It's been a while since I have posted or even READ any threads here!!!
I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed the holidays.
So much has happened in my life recently ..... mostly good but some bad
Bad first .... My dear sweet brother in law passed away in December .... tomorrow should have been his 34th birthday ....
He had been clean for almost 2 years .... for whatever reasons decided that he wanted to use "one more time" and that resulted in his death.
Talk about a major shock!!! I still think that maybe I am going to wake up and find it to just be a horrible nightmare, that he is still with us .... but sadly I know that will not happen.
I am turning this sadness into something good though .... I believe more than ever that I can NEVER use "just one time"!!!!
Yes, I knew that before but can honestly say that there was always that voice in my head saying that maybe not today .... but some other day it might be different for me. That voice is now silent!!
I also am off Subutex - FINALLY!!!!
Long story short ... I ended up going into Inpatient Detox to get off the Sub.
It was a decision made on a Thursday at noon and I was in Detox by that evening ... so no time to talk myself OUT of doing it!! I desperately needed to get off the Sub and am SOOOOO grateful that I did it!!!
I am amazed at the HUGE difference by getting off the Sub!!!!
I did not realize that it affected me so much!! My oxy opiate brain fog was gone, only to be replaced by this other very odd brain fog from Sub!! Plus other side effects ....
I still believe that Sub helped me get off the huge amounts of opiates I was injesting daily, but it also caused a lot of problems too. My Psych Dr / Sub Dr ended up being a nightmare that I won't even go into right now ....
But the bottom line is that I can now say with 110% conviction that I am COMPLETELY CLEAN!!!!! Yea!!!
And to make everything even better my relationship with my kids,
ex-husband and the rest of my family has NEVER been better!!!!
My ex hubby and I are even dating each other!!!! LOL!!!!
Seems a bit odd, but he really is SO wonderful now that we are both clean and clear headed!! Rational thinking is finally returning .....
OK - As usual ..... I wrote a book of a post ....
Will just close saying that I have missed you all so much!!
I've been out of touch for a while .... would love to hear updates of how everyone is doing!!
:-)
And saying hi to newcomers that I've not yet met ....
<<<<< waving hi >>>>>
Swizzle
Hi Swizzle, happy to see you posting, I had wondered where you went.
Take Care
Carol
Take Care
Carol
Swizzle, Wow what a post. You sound great. I am sorry for your loss. Just last week I lost a friend of mine due to cancer. I read alot on this board about sub. and see where it has helped so many people I am curious why you went into detox to get off of it? Shantel
Swizzle, Congratulations, you sound great! I am very sorry about your BIL, that's very sad. Hope your family is doing OK.
I am curious about the Sub. detox, also. Why did you feel you needed it?
How do you feel different now that you are off the Sub? How long, and how much were you on? I find this very interesting, as i have been pondering the adverse effects of it lately myself. Would love to hear anything you feel like sharing on the subject.
I'd like to hear about it too swizz cause i've been on sub for almost 5 months and I'm getting a little worried. I'm leaving it up to my doctor and trying not to play doctor myself, but it's hard.
I'm so glad you sound so great!!
I am extremely sorry about your brother in law. That is horrible! It scares the crap out of me too, cause my husband will be 33 in a couple months and he is of course an addict. I would die if something happened to him. He's been clean just as long as me, but I know our journey is just beginning.
You take care of yourself and I hope things keep getting better and better for you. it's about time!! lol.
Love you
stacey
I'm so glad you sound so great!!
I am extremely sorry about your brother in law. That is horrible! It scares the crap out of me too, cause my husband will be 33 in a couple months and he is of course an addict. I would die if something happened to him. He's been clean just as long as me, but I know our journey is just beginning.
You take care of yourself and I hope things keep getting better and better for you. it's about time!! lol.
Love you
stacey
Thanks so much Carol, Shantel, Carol and Stac!!
About the Sub .... I had been on it initially in January 2005 short term.
Then from August or September 2005 thru November 2006. It literally had changed my personality so much and I did not even realize how bad until now. Without the drug in my body, I am coming back to my old self and loving it!!!
It's hard to describe but I had become a sort of isolator, pretty close to anti-social, tired often, motivation depleted, foggy headed, emotionally numb, etc, etc ....
The worse thing is that while I was on it, I did not connect the personality changes to the Sub cause it was not a quick thing that happened when I started on the Sub ... It was more like a slow change the longer I was on Sub.
My "prescribed" dose was 12 mgs per day but I only took 6 - 8 mgs / day on average .... sometimes even 4 mgs.
As for going inpatient to detox .... I wanted off of it and did not want to taper for 6 months (per my Sub Dr) and then still have w/d's once I jumped. I wanted it out of my body asap cause I was sick of feeling like I was!!
The fact that my Sub Dr refused to Rx any Sub to taper was the clincher for going inpatient!!
Total BS and way wrong!!!!! I'd like to see my Dr on Sub for a while and then just pull the plug completely!!!!! Wonder if the attitude would change?!?!
Even worse is that I don't have health insurance right now so I had to come up with about $18,000 cash for the detox!! Ouch!!!!
I'm pretty peeved about how I was treated, but it won't do me any good to be angry .... so I'm trying very hard to let it go .....
So that's a bit of my experience .....
Its so nice to see you back Swizzle.Im so sorry about your BIL,how sad.
What a miracle,you and your x dating,i bet you never thought that possible? That is just amazing news.Im so ahppy for you,hope it works out.Im sure your kids are delighted!
Like Carol and Stacey i would love to hear more about the sub Detox,every detail.Ive been on it for 6 months and am seriously getting ready to start weaning(i keep saying that....)what was it like,what did they tive you,how are you feeling now,etc...anything you can add would be greatly appreciated.Im so happy for you,life saounds like its finally back on track for you!~KIM
Swizzle,just read your reply,if you dont mind $18,000.00!!! What did they actually do in detox,thats ALOT of money. How are you feeling now and how hard was it?~KIM
What a miracle,you and your x dating,i bet you never thought that possible? That is just amazing news.Im so ahppy for you,hope it works out.Im sure your kids are delighted!
Like Carol and Stacey i would love to hear more about the sub Detox,every detail.Ive been on it for 6 months and am seriously getting ready to start weaning(i keep saying that....)what was it like,what did they tive you,how are you feeling now,etc...anything you can add would be greatly appreciated.Im so happy for you,life saounds like its finally back on track for you!~KIM
Swizzle,just read your reply,if you dont mind $18,000.00!!! What did they actually do in detox,thats ALOT of money. How are you feeling now and how hard was it?~KIM
hey swizzle
YES we all want to know!!!! what it was like, what did they give you to detox off sub?
i have loved the way sub has curbed all desire for me to use, i have 6 mos off vicodin now! i am SCARED to death to begin the taper... but i am noticing some side effects, could you share with us your side effects that you experienced with sub?
what is going on with me is as soon as i started sub, i became chronically constipated and my legs and ankles started to swell, i never had one bm while i was in rehab and that was from 7/10 thru 7/26 of last year! i told the nurse and they gave me a stool softener to take and they made me drink mineral oil! yuk!
i complained about the swelling and they said follow up with your gp when you get released and maybe all the sitting i did in classes and meetings were the culprit for the swelling.
well here we are 6 mos later and nothing has been resolved, i am so constipated that i am miserable, i have tried every product otc that i could and nothing has helped, i did find relief from a prescription laxative from my gastro dr, but who wants to be on laxatives.... not good. i also have increased fiber in my diet as well, i noticed an awful feeling that had started around thanksgiving and that is an awful taste in my mouth and food doesnt taste like it should. so i have done some serious investigating and have come up with one more remedy: flax seeds... they are added to cold foods, will see, also the on line article said hemp seeds work too, the article said that if a person's stool becomes too thin like the shape of a pencil (which mine has) it could mean that the intestines are full of sludge and the stool has to squeeze thru the sludge and thats why it is pencil shaped! sooooo internal detoxification is the next remedy i purchased, it is a 15 day program of herbs etc that are to clean out and scrub the walls of the intestines. i never realized that everyone possibly could have this problem because toxins build up in our intestines from fast food, pollution, our water, even perfumes! They showed pictures of what people excreted after an internal cleansing! gross! long strands of fecal matter like 12 in long! some people actually excreted parasites and worms!!! nasty! so i never had to ever consider this as i never have been constipated until i started sub.. also i concluded that the swelling problem is related to the constipation too! so detoxify starts tomorrow morning 8 tablets a day of various herbs etc. will see. so if you have anything to offer more about sub and any side effects it would be appreciated, i havent noticed any adverse personality changes, i would have to say my attitude has improved since starting sub. anyone else care to elaborate on their experience with sub, any side effects? jewels/julie
YES we all want to know!!!! what it was like, what did they give you to detox off sub?
i have loved the way sub has curbed all desire for me to use, i have 6 mos off vicodin now! i am SCARED to death to begin the taper... but i am noticing some side effects, could you share with us your side effects that you experienced with sub?
what is going on with me is as soon as i started sub, i became chronically constipated and my legs and ankles started to swell, i never had one bm while i was in rehab and that was from 7/10 thru 7/26 of last year! i told the nurse and they gave me a stool softener to take and they made me drink mineral oil! yuk!
i complained about the swelling and they said follow up with your gp when you get released and maybe all the sitting i did in classes and meetings were the culprit for the swelling.
well here we are 6 mos later and nothing has been resolved, i am so constipated that i am miserable, i have tried every product otc that i could and nothing has helped, i did find relief from a prescription laxative from my gastro dr, but who wants to be on laxatives.... not good. i also have increased fiber in my diet as well, i noticed an awful feeling that had started around thanksgiving and that is an awful taste in my mouth and food doesnt taste like it should. so i have done some serious investigating and have come up with one more remedy: flax seeds... they are added to cold foods, will see, also the on line article said hemp seeds work too, the article said that if a person's stool becomes too thin like the shape of a pencil (which mine has) it could mean that the intestines are full of sludge and the stool has to squeeze thru the sludge and thats why it is pencil shaped! sooooo internal detoxification is the next remedy i purchased, it is a 15 day program of herbs etc that are to clean out and scrub the walls of the intestines. i never realized that everyone possibly could have this problem because toxins build up in our intestines from fast food, pollution, our water, even perfumes! They showed pictures of what people excreted after an internal cleansing! gross! long strands of fecal matter like 12 in long! some people actually excreted parasites and worms!!! nasty! so i never had to ever consider this as i never have been constipated until i started sub.. also i concluded that the swelling problem is related to the constipation too! so detoxify starts tomorrow morning 8 tablets a day of various herbs etc. will see. so if you have anything to offer more about sub and any side effects it would be appreciated, i havent noticed any adverse personality changes, i would have to say my attitude has improved since starting sub. anyone else care to elaborate on their experience with sub, any side effects? jewels/julie
swizzle
my deepest condolences to you for the loss of your bil. i meant to include that on the first post.... i'm sorry.... julie/jewels
my deepest condolences to you for the loss of your bil. i meant to include that on the first post.... i'm sorry.... julie/jewels
I had become a sort of isolator, pretty close to anti-social, tired often, motivation depleted, foggy headed, emotionally numb, etc, etc ....
Yep, those are some of the same things I feel happening to some degree. That and loss of creativity, inablilty to express myself as intelligently as I think I should, etc.
I know it's the Sub. dulling my senses, but I feel like I am stuck on it. I am going to start coming off very soon. Not gonna pay $18,000.00, though. I am glad you were able to do that, but I think I will try it on my own first. LOL Man! I can't wait to hear how they justified charging that much!
Thanks for sharing this, Swizzle. It helps, alot.
Yep, those are some of the same things I feel happening to some degree. That and loss of creativity, inablilty to express myself as intelligently as I think I should, etc.
I know it's the Sub. dulling my senses, but I feel like I am stuck on it. I am going to start coming off very soon. Not gonna pay $18,000.00, though. I am glad you were able to do that, but I think I will try it on my own first. LOL Man! I can't wait to hear how they justified charging that much!
Thanks for sharing this, Swizzle. It helps, alot.
((((((((((((swizzle))))))))))))))
nice to see you posting...........
so sorry about your BIL..........
please tell us what they did for you in detox for sub.............
how did they treat you and what was the plan of care?
thumper
nice to see you posting...........
so sorry about your BIL..........
please tell us what they did for you in detox for sub.............
how did they treat you and what was the plan of care?
thumper
Nice to see you back, Swizzle! I'm sorry about you BIL. How sad.
I'm glad you're feeling good now and enjoying being clean. That does seem like a huge amount to detox. I hope for that price they made you comfortable and you had nice surroundings. I'm curious too, what did they use to detox you with?
xxxxxxxoooooo
I'm glad you're feeling good now and enjoying being clean. That does seem like a huge amount to detox. I hope for that price they made you comfortable and you had nice surroundings. I'm curious too, what did they use to detox you with?
xxxxxxxoooooo
LOL .... Yep, my ex and I dating would never have been what I thought would happen!! He has always loved me SO much, but I never felt quite the same towards him. After separating for almost 3 years, both of us getting clean, having other relationships, etc we have both changed a lot - for the better. He has gained 40 lbs (of muscle!!) and works out every day, he looks incredible, has confidence and his whole attitude and personality have improved SO much!! I have made changes for the better too - getting clean, working the steps, counseling, etc. We both feel like we are dating a new person, yet at the same time it's a much deeper love and appreciation for each other!!
I had to learn the hard way .... the grass is certainly NOT greener when you have a man that loves you as much as he does!! I know that it is very unlikely for me to find someone that could love me as much as him!!! I put him thru he11, yet he is still there for me in any and every way I need and then some!!
Sounds sappy .... but I am finally truely happy and content ....
:-)
OK .... so more about the Sub and detox ....
Sub dulling senses and not thinking as clearly .... Oh yes!! That was me too!!
Constipation and loss of appetite .... Most definitely!!! Food not tasting good ... Yep, that too
The lack of appetite was really bad for me cause I have always been thin and fought to try and gain weight. It was so bad at the end on Sub that I could not eat one bite of food all day and never feel hungry!!! I would force myself to eat cause I was losing weight - hearing rumors that some thought I was using again too.
I just looked terrible overall - weight loss, skin looked bad, and just did not look healthy!! It's sad for me to see pictures of myself now that I have a clear head. I look and feel SOOOO much better now!!! I've gained more than 10 pounds, my skin looks great, my hair and nails are growing like crazy and I now have a healthy look that was really lacking!!
Detox ..... Yes $18K is a lot ... but there are much cheaper detoxes available and there is also that huge issue of health insurance!! If I would have still had my insurance, I would have been 100% covered!!
The place I went is certainly expensive, but I had been to the same place before and was too scared to go anywhere else
They medicate you every 4 hours with short acting opiates in liquid form, slowly tapering your dosage, plus any other meds needed to keep you completely comfortable.
I was also there for an entire month!!!!
So it comes out to about $600 per day, which is in line with other places .... and their program is WAY better than most others I have checked into.
And don't even get me started on the food!!!! (ALL fresh, gourmet chef, etc, etc...)
Much to my amazement .... I am feeling really good now. Sleep issues when I first got out - but by my 4th or 5th night home, I was waking up just a couple times in the night and able to go back to sleep relatively quickly.
My biggest issue now is constant back pain .... but I'm dealing with it ....
Small price IMO in exchange for being clean and no more side effects from one drug or another ....
swizzle
thanks for your reply, i do also experience no appetite at all ... i, just like you said have to force myself to eat, but for me that is a good thing, i have lost 50# and want to lose about 30 more.what were you on sub 2 years? what did you do to help the constipation??? what side effects have others had??? julie/jewels
thanks for your reply, i do also experience no appetite at all ... i, just like you said have to force myself to eat, but for me that is a good thing, i have lost 50# and want to lose about 30 more.what were you on sub 2 years? what did you do to help the constipation??? what side effects have others had??? julie/jewels
Wow, Swizzle, I'm impressed. What a terrific bonus that is.
Losing someone so young as your b-i-l has to be a major trigger, too. More pats on the back and (((((hugs))))). You did great!
Losing someone so young as your b-i-l has to be a major trigger, too. More pats on the back and (((((hugs))))). You did great!
Swizzle,i would love to know the name of the place.Would you mind emailing it to me,i would just liketo check it out,i have very good insurance,but im sure youre in another state,maybe they could recommend a different place for me?Thanks alot~KIM
kelleykeeley1@aol.com
kelleykeeley1@aol.com
Hey Swizzle, I wanted to ask you something.........
This really doesn't matter, but I was just curious, and if you don't want to answer, I understand.
First you said your Sub. dr wanted you to stay on it for 6 more months, Then you said he wouldn't RX any more for a taper.
Did he just cut you off because you told him you didn't want to do that, stay on a 6 month taper?
Again, I know that the important thing is that you are clean and happy now. But was wondering if he gave you the boot because you didn't want to do it his way/
Thanks! Hope you're having a great weekend!
This just goes to show how people handle the effects of sub so differently... ME? I just take 6mgs a day, feel completely normal and sober and just plain ol' NORMAL. I have zero constipation and i love to eat...
I guess I'm just lucky, but after quitting a billion times and going through withdrawl a billion times, I didn't have one more I could stop on my own in me. It had progressed so much. When I first started here I was taking 8 a day? I ended up eating 15 a day. I should have stopped when it'd me easy.
I always love learning more about sub and I like hearing people's stories. Half are taking the sub very well physically and mentally and others not so much. It's very interesting to me...
I'm happy for you swizzle! You got your fresh new start and the chaos is behind you. All you can go is up.
Love
stac
I guess I'm just lucky, but after quitting a billion times and going through withdrawl a billion times, I didn't have one more I could stop on my own in me. It had progressed so much. When I first started here I was taking 8 a day? I ended up eating 15 a day. I should have stopped when it'd me easy.
I always love learning more about sub and I like hearing people's stories. Half are taking the sub very well physically and mentally and others not so much. It's very interesting to me...
I'm happy for you swizzle! You got your fresh new start and the chaos is behind you. All you can go is up.
Love
stac
Stacey, When I first started on Sub., I loved it, too. I didn't feel that different, just normal. And I have never lost my appetite, I love to eat and eat plenty. And constipation is only a minor problem.
But as time has gone on, things have changed. I don't feel so great anymore, and I have to assume it's because of the Sub. I don't really feel BAD, just that I do have all of the symptoms mentioned above.
I have been on it now for 18 months.
There another poster here, WildOne, who described similar symptoms once in a post. He described his negative symptoms much worse even that what I am feeling and what Swizzle described. He has been on it for about 4 years. I just worry that I mine will progress like his have if I don't get off it. As a matter of fact, I am sure they will based on the past few months.
So why don't I just get off of it, huh?
I feel like you Carol,i dont want things to get worse.Im so tired and get depressed,but i think its becasue im taking so little,and im praying that by going through this now,in the end it wont be so bad.
You say youve been on the sub 18 months? Are you on the same mg as you took on day one?Or have you lowered it over time.Sorry if youve written this before,i cant remember shi* these days,thats another side effect,my memory is almost non exixstant!~KIM
You say youve been on the sub 18 months? Are you on the same mg as you took on day one?Or have you lowered it over time.Sorry if youve written this before,i cant remember shi* these days,thats another side effect,my memory is almost non exixstant!~KIM
