Is It True Once They Go Iv They Never Come Back??

My sister is 19 and has been using for about a year and half. About 6 months IV. heroin, cocaine, and smoking crack. She lives with her drug addict b/f who sells drug to support their habit... He is 26. But she has not contact with family, and she use to be an honor student, drop dead gorgeous, and intelligent. I pray but it seems not to be working. And I have heard people say once they go IV they never come back.... Any feedback
Hiya - Claire from England here. No-one alive who abuses themselves is past the point of no return. Everyone has to have a wake up call, a rock bottom, a reason to do what they do. I know of people who have used IV for years and got clean. Some do some don't. It is hard for non users to relate to why users do what they do, but there is always hope. Everything happens for a reason, its just not always obvious to us what the reason is.
x
Hi Rosie,

I thought "once a heroin addict, always a heroin addict." Well that is what people would tell me anyway. And for so long I believed it. Whether I was high or sick or on a break, I thought Id never live another day free of the urge.

I am no longer addicted to heroin or needles, but i have replaced that addiction with many others. But I no longer believe the finality of that line.

I dont wanna be drug f***ed nzchick forever but all I want to do right now is get high

When I stop doing drugs I dont want it to be because I have hit rock bottom. Because Ive ended up in jail or killed someone or my health f***s up and Im missing an arm, a leg or a kidney. I want the opposite. When I give up I want it to be because I have found something more to live for. I know though that if that happens I am one of the lucky ones. Addiction outweighs almost everything.

Your sister and I, we can both pull through, we just need to find that something that is worth living for.... and believe in that something. I have found something, I am struggling with believing in it.

nzchick


Hiya charmed - I'm Claire from England.
You say you don't want to give up because you've hit rock bottom or lost limbs. Also that you want it to be because you have found something worth living for. Thats cool. I am an ex heroin addict over 4 years clean, and like you have to battle not to replace with other substances. Dunno if it will help, but I got a career that I found rewarding (teaching), and formed real relationships with like minded people who had a positive effect on my life. I started doing the things I enjoyed (hill walking with my dog - unconditional love is great, reading books about people's journeys through life, watching films, cooking...).
Do you value yourself? I didn't, I thought I did, but I wasn't really taking care of myself as you would take care of someone you loved. (I try to imagine I am a child who I am responsible for and love, and then do what I would do for them, for myself). Hope that made sense!!
Anyway, take care, love me x
new brighton,

thanks, great post. I feel i have not hit rock bottom but rather become something of an expert in terms of 'just getting by.' Congrats to you for being able to find fulfillment in life in ways that are meaningful and make you feel good about yourself.

I find it so hard to let go of what i think of as "the hope" of drugs. That hope that one day somehow the perfect drug will let me not have to deal with the s*** in life. Of course, I know on a logical level that this will never happen, but some part of me hangs on to it...even with the same drugs again and again and the end results that I know all too well.

How do you cope with the ups and downs of life now? Is your work enough? I find I have an escape instinct that says when things are rough find some substance to deal with it...

Congrats again,
v
Hi voc
Thanks for your kind words and I'm glad you enjoyed my post.
How do I cope? Well its a good question.
I suppose I use different strategies in different situations. Some days I feel so awful I could quite happily stay in bed and hide from everyone.
I know now that if I talk to my man(my rock), or sometimes my gran or a friend it will help. I will cry, they will listen, and the feelings of impending doom will eventually pass. Sometimes I walk the dog on the shore (beach).
Sometimes - if I am busy - I just keep a lid on it until I can deal with it.
Sometimes I escape into a book, the most helpful for me are ones I can't put down. They vary between trashy Jackie Collins, self-help (Re-inventing Your Life by Young and Klosko is great - easy to read, full of short accounts of people who have had therapy sessions, and you can read bits over and over), or true stories (The Gift - Mia Dolan, The Kid - Nick someone) or autobiographies.
I have been seeing a psychologist for a couple of months after waiting for 3 years (NHS-GREAT!) which is a bit of a crutch too.
Sometimes I get drunk! Which I know isn't good, and probably doesn't help, but I'm not perfect.
Anyway, thats me. What do you do? I'd like to hear your story x
Hello all!
this is from a mother of a long time iv user. Needed to hear there is always hope .
I have never given up on my son but at times, like now , it is a slippery thing to hang on to. Mine has not been heard of , he has relapsed BIG and is in the rooms MIA. If he surfaces alive , I am going to make a last ditch effort to have him committed to a mandatory rehab. Who knows what the bottom is for anyone? I thought he had hit is so many times before but without a doubt, this is the worst EVER. I pray for all of us out there struggling with the demons of this addiction.
Keep your heads held high
TE
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I started IV about 2 years ago. I do stop but I always go back. your sister needs you now more than ever. don't ever give up on her cause once you give up, she'll feel like giving up for good on herself. be strong and remember, even us junkies know that we are in the wrong, we are just to hooked to know any bettrer.
besides heroin is so f***ed up wether you sniff, shoot or smoke it, it's a b**** to get off. be strong!
Hi all - Just thought I'd throw my penny in. I've been on smack for 6 years and I've been IV nearly all that time. I stopped using on 31st Oct last year, and it's been a bumpy ride. I have used, not for the first couple of months but once or twice after Xmas, then got back into using every day again for a few weeks in early summer. I have now managed to stop again, and I feel really really good about myself now. I haven't felt this positive about life for years. When I think back to how life used to be, and the constant terror I put myself through I can't believe I did it to myself. A year ago I was so frightened that I'd still be a junky in 10 years time, still planning what I was gonna do with my life "When I Got Clean". I was an impossible dream - I didn't even want to live in a world where drugs were denied me. What saved me was getting a damn good drug worker. She wasn't full of self-help bollocks, and didn't tell me I had to have a spiritual element to my recovery, she went to see my Dr and got him to prescribe me the drugs I needed, and she was there on the end of the phone if I needed any help with anything to do with my addiction. When I was going through that bad patch she was coming to my house twice a week to test me. Aiming towards passing a drug test every three days was the only way I got through it. I suppose some of you may think that the methadone way is a cop out but it took care of the physical withdrawals and gave me time to rebuild my life. My next aim is to reduce my methadone so I can swap to subutex, and then I'll be off opiates totally. In my experience you can't beat good professional help, and remember ramming 12 steps down someones throat ain't gonna help, unless that person has got the commitment.

I wish you the best of luck, and take heart, if I can do it anybody can. I thought it was impossible but here I am, clean.

Diff
Dear Diff,
The reason that most if not all of the reputable rehabs and clinics here in the US use 12 steps is because they work. They build your self esteem and allow you to become the person you should have been, had not everything up until you landed in a rehab happened to you.
Through it, I am learning to deal with my anger and frustration, which is why I mostly used drugs in the first place. I also realized that I started using ANY excuse to use. Spirituality has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with being a human being. I can quit doing drugs with professional help (which I am getting) but I need to change as a person as well. I'll just be a junky taking a long break if I don't change.
I am also on anti-depressants that I need. They help a lot. No one crammed any of this down my throat. I just think that not changing as a person when you stop doing drugs is a lot like moving to a new place to quit. You will still be bringing the problem with you. Yourself.
That's just the opinion of a person that 12 steps is working for.

Gretchen
Hi gretchen! I know that many, many people find 12 steps a terrific program and it has totally helped them rebuild their lives. All I'm saying is there is more than one way to skin a cat. Now that I am clean I can read my 12 steps literature (I've got loads of books on recovery) and a lot of it makes sense. I understand about powerlessness now. But I don't feel that I have a higher power, and it's not something you can learn. Either you get it or you don't, and I don't. 12 steps just left me feeling confused and a failure, coz everyone else seemed to be really "getting with the program" and I just didn't understand it. I was also "denounced" in a meeting, being the only smack addict in a room full of about 100 alcoholics and people with eating disorders. I felt humiliated and rejected. It was an awful experience, one that I never wish to repeat. And at the end of the day it made damned sure that I abandoned my recovery and went straight to the nearest dealer and got totally smashed. But I have found a way to get clean, and a way that doesn't make me stand up and talk about my innermost feelings in front of a room full of hostile strangers who think I'm a worthless junky. It's just my experience.

Everyone has to find their own way, there are no hard and fast rules. It's a very individual journey.

Dest wishes

Diff
Yes, pretty much you hit the needle, snorting it, or smoking it becomes a waste of a fix. The IV was is much stronger, and lasts longer. Thats how its been for me. The first time I snorted hero, it was like no big dean, then the girl I was doing it with moved in, and we wer esnorting and smoking constantly. Ondey she came back with a needle, and we both did it, and it was so f***ing incredible. We never fixed any other way after that. We had our rituals, and who the hell cared what happened for the rest of the day. I eventually moved out, and did 115 days straight, with no help. This summer, I went into the city, and cheated a few times, binged, I guess, but tat all. Id get like a gram, and it would last 3 days, and when it was gone, it was gone. Done. Then Id go in in another month or co. So Ive never gone back to being a regular user, but I just have to have a little taste again. My Doc has me on Elavil for the depression and sleeplessness, and Halcion for my long battle with insomnia....These drugs, I might note, I do not take advantage of. Im already taking 150mg of the Elavil per month, and .125mg of the Halcion, when I use in only extreme cases. My last 30 day supply of it, lasted over 2 months!!!! I think thats pretty good. I think I will eventualy stop shooting the s*** in the nearfuture, but for some reason, I still need it everynow and again. I shoot up a bag, and man, I am out the door after 15minutes, ready to take on the world, and work myu a** off at work. Heroin actually motivates me!!! It gets me off my dead a**\. I found work, and was never late, never stole, and the other people enjoyed my complany. Of course I wore long sleeves, as my arms were pretty f***ed up. But they could never tell. It came down to me doing it, just to feel normal, and to be able to work hard. I was a fully functional junkie. Its been about a month since I copped, and i feel pretty good. There is still the guilt from stealing thousands and thousands of $ to support my/our habit. If I weer ever to start using everyday again, I think I would kill myself.
hi and congradulations to all of you out there who have managed to get your addiction under control. i am the mother of an addict who swears that she isn't. i would bet my life on the fact that she is using again. i know now the signs and the mood swings and the sleepless nights. regardless though my issue is this......she's 25 and living with me. i knew that she had a problem when i first offered to have her come live with me again. the deal was that she enter a program, attend meetings, see a counselor and stop dancing. she tells me that she isn't dancing but is evasive about her "job" she has passed all her drug tests except her last one. said some friends dropped a bunch of coke and she helped to pick it up. i found her with a needle in her arm two weeks ago...the scene was horrific........from there i had to go to work. yesterday i found several small baggies neatly cut open and three dirty cotton balls the size of a tic tac. i'm not stupid i know that she is using. what i don't get is this....why doesn't she just go? why put me through this? why is she stupid enough to do this s*** right under my nose? and why can't i seem to throw her out? what the hell is wrong with me?????????? she is my only child and this is killing me. she is horribly mean and at times has been aggressive towards me......i don't know what to do..........any suggestions from anyone of you would be greatly appreciated. thank you so much.
She is absolutely using. You can also tell by what she eats. If she hardly eats at all, and never goes to the bathroom, thats another clue. I dont mean to go to the bathroom to fix, but to actually move her bowels. Heroin constipates, and when you finally HAVE to go, it is sheer hell. You bleed. Ive passed out from pushing too hard, and woke up on the floor, bleeding from my behind. Ive also had mild overdoses when I would just shoot cocaine, get a little hyper and buggy, and then shoot heroin to calm everything down again. Its like a little game. For her to do it in front of you is strange. i never told my family until I was going through severe withdrawal pains, and I told them I was going to the hospital. I stayed there for 7 days on the 13th floor of the good old Cabrini Medical Center in Manhattan. After a certain point, you do become apathetic about it all, and you dont care who knows, and who dosent. you think, 'dying would be pretty easy, actually.' She is probably borderline suicidal, if she is so blatant. She is giving you signals, and you have to either kick her out, have her arrested, or make her go get treatment. I think in your case, having her arrested would be the wrong thing to do. You have to get tough. Get in her face. Make her cry. It sounds bad, but it may be one of the only ways of getting her attention. She may not be taking you seriously. Plus, heroin fills an enormous void. It is an amazing antidepressant. If it hurts, heroin fixes. Thats the big lie. It kills you, yes, and I did want to die at times. But other times it was the only thing that made me feel good about myself, and comfortable with myself. Its all an illusion though, obviously. Dont throw her sets (needles, cotton swabs, cookers, etc) out. That would be bad. Catch her when shes recently fixed. Make her feel a little guilty, like what its doing to you, and your family. How does it make other people who love her feel? Dont make her feel guilty about herself being a junkie though. We already hate ourselves to some extent already. We dont need anymore validation in that department. Be strong. Keep in mind you are fighting for her life. That is no drama. Eventually, we do have a penchant for dying unexpectedly. So you must choose. Do you save her life, or ignore it? Tell her to write to me on this board if you like. But you must act. Kick her out, or get her help. Ask her questions. Dont be shy about it. Ask her why, most importantly, and stay with that. Why, why, why? OK? Do it now.
What is that void that heroin fills? I had a good job, relationship, family and good friends. I still felt empty inside and yet i knew that everytime i went back to heroin i would lose more and more until finally i have nothing. Why am i letting a chemical substance replace all the good things i strove so hard to acquire and keep? Why do i choose this synthetic stimuli as opposed to the warmth and love of another human being? I have a sense of spirituality but i know that doing heroin was not God's great plan for me in his universe.Very confused and ill right now but i hope i can get back on track again.
Thank you for listening,
stuck
I cant answer that for you, Stuck. The void is different for everyone. For me, even though Ive had lots of friends and a very close, caring and wealthy family. But I still always felt like an outsider. That no one could possible understand me, or the world in general under my terms. I have always felt lonely, and unfulfilled, but am a great actor. It is probably manic depression, though I have never been diagnosed with it. I have always been able to fool doctors, and psychiatrists by undeerstanding the 'game' on their terms, and then manipulating it, and winning. I am extremely intelligent, and I have a genius level IQ. Im not bragging. Thats just the way it is. I have also been fairly unlucky in love. I have had sex with probably 20 different women, at least a thousand times. But Ive only really had 2 or 3 relationships where I could call her my 'girlfriend'. I get disappointed easilly. While I am loving, loyal, compassionate and gentle, I am also dark, cerebral, brooding and phlegmatic. I never really had problems with alcohol. It wasnt my drug of choice. I liked my chemicals though. It was fun, it was interesting how my mind would interpret the world in a completely new way that sobriety makes impossible. Dont tell me that you cant stare at a wall for an hour on acid, and think it is the most fascinating thing ever. Or that you arent so so so polite to everyone when youre rolling on ecstasy. Perception is changed. Looking and reinterpreting even the smallest thing was like being a child again, who is constantly discovering and learning something about the world. Now, I have been treated for depression, and at one time I had my doctor giving me Klonopin, Restoril, Prozac, and the occasional Zyprexa. Its a wonder I could even walk. but it wasnt doing anything really. I would smoke pot, eat valium, take X, whatever. Several years ago, I discovered heroin, and I realized I didnt need all those meds anymore. It made me feel the way I wanted to feel ALL of the time. I thought to myself "This must be how normal people feel." Sure, I loved to nod off, and play little games with myself, but afte rthe peak was over, I felt teriffic. Like I could accomplish anything. I was extremely functional and active. i realized that I didnt need anyone, or anything when I had some stuff. Eventually, I started smoking it, and from there it was a short hop to shooting it. I became an expert fast, and didnt even have to tie off to hit a vein. My void was the feeling of being unfulfilled, of working a job that I hated for the next 40 years, and dying without having accompished anything. Also the fact that I didnt have a girlfriend who loved me, and wanted to start a family with me someday. Heroin for me was the big panacea that I had ben loking for nearly all my life. I could just exist, be a bartender, and be happy about the directionless my life was becoming. It was all OK. Like the Jamaicans say, "No problem, mon." But as I said. Its all a lie, and I cant say I wont ever do it again, because I know that I will once in a blue moon. I know for certain, that I wont be a regular user again, because Im getting older (almost 34) and I dont want to wake up and realize Im 50, unmarried, and living in some apartment that a 22 year old recent grad would be living it. Ive already lost 10 years due to my compulsive drug taking. I know that heroin cushions me against reality, and whispers that "its OK...Dont worry." You have to identify what your void is. The 'Why?' It will be differnt tan mine on some levels, but it will also be exactly the same in other ways. Escaping, hiding, protecting, running away. The needle is a real b****, my friend. I hope you can find some comfort in solidarity with me, and others. You arent alone, and to tell you the truth...All those people you think are 'normal' are pretty screwed up too in their own way. We just have different mechanisms to keep from going under....
Shalom..
sorry about the spelling...I type very fast, and very badly....LOL
hi aron,

thank you so much for your response and your candor! you're absolutely right i am fighting for her life. and yes i know i need to do one of those two things. i am alone here and she does intimidate me but i will do as you say.
i caught her with the needle she didn't know i was outside.........her window is ground level. but i immediately thought that it was desperate beyond believe to even run the risk........i would have been gone for the day had she waited another twenty minutes. her whole affect of late has been so different. how the christ she's passing these drug tests i send her for is beyond me. but i will wear her down. i will. this is my only child ........i want to do the right thing for her.
thank you again aron..........god bless you!
chelsea
Chelsea:
She will probably hate me for this, but a standard urine test is not infallible. The hair is a more effective source, but keep in mind an individuals drug history can be stuck in the hair for up to 3 years after the last use. It could show if someone is doing cocaine regularly, or sometimes even if they did it a couple times last year. The concentration of the particular drug is how they determine recent use, I believe. With urine, heroin like cocaine does not stay too long in the system. Maybe a week to a month. It depends on the persons physiology. But your daughter has some hard choices. Live, or die. thats it. Some people do heroin for 30 years, and they survive. Some people get killed the first time they shoot up. I know someone who died from just snorting it! And they were a regualr user, not a neophyte. The 30 year plan is the exception to the rule. Im actually surprised I did survive. As I said, I would shoot coke, heroin, and sometimes both together in a speedball. Has your daughter ever seen "Requiem For A Dream?" Rent it, and watch it. Preferrably with her. Its probably one of the truest representations of drug use that spirals out of control. There is no bulls*** glorification of the drug. Ask her if she wants to write to me on this board. Im not some religious crusader, or a 12 stepper. I went to one meeting once down in NYC's East Village. I remember it distinctly, because that was the night the balckout hit the city. I had to walk 80 blocks home, in mild withdrawal in 90 degree heat. I am not a proponent of the 'program'. PLus, Ive heard stories from people, other than the experience one dope user posted here about the 12 step jerk offs not accepting her, and shaming her. The hell with them. Like they are so high and mighty, capable of judgement. Hypocritical assholes like that just make me sick. Sure it works for some people. It might work for her, Im not the one to say it wont work. All Im saying is I wont use a bunch of stereotypical jargon or catchphrases that really dont mean a whole hell of a lot. And watch. You will get them responding in kind to me telling me how it DOES work, and that Im in denial, and that Im 'clean' but not 'sober', and they basically have a prepackaged response for anything you have to say when it goes against their M.O. There are more than one way to skin a cat, Im sorry. Tell her to write to me. I wont be offended if she dosent. I thought she might like to talk with someone who understands, and is basically suspicious about everything. Or you can just keep posting, and feel free to ask me any thing. I dont have any secrets anymore. And its OK to have 'black humor'. Its a way I cope. She cant do it alone though. Shes on a road without any turns. A long road, but someday she will look back a year or 2 down that road, and realize what a crazy dream she lived through. She will then do the exact same thing that I did. Cry unapolegetically. In fact, I still cannot listen to the song 'Angel' by Sarah Mc Lachlan without tearing up and getting emotional. Its probably not about being a junkie, as people ascribe all sorts of things to songs. But in this case, for me, it told the whole story. Read the lyrics....
Requim for a dream is a brilliant movie and angel by SM a brilliant song. "It's been awhile" by Staind is my heroin addiction down to a T, every line in that song rings true for me:

Its Been Awhile Staind

Its been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And its been awhile
Since I first saw you.

Its been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And its been awhile
Since I could call you

But everything I cant remember
As f***ed up as it all may seem
The consequences that Ive rendered
Ive stretched myself beyond my means

Its been awhile
Since I could say that I wasnt addicted
And its been awhile
Since I could say I love myself as well as

Its been awhile
Since Ive gone and f***ed things up just like I always do
And its been awhile
But all that s*** seems to disappear when Im with you.

But everything I cant remember
As f***ed up as it all may seem
The consequences that Ive rendered
Ive gone and f***ed things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away!
Just one more peaceful day!

Its been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And its been awhile
Since I said Im sorry

Its been awhile
Since Ive seen the way the candle lights your face
And its been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste.

But everything I cant remember
As f***ed up as it all may seem to be, I know its me.
I cannot blame this on my (mother)
(she) did the best she could for me.

Its been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And its been awhile
Since I said Im sorry.