***** It is a good thing I copied this before hitting post. I had the window open for a long time, typing and then leaving and then coming back to it.... when I hit post, I was logged out and would have lost the whole thing! *******
Hello Friends,
The postings for 'Where were the Parents" makes me want to share this info with you all.
For anyone who has not follow my posts in the past - I have two out of 3 children who have struggled with addiction. First my daughter-the second born, and then my son- the first born. In hiensight, I think it was going on for my son at the same time as my daughter, but he was not living at home and was keeping it all under control and secret from us.
1. while in the crisis years with my daughter - the years of panic and bewilderment - trying to understand what was going on... 2010 to 2012. I held a job at a financial institution. I did not tell anyone at work, but kept quiet, did my work, tried my best to keep my performance on track while a crisis was going on at home. As most of you have been thru - its not easy to keep focused at work and not become a crying mess! which happened at times - staring into my computer for twenty minutes or when no one was near me, bursting into tears.....
In 2012 I lost my job, due to sabotage, someone wanted me out. I was not 'written up' in 6 years, but suddenly was written up 3x in 3 months for harmless or made up issues - thinking that my coworkers were also at fault for at times, yet no one else got written up.
It was happening to many people in the USA at that time. It was devastating.
I know my daughter's crisis was not directly to blame. On some level, I felt that I was not playing the social game at work, and maybe if I was not dealing w an addiction crisis, I might have seen it coming.
The silver lining: The loss of my job gave me time to deal w my daughter. I knew she was under the influence of stuff and should not be driving. Since I did not have to go to work, I took her car away and began driving her to work and school. This gave her less freedom and got her off the street w her car. she had also previously gone to rehab twice. within a month we did have to kick her out of our home. she went to live w a friend in NYC. she did not have the car and had to take a train to our location twice a week to finish the semester at community college. sometimes I would pick her up and drop her at class, she would fend for herself for a few days, and then go back to the city. after classes ended for that semester, she was in nyc. no reason to come home and no car. after a few months of sitting in a basement apartment w no car, no cable tv, no money. she tried looking for a job, and then decided ON HER OWN that she did not want to live that way and she joined the Armed Services. because she saw commercials on the 3 television channels she was watching. lol. she did not do this impulsively. she went to recruiters for months and had many documents to file, background checks, etc to pass - which she did on her own bc SHE wanted it. It was not something that mommy could do for her.
2. 5 years later... we have been going thru the addiction cycle w my son for several years. he kept it controlled for a few years, then life imploded, past 3 years consist of 2 rehabs, sober living, homeless, relapses. Currently working, yet still using, gf is doing the same thing. We (parents) are trying to be tough and not enable , but we still squeak out some cash for gas when he runs short - bc we want him to go to work! - and ignore the fact that he was supposed to register and pay insurance on my old car his is driving. of course he has not....
This week I was given notice at work - due to restructuring - a small company that does this a lot. they need $$ for something bigger, so they cut a small salary. They are letting me work for another few weeks.
Silver Lining - This is what was needed for me to be stronger to say " no more money" "figure this out on your own" " I dont have it"
Maybe this was the answer to my prayer " God, how do I stop this. If I didnt have the $ to give to him, it would be easier to say NO"
Karma?
I will be OK - I am grateful the company I work for is letting me stay for a few more weeks. within 24 hrs I turned my sadness into a quest to keep doing my job as good as I have been. I might be able to find another position in the company, so I dont want to be an a-hole about it. and they will give me a good reference for my next job. and maybe I get to take a short break and get some stuff done for ME before finding the next job!
And this is the reason I needed to break out of the rut of 'same old, same old' pattern w my son.
NY..... At first I was sad reading your post... but by the end... your optimism, strength & grace made me smile and warmed my heart. As you all know I'm usually very verbose... all I can say NY is....enjoy your well deserved & earned vacation. YOU will be ok!!!
This journey has made me very spiritual. You made me think of the following.....
https://youtu.be/GmASbyXlnmM
Sending huge hugs!!!
Lynn
This journey has made me very spiritual. You made me think of the following.....
https://youtu.be/GmASbyXlnmM
Sending huge hugs!!!
Lynn
Lynn, Sweet! Ty! I LIKE it! Very soothing!
Ny,
I love it, seeing the other side of the class. My son is a hot mess again. It's like money pit with him. Just when you think he has paid everything another thing pops up from his past...I just don't get it..
Drugs...
Relax, rest and think of yourself for a bit...
Love love this!! xxx
I love it, seeing the other side of the class. My son is a hot mess again. It's like money pit with him. Just when you think he has paid everything another thing pops up from his past...I just don't get it..
Drugs...
Relax, rest and think of yourself for a bit...
Love love this!! xxx
