good day to everyone on this site. i am happy to have found this kind of forum. i've been trying to find evidence f my husband is really using "shabu" or any other prohibited drugs. he's been my bf for 9 yrs before we got married. and we're neighbors. i kind of somehow know. he had previously admitted to using marijuana as part of being curious during his teenage days. he has friends, who were know in our municipality as users and others as shabu addicts. but he refused to admit he's one of them. in fact, he usually told me about his friends bad habit on drugs. i was happy to know from him that's he's into our family. but wen he worked in Mt. Diwata, Monkayo, known as Diwalwal of gold, girls and drugs. he's colleague is known to be a user. my husband also told me it. he even told me about his other colleague and boardmate having an affair with another married woman. i was happy thinking he was so open to me as his wife. but our married life turns upside down. starting two years ago, he became a wife beater. he always has reasons to hit me. accusing me of having an affair when routine was home to workplace and vice versa. he got jealous of younger men even teenage boys who came near me. he even told his mother that he hit me because i belittled him having lesser money. More to this, i have observe the changes in his behavior. he seems so energetic at times then so low and down the next few days. every friday, when gets home, he seems drunk yet when i look into his eyes, he has so much energy. he can even stay late after having sex to play on computer. he loves to eat so much and he can consume 1 liter of a very cold softdrink and another pitcher of very cold water. his interest to the point of obsession to pornography bothers me so much. he even log on to porno website. and he's into animal porno. the kind which women engage in sexual intercourse with dog, horse or any other animals. the first time, i found that out, we fought about it. he told me he was just curious.
he gritted hi teeth when he sleeps and he keeps on clicking his thumb and pointing fingers on both hands. just three weeks ago, he hit me. he threw my clothes and things outside our house. worst was, he include our son's things.my son and I now stays with my parents. enlighten me, please.
My guess is yes he's using. My question to you is "why are you staying with him?"
regardless of using any drugs, hitting you and accusing you of doing things you aren't is flat out wrong. Most likely it is going to get worse before it gets better if at all. Don't put up with it.
regardless of using any drugs, hitting you and accusing you of doing things you aren't is flat out wrong. Most likely it is going to get worse before it gets better if at all. Don't put up with it.
I gather you aren't from the states?
Is there a domestic abuse hotline or shelter you can turn to near you to get some help?
I am glad that you are with your parents because at least there you are safe. I hope that you can find a way to move on away from him because it really doesn't matter that he is using, he is hitting you and you do not deserve that and there is no excuse no matter what he tells you. You are worth more...
And I have to say this, because I find it to be the truth...All the things he tells you about those around, especially the bad things, that is called comparing out...what it means is that what he is telling you, he is using to justify his own behavior and sadly in most all cases what you are being told about others means he is just as bad as they are.
Please take good care of you and your child...
Is there a domestic abuse hotline or shelter you can turn to near you to get some help?
I am glad that you are with your parents because at least there you are safe. I hope that you can find a way to move on away from him because it really doesn't matter that he is using, he is hitting you and you do not deserve that and there is no excuse no matter what he tells you. You are worth more...
And I have to say this, because I find it to be the truth...All the things he tells you about those around, especially the bad things, that is called comparing out...what it means is that what he is telling you, he is using to justify his own behavior and sadly in most all cases what you are being told about others means he is just as bad as they are.
Please take good care of you and your child...
hi hopeless wife.......oh dont say hopeless..not for u nor for him.....theres always hope and i know change is just an inch away with Gods guidance..........bdway im pretty sure ur hubbys on drugs particularly shabu, he has all the manifestations of a drug user.....f shabu is in his system i mean still in-effect, he's very alert and hyper-active even f he had a tiring activity.....very hot in sex.....cant sleep..etc....... and when he's in the withdrawal period or no more drug effect in his body...always sleeping and eats a lot.....jealousy sets in.....irritable/sudden emotional outburst...thats the common effects of using shabu............ pls visit a professional personality on this for some informations like a psychiatrist or drug addiction center.....ur hubby needs help.. its u who could start the process.....God Bless.....
Dear hopelesswife,
Regardless of the drugs/women/affairs etc and the violence against you (and I do understand the latter, having survived and got safely and fully out of a seven-year, physically and mentally abusive relationship), the man is viewing and, seemingly, curious enough to repeatedly log on to such abhorrent sites that feature the most hideous and despicable animal cruelty.
GOD (or other Higher Powers with respect to those in various Step programs), ... ALMIGHTY ... WOMAN.
I don't care if your husband was nearly at the end of hoovering up every last speck of a 100% pure, 200-kilo, Columbian stash that he'd accidentally stumbled upon belonging to a descendent of Escobar's. He is viewing - knowingly and willingly - the act or actions of bestiality!! This is, without question, SICKENING. I have no other words to describe it. Actually, I could probably list another FIFTY words to describe it and the actions of this vile, inhumane man's behaviour but I am not going to waste my precious time on here when others (including me), are seeking advice/support for various drug addictions that don't involve the torture of innocents.
Most importantly, please read my reply fully and understand the correct message and desperate meaning I have taken the time to painstakingly write. Do NOT misinterpret my words and retaliate with the sudden knowledge that this itself is possibly an addiction of his because you will most certainly not find me so 'understanding' the second time you meet me. And, please, also take on board that my words are in no way a threat or a perverse challenge to you personally, but the most polite way I can think of with which to communicate my feelings about your post and convey my gravely important advice.
So for the record, the true reason I am responding to your post in the first place (if I am to continue being honest with myself and my recovery), is that I'm not interested in you. Or your husband. Not without severe criticism. What I am gravely concerned about is the mention of a sickening crime in which, I am fairly certain, is illegal in most countries including yours and also a felony in most of your states.
I am posting today because I am committed to helping every single animal that is suffering in our world and in desperate need of help. I am also posting at length so that I do not have to reiterate or expend as much emotionally draining and negative energy on someone like you ever again, but sincerely hope that my post, if read by anyone I have dealings with on this site, knows without a shadow of a doubt - that I read your post in abject horror.
Furthermore, I will not tolerate anyone who partakes in such abuse at any level whatsoever.
The only decent and humane action I can legally, professionally and physically execute in this capacity and in my right as a human being, is to voice my concerns to you by way of the internet and on this private, recovery site. I suggest that you seriously take heed of the seriousness in which I write and, if you have not done so already, report your husband to the authorities for these crimes. Crimes not only against the innocent who have no voice but for the violence and horror meted out to you and your son, who HAVE the liberty of a voice.
Astonishingly, you ended your missive saying that the worst thing (after all you mentioned), was that he, threw my clothes and things outside our house including our son's things and you are now staying with your parents !!!! I cannot think of a BETTER thing to happen considering your circumstances! You have been albeit in a violent manner granted an exit and a lucky escape before the situation escalates (with strong, statistical likelihood), before what will SURELY be the worst thing, and that is your untimely death at the hands of a monster, leaving your son alone in the world.
Get AS FAR AWAY FROM this sorry excuse of a man as you possibly can. And for good. You have many positive aspects and legal rights in your life as it is right now: you're alive; your son is alive; you have parents who obviously care; you have somewhere to stay and food to eat and you are not fighting your own terrible addiction/addictions. I cannot stress this strongly enough.
I can only hope and pray that you act - while you still can - and do not, ever, EVER believe, whilst he's using drugs/drink, that he will never hit you again, or view pornography of any kind or severity, or that, deep down in your wounded soul and ever-hopeful mind, that you erroneously believe that you are different and that he is worth fighting for. HE IS NOT.
Above all, remember that you are a MOTHER. Do as a mother should and protect yourself and your son whilst you still have the chance.
HL
PS And please also remember, YOU are not a hopeless wife: HE, is a very, very sick husband.
Regardless of the drugs/women/affairs etc and the violence against you (and I do understand the latter, having survived and got safely and fully out of a seven-year, physically and mentally abusive relationship), the man is viewing and, seemingly, curious enough to repeatedly log on to such abhorrent sites that feature the most hideous and despicable animal cruelty.
GOD (or other Higher Powers with respect to those in various Step programs), ... ALMIGHTY ... WOMAN.
I don't care if your husband was nearly at the end of hoovering up every last speck of a 100% pure, 200-kilo, Columbian stash that he'd accidentally stumbled upon belonging to a descendent of Escobar's. He is viewing - knowingly and willingly - the act or actions of bestiality!! This is, without question, SICKENING. I have no other words to describe it. Actually, I could probably list another FIFTY words to describe it and the actions of this vile, inhumane man's behaviour but I am not going to waste my precious time on here when others (including me), are seeking advice/support for various drug addictions that don't involve the torture of innocents.
Most importantly, please read my reply fully and understand the correct message and desperate meaning I have taken the time to painstakingly write. Do NOT misinterpret my words and retaliate with the sudden knowledge that this itself is possibly an addiction of his because you will most certainly not find me so 'understanding' the second time you meet me. And, please, also take on board that my words are in no way a threat or a perverse challenge to you personally, but the most polite way I can think of with which to communicate my feelings about your post and convey my gravely important advice.
So for the record, the true reason I am responding to your post in the first place (if I am to continue being honest with myself and my recovery), is that I'm not interested in you. Or your husband. Not without severe criticism. What I am gravely concerned about is the mention of a sickening crime in which, I am fairly certain, is illegal in most countries including yours and also a felony in most of your states.
I am posting today because I am committed to helping every single animal that is suffering in our world and in desperate need of help. I am also posting at length so that I do not have to reiterate or expend as much emotionally draining and negative energy on someone like you ever again, but sincerely hope that my post, if read by anyone I have dealings with on this site, knows without a shadow of a doubt - that I read your post in abject horror.
Furthermore, I will not tolerate anyone who partakes in such abuse at any level whatsoever.
The only decent and humane action I can legally, professionally and physically execute in this capacity and in my right as a human being, is to voice my concerns to you by way of the internet and on this private, recovery site. I suggest that you seriously take heed of the seriousness in which I write and, if you have not done so already, report your husband to the authorities for these crimes. Crimes not only against the innocent who have no voice but for the violence and horror meted out to you and your son, who HAVE the liberty of a voice.
Astonishingly, you ended your missive saying that the worst thing (after all you mentioned), was that he, threw my clothes and things outside our house including our son's things and you are now staying with your parents !!!! I cannot think of a BETTER thing to happen considering your circumstances! You have been albeit in a violent manner granted an exit and a lucky escape before the situation escalates (with strong, statistical likelihood), before what will SURELY be the worst thing, and that is your untimely death at the hands of a monster, leaving your son alone in the world.
Get AS FAR AWAY FROM this sorry excuse of a man as you possibly can. And for good. You have many positive aspects and legal rights in your life as it is right now: you're alive; your son is alive; you have parents who obviously care; you have somewhere to stay and food to eat and you are not fighting your own terrible addiction/addictions. I cannot stress this strongly enough.
I can only hope and pray that you act - while you still can - and do not, ever, EVER believe, whilst he's using drugs/drink, that he will never hit you again, or view pornography of any kind or severity, or that, deep down in your wounded soul and ever-hopeful mind, that you erroneously believe that you are different and that he is worth fighting for. HE IS NOT.
Above all, remember that you are a MOTHER. Do as a mother should and protect yourself and your son whilst you still have the chance.
HL
PS And please also remember, YOU are not a hopeless wife: HE, is a very, very sick husband.
Perhaps you ought to read the guidelines for posting here, Hidden Light. In case you missed it here it is, guideline number 2:
In what way could you think it would be helpful to berate her...and with so many words? Interesting that you are so committed to animals...perhaps not so to people, eh?
| QUOTE |
| Be Courteous - Please refrain from personal attacks, name calling, offensive language, or any other derogatory or socially inappropriate comments. |
In what way could you think it would be helpful to berate her...and with so many words? Interesting that you are so committed to animals...perhaps not so to people, eh?
To hopelesswife and to all whom it may concern, posting on this site or running this site: I apologise for not adhering to quote #2 of the rules.
Well yes,...it was a bit harsh,...but can't deny it was from the heart with a lot of passion.
Thank you MnM for your reply,....as always, polite, to the point, and tactful. Great point MnM, It's always best to never forget our own struggles in recovery. Although some of us required a kick in the rear or two,....being talked down to has never benefitted anyone.
Addiction has a very dark side to it,....if a person comes to a recovery board and is berated,...they arent going to come back. Which is fine by me for those who think the boards and recovery is a joke. For the addicts and especially the loved ones,...they're scared, confused and yes,..repulsed by certain behaviours.
What I've discovered most here on the board is how the non-using loved ones are so strongly affected by meth. A lot of questions are being sought about deviant behaviour exhibited by their meth using loved one. it is what it is,...and who understands better than a recovered addict whos been there?
Sure I've seen a fair share of non-sense posts,...posts by stupid A$$ people that get their jollies by talkin s#@t . Best to just ignore those losers,....just a waste of time and energy to reply,....don't fuel a fire,....it goes out.
Thank you MnM for your reply,....as always, polite, to the point, and tactful. Great point MnM, It's always best to never forget our own struggles in recovery. Although some of us required a kick in the rear or two,....being talked down to has never benefitted anyone.
Addiction has a very dark side to it,....if a person comes to a recovery board and is berated,...they arent going to come back. Which is fine by me for those who think the boards and recovery is a joke. For the addicts and especially the loved ones,...they're scared, confused and yes,..repulsed by certain behaviours.
What I've discovered most here on the board is how the non-using loved ones are so strongly affected by meth. A lot of questions are being sought about deviant behaviour exhibited by their meth using loved one. it is what it is,...and who understands better than a recovered addict whos been there?
Sure I've seen a fair share of non-sense posts,...posts by stupid A$$ people that get their jollies by talkin s#@t . Best to just ignore those losers,....just a waste of time and energy to reply,....don't fuel a fire,....it goes out.
All I can say is whoa...
I hope the poster comes back. She sure seems in need of a friend(ly).
What is "shabu"?
I hope the poster comes back. She sure seems in need of a friend(ly).
What is "shabu"?
Whoa you're right CG. Shabu is a mix of amphetamines and coffee in the Philippines. She's in the Compostela Valley, Philippines which is an agricultural area there. Probably no help at all there.
Please keep posting and leave that toxic house for a while.
Wishing you all the best.
Please keep posting and leave that toxic house for a while.
Wishing you all the best.
justonemore, you wrote...
A lot of questions are being sought about deviant behaviour exhibited by their meth using loved one. it is what it is,...and who understands better than a recovered addict whos been there?
Maybe it is the perception, the perspective, the memories...
I am so adamant about leaving with meth involved, especially with children in the mix. I don't know I just pinpoint it to what I was like, it tends to scare me, even if I loved each and every minute and can't (won't) forget mostly because of that love...
How hard it can be to separate the addict, the drug...was it always there, the propensity to, which is one of them questions that stops me dead in my tracks....
Is it the person or the drug they used, or both mixed nicely...
Not a question easily answered when looking to make sense of how another is acting but in self reflection, it was there, just there and my fear sits in that simple thought...
A lot of questions are being sought about deviant behaviour exhibited by their meth using loved one. it is what it is,...and who understands better than a recovered addict whos been there?
Maybe it is the perception, the perspective, the memories...
I am so adamant about leaving with meth involved, especially with children in the mix. I don't know I just pinpoint it to what I was like, it tends to scare me, even if I loved each and every minute and can't (won't) forget mostly because of that love...
How hard it can be to separate the addict, the drug...was it always there, the propensity to, which is one of them questions that stops me dead in my tracks....
Is it the person or the drug they used, or both mixed nicely...
Not a question easily answered when looking to make sense of how another is acting but in self reflection, it was there, just there and my fear sits in that simple thought...
Very deep post,....and if I'm reading/taking it all in right,....the ex-user in me along with all the relationships I've had in my using days,.......well,...my head could explode with all the thoughts .
Hey all,
It's obvious that there are plenty of forum members here who bear similarities to hopelesswife's husband, in terms of behavior of course. Since this site is for those wanting to recover, I find it puzzling that many of the members' replies are telling the lady that all hope is lost at trying to "recover" the man she used to love.
They've been in love for more than a decade, and he's only been acting up for a much shorter span of time. I DO NOT say that I endorse his violent behavior or choice of videos, but it doesn't justify other members' notion to say that he's hopeless, especially when many of them have been battling drug addictions, and probably doing a lot of stupid things while at it.
For everyone telling her that her husband is beyond help, and to stay away from him for the rest of their lives, wouldn't the better course of action be to address the root of the problem instead?
Also, if you recovered/recovering drug abusers were left by your own loved ones because of these addictions, and the dumb things they've most likely made you do, would you just allow them to leave?
Keep in mind that this new aggressive behavior he's been displaying is largely associated to his addiction, and therefore there's still hope.
I hate to say it, but recovering and former drug addicts who come to this forum for help, yet completely discredit another human being in need, are inconsiderate. It's just flat out wrong, and stupid.
As for those encouraging her to get help for the man she once loved (while keeping a safe distance from him during the process), good job - that's how things should be done, and it's the right kind of answer by those who truly believe that everyone can battle drug addiction, and become better people.
I'll probably not be coming back to this forum, as I've just stumbled across this site while looking for advice for helping a friend of mine beat his addiction to speed. If you guys would like to drop me a message, you can do so at my email address: jonnymionic@yahoo.com
Cheers and good luck to all of you!
Max
It's obvious that there are plenty of forum members here who bear similarities to hopelesswife's husband, in terms of behavior of course. Since this site is for those wanting to recover, I find it puzzling that many of the members' replies are telling the lady that all hope is lost at trying to "recover" the man she used to love.
They've been in love for more than a decade, and he's only been acting up for a much shorter span of time. I DO NOT say that I endorse his violent behavior or choice of videos, but it doesn't justify other members' notion to say that he's hopeless, especially when many of them have been battling drug addictions, and probably doing a lot of stupid things while at it.
For everyone telling her that her husband is beyond help, and to stay away from him for the rest of their lives, wouldn't the better course of action be to address the root of the problem instead?
Also, if you recovered/recovering drug abusers were left by your own loved ones because of these addictions, and the dumb things they've most likely made you do, would you just allow them to leave?
Keep in mind that this new aggressive behavior he's been displaying is largely associated to his addiction, and therefore there's still hope.
I hate to say it, but recovering and former drug addicts who come to this forum for help, yet completely discredit another human being in need, are inconsiderate. It's just flat out wrong, and stupid.
As for those encouraging her to get help for the man she once loved (while keeping a safe distance from him during the process), good job - that's how things should be done, and it's the right kind of answer by those who truly believe that everyone can battle drug addiction, and become better people.
I'll probably not be coming back to this forum, as I've just stumbled across this site while looking for advice for helping a friend of mine beat his addiction to speed. If you guys would like to drop me a message, you can do so at my email address: jonnymionic@yahoo.com
Cheers and good luck to all of you!
Max
Hi Max,
I appreciate the reply you gave in this post. I agree with you that everyone has a hope, and that hope comes from the Lord. Hopeless wife is not hopeless at all, but what she can do is to pray for her husband. the Lord hears and He answers prayers.
Just recently I discovered my boyfriend to be using the "ice." I talked to him sincerely. I told him I made a choice now--- i need to leave him as he is an "addict" and he is not worth my love and my care. For a couple of days, I stopped communicating with, yet my heart says, it is this time that he needs you most. He is not just an individual but one soul who really needs help. For 3 days I fasted and prayed for him, then just the other night I heard from the news that the PDEA and the police has raid a Shabu Den owned by a military man in the nearby area.
I don't know how it happened ---all the plans they made for the raid, but I know it was God's answers to my prayer that somehow the Lord start to deal with the root cause of all this abuses. I am still praying and I know the Lord will heal my boyfriend as he asked me to help him change as he already want to stop or withdraw. He is in deep struggle I know but I am very hopeful that he will get over this.
Max, thank you. Hope everyone has the heart like yours. We indeed have no power to change the lives of other people but in prayer there is power
I appreciate the reply you gave in this post. I agree with you that everyone has a hope, and that hope comes from the Lord. Hopeless wife is not hopeless at all, but what she can do is to pray for her husband. the Lord hears and He answers prayers.
Just recently I discovered my boyfriend to be using the "ice." I talked to him sincerely. I told him I made a choice now--- i need to leave him as he is an "addict" and he is not worth my love and my care. For a couple of days, I stopped communicating with, yet my heart says, it is this time that he needs you most. He is not just an individual but one soul who really needs help. For 3 days I fasted and prayed for him, then just the other night I heard from the news that the PDEA and the police has raid a Shabu Den owned by a military man in the nearby area.
I don't know how it happened ---all the plans they made for the raid, but I know it was God's answers to my prayer that somehow the Lord start to deal with the root cause of all this abuses. I am still praying and I know the Lord will heal my boyfriend as he asked me to help him change as he already want to stop or withdraw. He is in deep struggle I know but I am very hopeful that he will get over this.
Max, thank you. Hope everyone has the heart like yours. We indeed have no power to change the lives of other people but in prayer there is power
hi there its related my situation b4 im a user watching porn active in bed. my head wil xplode of too much thoughts..ideas and to much belive myself. in my case my wife never stop praying very patience until such time ako na ang nakonsensya. all i have to do is i pray ask 4givenes and divert. im now active in my community and church... just belive in god keep on praying
Hi! For a reason, a person is using meth. I used the drug for years now and most of my friends ended up in jail or 6 feet under. I am not totally out of the bad habit but I can say I can control it. It all started when I was young around 35 years old and I am now 56. First it was the excitement with my friends and company then sex. I get really high doing sex high on meth and that is the main reason I take it until now.
I am more of the lucky ones because I can control the urge and have no difficulty controlling the bad habit. Except for the financial drain there is no problem (maybe I am wrong). You guys should not take the bad habit as if it is the end of the world! It is only meth addiction and there are worst worst bad bad habit in this world. If you love your partner then you continue loving.... Do not over react!
I am more of the lucky ones because I can control the urge and have no difficulty controlling the bad habit. Except for the financial drain there is no problem (maybe I am wrong). You guys should not take the bad habit as if it is the end of the world! It is only meth addiction and there are worst worst bad bad habit in this world. If you love your partner then you continue loving.... Do not over react!
I've been there and done that..... Don't over react my friends... The only time you should give up is when he cannot do anything without the habit. Otherwise don't give up. When the time comes that your partner is out of the habit and you have endured the test then it is time move on together. My God, this is the time your partner needs you and you plan to leave!!!
Hi Diazpam and Hopeless Wife,
I sympathize with you, hopeless wife. I have a very similar situation except that we are childless, and that I am still living with my husband. I suspect he was a heavy user of shabu but he never admits. So, I know the pain and the silent tears. Before the incident that led us to our current problem, he turned into extreme verbal abuse. On the positive note, he is a well-versed man.
My question now is to Diazpam because you claim have been there. Right now my husband has not been using shabu for the past two months. But before that on May 2014 he was hospitalized, for what the doctors said, heat stroke.
First question, is extreme physical weakness for two months an effect of withdrawal from shabu? Did you experience the same?
Second question, what does he need to eat or drink or do to counter the withdrawal effects?
Right now he is bedridden because he cannot even help himself up his bed and I have been looking for enlightenment on what is happening on him. His last checkup suggests that his internal organs (kidney, liver, gall bladder, lungs) have minor damages but reversible.
I am not yet giving upon my husband. I cannot leave him too on his condition because he has no one else to care of him. It will be too cruel of me to leave him now. Your help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Richelle
I sympathize with you, hopeless wife. I have a very similar situation except that we are childless, and that I am still living with my husband. I suspect he was a heavy user of shabu but he never admits. So, I know the pain and the silent tears. Before the incident that led us to our current problem, he turned into extreme verbal abuse. On the positive note, he is a well-versed man.
My question now is to Diazpam because you claim have been there. Right now my husband has not been using shabu for the past two months. But before that on May 2014 he was hospitalized, for what the doctors said, heat stroke.
First question, is extreme physical weakness for two months an effect of withdrawal from shabu? Did you experience the same?
Second question, what does he need to eat or drink or do to counter the withdrawal effects?
Right now he is bedridden because he cannot even help himself up his bed and I have been looking for enlightenment on what is happening on him. His last checkup suggests that his internal organs (kidney, liver, gall bladder, lungs) have minor damages but reversible.
I am not yet giving upon my husband. I cannot leave him too on his condition because he has no one else to care of him. It will be too cruel of me to leave him now. Your help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Richelle
What does the doctor say about his condition?
Is he physically disabled or mentally/emotionally/spiritually disabled?
The great folks at Al-Anon would help you if you gave them a call, they are in the phone book.
Yesterday's "Wisdom of the rooms" may apply to your situation.......
September 1, 2014
Quote of the Week- Wisdom of the Rooms
"People have the right not to recover."
The first time I heard this saying I thought it was cruel and insensitive. I had been in Al-Anon about six months and was still convinced that I not only could help other people in my life recover, but that it was in fact my job to do so. Learning to detach with love was still foreign to me and the idea of allowing someone to destroy their life was unthinkable. When I asked my sponsor what to do he told me to look at my own experience.
As a double winner (in both programs), I knew first hand how ineffective others were in trying to get me to see the dangers of my drinking and using. The more they tried to warn me or control my behavior, the more I resented and avoided them. In fact, their attempts had the opposite effect - they drove me to isolate and drink even more! In the end what I learned to be true is what I've since heard in meetings a thousand times - until we admit to our innermost selves that we're an alcoholic (or addict) we won't do the things we need to do to get and stay sober.
Over the years one of the things that continue to baffle me is why some people recover and others - who so obviously need it and would benefit from it - don't. I've had to accept my powerlessness over others, but it's still hard to see those I care about ruin their lives. My sponsor once told me that I needed to respect someone's decision to drink themselves to death. That still sounds harsh but there's a strange, sad truth to it.
It's a reminder that people have the right to not recover.
Is he physically disabled or mentally/emotionally/spiritually disabled?
The great folks at Al-Anon would help you if you gave them a call, they are in the phone book.
Yesterday's "Wisdom of the rooms" may apply to your situation.......
September 1, 2014
Quote of the Week- Wisdom of the Rooms
"People have the right not to recover."
The first time I heard this saying I thought it was cruel and insensitive. I had been in Al-Anon about six months and was still convinced that I not only could help other people in my life recover, but that it was in fact my job to do so. Learning to detach with love was still foreign to me and the idea of allowing someone to destroy their life was unthinkable. When I asked my sponsor what to do he told me to look at my own experience.
As a double winner (in both programs), I knew first hand how ineffective others were in trying to get me to see the dangers of my drinking and using. The more they tried to warn me or control my behavior, the more I resented and avoided them. In fact, their attempts had the opposite effect - they drove me to isolate and drink even more! In the end what I learned to be true is what I've since heard in meetings a thousand times - until we admit to our innermost selves that we're an alcoholic (or addict) we won't do the things we need to do to get and stay sober.
Over the years one of the things that continue to baffle me is why some people recover and others - who so obviously need it and would benefit from it - don't. I've had to accept my powerlessness over others, but it's still hard to see those I care about ruin their lives. My sponsor once told me that I needed to respect someone's decision to drink themselves to death. That still sounds harsh but there's a strange, sad truth to it.
It's a reminder that people have the right to not recover.
what is the best solution of my son addicted in shabu can you give me an advice????ken.....
