Hi Jemima,
I usually post under the pain pill part, that is my curse, but sometimes read around on the different boards and you really caught my attention.
I've never tried heroin, but it seems like a demon. I just want to say that I really admire you. You seem like a very strong woman. And the things you say here, while they may stir up some emotions, I think need to be said. Its not your fault what your son is doing, its his. And I hope that he can see what he's doing to himself as well as his mom before its too late.
Keep posting, I think your a real assett to people.....God Bless.......Briar
As Jemima well knows by now, I WILL SECOND THAT..thanks Briar!x God Bless
Hi Briar,Bette,thanks for the post.
Briar please tell me what you mean by "pain pills"
Bette, I thought of you so much today - things here took a dramatic turn today-my son TOLD me to go to the bank to get him money! by now I am almost as wily as he is so I said I would and then took a bus into town! so now after many hours of walking around and thinking I have decided to leave tomorrow.! don't know yet where I will go but my bags are packed and I'm off. I feel so sad but I know I can't help my son anymore - he must plough his furrow without me.
Oh Brian, I've just seen on the "Active Forum Topics" something about Pain Pills - "Im new and I'm suffering" is that you? I'll go into it now and have a look -
get back to you in a while.
Jemima
Briar please tell me what you mean by "pain pills"
Bette, I thought of you so much today - things here took a dramatic turn today-my son TOLD me to go to the bank to get him money! by now I am almost as wily as he is so I said I would and then took a bus into town! so now after many hours of walking around and thinking I have decided to leave tomorrow.! don't know yet where I will go but my bags are packed and I'm off. I feel so sad but I know I can't help my son anymore - he must plough his furrow without me.
Oh Brian, I've just seen on the "Active Forum Topics" something about Pain Pills - "Im new and I'm suffering" is that you? I'll go into it now and have a look -
get back to you in a while.
Jemima
No it wasn't you Briar (or is it Brian) so youll have to tell me about it, if you don't mind. I read some post describing what it feels like to take Heroin - "like touching the soul of God" or something like that I wonder is that like hallucinating! - the crazy thing to me is that you seem to have minds like computers - get up in the morning, get the money,find the dealer,arrange to meet the dealer, have contingincy plan, just in case,get the gear,use the gear,touch the soul of God, worry about tomorrow, get up, find the money,ring the dealer!!! endlessly. If you could put only half that amount of energy and talent for logistics into a career or something you'd reach the top in no time.
(sorry if that isn't gentle or gracious enough for you Diff).
Kyle, How are you doing today?
(sorry if that isn't gentle or gracious enough for you Diff).
Kyle, How are you doing today?
Hi Jemima,
I'm doing well. I feel like I am finally returning to the land of the living. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time with your son. The thing is Jemima, is that just because we are addicts does not excuse certain behaviour. We still have the power to make choices. I can with a clear conscious say that i never put my mother, father, brother etc through that kind of harrassment while I was using. I never hassled my parents etc for money and would never even think of threatening the people that I loved for money to feed my addiction. I just didn't have it in me. It was the one line I would not and could not cross. I did hurt my family on an emotional level by hurting myself, which can be just as harmful. I know that H can have such a strong pull on someone that they do things that they normally would not, but you do not have to put up with that.
If it is getting unbearable then perhaps you should move, you have a right to a happy life. Stay in touch with your son and hope that maybe one day he finds his way back to you.
Love
Kyle
I'm doing well. I feel like I am finally returning to the land of the living. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time with your son. The thing is Jemima, is that just because we are addicts does not excuse certain behaviour. We still have the power to make choices. I can with a clear conscious say that i never put my mother, father, brother etc through that kind of harrassment while I was using. I never hassled my parents etc for money and would never even think of threatening the people that I loved for money to feed my addiction. I just didn't have it in me. It was the one line I would not and could not cross. I did hurt my family on an emotional level by hurting myself, which can be just as harmful. I know that H can have such a strong pull on someone that they do things that they normally would not, but you do not have to put up with that.
If it is getting unbearable then perhaps you should move, you have a right to a happy life. Stay in touch with your son and hope that maybe one day he finds his way back to you.
Love
Kyle
Thanks Kyle, I'm feeling really sad today, it's awful to think that you are running away from your own son - the other sad thing is that myother, younger son (who has been such a support to me) is leaving to work abroad in the next few weeks - I feel that I am being deprived of precious time with him, still, I suppose it is all for a purpose. Mylife experience has shown me that nothing stays the same, no matter how good or bad it is, everything changes - (for everything there is a season !) Kyle,take care of yourself, and remember what I said - in all of ETERNITY there will only ever be one YOU. Ihope you have a good life Kyle, filled with peace, and yes, what's done, is done, so let it go and move on with dignity.
Jemima
Jemima
Hi Jemima,
Sorry it took so long to respond, Labor Day weekend, I have three kids ages 13, 10 and 6 and they have been having sleepovers all weekend long. Run here, run there, anyway, I became addicted to prescription pain pills a long time ago and that is why I go to that board, there are alot of helpful and caring people there.
I hope the best for you, you certainly deserve it. What your son does to you is abusive and unfair. To say the least. You deserve way better. I hope he someday realizes that and you can establish some sort of healthy relationship.
Myself, I'm alone and fight daily. I don't really think I hurt anyone except myself tho, although if I continue on this path, I'll probably die early and hurt the kids. I've been working on it for awhile, just can't seem to get it right.
Probably because I'm ashamed of my problem and don't let anyone in. I'm 46 and should know way better, the pills get the best of me.
If it weren't for the board, I'd just go on and on with taking pills, but when I stumbled on it, I just made friends with people that I have never met face to face, but still are very dear to me. I think that they've made me think about alot of things and will probably be the reason that I finally do come clean to someone, perhaps a professional.
Anyway, best to you Jemima, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Briar
Sorry it took so long to respond, Labor Day weekend, I have three kids ages 13, 10 and 6 and they have been having sleepovers all weekend long. Run here, run there, anyway, I became addicted to prescription pain pills a long time ago and that is why I go to that board, there are alot of helpful and caring people there.
I hope the best for you, you certainly deserve it. What your son does to you is abusive and unfair. To say the least. You deserve way better. I hope he someday realizes that and you can establish some sort of healthy relationship.
Myself, I'm alone and fight daily. I don't really think I hurt anyone except myself tho, although if I continue on this path, I'll probably die early and hurt the kids. I've been working on it for awhile, just can't seem to get it right.
Probably because I'm ashamed of my problem and don't let anyone in. I'm 46 and should know way better, the pills get the best of me.
If it weren't for the board, I'd just go on and on with taking pills, but when I stumbled on it, I just made friends with people that I have never met face to face, but still are very dear to me. I think that they've made me think about alot of things and will probably be the reason that I finally do come clean to someone, perhaps a professional.
Anyway, best to you Jemima, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Briar
Briar, I can't believe that you haven't been ANYWHERE to try to sort out this addiction ! for heaven's sake, you KNOW you can't do it on your own - and there is help out there - Please Briar, go look for it - I'm not addicted to anything (except this bloody thing now) but when I get bogged down with things I take myself away for a while - my head gets so stuffed with things that I can't see the woods for the trees, everybody needs to do that sometimes so I can imagine (rightly or wrongly) that the only thoughts that go around in your head are "where will I get the pills" (and once you have todays, you start to worry about tomorrows) you need SPACE to break that circle - space to at least allow something positive into your mind and it seems to me that you'll have to go away somewhere to do that. Briar, let's just say that if everytime you took a pill some part of your body fell of, an ear,your nose, anything - do you think you would continue to take them - would you walk around as just a PILL - I don't think so. If nobody ever in this world broke their addiction to whatever then I would say stay on the pills, but you can break it - I know you can - please get help!
Jemima
Jemima
Jemima,
If I could hop thru this computer and hug you, I would. You make alot of sense.
I've been married for almost 20 years, we have three kids, my husband has mental disorders and the whole lot has been laid on me for a long time now and I think that the reason I started was because I didn't know what to do because I had to take care of everyone. And in the process, I think I lost myself to just being able to take care of everyone in the family and try to numb myself at the same time.I'm ashamed to really seek out help because anyone who knows me would just be shocked that I have a problem in the first place. Sounds strange, I know, but thats the way it is.
Tell me, how have the past few days been going for you? You are really something, I don't respond alot but you really caught my attention.
I think its your courage and your spunk. But I think too that my heart really goes out to you because of what you have to endure from your own son. That must really hurt. Mine are still pretty little, (we didn't start till late) but my oldest girl (only girl) is almost 14 and the worst problem I have with her is staying in the bathroom in front of the mirror for too long! I thank God. She's in her fourth year of violin, plays beautifully, brings home straight A-s and is a wonderful kid, except she's taken to arguing with me lately about anything. My middle child, is 10 and wonderful, good grades, good friends, I really pray that God keeps my kids going in the right direction. Tell me Jemima, was there always problems with your boy or did he just get in with the wrong crowd? Because I worry about my kids all the time and what the future will hold for them. As parents, we can try to instill things into them and pray that it sticks with them.
I hope you had a good holiday weekend.
Roseanne (my real first name)...God Bless you......
If I could hop thru this computer and hug you, I would. You make alot of sense.
I've been married for almost 20 years, we have three kids, my husband has mental disorders and the whole lot has been laid on me for a long time now and I think that the reason I started was because I didn't know what to do because I had to take care of everyone. And in the process, I think I lost myself to just being able to take care of everyone in the family and try to numb myself at the same time.I'm ashamed to really seek out help because anyone who knows me would just be shocked that I have a problem in the first place. Sounds strange, I know, but thats the way it is.
Tell me, how have the past few days been going for you? You are really something, I don't respond alot but you really caught my attention.
I think its your courage and your spunk. But I think too that my heart really goes out to you because of what you have to endure from your own son. That must really hurt. Mine are still pretty little, (we didn't start till late) but my oldest girl (only girl) is almost 14 and the worst problem I have with her is staying in the bathroom in front of the mirror for too long! I thank God. She's in her fourth year of violin, plays beautifully, brings home straight A-s and is a wonderful kid, except she's taken to arguing with me lately about anything. My middle child, is 10 and wonderful, good grades, good friends, I really pray that God keeps my kids going in the right direction. Tell me Jemima, was there always problems with your boy or did he just get in with the wrong crowd? Because I worry about my kids all the time and what the future will hold for them. As parents, we can try to instill things into them and pray that it sticks with them.
I hope you had a good holiday weekend.
Roseanne (my real first name)...God Bless you......
Hi Roseanne - thanks for the post, firstly Roseanne, you MUST,MUST do something - it doesn't matter who is shocked or dismayed - that is their problem - your problem can only be sorted by you. I'm not going to say "think of your children" I will say "think of yourself" - think of life passing you by, think of the heaviness in your heart as you face another day of despair (I'm a bit dramatic, aren't I ?). I'm going to tell you a story about a man who went to work one day and on the way he fell into a hole, he dragged himself out and went on his way, the next day the very same thing happened, and went on happening until one day HE TOOK A DIFFERENT ROUTE and there was no hole on that road. That's what you have to do, just take one step in another direction and see what happens, if nothing happens, then try a different path, someday you will find a road that holds no danger for you.
My son was a perfectly ok guy until he was 17. Something happened at that time, I don't know what and neither does he (or so he tells me) but at that time he bagan to change. He is an extremely intelligent person but started to do really badly at school and he failed his final exams. He was frantic about his future and so was I so I paid a huge amount of money for him to attend a private college and do you know something, Roseanne, he only went one day. He left home every morning and came back in the evening and I didn't find out until the end of term when I got a letter from the college saying he hadn't attended.Then he got an apprenticeship as a plumber and was happy enough at that, but still
failed his final exams. He then met a girl when he was 19 and when he was 20 he bacame a Dad ! and then things got even worse. He went to live with his girlfriend and their baby and at that time (I think) he started using heroin.
Roseanne, I am cursed with endless patience, and with the ability to empthise,
which is fine except when you are ENABLING somebody to continue with their addiction. My son would tell me the mopst amazing stories - like he was being blackmailed and somebody had him on tape saying something dreadful ( I can't remember now what it was) and if he didn't pay 200 immediately the person who had the tape would take it to the police!! and that's just one, very minor thing that happened. Another one was that if he didn't pay whatever amount of money somebody was going to harass his girlfriend (ex by this time) and his baby. I ALWAYS came up with the money, I borrowed or begged it, ANYTHING to save him (so I thought) I was doing the exact opposite, the worst thing of all, I was giving my own son money to destroy himself. If I have learned anything over the years it is to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN,AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, particularly with regard to your children. If you give them an ultimation then you MUST follow it through, don't give it otherwise, and you must have some boundaries between yourself and your children, you are not their FRIEND, you are their PARENT. You're children are at an age when they can be molded into decent, law-abiding citizens ( no I am not saying that drug addicts are not decent, of course they are, but the addiction takes over every part of them), another thing Roseanne, if you ever have doubts about something that your children have said or done, CHECK IT OUT, they will say anything to keep in your good books or to get their own way. I have another younger son and I couldn't say one bad word about him even if I wanted to which I don't.
He is just about to finish his Degree in Electronic Engineering (tomorrow) so even though both of those boys were brought up in exactly the same way, one took a different road. If I had known then that different children need different kinds of upbringing then my poor son would probably not be in the mess he is in right now - "DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS"!! At the end of the day Roseanne, we can all only do the best we can , and if it's wrong, well, we tried.
Please keep in touch , and if there is ANYTHING I can do for you just let me know and I will try my best.
Jemima
My son was a perfectly ok guy until he was 17. Something happened at that time, I don't know what and neither does he (or so he tells me) but at that time he bagan to change. He is an extremely intelligent person but started to do really badly at school and he failed his final exams. He was frantic about his future and so was I so I paid a huge amount of money for him to attend a private college and do you know something, Roseanne, he only went one day. He left home every morning and came back in the evening and I didn't find out until the end of term when I got a letter from the college saying he hadn't attended.Then he got an apprenticeship as a plumber and was happy enough at that, but still
failed his final exams. He then met a girl when he was 19 and when he was 20 he bacame a Dad ! and then things got even worse. He went to live with his girlfriend and their baby and at that time (I think) he started using heroin.
Roseanne, I am cursed with endless patience, and with the ability to empthise,
which is fine except when you are ENABLING somebody to continue with their addiction. My son would tell me the mopst amazing stories - like he was being blackmailed and somebody had him on tape saying something dreadful ( I can't remember now what it was) and if he didn't pay 200 immediately the person who had the tape would take it to the police!! and that's just one, very minor thing that happened. Another one was that if he didn't pay whatever amount of money somebody was going to harass his girlfriend (ex by this time) and his baby. I ALWAYS came up with the money, I borrowed or begged it, ANYTHING to save him (so I thought) I was doing the exact opposite, the worst thing of all, I was giving my own son money to destroy himself. If I have learned anything over the years it is to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN,AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, particularly with regard to your children. If you give them an ultimation then you MUST follow it through, don't give it otherwise, and you must have some boundaries between yourself and your children, you are not their FRIEND, you are their PARENT. You're children are at an age when they can be molded into decent, law-abiding citizens ( no I am not saying that drug addicts are not decent, of course they are, but the addiction takes over every part of them), another thing Roseanne, if you ever have doubts about something that your children have said or done, CHECK IT OUT, they will say anything to keep in your good books or to get their own way. I have another younger son and I couldn't say one bad word about him even if I wanted to which I don't.
He is just about to finish his Degree in Electronic Engineering (tomorrow) so even though both of those boys were brought up in exactly the same way, one took a different road. If I had known then that different children need different kinds of upbringing then my poor son would probably not be in the mess he is in right now - "DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS"!! At the end of the day Roseanne, we can all only do the best we can , and if it's wrong, well, we tried.
Please keep in touch , and if there is ANYTHING I can do for you just let me know and I will try my best.
Jemima
You Ok Briar ?
Jemima
Jemima