Hi everyone, I was last on the site in October . I successfully stayed off the heroin for 4 weeks taking subutex. I am back using again and i feel so disappointed in myself. I was taken off the subs after 16 days and i was struggling without it as ive been using for 6 years. I guess im weak eh. I want so much to be free from it but it keeps draging me down. I have nothing else in my life now, heroin is in my mind from when i get up till when i get to bed. Im hoping to find a job soon and im thinking about going on the methodone again. I was on it for a year in 2004 and I detested it, so i have reservetions about it. Im just out of hospital after being in for 2 months. I was taken in with exhaustion and i was only 5 and a half stone. Im looking and feeling better but im still in the this hell.
I would be grateful for anyone comments.
All take Care
Yvonne
Hi Yvonne,
Don't know whereabouts you are but don't beat yourself up. We've all done it, me more than anyone I think sometimes.. I did the same old, same old, headed off during the summer to Cyprus first and then Spain. Stayed clean for a good while and what was one of the first things I did when I got back to Dublin, I went out and scored. I had the tinyist bit of methadone to get me clean this time round and boy does it still hurt. My stomach has never felt this bad and my moods and energy levels are under the floor boards. But each day clean is a day nearer being better, at least that's what I tell myself anyway.
So what, u relapsed, u can do it again tho, can't u - "if at first u don't succeed, try & try again". There's a poem on here somewhere called start over, can't remember who posted it but look back over recent posts and you'll find it. I sobbed for hours (slight exageration maybe but) after reading it because it is just so heartfult when you're feeling the way you are no doubt feeling.
Are you clean at the moment or have you got a doc or are you doing it the way I do it, on my own. I'm off on the 8th Jan again to the end of the month. The place I go to there is no H at all, which is a good thing. My plan this time round is to come home at the end of the month, repack and just head back over there for maybe 6 months - really get my head together, get rid of this stinking thinking and start myself off back at the crossroads again, only difference this time, I'm gonna take the right turn. Keep posting Yvonne, the people on this site are invaluable, even if you're not posting directly just to read what they have to say and what they've been through has been a big help to me. There are one or two in particular that stick out in my memory who've been really, really helpful. OTC Meds can help you through it too, make it slightly better, Bryn is the gal for that - send her a post.
Take care of yourself and keep the head up. Whatever you do just keep on trying - life is bound to be better without it.
Don't know whereabouts you are but don't beat yourself up. We've all done it, me more than anyone I think sometimes.. I did the same old, same old, headed off during the summer to Cyprus first and then Spain. Stayed clean for a good while and what was one of the first things I did when I got back to Dublin, I went out and scored. I had the tinyist bit of methadone to get me clean this time round and boy does it still hurt. My stomach has never felt this bad and my moods and energy levels are under the floor boards. But each day clean is a day nearer being better, at least that's what I tell myself anyway.
So what, u relapsed, u can do it again tho, can't u - "if at first u don't succeed, try & try again". There's a poem on here somewhere called start over, can't remember who posted it but look back over recent posts and you'll find it. I sobbed for hours (slight exageration maybe but) after reading it because it is just so heartfult when you're feeling the way you are no doubt feeling.
Are you clean at the moment or have you got a doc or are you doing it the way I do it, on my own. I'm off on the 8th Jan again to the end of the month. The place I go to there is no H at all, which is a good thing. My plan this time round is to come home at the end of the month, repack and just head back over there for maybe 6 months - really get my head together, get rid of this stinking thinking and start myself off back at the crossroads again, only difference this time, I'm gonna take the right turn. Keep posting Yvonne, the people on this site are invaluable, even if you're not posting directly just to read what they have to say and what they've been through has been a big help to me. There are one or two in particular that stick out in my memory who've been really, really helpful. OTC Meds can help you through it too, make it slightly better, Bryn is the gal for that - send her a post.
Take care of yourself and keep the head up. Whatever you do just keep on trying - life is bound to be better without it.
Sometimes you just have to keep trying. I was in detox 3 times, 2 28 day programs, 1 6 month half-way house, plus countless times I detoxed myself when I ran out of hustles. I'm on methadone now, although I hope to be free of that too one day. I don't think I know anybody who quit the first time and never relapsed. What you're going through is normal. Just keep on truckin'!! The more you want to be clean, the harder it will get to stay high. Good Luck. The guys on this message board have helped me alot so keep posting. I'm sure they can help you also and you'll probably be helping some one too!!
Peace,
Shirley
Peace,
Shirley
Hi Yvonne,
Glad to see you back. I wondered where you'd gone to. I'm glad you're out of the hospital. I hoep your o.k. and doing better health wise. Relapse happens to us all. You've got to keep on trying. You have it in you somewhere. Just don't give up. Keep coming here. How did the meetings go for you? I remember you went to a few. You've been missed. Keep coming back.
Take good care,
Beck
Glad to see you back. I wondered where you'd gone to. I'm glad you're out of the hospital. I hoep your o.k. and doing better health wise. Relapse happens to us all. You've got to keep on trying. You have it in you somewhere. Just don't give up. Keep coming here. How did the meetings go for you? I remember you went to a few. You've been missed. Keep coming back.
Take good care,
Beck
HEY I remember you!!!
I wont bash mdone ,as it probably saved me from a life of prison/crime- However ,if you can make it without the juice you will be better off.
Lets see ,I got on the program in 86 and I got off.... oh wait a minute, Im still on
never giving up,
jack
I wont bash mdone ,as it probably saved me from a life of prison/crime- However ,if you can make it without the juice you will be better off.
Lets see ,I got on the program in 86 and I got off.... oh wait a minute, Im still on
never giving up,
jack
Dear Yvonne,
You are not a failure if you relapse. Try to use this as a learning experience. Think about what your triggers are and be conscious of them. Do you use when you are depressed or lonely? Make a plan to get with people that care about you to take your mind off the thoughts of using. Do you use when you are bored and don't have anything to do or look forward to? Make a plan to take a walk, go window-shopping, have a coffee, or just go to the park and watch the kids play... anything that can take your mind off the idea of picking up again.
Recovery is much more than simply staying clean.... you really need to replace the hours that were taken up with drugs with some stuff that is more positive and rewarding. By changing the focus of your days, and making plans to improve your situation, rather than sitting in the same funk and trying to battle your thoughts, it can get easier with time. Don't ever give up!
You sound like someone who sees that they don't want to live this lifestyle anymore. Keep telling yourself that life is better sober. Don't dwell on past mistakes and relapses, but take each day, or hour as it comes. Know that there are many people who succeed in their sobriety struggles, and they are no stronger or wiser than you are. They just keep working their program the best way they can and try to learn something along the way. It is never easy but it is something that can be accomplished.
Stay strong, keep working on building up yourself, and keep posting. There are people who care about how you are doing.
You are not a failure if you relapse. Try to use this as a learning experience. Think about what your triggers are and be conscious of them. Do you use when you are depressed or lonely? Make a plan to get with people that care about you to take your mind off the thoughts of using. Do you use when you are bored and don't have anything to do or look forward to? Make a plan to take a walk, go window-shopping, have a coffee, or just go to the park and watch the kids play... anything that can take your mind off the idea of picking up again.
Recovery is much more than simply staying clean.... you really need to replace the hours that were taken up with drugs with some stuff that is more positive and rewarding. By changing the focus of your days, and making plans to improve your situation, rather than sitting in the same funk and trying to battle your thoughts, it can get easier with time. Don't ever give up!
You sound like someone who sees that they don't want to live this lifestyle anymore. Keep telling yourself that life is better sober. Don't dwell on past mistakes and relapses, but take each day, or hour as it comes. Know that there are many people who succeed in their sobriety struggles, and they are no stronger or wiser than you are. They just keep working their program the best way they can and try to learn something along the way. It is never easy but it is something that can be accomplished.
Stay strong, keep working on building up yourself, and keep posting. There are people who care about how you are doing.
I don't know how hard it is to kick that stupid f***ing hateful drug. But, I have been the nurse to a man to I want to say wanted to kick it. I watched him try to kick it on his own about 50 times. One time he actually smelled like a horse.This is a clean cut man. He won't even go to the store without making sure he has no wrinkles. That damn drug that is killing you ( and it is) gets people and you can not expect your recovery to just be a recovery. YOu ahve to fight for it so hard for so long. I am really sorry this happened but you NEED to be honest with your own doctor. That is all I can say to you because I know you think I am stupid and have no idea and I really dont.
I have been a player in this stupid fin heroin life and I have read everything I could have read. THis is not a drug that is meant to just be done with. Nope that would be too easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do have an uncle in the army who kicked it but he is a bit weird anyway. MY fiance who I can not marry due to opiates (heroin now) is away in a detox and he doesn't get that quitting is a long process. I can say that it would be so good for you and everyone who loves you if you just laid it down. But it clearly not that easy. All I can say is my advice is to do everything you can. Look under every rock for the answer. I would not leave any stone unturned in this. I hope I don't offend you. I am just a live in girlfirend who deals with every day. It makes me very sad.
I have been a player in this stupid fin heroin life and I have read everything I could have read. THis is not a drug that is meant to just be done with. Nope that would be too easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do have an uncle in the army who kicked it but he is a bit weird anyway. MY fiance who I can not marry due to opiates (heroin now) is away in a detox and he doesn't get that quitting is a long process. I can say that it would be so good for you and everyone who loves you if you just laid it down. But it clearly not that easy. All I can say is my advice is to do everything you can. Look under every rock for the answer. I would not leave any stone unturned in this. I hope I don't offend you. I am just a live in girlfirend who deals with every day. It makes me very sad.
Hello Yvonne..i also remember yer posts in October,sorry to hear yer back on it.I cant add too much more than the others...like Jack..methd.saved me from a life inside&a whole other world of pain.It dont work for everyone...but it gave me my life back..a job..which ive had for the duration of my time on methd...i.e nearly 7yrs.I cant honestly say i will ever be off that liquid crutch..but life is a whole lot better so i have to be realistic.
Maybe yer dosage was too high last time start off slow&see how it goes,but keep posting&stay positive.....Davey
Maybe yer dosage was too high last time start off slow&see how it goes,but keep posting&stay positive.....Davey
much better than what I had to say. I hope she comes back.
