I need help. My wife and I have been together going on 3 years and married just over two. She had been through some dark times with drugs before we got together. We bought a house a year ago. About 6 months ago I found a little ziplock bag with some crystal like looking substance in it. I confronted her with it. She said she had no clue about it and than maybe my oldest son had it and dropped here. Never mentioned it to him as I would suspect denial even if it was his.I know my son likes pot and not much I can do about it. So I believed her. Today I was looking around in our walk in closet and found a sock with a glass pipe in it. I layed it out for my wife to see. She simply threw it away. When I asked her about it she said she didn't even know it was here. This, I do not believe. Now she is accusing me if planting it to justify a divorce. I do not want a divorce. I love her more than oxygen. From what I was reading about this on the web, I think she is usingg but I don't know when. i have asked her before and she always turns it around and makes me feel like the bad guy. I want to help her, but I don't think she is being honest with me. What can I do?
I'm so sorry. It sounds like she is definitely using. You need to get her in counseling and perhaps when she feels safe that you won't leave her, she may admit it and accept help, assuming she wants to stop using. You also should seek professional help or go to a codependency anonymous meeting where you will gain a wealth of knowledge on this problem. Best of luck!
Dear Bigman,
Welcome to the board.
I am glad to see you here now looking for help. Don't let your wife turn this around onto you. Addicts are very good at blaming everybody and everything. You said she had dark times with drugs prior to you getting together? Did she get help, go to rehab, counseling, go to meetings?. Many addicts substitute one addiction/drug for another. Could be shopping, gambling, sex, porn, other drugs. Are you very sure she hasn't been using all along? I was that addict wife. No matter what my husband said or done, I didn't get help until I was ready and willing to do the work to recover. Don't let finding this crystal stuff slide by. Go with your gut and ask. You have a right to know what is in your house. Get involved in the finances and all aspects of anything of value. Know where the money is going. Watch her actions. Is she exhibiting signs of being on methamphetamines? Take care of yourself and get help for you if she is using.
Welcome to the board.
I am glad to see you here now looking for help. Don't let your wife turn this around onto you. Addicts are very good at blaming everybody and everything. You said she had dark times with drugs prior to you getting together? Did she get help, go to rehab, counseling, go to meetings?. Many addicts substitute one addiction/drug for another. Could be shopping, gambling, sex, porn, other drugs. Are you very sure she hasn't been using all along? I was that addict wife. No matter what my husband said or done, I didn't get help until I was ready and willing to do the work to recover. Don't let finding this crystal stuff slide by. Go with your gut and ask. You have a right to know what is in your house. Get involved in the finances and all aspects of anything of value. Know where the money is going. Watch her actions. Is she exhibiting signs of being on methamphetamines? Take care of yourself and get help for you if she is using.
Yes. She is using of course.
No one will have a pipe hidden somewhere jsut for fun in their home and yes those minituare bags contain the goodies.
If she is a crack addict it is highly addictive.
Oh man! Sorry to hear this and join the hellish club.
Please as soon as you can go to some support group meeting for the entourage and you have to be very aware of the manipulaton, the lies, the finincial disasters....
It does not matter when she started.
Now you have found out about it and since you are in the position of the husband I think that it gives you an advantage.
Because if it is the other way around then the female can get very scared and also women tend to be bigger suckers.
I have a damn addict in the family who happens to be my brother and by now I know all his tricks.
I used to be so naive.
If you can go seek help as soon as you can for yourself first because those people are in denial and even if you catch her in the act she will deny it.
You say you love her like oxygen. Unfortunately addict take away the oxygen from you.
They do not like it when you confront them about drugs.
There is a whole langauge and psychology around addicts.
Very complex and drainging.
There are many books also that you can read if you do a seach on Amazon.
No one will have a pipe hidden somewhere jsut for fun in their home and yes those minituare bags contain the goodies.
If she is a crack addict it is highly addictive.
Oh man! Sorry to hear this and join the hellish club.
Please as soon as you can go to some support group meeting for the entourage and you have to be very aware of the manipulaton, the lies, the finincial disasters....
It does not matter when she started.
Now you have found out about it and since you are in the position of the husband I think that it gives you an advantage.
Because if it is the other way around then the female can get very scared and also women tend to be bigger suckers.
I have a damn addict in the family who happens to be my brother and by now I know all his tricks.
I used to be so naive.
If you can go seek help as soon as you can for yourself first because those people are in denial and even if you catch her in the act she will deny it.
You say you love her like oxygen. Unfortunately addict take away the oxygen from you.
They do not like it when you confront them about drugs.
There is a whole langauge and psychology around addicts.
Very complex and drainging.
There are many books also that you can read if you do a seach on Amazon.
hmmm... sounds like, yes, your wife has a problem. but i'm not exactly sure with what. many people who smoke pot use glass pipes to smoke marijuana. it all really depends on what the pipe looks like to tell what it is used for. if it's short and small, it's for pot. however, if it's a longer, larger pipe, then it would more likely be the pipe used by a crack or meth user. from your description of the bag of crystals, however, it sounds like meth. crack tends to clump together into an opaque looking ball, thus the name crack rock. meth is either a powder or a crystalline substance.
unfortunately (at least from the perspective of giving advice, the only perspective pertinent to this dialogue), i don't really have experience with either of these drugs. i've only seen them. i hate stimulants. opiates were my problem. so i don't really know what to tell you to do. i assume, however, that if she does in fact have a problem, it will eventually snowball to the point that she makes a big enough mistake that she has to admit it to you. essentially, it will be undeniably at that point. i know that this isn't very reassuring, but it takes most addicts an event like this to get them to realize for themselves that they have a problem and need to seek help. if they don't realize it for themselves, all the good advice in the world is like casting pearls before swine. i am very sorry you are caught up in all of this.
when it does reach this point, your wife should know what she needs but may not have the strength to do it on her own. listen to her ideas on how to quit, challenge them by your own reason and implement a plan together. i never personally cared for na, rehab or twelve step and was able to get clean from heroin without them. this was a product of my own personal philosophy, one that is not shared among the general public. my own philosophy aside, however, it's up to your wife to decide whether or not such programs are agreeable to her, as opposed to some other method of detox. right now, however, she still seems to be in denial. in time, this will change.
unfortunately (at least from the perspective of giving advice, the only perspective pertinent to this dialogue), i don't really have experience with either of these drugs. i've only seen them. i hate stimulants. opiates were my problem. so i don't really know what to tell you to do. i assume, however, that if she does in fact have a problem, it will eventually snowball to the point that she makes a big enough mistake that she has to admit it to you. essentially, it will be undeniably at that point. i know that this isn't very reassuring, but it takes most addicts an event like this to get them to realize for themselves that they have a problem and need to seek help. if they don't realize it for themselves, all the good advice in the world is like casting pearls before swine. i am very sorry you are caught up in all of this.
when it does reach this point, your wife should know what she needs but may not have the strength to do it on her own. listen to her ideas on how to quit, challenge them by your own reason and implement a plan together. i never personally cared for na, rehab or twelve step and was able to get clean from heroin without them. this was a product of my own personal philosophy, one that is not shared among the general public. my own philosophy aside, however, it's up to your wife to decide whether or not such programs are agreeable to her, as opposed to some other method of detox. right now, however, she still seems to be in denial. in time, this will change.
I never want to be married to someone that can't feel like they can be honest with me totally. I have lived like that before. You guys should be soul mates...why does she need to lie...I guess the shame of drugs. I would sit my guy down and tell him how much I love him and that he didn't need to be ashamed..but that I knew he was using...and that we could work on it together. And if he wasn't ready to stop...or if he had a problem stopping...I would try to set a date with him for a cut off to the end. I am actually doing this right now....the dates keep changing...but we are aware of the problem...and nothing is hidden between us. She can never get well if she doesn't become honest. And even becoming honest may not get her well. But you deserve honesty and to know what you are dealing with so that you can make choices in your life. I quit drinking 3 days ago..my partner had a choice to stay with me thru this...but I was open about it. He has another problem...he has a date...if he can't stick to it...I will have a choice to make as to if I can continue to live with life the way it is. But its not fair she is lying....love doesn't lie...that's just my opinion...Lies cause distance and pain for the both of you - which is obvious...and we lie to protect ourselves or our drugs. Find out what she is protecting. She may think she is protecting you. :(
