Is There An Underlying Cause?

Hi,
I have a question I hope someone out there may have some insight into.
My wonderful wife of 16 years has become the most hateful and angry person one can imagine. Our marriage has come apart at the seams, and she has left me, filing for divorce. She has severe headaches, and seeks medication wherever she can. From switching doctors to frequent ER visits to stealing meds from others in our household. She has started drinking along with the pain killers and muscle relaxants she takes, and also takes anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. I have 3 young boys that have only the slightest inclination that there may be a problem with Mom.
I have tried to give love and support to her always, and NOTHING I do is correct. Now I am at the point of not giving in to her. She is irresponsible with money, and very decietful. She can never explain where her paycheck goes.
This woman used to love to cook for our family, worked hard to insure that our boys were fed, clothed, cared for as any loving mother would be. Now she gripes at them and me for everything, and never cooks or cleans.
There are many other things that have happened over the last 4-5 years, but I won't get into them here. My question is this...
How do I get my kids to understand that Mom has a problem, and what should they look for as far as signs of drug abuse/addiction?
What can they possibly do to help Mom realize that she needs help, and how do they approach her? Or should they approach her?
Any info will be of great help. Thank you.
Maybe you can ask your wife to have her hormons checked.
I for awhile about 10 or so years back, was #1 hateful and mouthy person you would ever want to see. I had head aches and all. The head aches were from tension and depression. Hormons can and will cause problems, even the wrong ones. I had to call one doctor I went to and tell her I was no longer going to take her meds. I really did want to "kill". My children were going to deviorce me. Someone could look at me and I would fly off the handle. A year ago I was pointing my anger at everyone and was almost #1 again. I went back to my Dr. and we changed my meds and I was livable again.
The right meds can make a world of difference. But she has to agree to see a doc and you both need to learn how to understand how she got to this point.

God Bliss
Thanks Rosyglasses.
My wife has undergone every test known. From hormones to possible vitamin deficiencies to parasite infestation, blood disorders, and a multitude of other tests. Many of which made NO sense, but the doctors were grasping at straws.
She has become an addict. Unfortunately, she doesn't see it. Even if tests were to show a problem, I feel that she would continue to find refuge in drugs and alcohol. She refuses to make a lifestyle change. I have consulted with her doctors, and they won't try to force her into any rehab, because they may be afraid of legal issues( I'm not really sure).
I need to educate my kids to the possibility that Mom may be high, and instruct them to use caution in dealing with her in that state.
Thanks again for your reply. May God Bless, and give you joy
JD
I wish there was a way to get people help. But, until and only until the person needing help truely wants help there is nothing we can do, they have to hit Rock Bottom. The only thing we can do is Love them and be strong when they fall. Make them get up and stand up. It the Tough Love Thing. It's not easy and it hurts to know that you have to watch what goes on and wait.
I don't think anyone really knows why they do some things. And you may some times wonder if your strong enough for what you have to do. But there is Love and the Love you still have and the Childrens Love will help. When you think you can't go any further with this, you'll turn around and find your self with more strength then you ever thought you had.
I send you prayers and hugs and hopes the the battle will turn soon to the good.
Take care of your self you count too.
Hi Truckman,
For many addictions can start as a result of trying to manage pain or change. I don't know if she's still talking w/you, but here's a site you can try.{www.reformu.com} go to locations, click your state, find out where the next Reformers meeting is. Maybe she'll go. I'll pray God will prepare her heart. You're doing the right thing by preparing the kids - I always tell mine the truth as far as that goes- We saw a man staggering and they asked me what was wrong so I told them " that man is drunk" and I told them what to do if someone approaches them. Pray and ask the Lord to show you the source, if you haven't done that 100 times already!
May God guide you T-man!
Thanks for your support Mikie. I will check out reformu.com, and see if maybe I can find a way to get her to go. Right now, we are not talking, but will have to eventually. I have contacted several of her former friends, and they also want to help, but don't know how. Maybe this will get things started.
She is still in denial, and her folks(she moved 1300 miles to be with them) only help her with her addiction. Her family members have commented on the amount of drugs she takes, but seem to think that it's just fine, "because she must need them".
There is too much to this story to post here, but I DO thank you for your prayers and support. Keep the faith brother, and I will do the same. Lean on God....He's our only hope.
notechfool@yahoo.com
Why dont you hide a cam corder in the house and let it run. If you dont have one get a dictaphone and keep it hidden around the place. You are sure to catch her in action when she is out of control. Perhaps when you leave her alone in the house at a suitable time to watch or listen to her actions she will be forced to accept there is a problem.

If she was a once loving and caring person, maybe it will give her a rude awakening, who knows?

Just an idea as you sound desperate, and sometimes its the whacky ones that just sometimes work.

Good luck to you all,

I will say a little prayer for you. xxxx
Thanks for your reply angel.
I have thought about a video camera, or an audio recorder, but didn't do it before she moved 1300 miles away. The problem was that she had the batteries for the camera, and the camera was never in the case. I think that she knew that I would set it up if I could. I didn't have the money or the credit to buy another one.
Now that she is living with her folks, she can get away with doing the drugs, because they seem to think it's OK because " she needs the drugs".
I could go on for hours, but it won't do any good. I am working on rebuilding my life so that my boys will see that there is a better life if you are willing to work for it.
Thanks again for your post. Any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated.
notechfool@yahoo.com