HIYA BIG SIS" please dont feel down u are trying and thats all that counts when u are ready u will quit smoking i was thinking about that the other day i hope there is not to much presure on her now to stop smoking because she feels she has to now because she does not want to let the members down u have to do this for u not for us so please dont beat your self up" we all love u here and if u need us we are here for u" but when the time is right u will do this dear jacky" look at bill he tried for 1 month awhile back because he wanted to do it for me and that was a big misteak because deep down he was not ready, his mom to tried it once and she was a smoker for 48 years and she did not make it eihter the first time her family wanted her to quit they gave her alot of support and they meant well but it was just so much presure that she was not doing it for herself anymore she just wanted to please her family then her doctor told her it has to be for her not for anyone else like she said it started out for her but she ended up doing it for her family and thats why she said she did not make it the first time but the next time when she wanted to quit she made sure it was realy for her' its what she wanted for her and not for anyone else and its now been 4 years since she quit " so jacky dont feel down u will do this when u are ready it just takes time rght' and remember i lov ya big sis. HUGS + LOVE LITTLE H.
H thx for being hre when i need you hun. I was trying of me and im not giving up on giving up i guessed i would relapse maybe that was my problem i talked myself out of it lol. anyway hun thx for your support its very much needed. and hows you and your lot ?? jackie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Jackie,
I have complete faith that you will succeed in quitting the cigarette smoking. There is a time and place for everything and, perhaps, this wasn't the right time. That certainly doesn't mean that you can't give it another shot in a month or so. You gave it your best shot and, in my mind, that doesn't equal failure.
On another note. I see that your posts have exceeded the four digit mark - 1000 - how amazing. That goes to show how much you care about everyone, how much you want to support people, show them hope. You have certainly succeeded in an enourmous way. Although we all bring different experiences and abilities to this forum, I can only stand back in awe of how much you have accomplished. Not only do all that you have helped, but how you have helped some wonderful person I know as Jackie.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jackie.
Ben
I have complete faith that you will succeed in quitting the cigarette smoking. There is a time and place for everything and, perhaps, this wasn't the right time. That certainly doesn't mean that you can't give it another shot in a month or so. You gave it your best shot and, in my mind, that doesn't equal failure.
On another note. I see that your posts have exceeded the four digit mark - 1000 - how amazing. That goes to show how much you care about everyone, how much you want to support people, show them hope. You have certainly succeeded in an enourmous way. Although we all bring different experiences and abilities to this forum, I can only stand back in awe of how much you have accomplished. Not only do all that you have helped, but how you have helped some wonderful person I know as Jackie.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jackie.
Ben
Dear Little H,
How are you and your family doing? I'm still thinking about all of you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Little H.
Ben
How are you and your family doing? I'm still thinking about all of you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Little H.
Ben
jacky" any time day or night u have my support" iam always here for u as u have always been here for me" i know i have said this before jacky but its true i owe u so much for helping me through my adiction and for the rest of my life i will always remember a dear sweet lady named jacky who became like a big sister to me" please take care and i will catch u later. HUGS + LOVE LITTLH.
bender" thanks for your support' u are a dear for worrieing it means alot to me, how are you i hope u are doing ok" iam fine my mom is doing a little better its going to take time for her to get through this and my dad and me and the rest of my family will help her in anyway we can" please take care of your self and if u ever need to vent iam here. LOVE + HUGS LITTLE H.
Ben as always words of wisdom and a true friend many thx hun. H you did it hun it had nothing to do with me you did all the hard work all by yourself i just believed in you hun like i believe in many other here including myself lol. You have also become like family to me hun i think about you and yours all the time thats not to say i dont think about other things like giving up ciggys lol it just means i care maybe this is my role in life a carer eh?. H your personality shines through you are one of life little angels and dont you dare let anyone ever say different or they will have me to contend with lol. I wonder what we will all be doing in 10 years from now do you have any ambitions hope and dreams H??????? i know i do i want to be clean, healthy and loved, just the simple things in life i dont want a mansion fast car etc never been one to day dream i just want life one in which i can say i helped myself with ok so it took long enough lol but im getting there. (((((hugs for my family)))))))) jackie xxxx
hiya jacky" bender" i just wanted to say have a good night i will post tomorrow cant keep my eyes open lol.... and i will share my hopes for my future" please take care . HUGS + LOVE LITTLE H.
hiya jacky" how are u today i hope all is well for u and yours" and bender that goes for u as well" and for my future all i could ever want is what i have now my very careing and loveing hubby and for our children to have a healthy and happy life and we live in an old comfertable house i would not trade it in for anything in the world bill was raised in this house so that tells u how old the house is LOL.....its been renovated a few times so its in very good shape his parents bought it fourty years ago all it had when they bought it was a kitchen and a living room and 2 bedrooms so they built on the rest the up stairs and 5 more bedrooms' bill has eight brothers and sisters two where adopted so this old house has alot of heart' as for mansions and new homes thats not for me i love old things like antiques my sister has a new home iam very glad for her she is a very careing down to earth person we are a very close family' but every time we come home after spending the day there bill always says to me u should have that u deserve all that' i tell him strait noway i would never trade what i have for all the tea in china these new homes feel to much like an office no warmth or charm they dont feel like a home like its been lived in at least to me anyway and thats just me how iam LOL.... i may not live in a palace but its ours and i hope it stands the test of time our old house holds alot of love + memories so i hope it will be in our future' so dear jacky thats what i want for my future the love and respect + the happiness i have now and this great old house nothing more " i hope u dont think its silly and i know to some it may sound sappy but thats me very down to earth and i look at it this way i may not be rich but iam happy and have a great family, and people like u jacky and bender" marie" charmed" what more could i want absolutley nothing. well i babbled on enough here so i hope u dont mind LOL.... anyway please take care . love + HUGS LITTLE H.
H thats why i luv ya you are a simply pleased person and very much like myself you feel rewarded by the simple things in life. You alwasy make the most of what you have instead of daydreaming of better things all the time you achieve the un-achievable simply because you are blessed. Jackie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Littleh,
What you described is all I want out of life. I'm not into material things either. I am happy with the smallest things.
Like getting caught up on my bills would make me extremely happy. lol. oh well, little by little I'm getting there. You sound great and sounds like you have a wonderful family. I'm happy for you. Take Care.
Liz
What you described is all I want out of life. I'm not into material things either. I am happy with the smallest things.
Like getting caught up on my bills would make me extremely happy. lol. oh well, little by little I'm getting there. You sound great and sounds like you have a wonderful family. I'm happy for you. Take Care.
Liz
Dear Little H,
Thank you for your kind words in several of your posts. I appreciate the offer to listen when I need to vent. And that time will come. So I thank you, Little H.
I hope you got some well-deserved rest. You are going through so much right now, and how you've kept things together for your mom and the rest of your family, shows how special you are. Please know that not only I, but others, will be here to help you through this extremely difficult time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Little H. I'm thinking about you and your family.
Ben
Thank you for your kind words in several of your posts. I appreciate the offer to listen when I need to vent. And that time will come. So I thank you, Little H.
I hope you got some well-deserved rest. You are going through so much right now, and how you've kept things together for your mom and the rest of your family, shows how special you are. Please know that not only I, but others, will be here to help you through this extremely difficult time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Little H. I'm thinking about you and your family.
Ben
Dear Jackie,
Speaking of words of wisdom, your words and posts have been so inspiring. You've helped out Little H; shown people that quitting smoking is neither impossible, nor improbable; paved the way to inspire those whom are new to this forum to help and support them when those people are in despair; and, you've been a great influence on how I view the great many aspects of addiction.
Somewhere along the line, Jackie, people have found you. On July 26th, 2004, I found you, and many other wonderful people. I found you. And I found me.
As always, Jackie, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ben
Speaking of words of wisdom, your words and posts have been so inspiring. You've helped out Little H; shown people that quitting smoking is neither impossible, nor improbable; paved the way to inspire those whom are new to this forum to help and support them when those people are in despair; and, you've been a great influence on how I view the great many aspects of addiction.
Somewhere along the line, Jackie, people have found you. On July 26th, 2004, I found you, and many other wonderful people. I found you. And I found me.
As always, Jackie, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ben
Ben darling your were not lost hun i knew you were out there somewhere just like many other people wanting comfort in time of need its all i seem to do best i cant sing but i can relate to many issues (being an oldie lol) ive been a round a bit and learnt alot. I rarely get over come with emotion hun but your post made me cry and for that i thank you very much you touch my heart hun like many others here. jackie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Jackie,
How absolutely right you are. Somehow, somewhere, we all found each other. Never does a day pass that I don't think about all the wonderful people I've met here. I think we've agreed many times that we all bring different experiences to this forum, and how we express those experiences to those in need is an invaluable tool for everyone - young and old, experienced and new, alike.
My post wasn't intended to make you cry. Though I understand the reasons why, when you expressed them in your post. Those tears of joy and emotion created an indelible imprint within my heart. Something that I'll never forget.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear Jackie.
Ben
How absolutely right you are. Somehow, somewhere, we all found each other. Never does a day pass that I don't think about all the wonderful people I've met here. I think we've agreed many times that we all bring different experiences to this forum, and how we express those experiences to those in need is an invaluable tool for everyone - young and old, experienced and new, alike.
My post wasn't intended to make you cry. Though I understand the reasons why, when you expressed them in your post. Those tears of joy and emotion created an indelible imprint within my heart. Something that I'll never forget.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear Jackie.
Ben
Ben, I just had to jump in here and tell you how impressed I am with your writing. You have a lovely way of putting things and a unique sense of kindness and compassion. I know we don't know each other well, but you seem like one of those people I'd like to know better. Your serenity really shows and I respect that greatly. I'd love to hear a little of your personal story some time if you didn't mind. You may have posted it somewhere and I missed it. And to Jacky......if you get any sweeter......well that would be impossible. It must feel wonderful knowing you helped so many and encouraged them the way you have. Good day to all, much love, Kat
Thx for that Kat. We know we cant save the world but we can save ourselves and if in turn we help a little then we should celabrate that, the way in which im celabrating it is by staying clean and focused on my recovery like many others. take care hun jackie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ben and Jackie:
I concur with Kat. Ben I love your posts. You are a very compassionate and eloquent writer and Jackie you are always a positive ray of sunshine.
Rach
I concur with Kat. Ben I love your posts. You are a very compassionate and eloquent writer and Jackie you are always a positive ray of sunshine.
Rach
Dear Kat,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I know that we don't know each other well, and I would love to get to know you better, too. I've read many of your posts, Kat, and they are so inspiring and supportive.
I'd be more than happy to share details about me and my life. I graduated college with a degree in criminology and a minor in chemistry. Right now, I'm in my second year of law school and recently became a Justice of the Peace. I've had a history of 18 operations, beginning in September, 1997. 13 operations were devoted to fixing a disorder called pilonidal disease. It's a difficult disease to explain - all you have to do is type that into your web browser and you'll see and explanation of the disease and the surgical process. Due to the severity of the disease, I had to have 5 reconstructive operations of the left buttock. The buttocks is where pilonidal disease develops and spreads. My final operations left me with a large V-shaped flap that needed a running stitch. A running stitch is similar to how a baseball is stitched - one piece of string holds the entire ball together. In my case, instead of having one stitch every inch or so, the surgeon used one enormous thread that created 91 stitches - all connected underneath the skin.
The initial operations caused tremendous pain that was never well-controlled. At certain points, I was having 1 operation every 4 months, but at other times, I would have one operation every three days. It became a terrible experience. I was kept on the opioid pain medications and, as tolerance developed, my doctors refused to increase the doses. I began to abuse the opioids for two years before my physician and surgeon planned an opioid detoxification. I was able to tolerate the withdrawal, though uncomfortable, but still had pain. My doctors all said the pain would leave eventually. However, that never happened. I began another regiment of opioids, followed by steroids given IM and SQ. Unfortunately, my sacral and perirectal nerves had sustained too much damage, and I now have intractable pain of those nerves. My pain management team and I are considering the use of a Dorsal Column Stimulator (DCS), which is implanted into the lower back. Electrodes stop the impulses that the sacral and perirectal nerves create. A DCS, however, is subject to one caveat - that the pain must be reduced by 50%+ with the current medications I use. If I don't meet that percentage, then I would not be considered a candidate. Another option is an intrathecal pain pump implanted near the spinal cord. This would deliver an opioid (morphine, hydromorphone, or fentanyl) directly into the spinal fluid, but at dose that is 100x less than one would use orally or, in my case, via the fentanyl patch. The last resort would be to cut the nerves. The sacral nerve could probably withstand this procedure; however, since the perirectal nerve regulates bowel movements, sphincter tone, etc., this would not be an option. I would need a colostomy, among many other procedures.
On January 9th, 2001, I flew to the Mayo Clinic in Minneapolis, MN, to have reconstructive surgery the following morning. On the 10th, during my surgery, my long-time girlfriend of 5 years, Kelly Beth, passed away at the age of 24 from brain cancer. This destroyed me - both physically and psychologically. Although I knew Kel was sick and that her chances were slim, this was quite unexpected. Kel didn't want to get engaged because she felt that, if she passed away, she would have felt too guilty. Which I understood. How could I not. Though she wore a promise ring that she was buried with. I couldn't fly back for the funeral due to my physical condition; however, I wrote a personal letter to Kel that day, and many days, weeks, months, and years after. I still feel guilty that I left to have surgery, but there was nothing I could do once the surgery was completed. I faxed my personal feelings and remarks about the wonderful person, woman, and love-of-my-life, Kelly Beth, on January 11th that were read by her older sister, Amy. Every January 10th, her family and friends celebrate "Kelly Day." This is a wonderful time for all of us to gather and remember all of the great times that we shared individually and as a group. I still go up to her room and sit there for several minutes and pray to her. The years, though difficult, do become more easy to handle. Kelly is always with me, and, with believing that, makes me feel connected to her - forever.
I'm 27 years old. My parents are divorced, following a 25 year marriage, and my father lives in London with his new wife, Sue. I have an older brother, Lee, who is 29 and has been heavily addicted to cocaine, heroin, and other opioids for 10 years. I have two younger sisters, too. Julie, 25, and I are very close. She has been engaged for just over 6 months. My youngest sister, Katy Lynn, 22, is in her junior year of college. She took a semester off to travel and stay with my father in England. Katy is certainly the 'flakiest' of my siblings. To me, she's the 'wingnut.' I love all of my siblings and would do anything to help them, just as I would for my friends. My mom is a true hero to me. Her divorce was so difficult for her, that she thought about ending her life. Our family stayed close and my mom has come through with flying colors.
I've been a member of the Governor's Youth Suicide Advisory Board for 10 years. In my spare time, I teach pitching techniques to three children of a wonderful friend of mine, and I'm a diehard Boston Red Sox fan. And, since the Sox have won the first 2 games of the World Series against the Saint Louis Cardinals, I'm pretty happy these days. My family and I lived in Boston when I was between the ages of 9-13, so Boston is precious to me.
Sorry for such a long post, Kat. I've met so many wonderful people here - too many to name, but you all know who you are. You have all been there for me, as I hope I've done the same for you. You are the most wonderful people I've ever met. As I said before, your posts are always inspirational and supportive. I'd love to hear more about you. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Kat.
Ben
Thank you so much for your kind words. I know that we don't know each other well, and I would love to get to know you better, too. I've read many of your posts, Kat, and they are so inspiring and supportive.
I'd be more than happy to share details about me and my life. I graduated college with a degree in criminology and a minor in chemistry. Right now, I'm in my second year of law school and recently became a Justice of the Peace. I've had a history of 18 operations, beginning in September, 1997. 13 operations were devoted to fixing a disorder called pilonidal disease. It's a difficult disease to explain - all you have to do is type that into your web browser and you'll see and explanation of the disease and the surgical process. Due to the severity of the disease, I had to have 5 reconstructive operations of the left buttock. The buttocks is where pilonidal disease develops and spreads. My final operations left me with a large V-shaped flap that needed a running stitch. A running stitch is similar to how a baseball is stitched - one piece of string holds the entire ball together. In my case, instead of having one stitch every inch or so, the surgeon used one enormous thread that created 91 stitches - all connected underneath the skin.
The initial operations caused tremendous pain that was never well-controlled. At certain points, I was having 1 operation every 4 months, but at other times, I would have one operation every three days. It became a terrible experience. I was kept on the opioid pain medications and, as tolerance developed, my doctors refused to increase the doses. I began to abuse the opioids for two years before my physician and surgeon planned an opioid detoxification. I was able to tolerate the withdrawal, though uncomfortable, but still had pain. My doctors all said the pain would leave eventually. However, that never happened. I began another regiment of opioids, followed by steroids given IM and SQ. Unfortunately, my sacral and perirectal nerves had sustained too much damage, and I now have intractable pain of those nerves. My pain management team and I are considering the use of a Dorsal Column Stimulator (DCS), which is implanted into the lower back. Electrodes stop the impulses that the sacral and perirectal nerves create. A DCS, however, is subject to one caveat - that the pain must be reduced by 50%+ with the current medications I use. If I don't meet that percentage, then I would not be considered a candidate. Another option is an intrathecal pain pump implanted near the spinal cord. This would deliver an opioid (morphine, hydromorphone, or fentanyl) directly into the spinal fluid, but at dose that is 100x less than one would use orally or, in my case, via the fentanyl patch. The last resort would be to cut the nerves. The sacral nerve could probably withstand this procedure; however, since the perirectal nerve regulates bowel movements, sphincter tone, etc., this would not be an option. I would need a colostomy, among many other procedures.
On January 9th, 2001, I flew to the Mayo Clinic in Minneapolis, MN, to have reconstructive surgery the following morning. On the 10th, during my surgery, my long-time girlfriend of 5 years, Kelly Beth, passed away at the age of 24 from brain cancer. This destroyed me - both physically and psychologically. Although I knew Kel was sick and that her chances were slim, this was quite unexpected. Kel didn't want to get engaged because she felt that, if she passed away, she would have felt too guilty. Which I understood. How could I not. Though she wore a promise ring that she was buried with. I couldn't fly back for the funeral due to my physical condition; however, I wrote a personal letter to Kel that day, and many days, weeks, months, and years after. I still feel guilty that I left to have surgery, but there was nothing I could do once the surgery was completed. I faxed my personal feelings and remarks about the wonderful person, woman, and love-of-my-life, Kelly Beth, on January 11th that were read by her older sister, Amy. Every January 10th, her family and friends celebrate "Kelly Day." This is a wonderful time for all of us to gather and remember all of the great times that we shared individually and as a group. I still go up to her room and sit there for several minutes and pray to her. The years, though difficult, do become more easy to handle. Kelly is always with me, and, with believing that, makes me feel connected to her - forever.
I'm 27 years old. My parents are divorced, following a 25 year marriage, and my father lives in London with his new wife, Sue. I have an older brother, Lee, who is 29 and has been heavily addicted to cocaine, heroin, and other opioids for 10 years. I have two younger sisters, too. Julie, 25, and I are very close. She has been engaged for just over 6 months. My youngest sister, Katy Lynn, 22, is in her junior year of college. She took a semester off to travel and stay with my father in England. Katy is certainly the 'flakiest' of my siblings. To me, she's the 'wingnut.' I love all of my siblings and would do anything to help them, just as I would for my friends. My mom is a true hero to me. Her divorce was so difficult for her, that she thought about ending her life. Our family stayed close and my mom has come through with flying colors.
I've been a member of the Governor's Youth Suicide Advisory Board for 10 years. In my spare time, I teach pitching techniques to three children of a wonderful friend of mine, and I'm a diehard Boston Red Sox fan. And, since the Sox have won the first 2 games of the World Series against the Saint Louis Cardinals, I'm pretty happy these days. My family and I lived in Boston when I was between the ages of 9-13, so Boston is precious to me.
Sorry for such a long post, Kat. I've met so many wonderful people here - too many to name, but you all know who you are. You have all been there for me, as I hope I've done the same for you. You are the most wonderful people I've ever met. As I said before, your posts are always inspirational and supportive. I'd love to hear more about you. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Kat.
Ben
Dear Jackie,
You know how I feel about you. You are so supportive and offer hope to so many people. You are so invaluable to this forum, Jackie. You're great!
My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear friend, Jackie.
Ben
You know how I feel about you. You are so supportive and offer hope to so many people. You are so invaluable to this forum, Jackie. You're great!
My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear friend, Jackie.
Ben
