Ok.......im going to make this brief because i am kind of upset.......... but basically i was just wondering if love is conditional?
I just got of the phone with my mom, she called late because she couldnt sleep because my dad had been after her all day about, conditions if i come back.
I mean i am taking the out, but i am trying to be in good spirits because, my parents are really controlling as well, and i can see how that could be a negative thing for me, but rightnow i am thinking it is better than here.........
anyways, this doesnt seem right, to truely love someone............ i think it should have no bouds..............that is what the pure love of christ is(in my religious beliefs) How could you want to fully love someone back even, if they have conditional love for you......... i guess, maybe im alone on this one, because it seems all the signs of love in my life has had conditions on it........and sadly enough, im starting to believe that real honest love doesnt exist.........and if it does it only sees to be in pets..........lo......
anyways, just really needed to get that out and see if i am alone in this
thanks guys.........
Pants...........
MJ, why does it have to be goose morning, why cant i start a Duck Morning........lol.........(wink)
Maybe because they are your parents...maybe they are controlling.....maybe they just want the best for you....maybe they don't know how to show it...
I don't know the answer; I don't know your parents. I guess the only advice I can offer is you are the only person you can control, and just use your parent's house as a stepping stone to get on your own.
There are lots of roomate situations you could do; even be a live in nanny if you like kids...that pink room is perfect..lol.
Just know there is a force out there that is taking care of you. Think positive thoughts and trust....
You will be okay. You have guts and you have class and a huge heart. Brains, too. So just know that your parent's house isn't forever; it is just temporary.
I don't know the answer; I don't know your parents. I guess the only advice I can offer is you are the only person you can control, and just use your parent's house as a stepping stone to get on your own.
There are lots of roomate situations you could do; even be a live in nanny if you like kids...that pink room is perfect..lol.
Just know there is a force out there that is taking care of you. Think positive thoughts and trust....
You will be okay. You have guts and you have class and a huge heart. Brains, too. So just know that your parent's house isn't forever; it is just temporary.
LOL thanks little beach.......... i dont think that i am really worried about my parents as much.........i know they both have never been in situations in either of their childhoods that love was shown so , i alsways try to remember that. But i was asking the question more in genetal. I have a HUGE letter that i am mailing my parents tomarrow. It is hard on me because i know they think they are doing the best thing for me, by telling me how my life is going to be.But they also need to relize that that is partial why i ended up using. Not that i feel the desire to or will agian in the same situation. I love them, but i cant have them telling me when i can go to a meeting, or who i can talk to when they arange it, or how many days every week or so, i can leave their house.......... and i told them, that i have turned to them because they are my parents, and i want them to be here for me so we can grow together, but i also told them that, if i have to i have other options,none that are going to be easy. But i am having a really hard time because my sister is getting married next week. and i am not invited which is fine.......no one is, but i hate that my dad has rules and boundreys even for my mom ,they are not allowed to speak , and that is hard and that is their own issues, but.........it is just sad, that.......like i said love is conditional, and in this case, i relize that is what it always will be.
But I will have you know i love kids..................not pink so much but.....the ocean out my window.................mmmmmmmmmm i think i could handle it....
lol...........how are you today? Did you have school?
Pants
But I will have you know i love kids..................not pink so much but.....the ocean out my window.................mmmmmmmmmm i think i could handle it....
lol...........how are you today? Did you have school?
Pants
IS LOVE CONDICTIONAL?
sure it is it has to be its also hypicritacal too i love my kids uncondictionaly as long as it dont effect me. You kind of expect parents/parent to love you no matter what and they do it dont mean they have to like who you are. just mo jaxxx
sure it is it has to be its also hypicritacal too i love my kids uncondictionaly as long as it dont effect me. You kind of expect parents/parent to love you no matter what and they do it dont mean they have to like who you are. just mo jaxxx
Jack..........that was a verry good point
Yeah, I just got home from school. The next two weeks are going to be brutal; I will have to show some discipline and stay away from here...lol. I am getting an A in anatomy...it is rough but fun. I learn sooo much and right now we are studying the nervous system. Fascinating stuff..
I know how hard it is to have controlling parents; mine were pretty brutal. when I went home after being away for a few years, at your age, it was different, though. I remember telling my mom one time to back off about something, and after that, she never bitched about that thing again. We had a new, mutual respect for each other, and they, too, were helping me out of a bad situation.
I know it will be hard; but just try to see them as they are and know that they are trying their best; no matter how it comes off. Parents are human and they often don't get it right...I know I fall short and I try my best.
Maybe you can work on finding a place of your own; that will give you a sense of freedom is still there...and it won't be permanent.
I know how hard it is to have controlling parents; mine were pretty brutal. when I went home after being away for a few years, at your age, it was different, though. I remember telling my mom one time to back off about something, and after that, she never bitched about that thing again. We had a new, mutual respect for each other, and they, too, were helping me out of a bad situation.
I know it will be hard; but just try to see them as they are and know that they are trying their best; no matter how it comes off. Parents are human and they often don't get it right...I know I fall short and I try my best.
Maybe you can work on finding a place of your own; that will give you a sense of freedom is still there...and it won't be permanent.
Oh yeah, I could always paint the room..lol. I am off to bed; I am beat but will "see" you tomorrow..
lol...........as soon as i am emloyed again, believe me i wont be living at home long. It was hard for me because i didnt live at home since 14 and came back at 18 to get sober............and that was such a hard transition. And now i know it is going to be even worse after being married and back. but like you said they are only human!!
OOO i love my anatomy class, my hubby is in his right now his pfofessor is brutal!!! CNS is so fun to learn about, crazy how little it is compared to some of our organs but how much it does............... i dont know if you told me this before but what are you going to school for?
Pants
OOO i love my anatomy class, my hubby is in his right now his pfofessor is brutal!!! CNS is so fun to learn about, crazy how little it is compared to some of our organs but how much it does............... i dont know if you told me this before but what are you going to school for?
Pants
Pants,
From a parent who has been married 46 years, I know that living with a person that long puts a lot of strains on a relationship. You learn what subjects to avoid and what buttons not to push. Putting more people in that relationship means more buttons not to push and more things not to do. As a person ages, and the kids move onto greener pastures, the parent gets used to having things one way. Many parentts don't want to reajust again. They think it's not "fair"....but in essesnce, life is all about changes....good and bad.
I'm sorry you have to face this realism and I'm sure you won't be reallly happy, but the real point is will you be happier with or without the person you chose and it sure sounds like you've made up your mind that way. I'd say to let your parents know that you intend to move as soon as it is financially possible and to try to stay out of mixing it up with your father (although I'm sure it will be difficult). Really, it doesn't mean they don't love you, honey. They're just afraid to step up and make new readjustments. They're content with their current status quo and probably feel they've already paid their dues by raising you.
It's difficult to raise kids and when you feel it is "done" you feel relieved of a pressure (or at least we did with 5). They're probably wondering if they can stretch their dollars again to accomodate another person in the family. Today's dollars aren't worth what yesterday's were and they're closer to retirement (or retired). Try to keep all this in mind, honey. It's not all cut and dried. Love will find a way. Hang in there! (((((Hugs))))))
From a parent who has been married 46 years, I know that living with a person that long puts a lot of strains on a relationship. You learn what subjects to avoid and what buttons not to push. Putting more people in that relationship means more buttons not to push and more things not to do. As a person ages, and the kids move onto greener pastures, the parent gets used to having things one way. Many parentts don't want to reajust again. They think it's not "fair"....but in essesnce, life is all about changes....good and bad.
I'm sorry you have to face this realism and I'm sure you won't be reallly happy, but the real point is will you be happier with or without the person you chose and it sure sounds like you've made up your mind that way. I'd say to let your parents know that you intend to move as soon as it is financially possible and to try to stay out of mixing it up with your father (although I'm sure it will be difficult). Really, it doesn't mean they don't love you, honey. They're just afraid to step up and make new readjustments. They're content with their current status quo and probably feel they've already paid their dues by raising you.
It's difficult to raise kids and when you feel it is "done" you feel relieved of a pressure (or at least we did with 5). They're probably wondering if they can stretch their dollars again to accomodate another person in the family. Today's dollars aren't worth what yesterday's were and they're closer to retirement (or retired). Try to keep all this in mind, honey. It's not all cut and dried. Love will find a way. Hang in there! (((((Hugs))))))
Hi Pants, Here is my spin....Do you still love them? In spite of the fact that they are setting up "terms and conditions" on your comming home? My point being. You tested them in different ways ie: your drug use. It's something they thought unneccisary and restrictive on your life. Just as you think thier "terms and conditions" were unnecisary and restrictive. They had no control of you at that point. Just as they have no control of you right now. You've been away they don't know if you have changed and grown. They think you still the girl that left a while a go. So in my view. Go home live under thier "terms and conditions" and show them that you've changed. It's a temporary thing. When I went home after divorce/drug use/jail I went there knowing that I had to live by my parents "terms and conditions" and they were ridiculous at times. I was 33 years old and my mom had a total tissy over me leaving my bed unmade. I mean FREAKED OUT. If you are going there to get back on your feet deal with it till your on your feet and you will gain a new respect for the things they have gone through with you and for you. When you are a little more stable you will appreciate it to some degree....It's not easy but I hear it said like this once. You give up the things you want NOW for the things you want LATER. Keep your goals in mind and go on. I have controlling parents too but ultimately they just care for me and want me to succeed. Though that was hard to see sometimes while i lived there.
P.S. It made my work hard and hustle to reach my goals so I get THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Now I hang with my mom almost every weekend. We are like best friends. I wouldn't have even dreamed it when I lived there BELIEVE ME.
You can do it!
Love,
Jane
P.S. It made my work hard and hustle to reach my goals so I get THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Now I hang with my mom almost every weekend. We are like best friends. I wouldn't have even dreamed it when I lived there BELIEVE ME.
You can do it!
Love,
Jane
Thanks guys , it was good to see things from a parents point of view, still doesnt make it easy. But Jane, you are right it is just going to make me work even harder and faster to get to were my end goal is................ i just need to remember to breath................and when they start to argue............go for a good few mile sprint(ok jog) and just get centered again. With all of natures seasons, so comes new seasons in our lifes..........we can be like a leaf and fall or like a blossm and bloom..................lol.........just pulled that one out of thin air!!!
Love you guys
Pants
Love you guys
Pants
(((((((((((((((pants))))))))))))))))))))
love is unconditional...........
but ususally the only place we can really find true UNCONDITIONAL love is not from humans , but from God...........
at least this has been my experience............
love is unconditional...........
but ususally the only place we can really find true UNCONDITIONAL love is not from humans , but from God...........
at least this has been my experience............
Hey Pants, maybe they're not putting conditions on their love but on you living with them. They probably have a routine that they live by and would find it unsettling to have that upset. For instance, they might want you to come home at night at a certain time because they are so used to going to bed and would be worried about you if you weren't there.
Just try to be pleasant and respect their home until you can make other arrangements. Maybe you will even find that this time with them brings you closer together and they will be more understanding.
It's very hard once a child is grown and wants to do their own thing to be in the house with their parents.
I don't know them or anything but it was just a thought.
Best of luck to you.
xxxxxxooooooo
Just try to be pleasant and respect their home until you can make other arrangements. Maybe you will even find that this time with them brings you closer together and they will be more understanding.
It's very hard once a child is grown and wants to do their own thing to be in the house with their parents.
I don't know them or anything but it was just a thought.
Best of luck to you.
xxxxxxooooooo
thanks thumper and kat,
kat .........their love/verse rules/ they vocaly say they will only love.......if this. and i know it is my fault , that i let it get to me, for that reason alone i have done alot of things to make them happy and not myself..........but i will be open minded and respectfull i always am..............
pants
kat .........their love/verse rules/ they vocaly say they will only love.......if this. and i know it is my fault , that i let it get to me, for that reason alone i have done alot of things to make them happy and not myself..........but i will be open minded and respectfull i always am..............
pants
Good luck pants jaxxx
thank you jax, ill need it
Jackie,
Just wanted to say Hi to you and hope that you are doing ok. I have to say that you sound great and as always I stand in awe of your wisdom and advice.
Take care of yourself and have a good day.
Love,
Sharon
Just wanted to say Hi to you and hope that you are doing ok. I have to say that you sound great and as always I stand in awe of your wisdom and advice.
Take care of yourself and have a good day.
Love,
Sharon
Hiya Sharron so good to see ya. Me well ive had my share of drama over this last 2 years just like everyone else, most of which was brought on by myself, having the abilty to learn from each other is awesome as long as we never forgot to keep the positive thoughts and anilise the negative. Thx for saying that i have wisdom i think if we never screw up how can we learn any benifits so i guess if im wise then ive made a lot of screw-ups lol. jaxxxx
Dsam, i just watched that the other day , it was awesome!!
