Are you guys still around?? Is everyone still okay??
Present and accounted for, Danielle. Nice to see you posting again. Missed your presence. But I'm a little worried about you based on a couple of your recent posts....seems like the Norco train left the station again. Can you get off before it gets too far downthe tracks? Love, M.
None, I came clean to my husband and my best friend, which was a big first step.... I was always the queen of denial and always made comments like "It's no big deal." I knew these two people would be disappointed in me, but I was honest with them 100%.
My husband is ready to throw me in rehab and I'm not ruling out that option... but since I am no longer physically addicted - it's a mental thing- what's to stop me from failing again after I get out?? You're only in there one month and I just went almost 3 months being clean.
My best friend, whom I am very intimate with and who loves me so much would marry me tomorrow if I wasn't already married, he thinks rehab and counseling are not what I need... That what I need is to make some changes in my life, my career, my relationships, and uncover the real reason why I fall into this familiar pattern. I am bipolar so I do a lot of things I don't understand, but he thinks this is all B.S. and that if I had more happiness in my life, then everything else would fall into place (I work 3 jobs, have a 3 yr old, go to school... who has time to be happy???)
So the two people I love more than anyone else gave me two very different pieces of advice and I don't know what to do. I am so mad at myself.... I was doing soooo great.... I am now working with a man with muscular dystrophy so I spend a lot of time around disabled people, many of them mentally disabled, and now I feel like a hypocrite.... talking to them about inner strength and believing in themselves and look at me......
My husband is ready to throw me in rehab and I'm not ruling out that option... but since I am no longer physically addicted - it's a mental thing- what's to stop me from failing again after I get out?? You're only in there one month and I just went almost 3 months being clean.
My best friend, whom I am very intimate with and who loves me so much would marry me tomorrow if I wasn't already married, he thinks rehab and counseling are not what I need... That what I need is to make some changes in my life, my career, my relationships, and uncover the real reason why I fall into this familiar pattern. I am bipolar so I do a lot of things I don't understand, but he thinks this is all B.S. and that if I had more happiness in my life, then everything else would fall into place (I work 3 jobs, have a 3 yr old, go to school... who has time to be happy???)
So the two people I love more than anyone else gave me two very different pieces of advice and I don't know what to do. I am so mad at myself.... I was doing soooo great.... I am now working with a man with muscular dystrophy so I spend a lot of time around disabled people, many of them mentally disabled, and now I feel like a hypocrite.... talking to them about inner strength and believing in themselves and look at me......
Danielle, you ever go to NA or a counselor? Now that I've quit thas the next step for me, I dont want to ever start using again and go through this anymore.
Good luck
JohnDee
Good luck
JohnDee
John Dee, I've spent so much time with psychiatrists, counselors, psychologists.... but maybe I DO need to go again....
I'm hoping just posting on here again will help like it did the last time... It's very humbling to have to admit that you've failed..... the people on here got me through quitting the last time and were soooo supportive, so I'm hoping it works again.
But I did promise my husband and myself that I will start going to counseling again b/c control is such a big issue with me.... I hate that something has control over me like this, I hate to lose; to not succeed at something....
Thanks for the concern...
Danni
I'm hoping just posting on here again will help like it did the last time... It's very humbling to have to admit that you've failed..... the people on here got me through quitting the last time and were soooo supportive, so I'm hoping it works again.
But I did promise my husband and myself that I will start going to counseling again b/c control is such a big issue with me.... I hate that something has control over me like this, I hate to lose; to not succeed at something....
Thanks for the concern...
Danni
hello danllie I cant say I no how you feel BUT my spouse is bi\polare and its very hard for him and myself alot of the world nos nothing about the disises ,, im so sorry for my spouse and me to ha ha .. hes on ssd and can not work went from 4000 to 900 a month dollares that is but the prolblem is that they dont pay for meds. and there 1000 just fot two is on trazdone serquel reteril zoloft and another one .. so he feels some dats strong doesnt want get of bed I can relate pills ha ha ha ,, not funny you can put on some meds BUT after awhile yhey dont work and off for another adventer to med land its so hard the older you get they the wost it gets I dont if thats true all I no is a bad disiese ... and some times I just want to leave him becoase he can get so mean... but than sweete as pie your doing great I your pushing your self alittle to much.. well I still dont feel real good today when will this feeling I have stop the pill thing ... love all yspearing
Danielle, honesty is the best place to start from, and it sounds like you're there with your husband and best friend. That's a huge step -- proud of you for taking it. But now what, right? lol Can't just keep cruising down the tracks now that the cat's out of the bag. . . . Hell of a thing honesty. . . . Makes you have to be so g*d**n accountable! lol
I don't know about the advice you're getting, but I do think that if you wait to quit until your life gets better, you may be waiting a very, very long time. It can't get much better -- and will get a hell of a lot worse -- if you keep using. Once you stop using, though, there may be things that you'd be better off changing in order to avoid unnecessary temptations and risks to your sobriety, but you know how the saying goes, "First Things First." Get rid of the pills.
A rehab would be a gift, not so much for the 30 days clean time as for the education / tools you may pick up that will help you build better defenses against the insidious mental part of this illness. If not inpatient, have you considered an intensive outpatient program? Meetings? Maybe the disease won the last round, but it hasn't won the fight. You know a bit of my story, so you know I've lost more than a few rounds myself ....... for what it's worth, I believe in you....and from what you've shared, I think you're a survivor and can overcome just about anything. M.
I don't know about the advice you're getting, but I do think that if you wait to quit until your life gets better, you may be waiting a very, very long time. It can't get much better -- and will get a hell of a lot worse -- if you keep using. Once you stop using, though, there may be things that you'd be better off changing in order to avoid unnecessary temptations and risks to your sobriety, but you know how the saying goes, "First Things First." Get rid of the pills.
A rehab would be a gift, not so much for the 30 days clean time as for the education / tools you may pick up that will help you build better defenses against the insidious mental part of this illness. If not inpatient, have you considered an intensive outpatient program? Meetings? Maybe the disease won the last round, but it hasn't won the fight. You know a bit of my story, so you know I've lost more than a few rounds myself ....... for what it's worth, I believe in you....and from what you've shared, I think you're a survivor and can overcome just about anything. M.
Danielle, once you get it out of your system, the rehab that I went to just teaches you that you can't use, and some tools to prevent that.
I relapsed too, and it was because I went back into my situation, which is overwhelming like yours. I think the demands and responsibilty made me go back out.
I have almost 4 months, but I still think that a huge bottle of norco is the easier way sometimes. I cut off all my sources, so it isn't an option. Some days I am greatful I did that, and others, honestly, I kick myself. When I get into my spaces, I probably would go back if I could, but I know know know now that I would regret it terrribly. So I don't go there.
I think that I finally had to accept the fact that pills and booze and altering my perception made things worse, not better. It didn't take away the problems, stress, or that dark hole of loneiless and inadequtacy that I had deep inside. Proffessional help is need to get to the bottom of this. So I do agree with the counselors.
Let me ask you this.....are the vics working? Is it helping? Do you like feeling like this, or do you wish you were sober again? Stop beating yourself up for relapsing. Sometimes it is part of the process, a final learning step that we have to live differently. Mine taught me that no matter what, I would rather try to face the rollercoaster of life with a clear head; at least that way I have hope and I have a chance to feel love, joy and happiness.....I also feel alot of other crap I don't want to, but that is life.
Girly, go get the book, Tao of Sobriety. Read it.
I wish you luck, and stop beating yourself up. That isn't going to help anyone.
Peace your way,
Kerry
I relapsed too, and it was because I went back into my situation, which is overwhelming like yours. I think the demands and responsibilty made me go back out.
I have almost 4 months, but I still think that a huge bottle of norco is the easier way sometimes. I cut off all my sources, so it isn't an option. Some days I am greatful I did that, and others, honestly, I kick myself. When I get into my spaces, I probably would go back if I could, but I know know know now that I would regret it terrribly. So I don't go there.
I think that I finally had to accept the fact that pills and booze and altering my perception made things worse, not better. It didn't take away the problems, stress, or that dark hole of loneiless and inadequtacy that I had deep inside. Proffessional help is need to get to the bottom of this. So I do agree with the counselors.
Let me ask you this.....are the vics working? Is it helping? Do you like feeling like this, or do you wish you were sober again? Stop beating yourself up for relapsing. Sometimes it is part of the process, a final learning step that we have to live differently. Mine taught me that no matter what, I would rather try to face the rollercoaster of life with a clear head; at least that way I have hope and I have a chance to feel love, joy and happiness.....I also feel alot of other crap I don't want to, but that is life.
Girly, go get the book, Tao of Sobriety. Read it.
I wish you luck, and stop beating yourself up. That isn't going to help anyone.
Peace your way,
Kerry
Hi there im still around lol but less active its good to see so much support here instead of arguements you take care and thx for asking jackie xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Danielle,
You said that you are getting very different advise from the two men... well not really... you see in treatment and in NA. and counseling you do learn about why you are self medicating... why you have that empty place in side that drugs seem to fill or make feel like it is filled ... it also gives us tips on how to fill it with other less self distructive things... so you see that advice really isnt all that different and if after learning some of these self awareness things you need to change your career or your surroundings then not only will you know that but you will have to tips on how to deal with the stress that that brings and the outside support to help...
as for the bipolar let me add.... bipolars as a general rule tend to self medicate esp in the depressive phase because they dont like being depressed... this is why they dont like taking there rx'd meds because it chills the manic phase and they like that... so.. there is a physical and an added emotional reason that you will have to deal with that will complicate your recovery...
One last thing... I would like to say to these two men... if they truely both have your best interests at heart... they the friend should back off... and listen to the experts about this being a disease and what treatments have worked... they both need to get together for your sake and pull together no matter what the decisions are to proceed and be your unconditional support... your gonna need it...
sorry if this sound harsh but you are worth it and you are very fortunate to have such support ... I hope they can use it to your best advantage...
God Bless..
Teresa
You said that you are getting very different advise from the two men... well not really... you see in treatment and in NA. and counseling you do learn about why you are self medicating... why you have that empty place in side that drugs seem to fill or make feel like it is filled ... it also gives us tips on how to fill it with other less self distructive things... so you see that advice really isnt all that different and if after learning some of these self awareness things you need to change your career or your surroundings then not only will you know that but you will have to tips on how to deal with the stress that that brings and the outside support to help...
as for the bipolar let me add.... bipolars as a general rule tend to self medicate esp in the depressive phase because they dont like being depressed... this is why they dont like taking there rx'd meds because it chills the manic phase and they like that... so.. there is a physical and an added emotional reason that you will have to deal with that will complicate your recovery...
One last thing... I would like to say to these two men... if they truely both have your best interests at heart... they the friend should back off... and listen to the experts about this being a disease and what treatments have worked... they both need to get together for your sake and pull together no matter what the decisions are to proceed and be your unconditional support... your gonna need it...
sorry if this sound harsh but you are worth it and you are very fortunate to have such support ... I hope they can use it to your best advantage...
God Bless..
Teresa
Danielle, I going to jump in here as a guy I guess. I'd have your "friend" back off. I'm sorry ladies. I know how guys are. He is saying that stuff to you in an attempt at something more. Plain and simple. "If only your life was better". If only this, if only that. If only HIM. Thats what he is getting at. It may hurt your feelings for me to say that, but that is the end game here for him. I know men, and I can see it in every word you wrote. Work out a game plan with your hubby and then work it. Whatever you feel is best. I am a STRONG believer in rehab, but you need to do what is right for you. But my advice, as a GUY who knows guys, is ditch the "friend", because he is no "friend", concentrate on your family and get well.
PS- I hope I didn't sound mean, because I'm not.
PS- I hope I didn't sound mean, because I'm not.
Danni,
So good to see your post. I think about you everyday, and have been wondering what happened. I thought you were just busy with work or away. I am glad your posting again, and please do what you need to do for yourself--get the train on the right track again---you can do it, I know you can.
You made me laugh plenty of times, and please know that I am here for you.....
Mike
So good to see your post. I think about you everyday, and have been wondering what happened. I thought you were just busy with work or away. I am glad your posting again, and please do what you need to do for yourself--get the train on the right track again---you can do it, I know you can.
You made me laugh plenty of times, and please know that I am here for you.....
Mike
