Hi Girls - How are you making out today? Been thinking of you all day. Hope you are hanging in there. Praying for you both.
not good at all angel,,,,,cant get motivated,,,im sad,,not real sad,,but feel like not eating,,the smell makes me sick,,,just feel ekyy.....I feel bored,,,no meeting ..just not wanting to get dressed ,,wear my garments,,and flogger dress,,,feel sad,,,cant read,just feel like sleeping,,,and the cloapam makes me not hungery,,,,,will see tomorrow,,love poopie
Hi Poopie - It takes a while to get your motivation back. If that medicine is not working, ditch it. Unless it's medically necessary. You want to start feeling better not worse. There is no pill that can make this easier. Time is what you need. Little by little in the next week you will start to feel better. Then hopefully you can get to work with the meetings. Give it another day. I'm praying for you.
Why are you taking Clonipin? Isn't that a benzo like valium or zanax? Have I got that mixed up with the other one?
You just hang in there Poopie girl. You can and will do this. I know you've got it in you. Even if you don't feel like going to a meeting, go anyway. Do it for me. If you can't do it for yourself right now, then do it for us. I want you to put your arms around yourself.. that's me hugging you.
You just hang in there Poopie girl. You can and will do this. I know you've got it in you. Even if you don't feel like going to a meeting, go anyway. Do it for me. If you can't do it for yourself right now, then do it for us. I want you to put your arms around yourself.. that's me hugging you.
Hi Alice. And Poopie (you are doing great!) and Lisa.
I'm still hanging in there although I'm really questioning my decision to abstain for the last 4 days. (It has been 4 days, hasn't it?) I haven't been to another meeting yet...for the same reason I haven't been drinking. I've only gotten off the couch/out of bed to go to work for a couple hours a day.
Yeah, I feel like total hell physically but that's only half of it. I've never felt so depressed in my life. I have to believe that it's more than any one thing. It's everything. It's caught up to me and I am deep within its grip.
I had every intention of getting up to call my doctors office today and I didn't get around to it. That must be my first priority tomorrow morning. Whether I want to or not, it needs to be done. I know that depression is normal when trying to get clean, but this is really off the charts.
I need help. If I have to live the rest of my life lying around in a darkened room all the time? No thanks. This is really bad.
I'm still hanging in there although I'm really questioning my decision to abstain for the last 4 days. (It has been 4 days, hasn't it?) I haven't been to another meeting yet...for the same reason I haven't been drinking. I've only gotten off the couch/out of bed to go to work for a couple hours a day.
Yeah, I feel like total hell physically but that's only half of it. I've never felt so depressed in my life. I have to believe that it's more than any one thing. It's everything. It's caught up to me and I am deep within its grip.
I had every intention of getting up to call my doctors office today and I didn't get around to it. That must be my first priority tomorrow morning. Whether I want to or not, it needs to be done. I know that depression is normal when trying to get clean, but this is really off the charts.
I need help. If I have to live the rest of my life lying around in a darkened room all the time? No thanks. This is really bad.
Jodi, you needn't feel this bad if you can start working a program of recovery. It is is a daily program, and you have to work it every day, one day at a time.
You are allowing your addict to dominate you. Isolating will eventually lead you back to using. It is so easy to fall prey to the depression, the anger, the low self-esteem and these all lead back to using and drinking. An addict left alone with her own thoughts is in very, very bad company.
Jodi, what action have you taken to stay sober today?
You know the kind of action I am talking about here, so I am not going to nag at you or harp on it.
Jodi, you can get help simply by asking for it, and it costs nothing. We are here to offer encouragement, and I think I read in one of your posts that you believe in a higher power. These resources can aid you get off your kiester and make it to the meeting.
If you make a meeting a reach out, I promise you that you will feel better when you leave than when you walked in. Take that on faith. I have been there, and I have to tell you, my life is pretty good for the most part.
Good luck, hang in there,
August
You are allowing your addict to dominate you. Isolating will eventually lead you back to using. It is so easy to fall prey to the depression, the anger, the low self-esteem and these all lead back to using and drinking. An addict left alone with her own thoughts is in very, very bad company.
Jodi, what action have you taken to stay sober today?
You know the kind of action I am talking about here, so I am not going to nag at you or harp on it.
Jodi, you can get help simply by asking for it, and it costs nothing. We are here to offer encouragement, and I think I read in one of your posts that you believe in a higher power. These resources can aid you get off your kiester and make it to the meeting.
If you make a meeting a reach out, I promise you that you will feel better when you leave than when you walked in. Take that on faith. I have been there, and I have to tell you, my life is pretty good for the most part.
Good luck, hang in there,
August
Depression is pretty normal while getting clean and sober. I tried anti-depressants when I first got clean and they made me more depressed. I think that if you've had an issue with depression before you abused drugs and alcohol then yes, you should address it. Otherwise, try to stay off of more medications that keep you from thinking clearly. It just takes time. I am so damn proud of you Jodi. 4 days is a pretty huge milestone for you. Next thing you know, you'll have a week and then 30 days before you turn around. Have you gone to the grief counseling yet offered by hospice? Didn't I read that you were going to do that?
Hi Jodi - So glad you're hangin in. Listen to David. I did. I know you feel like crap right now but I think you're going to start feeling better real soon. You don't need to be isolating right now. It's dangerous. I wish I could drive over there and take you to a meeting. I would. Try to push yourself tomorrow.
You're proud of Poopie. Now be proud of Jodi. This is a major accomplishment. Keep praying. Thank him for today. Ask for help tomorrow.
I'm in work again til 11:30. email me and I'll give you my number. Or give me yours and I'll call you.
You're proud of Poopie. Now be proud of Jodi. This is a major accomplishment. Keep praying. Thank him for today. Ask for help tomorrow.
I'm in work again til 11:30. email me and I'll give you my number. Or give me yours and I'll call you.
I hesitated getting on here and even mentioning anything. The only reason I did was because I don't feel it's fair to take so much of other people's time and then just disappear.
The reason I hesitated is because there is so much of what is going on with me that doesn't stick within the guidelines or reason for this forum to exist. It is definitely "off topic" stuff. I've certainly never let that stop me from posting about it before but, like many people in my real life must feel, I'm sure that everyone here gets sick of hearing about it. I don't want to sit here and write about stuff only to imagine the eye rolls it will provoke.
I've read over and over that the only way to resolve some of these feelings, which are basically along the lines of PTSD, are to face them and deal with them and keep talking about them. How much can I expect people to listen to it over and over again? It's the same with meetings. We are there to learn how to get/remain sober. I'm sure they don't want to hear about all of this other "stuff".
As far as the grief counseling, Lisa, I have my first group next Tuesday. Then I will meet with one of the coordinators to decide which group I will move to and if I would benefit from individual counseling.
As f***ed up as it could be a lot of the time (and I'm sure that's hard for so many who heard me b**** over the years), my world and my life has been turned upside down. It was my normal. It might not have always been healthy. But it was my normal. And I miss it. I miss him. And there is no way I can convince or make anyone understand that. And I don't have to. It is just a fact.
At the same time, I rationally know that no substance in the world can make me feel better or make me forget. It doesn't stop the obsession in my brain. Yeah, my addict lies to me and tells me that it will make me feel better. I only end up disappointed when it doesn't work.
I don't know what I'm doing from one minute to the next. I just keep on breathing. Sometimes that's all I've got in me to give. But I'm trying. There's something to be said for that, I guess.
The reason I hesitated is because there is so much of what is going on with me that doesn't stick within the guidelines or reason for this forum to exist. It is definitely "off topic" stuff. I've certainly never let that stop me from posting about it before but, like many people in my real life must feel, I'm sure that everyone here gets sick of hearing about it. I don't want to sit here and write about stuff only to imagine the eye rolls it will provoke.
I've read over and over that the only way to resolve some of these feelings, which are basically along the lines of PTSD, are to face them and deal with them and keep talking about them. How much can I expect people to listen to it over and over again? It's the same with meetings. We are there to learn how to get/remain sober. I'm sure they don't want to hear about all of this other "stuff".
As far as the grief counseling, Lisa, I have my first group next Tuesday. Then I will meet with one of the coordinators to decide which group I will move to and if I would benefit from individual counseling.
As f***ed up as it could be a lot of the time (and I'm sure that's hard for so many who heard me b**** over the years), my world and my life has been turned upside down. It was my normal. It might not have always been healthy. But it was my normal. And I miss it. I miss him. And there is no way I can convince or make anyone understand that. And I don't have to. It is just a fact.
At the same time, I rationally know that no substance in the world can make me feel better or make me forget. It doesn't stop the obsession in my brain. Yeah, my addict lies to me and tells me that it will make me feel better. I only end up disappointed when it doesn't work.
I don't know what I'm doing from one minute to the next. I just keep on breathing. Sometimes that's all I've got in me to give. But I'm trying. There's something to be said for that, I guess.
By the way, I don't know if my doctor would even want to try me on another antidepressant. The two I've tried have done nothing but make me groggy the next day. I'm just going to tell him what's going on and see if he can help in any way. I think I've got some ulcer issues to deal with too. I've got this incredible burning pain right under my ribs on both sides. I don't know if it's ulcers but it's something. It's happened occasionally before when I've been stressed out but it's constant now.
All I know is that I'm back sliding. I started to move forward. Now I'm back to not being able to read, watch tv, eat, sleep. I'm back to sleeping on the couch. Music was always comforting to me and I don't care about that anymore.
I seriously need some sort of help. I can't even describe it.
Alice, sorry I didn't email today. I'll just give you my number here. I've done it before so what's the harm. 419-345-5119 I haven't been good at answering the phone lately but I will try.
All I know is that I'm back sliding. I started to move forward. Now I'm back to not being able to read, watch tv, eat, sleep. I'm back to sleeping on the couch. Music was always comforting to me and I don't care about that anymore.
I seriously need some sort of help. I can't even describe it.
Alice, sorry I didn't email today. I'll just give you my number here. I've done it before so what's the harm. 419-345-5119 I haven't been good at answering the phone lately but I will try.
Hi Jodi - Hang in. Give it more time. You will start to feel better. You can always go back to your old ways. You have been using for so long. You can't expect to feel good after a few days. It will get better. Try to get to a meeting tomorrow. If you can push yourself to get to work, maybe you can spare an hour for a meeting.
I've written down your number. You can edit it out now. Thanks.
I've written down your number. You can edit it out now. Thanks.
Hey Jodi,
I emailed you the other day and havent heard anything back.
A few days ago I read where you were asking if anyone lives in Michigan?
Well I do and I notice your area code is Ohio. I worked in Ohio last year, its only arounf 35 minutes from my house. Are you near the border? I would love to go to meetings with you. We could find one half way between us. Tell me what you think about it.
Look forward to hearing back from you Jodi :))
I emailed you the other day and havent heard anything back.
A few days ago I read where you were asking if anyone lives in Michigan?
Well I do and I notice your area code is Ohio. I worked in Ohio last year, its only arounf 35 minutes from my house. Are you near the border? I would love to go to meetings with you. We could find one half way between us. Tell me what you think about it.
Look forward to hearing back from you Jodi :))
I've read over and over that the only way to resolve some of these feelings, which are basically along the lines of PTSD, are to face them and deal with them and keep talking about them. How much can I expect people to listen to it over and over again? It's the same with meetings. We are there to learn how to get/remain sober. I'm sure they don't want to hear about all of this other "stuff".
Jodi,you are absolutely dead right about the need to get the feelings out. What you might be missing is that the drugs and drink are depressants, and no about of talk can overcome the depressive aspects of these substances. That process begins when you get clean.
And God Allmighty, does it ever feel terrible to do that.
Nonetheless, this is how we heal. The choices may not be very clear to you right now, but many of us here have seen it over and over again. The depressants in your body covert the hurt and the pain into anger and resentment.
This leads to the downward spiral where we drink and use more and more to counter our pain and this of course only feeds more anger and resentment.
Jodi, the people that will let you talk about this are the ones on this forum, in your survivor's meetings and of course your 12 Step meetings. Saying that you do not wish to "burden" them is simply a tactic that your disease is using to keep you isolated.
Jodi, where are your shoes? If they are under the bed, as you get on bended knee to retrieve them, say a little prayer and ask for the courage to put one foot in front of the other and walk out of your door and into a meeting.
I know you are in pain, but it is your action, not our sympathy, that is going to pull you out of this.
This morning in the predawn hour I meditated while gazing at a perfect crescent moon. Just off the thickest part of the crescent Venus, the Morning Star, shown like a diamond in the morning sky, in perfect triangulation with the moon. She had been gone from the morning sky for many months, perhaps over a year, and yet this morning, she reappeared.
I reflected on the fact that as I stared at that sight, I held with me the collective memory of millions of years of humankind, how each person in my lineage had gazed at the stars as I did at that moment, in wonder and reference of the mysteries of life. Sitting alone in the tall grass, I never felt closer to God.
Jodi, as I gazed at that moon and Morning Star, I held you in my thoughts and prayers that you might find the strength to make it through this day clean.
That is the only gift I have to offer you, but I offer it willingly, no strings attached.
With love and respect,
August
Jodi,you are absolutely dead right about the need to get the feelings out. What you might be missing is that the drugs and drink are depressants, and no about of talk can overcome the depressive aspects of these substances. That process begins when you get clean.
And God Allmighty, does it ever feel terrible to do that.
Nonetheless, this is how we heal. The choices may not be very clear to you right now, but many of us here have seen it over and over again. The depressants in your body covert the hurt and the pain into anger and resentment.
This leads to the downward spiral where we drink and use more and more to counter our pain and this of course only feeds more anger and resentment.
Jodi, the people that will let you talk about this are the ones on this forum, in your survivor's meetings and of course your 12 Step meetings. Saying that you do not wish to "burden" them is simply a tactic that your disease is using to keep you isolated.
Jodi, where are your shoes? If they are under the bed, as you get on bended knee to retrieve them, say a little prayer and ask for the courage to put one foot in front of the other and walk out of your door and into a meeting.
I know you are in pain, but it is your action, not our sympathy, that is going to pull you out of this.
This morning in the predawn hour I meditated while gazing at a perfect crescent moon. Just off the thickest part of the crescent Venus, the Morning Star, shown like a diamond in the morning sky, in perfect triangulation with the moon. She had been gone from the morning sky for many months, perhaps over a year, and yet this morning, she reappeared.
I reflected on the fact that as I stared at that sight, I held with me the collective memory of millions of years of humankind, how each person in my lineage had gazed at the stars as I did at that moment, in wonder and reference of the mysteries of life. Sitting alone in the tall grass, I never felt closer to God.
Jodi, as I gazed at that moon and Morning Star, I held you in my thoughts and prayers that you might find the strength to make it through this day clean.
That is the only gift I have to offer you, but I offer it willingly, no strings attached.
With love and respect,
August
Bemartha, I'm really glad you posted here that you emailed me because it went straight into my spam folder. I wouldn't have found it for quite awhile. I live just a few miles south of the border (a suburb of Toledo). That would be great to plan to meet up some time! I will email you back today.
Alice, I'm sorry I didn't return your call yesterday. I was pretty much sick in bed most of the day. You see, I tried to drink two nights ago. It didn't go well. Whatever is wrong with my gut was bothering me terribly. I really think it must be ulcers. Whatever it is it causes a great deal of pain and discomfort when it flares up. Anyways, I stayed clean yesterday and I'm feeling quite a bit better today. So I guess I've got 24 hours yet again.
August, as always thank you for your comforting words and for remembering me in your prayers. That means a lot to me.
This morning while delivering my route, I saw a deer just a few doors down from our previous home. We lived there for almost 15 years and I've never once seen a deer in that area. It took my breath away. Deer are a symbol to me of something special that Chuck and I shared. While I'm pretty sure it was just a coincidence, I like to consider sightings like that a sign that I am being guided and that I am right where I'm supposed to be at the moment. I felt a sense of peace and calm come over me just as I always do when these things happen.
What an awesome way to start my day.
Alice, I'm sorry I didn't return your call yesterday. I was pretty much sick in bed most of the day. You see, I tried to drink two nights ago. It didn't go well. Whatever is wrong with my gut was bothering me terribly. I really think it must be ulcers. Whatever it is it causes a great deal of pain and discomfort when it flares up. Anyways, I stayed clean yesterday and I'm feeling quite a bit better today. So I guess I've got 24 hours yet again.
August, as always thank you for your comforting words and for remembering me in your prayers. That means a lot to me.
This morning while delivering my route, I saw a deer just a few doors down from our previous home. We lived there for almost 15 years and I've never once seen a deer in that area. It took my breath away. Deer are a symbol to me of something special that Chuck and I shared. While I'm pretty sure it was just a coincidence, I like to consider sightings like that a sign that I am being guided and that I am right where I'm supposed to be at the moment. I felt a sense of peace and calm come over me just as I always do when these things happen.
What an awesome way to start my day.
Yaaay Jodi. Don't let that slip-up get you down. Glad your feeling better. I'll try calling you later.
Please get to a meeting today or tonight. Or tomorrow. Soon. If you're feeling good now, you'll feel much better after the meeting.
I went yesterday and the message was exactly what I needed to hear. It carried me through a difficult day.
I'm going to an 11am today. It is my favorite meeting.
Please get to a meeting today or tonight. Or tomorrow. Soon. If you're feeling good now, you'll feel much better after the meeting.
I went yesterday and the message was exactly what I needed to hear. It carried me through a difficult day.
I'm going to an 11am today. It is my favorite meeting.
Hi Jodi. I was wondering why you werent writing me back. haha.
Ok sounds great to meet up and go. I need someone to hold my hand OBVIOUSLY. I havent been to a meeting yet so this will help me oh so much!
I wont give excuses and bore ya all with the details why I havent but Im ready and I need that push to go. What a perfect person to go with!! :)) Ok Jodi, Im looking forward to that email from you. I cant go today or tonight but Im open anytime after that.
Oh and.... Stacey will be so proud of me ;)
Ok sounds great to meet up and go. I need someone to hold my hand OBVIOUSLY. I havent been to a meeting yet so this will help me oh so much!
I wont give excuses and bore ya all with the details why I havent but Im ready and I need that push to go. What a perfect person to go with!! :)) Ok Jodi, Im looking forward to that email from you. I cant go today or tonight but Im open anytime after that.
Oh and.... Stacey will be so proud of me ;)
This morning while delivering my route, I saw a deer just a few doors down from our previous home. We lived there for almost 15 years and I've never once seen a deer in that area. It took my breath away. Deer are a symbol to me of something special that Chuck and I shared. While I'm pretty sure it was just a coincidence, I like to consider sightings like that a sign that I am being guided and that I am right where I'm supposed to be at the moment. I felt a sense of peace and calm come over me just as I always do when these things happen.
Jodi,that is so nice to hear. I hope you have more days like this.You're one very strong lady.God bless.~KIM
Jodi,that is so nice to hear. I hope you have more days like this.You're one very strong lady.God bless.~KIM