Some of the lyrics in the following song by Staind reminds me of what I felt like when I walked into the first AA meeting I had returned to after not being able to get sober for a long, long time, and for a little while after that....a woman showed up today at the noon meeting I attend every week and she was so broken...in her early 40's, her 3 daughters now with their Dad, lost her job, has all her stuff in storage and in her trunk and was asking her parents if she could come home. She sat thru the meeting much like I did during my first 30 days, crying and shamed, and unable to hold my head up; full of remorse. What a gift it was to be able to speak with her afterwards and let her know that it does get better and that there is hope. For some of the "you" references in this song, not all of them, I can replace that reference with my HP.
And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you
And everything I can't remember
As f' ed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and f' ed things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that sh** seems to disappear when I'm with you
And everything I can't remember
As f' ed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and f' ed things up again
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!
And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And everything I can't remember
As f' ed up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
Keepin it green...as my sponsor says.
I always identify with that song too.
Hope you are having a good day today VW....I'm sad today, I miss my friend who recently passed. The grief is still coming in waves....just in longer intervals these days...I guess that will continue for a while.
But I am doing some long over due cleaning ....got the music turned up loud....and the bathroom is SPARKLING!!!!!!
I'll go to a noon meeting and go for an afternoon run.....keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Have a great day mon ami :)
C
I always identify with that song too.
Hope you are having a good day today VW....I'm sad today, I miss my friend who recently passed. The grief is still coming in waves....just in longer intervals these days...I guess that will continue for a while.
But I am doing some long over due cleaning ....got the music turned up loud....and the bathroom is SPARKLING!!!!!!
I'll go to a noon meeting and go for an afternoon run.....keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Have a great day mon ami :)
C
Hi C ~ yep, that's how a felt, it had been a long, long, while that I had felt good about myself...and that gal that came thru the rooms yesterday sat there and shared my story...we have an all-cities picnic and chili-cook-off today; it is a fundraiser for our local Central Office, I bought an extra ticket and invited her ~ I hope she calls me, otherwise I'll just jam over to the Alano club and give it to someone there and probably offer a ride over to the event to someone who is hanging out around the club. My BF is a Longshoreman and had to work all night, so unfortunately he will not be able to go, but that's okay, now that I am sober I have no problem going places by myself, etc.....he knows most of the guys that ask me to dance and that I hang out with, so he's cool with that. Also, our little beach town down here has a humonguous Labor Day celebration and there is Doors tribute band that will be playing right down by the beach later this afternoon; I'm gonna meet some friends and go down there. I also have a friend that went out awhile ago and yesterday was his birthday, I'm gonna try to do a little 12 step work with him today, maybe meet him for coffee ~ if he is ready...he knows the deal, he's been sober a few times before. He went to high school with my sister and also lived in the area where we grew up. Then I am off to a business trip tomorrow and will be back on Friday. Love seeing your posts...you are truly a shining example of what the Program is all about. Also, I'm sorry you're feeling blue, grief is a process I am told, and it does come in waves...it's sad to lose someone really close to us; and I've yet to experience that in sobriety ~ however one of my youngest daughter's close friend's lost her older sister the other day ~ she was hit by a car and the Services were yesterday...all the Girls were so sad...actually they all drank over it on Tuesday, the day she was killed. I had once again laid the spiritual toolkit down at my daughter's feet about how to cope with devastating events w/o drinking....a lot of open and honest discussion ensued, and my oldest daughter was there and shared her thoughts about everything too. Sometimes I think my youngest is just me reincarnated, how she is much more blatant about everything she does, I on the other hand led a very double life...I love my daughters so much, they are such blessings and gifts to me!
