luck, Kate.
Bob
Bob
You have to decide if this is something you want to deal with for the rest of your life. He doesn't do these things to hurt you, it is the disease. I hope he will realize he needs help and can't do this on his own.
Dear Kate,
I am so glad yo hear this. Counselor and A-Non are great places to start. You might find that you need to take baby steps at first. That making the appointment with the counselor in itself is a whole moment. Going is another. You might find simple little things like spending your time and money at the hairdresser's in and of itself is another step to gaining your ground. You dont have to go big or go home here - you should do what you feel you can and keep moving in the right direction.
Keep us posted on your progress!
I am so glad yo hear this. Counselor and A-Non are great places to start. You might find that you need to take baby steps at first. That making the appointment with the counselor in itself is a whole moment. Going is another. You might find simple little things like spending your time and money at the hairdresser's in and of itself is another step to gaining your ground. You dont have to go big or go home here - you should do what you feel you can and keep moving in the right direction.
Keep us posted on your progress!
