This life, this miracle, this everyday wonder.
I feel like a child stomping about in the sea for the first time, laughing at the spray on my face and the salt on my lips, and at the sun sparkling on a pure blue sea...
I know that if I was still drinking I wouldn't feel this awe, this wonder, this joy at being alive.
My guess is that it took more than abstinence from alcohol. My guess is it has taken a willingness to look as honestly as I am capable of at the time at stuff my mind had hidden from "me". And that required help.
It required unconditional acceptance and respect, even if people didn't understand or empathise or like me. It probably required love, too, for me to feel safe enough to risk attempting to open a Pandora's box full of grief and terror. A box I didn't even know existed, so completely had I chosen to "forget" it. It required a safe space to find the me who'd fled so long ago. It required a willingess to entertain the possibility that I wasn't who I thought I was....not in some trivial way, but a profound, Earth-shaking, self-shattering way.
This site is a miracle and I am so grateful to the owners and moderaters and to everyone who posts here.
This has been my sand-pit, my toy-box, my paint set. A safe place to play and learn and to begin - begin - to grow.
This site is supported by a fund set up in the memory of a young man named Jacob. It has helped me discover the miracle that life really is and has helped me and my children and hundreds if not thousands of other families.
Thank you.
Martin
Hiya Martin
You sound rather (as I would put it) Bouncy..... And good to here you are.
Im accepting all days are different, as long as I dont start projecting, and try to plan in small ways,
I'm dealing with quite a few major things,
1, Submitting a claim through courts, for compensation for new coomputer that never arrived. major headache.
2, Just got my old computer working, crashed big time Friday,
3, And heard a dear aunt pessed away Sunday, left me feeling very sad and giulty as been meaning to see her for months.
4, And my shft work is seriously doing my head in, feeling tired and worn out,
But I haven't had the urge to dive into a bottle.
Somethings working...Thank you Lord for keeping me clean and sober.
You sound rather (as I would put it) Bouncy..... And good to here you are.
Im accepting all days are different, as long as I dont start projecting, and try to plan in small ways,
I'm dealing with quite a few major things,
1, Submitting a claim through courts, for compensation for new coomputer that never arrived. major headache.
2, Just got my old computer working, crashed big time Friday,
3, And heard a dear aunt pessed away Sunday, left me feeling very sad and giulty as been meaning to see her for months.
4, And my shft work is seriously doing my head in, feeling tired and worn out,
But I haven't had the urge to dive into a bottle.
Somethings working...Thank you Lord for keeping me clean and sober.
I'm very sorry about your aunt Paul. It's a very hard feeling to sit with. Although sadness is natural, I hope you don't let yourself feel guilty for long; our love isn't defined by one act or omission, it's demonstrated by a lifetime of small acts of caring. I bet she knew, you know? :)
I'm feeling very bouncy Paul, I wouldn't have believed anyone who tried to tell me I could feel like this. In fact I wouldn't have had a clue what they meant. I want to share it because I'm so amazed at what it feels like to be alive and because six or seven months ago I had the Samaritans on speed dial. And that's not much of an exaggeration.
So good for you for handling those things without drinking because in my experience not drinking is a big part of what is giving me freedom and joy in abundance right now.
The rest is a willingess to let go of my conscious ego and understand myself as best I can, and especially to reconnect with the wonderful, inner spirit God gave me so that I can live my life from a calm and loving and wiser place than my clever little conscious mind.
It's a journey, not a destination, and no doubt life has many challenges in store.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."
It's amazing how much wisdom, hope, power and love are contained in those words.
Have a great day.
Martin
I'm feeling very bouncy Paul, I wouldn't have believed anyone who tried to tell me I could feel like this. In fact I wouldn't have had a clue what they meant. I want to share it because I'm so amazed at what it feels like to be alive and because six or seven months ago I had the Samaritans on speed dial. And that's not much of an exaggeration.
So good for you for handling those things without drinking because in my experience not drinking is a big part of what is giving me freedom and joy in abundance right now.
The rest is a willingess to let go of my conscious ego and understand myself as best I can, and especially to reconnect with the wonderful, inner spirit God gave me so that I can live my life from a calm and loving and wiser place than my clever little conscious mind.
It's a journey, not a destination, and no doubt life has many challenges in store.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."
It's amazing how much wisdom, hope, power and love are contained in those words.
Have a great day.
Martin
