Hey sweety....YGM but Ill be off to hang with my girl.Gosh Darn Men even at 14 they can be real jerks.
Meet me on the Goos I pinky to be there
I miss & love you huny
molly
Hey you.......
Cant wait to catch up with you in the morning.
Men? Jerks? Your kidding me. LOL
Love you girl.
Cant wait to catch up with you in the morning.
Men? Jerks? Your kidding me. LOL
Love you girl.
Hey I firget to say ANYTIME my dear friend you want to call ....let me know.I just need to sign off.Did you get my letter?I know I know it wasnt the easiest to understand....but something tells me YOU get it
Love mollygirl!!!!! LOL
Love mollygirl!!!!! LOL
Did I hear men and jerks in the same sentence? lol
I've got the jerk to beat all jerks!
Sorry...I've gotta try to laugh about it. Or else...
Well, you know.
I've got the jerk to beat all jerks!
Sorry...I've gotta try to laugh about it. Or else...
Well, you know.
I plan on calling you tomorrow Brinagirl we gotta chat..........I always "get" your emails, maybe because we are both crazy lol
Love you girl.
Jodi........Good night for some man bashing, huh? Heck, any night is good for that. LOL Big Hugs @ ya.
Love you girl.
Jodi........Good night for some man bashing, huh? Heck, any night is good for that. LOL Big Hugs @ ya.
J Jodi
Boy can I tell you tales that...well Ill leave it at that
I have to sign off & be with my beautiful daughter BUT I had to JUST HAD TO tell you
How much I think of you,for ALWAYS picking yourself up & keeping on trying.YOU my dear Jodi show newbies that slip up can & do happen but with enough "TRUE GRIT" you pick yourself up & keep trying
I commend you so much & hope you realize that even though we may not talk much...Im so very proud of the strong woman you really are.I know you may not feel that way but its HOW I FEEL IN MY HEART....Keep on Keeping on J Jodi & I hope we talk soon\
Molly
Yup men are ONLY good for 2 things & 1 of those we must teach them the right way!!!!! LOL
Have a GOOS NIGHT
molly
Boy can I tell you tales that...well Ill leave it at that
I have to sign off & be with my beautiful daughter BUT I had to JUST HAD TO tell you
How much I think of you,for ALWAYS picking yourself up & keeping on trying.YOU my dear Jodi show newbies that slip up can & do happen but with enough "TRUE GRIT" you pick yourself up & keep trying
I commend you so much & hope you realize that even though we may not talk much...Im so very proud of the strong woman you really are.I know you may not feel that way but its HOW I FEEL IN MY HEART....Keep on Keeping on J Jodi & I hope we talk soon\
Molly
Yup men are ONLY good for 2 things & 1 of those we must teach them the right way!!!!! LOL
Have a GOOS NIGHT
molly
LMAO Brina @ teaching them.
So So true.
:)
So So true.
:)
You know, one of the men on this board said something to me in an email, and it rings so true to me during the tough times at home. He said that living through this takes some true survival skills. That I must be a strong person. He's not the first person that said that to me. I always think I'm weak because I haven't left yet. But he's right. It does take some survival skills. Because they wreck your f***ing self-esteem. Even your will to live. I have a hard time even living for my kids. My youngest son is quite a "softie".. Just real emotional. I love that about him. He's so caring. Anyways, anytime I've kicked my husband out or the one time we left him, my son cried for him. Of course, I mean, it's his Dad. But he hates the way he treats all of us. Yet he still cried for him.
Anyways, that's how sensitive my youngest is. Yet I can still see myself overdosing or something because, it's simply getting harder to live this way than it is to imagine leaving my kids without a mother. That's sad. And that really scares me.
And I need to see my doctor and get him to get me started on another path.
Because this one is leading me nowhere...real fast.
I can't even emphasize how bad this life feels right now.
Most of it is my fault. Well, I mean all of my decisions are my fault. It just makes it that much harder when it feels so complicated with kids and assets and emotions and a long history.
I can't explain it.
I just want to drink and drug it all away. I was angry. Now I'm calming down and getting depressed. I need to be angry!
I HATE HIM!!! I NEED TO BE ANGRY!
Anger feels good. It means I'm still alive.
Anyways, that's how sensitive my youngest is. Yet I can still see myself overdosing or something because, it's simply getting harder to live this way than it is to imagine leaving my kids without a mother. That's sad. And that really scares me.
And I need to see my doctor and get him to get me started on another path.
Because this one is leading me nowhere...real fast.
I can't even emphasize how bad this life feels right now.
Most of it is my fault. Well, I mean all of my decisions are my fault. It just makes it that much harder when it feels so complicated with kids and assets and emotions and a long history.
I can't explain it.
I just want to drink and drug it all away. I was angry. Now I'm calming down and getting depressed. I need to be angry!
I HATE HIM!!! I NEED TO BE ANGRY!
Anger feels good. It means I'm still alive.
Jodi-
I have always wanted to tell you this. My mother went through a situation very similar to yours with my father. My dad would beat her nearly to death every night, while on his drunken rampages. This went on for years, until finally one night her neighbor, who was an 80 year old woman looked my mother dead in the eyes and said, " You either leave now, or you wont live to see another birthday" She left with only the money the neighbor lady gave her for bus faires, for me and my two sisters. She had all three of us in tow ages 5, 2, and I was a year. We then went to the bus station in St. Louis, Missouri and she prayed to god, he wouldnt catch up with us before we boarded. We made it out of there Jodi. We moved in with my Aunt, My mom worked full time, and went to school at night, but we survived, and were happy. The fear was gone, We were poor, but we were together, and safe.
You can do this Jodi, I promise you that. My mom now has her degree, and is remarried.
I thank god everyday for the choice she made that day.............It probably saved all of our lives.
You are no quitter Jodi......
Big Hugs.
I have always wanted to tell you this. My mother went through a situation very similar to yours with my father. My dad would beat her nearly to death every night, while on his drunken rampages. This went on for years, until finally one night her neighbor, who was an 80 year old woman looked my mother dead in the eyes and said, " You either leave now, or you wont live to see another birthday" She left with only the money the neighbor lady gave her for bus faires, for me and my two sisters. She had all three of us in tow ages 5, 2, and I was a year. We then went to the bus station in St. Louis, Missouri and she prayed to god, he wouldnt catch up with us before we boarded. We made it out of there Jodi. We moved in with my Aunt, My mom worked full time, and went to school at night, but we survived, and were happy. The fear was gone, We were poor, but we were together, and safe.
You can do this Jodi, I promise you that. My mom now has her degree, and is remarried.
I thank god everyday for the choice she made that day.............It probably saved all of our lives.
You are no quitter Jodi......
Big Hugs.
Thank you for sharing that Jody.
That's part of my sticking point, I think. I'm not beat up. Physically. Mentally? My god, I want to shoot myself in the head probably 2 or 3 days of the week. And I'm not using that as an expression. I literally want to die that often in my life.
I want to have the courage and strength that your mother did, god bless her. What a survivor.
I don't get it.
I even gathered up the courage to leave once. For 2 days. That was 4 years ago. I've never lived that down and I never will.
He feels like a piece of s*** because he's making hardly any money? It's My fault becuase I left him.
He feels like a piece of s*** because he can't support his family, because his wife makes 3 times him? Works much harder than him? Has a stronger work ethic than him? It's My fault because I left him for 2 days.
He feels like a piece of s*** because he treats us like we mean nothing every night? It's My fault because I wanted a divorce for 2 days 4 years ago.
You see...he's always felt this way.
Now he just has what he considers an "excuse" to feel this way.
I'm sorry this is an addiction recovery board and this is so off topic.
It is just so much of an obstacle for me.
Being on here, talking to all of you, I am starting to feel the validation that I need that this is not what a real relationship is. I know it in my mind. But then I just start to think I'm crazy...maybe living in fantasy land. I'm starting to see that I'm not so crazy.
This is not right. Never has been...never will be.
And it can't go on.
Now...make me believe that in the morning, okay?
Thanks, again, Jody. I know it must be hard to relive painful memories. I will prove to you that it was worth it, okay? It helps me to gather strength.
Can anyone even understand? I mean, those that haven't lived it. Can you help them to see what it's like? I can't even describe it. I hate it.
I hate it.
I just hate.
I hate to wake up to a new day.
That's part of my sticking point, I think. I'm not beat up. Physically. Mentally? My god, I want to shoot myself in the head probably 2 or 3 days of the week. And I'm not using that as an expression. I literally want to die that often in my life.
I want to have the courage and strength that your mother did, god bless her. What a survivor.
I don't get it.
I even gathered up the courage to leave once. For 2 days. That was 4 years ago. I've never lived that down and I never will.
He feels like a piece of s*** because he's making hardly any money? It's My fault becuase I left him.
He feels like a piece of s*** because he can't support his family, because his wife makes 3 times him? Works much harder than him? Has a stronger work ethic than him? It's My fault because I left him for 2 days.
He feels like a piece of s*** because he treats us like we mean nothing every night? It's My fault because I wanted a divorce for 2 days 4 years ago.
You see...he's always felt this way.
Now he just has what he considers an "excuse" to feel this way.
I'm sorry this is an addiction recovery board and this is so off topic.
It is just so much of an obstacle for me.
Being on here, talking to all of you, I am starting to feel the validation that I need that this is not what a real relationship is. I know it in my mind. But then I just start to think I'm crazy...maybe living in fantasy land. I'm starting to see that I'm not so crazy.
This is not right. Never has been...never will be.
And it can't go on.
Now...make me believe that in the morning, okay?
Thanks, again, Jody. I know it must be hard to relive painful memories. I will prove to you that it was worth it, okay? It helps me to gather strength.
Can anyone even understand? I mean, those that haven't lived it. Can you help them to see what it's like? I can't even describe it. I hate it.
I hate it.
I just hate.
I hate to wake up to a new day.
This is certainly not "off topic" this is your life, Jodi.
I have faith in you, and I know you will make it out of this, and be well.
You are always in my thoughts, and Please keep posting, I am here anytime.
Love and Hugs.
I have faith in you, and I know you will make it out of this, and be well.
You are always in my thoughts, and Please keep posting, I am here anytime.
Love and Hugs.
Jodi
Girl you have to get to the point where you stop thinking about him at all..stop thinking about what he does, why he does it, if he does it, when he does it...
He is the way he is, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make him any different.
If you weren't there, he'd be treating another woman the same way. The exact same way...cus he cant and wont change unless he wants to and unless he has a reason to....
You must realize that almost anything is better then living like this...
Leaving him is scary and its terrifying cus its the unknown...but i can guarantee you it cant be any worse then the way it is now, and in fact can only be better..
As miserable as you are..you are staying cus its familiar....thats what the smart a** tried to tell you when he said its convenient...and hes betting on it..
hes betting that as awful as you feel, as hopeless as it all seems when your with him...its something that you are familiar with....its a KNOWN way of life...not pleasant, not nice..but its known, its familiar and as a survivor, you already KNOW you can somehow hang in there...
Well im here to tell you sweetheart, that you can survive the alternative even easier...leaving him and staying gone, will become familiar, it will become something you know, and will one day in the not too distant future..be something you are used to and actually ENJOY...living without feeling like a victim....
Tell yourself: There are no victims..only volunteers.....
When are you gonna choose a better life? Its out there waiting for you honey..just stop thinking about how your leaving will affect HIM...if you must think of how your leaving will impact him...just remind yourself that he will survive and he will either change or he will find himself another woman to torture..cus sadly theres ALWAYS another woman available to torture...
Unfortunately there are just too many women out there that will take your place..that still believe that their love can move mountains, that their love can change a man, keep a man, fix a man, heal a man...that will stay with some kind of misguided loyalty..proof that they love, proof of just how MUCH they love and yet totally unaware that love just doesnt hurt like that...and until they learn otherwise..they will..like you are, and like I did....stay...and stay long past the day it was time to leave...
Just know you can do this honey...when your ready..you can and will do this..
hugs
Ali
Girl you have to get to the point where you stop thinking about him at all..stop thinking about what he does, why he does it, if he does it, when he does it...
He is the way he is, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make him any different.
If you weren't there, he'd be treating another woman the same way. The exact same way...cus he cant and wont change unless he wants to and unless he has a reason to....
You must realize that almost anything is better then living like this...
Leaving him is scary and its terrifying cus its the unknown...but i can guarantee you it cant be any worse then the way it is now, and in fact can only be better..
As miserable as you are..you are staying cus its familiar....thats what the smart a** tried to tell you when he said its convenient...and hes betting on it..
hes betting that as awful as you feel, as hopeless as it all seems when your with him...its something that you are familiar with....its a KNOWN way of life...not pleasant, not nice..but its known, its familiar and as a survivor, you already KNOW you can somehow hang in there...
Well im here to tell you sweetheart, that you can survive the alternative even easier...leaving him and staying gone, will become familiar, it will become something you know, and will one day in the not too distant future..be something you are used to and actually ENJOY...living without feeling like a victim....
Tell yourself: There are no victims..only volunteers.....
When are you gonna choose a better life? Its out there waiting for you honey..just stop thinking about how your leaving will affect HIM...if you must think of how your leaving will impact him...just remind yourself that he will survive and he will either change or he will find himself another woman to torture..cus sadly theres ALWAYS another woman available to torture...
Unfortunately there are just too many women out there that will take your place..that still believe that their love can move mountains, that their love can change a man, keep a man, fix a man, heal a man...that will stay with some kind of misguided loyalty..proof that they love, proof of just how MUCH they love and yet totally unaware that love just doesnt hurt like that...and until they learn otherwise..they will..like you are, and like I did....stay...and stay long past the day it was time to leave...
Just know you can do this honey...when your ready..you can and will do this..
hugs
Ali
Ali,
Can I just make this post simple and say that you always know how to say what I feel?
Your posts to me always make so much sense. I think "YES"...she gets it.
It's so simple. Yet I make it so complicated. I really believed I was good enough to save him. He was pathetic when I met him. I wasn't. Now we are both pathetic. I want us to save each other. It ain't happening. I can't save him. I can't save me. Atleast that is how it feels.
I am so into music. So many songs come to mind right now.
Let me just say that I get in my head what you say. My heart? I don't know. My heart is so dark right now. I actually CRAVE to be alone. My girlfriend tells me that she gets lonely sometimes. If I get home from work even 5 minutes before him, I fantasize how nice my life could be...only answering to me.
It would be so simple to tell him to just leave. I did that tonight, as a matter of fact. But I knew he wouldn't. Even if he does, he'll be back.
How do I stop wanting to make everything right? My girlfriend tells me I'm a people pleaser. I can be totally honest with her and she will still love me. Yet I still always try to do what I think she will want. She hates it.
I just want to have my family. Only better. Only right.
What is my problem? Why can't I believe in my heart that leaving is the right thing?
And, by the way, why should I have to leave? I've provided all along. I've been the caretaker. Why won't he just leave?
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
I need more money...I tell him I will get a second job. Hell no. No wife of his will pull in two full-time incomes while he makes $100 a week. God no.
He might feel like a really big piece of s*** then.
So what?
I'm doing what it takes for me and my kids to survive. I will not sugar coat anything to my boys. Yet I won't lie either. I don't have to. They live it every day.
They know that the 3 of us are mistreated. They will never forgive him for that...maybe not me either, because I wasn't strong enough to say "no more" sooner.
better late than never.
I've gotta get out....
Can I just make this post simple and say that you always know how to say what I feel?
Your posts to me always make so much sense. I think "YES"...she gets it.
It's so simple. Yet I make it so complicated. I really believed I was good enough to save him. He was pathetic when I met him. I wasn't. Now we are both pathetic. I want us to save each other. It ain't happening. I can't save him. I can't save me. Atleast that is how it feels.
I am so into music. So many songs come to mind right now.
Let me just say that I get in my head what you say. My heart? I don't know. My heart is so dark right now. I actually CRAVE to be alone. My girlfriend tells me that she gets lonely sometimes. If I get home from work even 5 minutes before him, I fantasize how nice my life could be...only answering to me.
It would be so simple to tell him to just leave. I did that tonight, as a matter of fact. But I knew he wouldn't. Even if he does, he'll be back.
How do I stop wanting to make everything right? My girlfriend tells me I'm a people pleaser. I can be totally honest with her and she will still love me. Yet I still always try to do what I think she will want. She hates it.
I just want to have my family. Only better. Only right.
What is my problem? Why can't I believe in my heart that leaving is the right thing?
And, by the way, why should I have to leave? I've provided all along. I've been the caretaker. Why won't he just leave?
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
I need more money...I tell him I will get a second job. Hell no. No wife of his will pull in two full-time incomes while he makes $100 a week. God no.
He might feel like a really big piece of s*** then.
So what?
I'm doing what it takes for me and my kids to survive. I will not sugar coat anything to my boys. Yet I won't lie either. I don't have to. They live it every day.
They know that the 3 of us are mistreated. They will never forgive him for that...maybe not me either, because I wasn't strong enough to say "no more" sooner.
better late than never.
I've gotta get out....
KEITH URBAN LYRICS
"Stupid Boy"
Well, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different
Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy
Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeah
Well, she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy
It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone
Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me
"Stupid Boy"
Well, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different
Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy
Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeah
Well, she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy
It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone
Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me
Hold On-Wilson Phillips
I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one Can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day
You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?
Repeat Chorus
Breakown/Chorus
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day, Yeah
If you hold on
If you hold on
Mmm... If you hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day, Yeah
Can't you change it this time
Make up your mind
Hold on Hold on
baby hold on... Turn around, Just turn around baby
Hold on for one more day, Cause
It's gonna go your way...
I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one Can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day
You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?
Repeat Chorus
Breakown/Chorus
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day, Yeah
If you hold on
If you hold on
Mmm... If you hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day, Yeah
Can't you change it this time
Make up your mind
Hold on Hold on
baby hold on... Turn around, Just turn around baby
Hold on for one more day, Cause
It's gonna go your way...
Jodi
Honey..if the words I say to you sometimes makes sense to you..its because i was you...
In a relationship that had turned so incredibly bad...and all my reasoning, all my best intentions...all my dreams for a better future made no difference...I felt stuck...too scared to stay too scared to leave...
When we met I knew he was bad news...but did'nt listen to my instincts either.. he swore if he had me he'd have everything he'd ever want in life, but he had such low self esteem that he constantly worried if he ever lost all his money..i'd leave..which of course became a self fulfilling prophecy...lol..he lost it- and once that happened he started drinking heavily, and the abuse started...
God forbid I should leave and prove to him what a money loving gold digger i am...so i stayed...and stayed...and stayed...split lips, broken wrist, broken heart...and i stayed...
I figured there must really be something wrong with me...not him..but me for putting up with his s***..figured maybe i was addicted...searched the libraries for proof of some chemical malfunction in the deepest part of my brain...
And i stayed and stayed..
The song Hold On came to me...and it was like a personal whisper from God...it became "the song" that got me through one of the worst times in my life..
Talk about music being inspirational...lol..What would we do without music in our lives??
I was so naive...i really thought that women "like me" didnt get into relationships like that... talk about denial...Had there been a "MA" (Men's Anonymous ) back then, I would surely have signed up...
And so here i sit, typing to you, hoping to pass on something, anything, that will be your "Hold On" song...
It took me several times to leave for good..like you i "paid a price for leaving" the 1st time...but looking back it was all just part of the process, and one I see you on as well...your leaving him Jody...Your going to take your Kids and you are going to go on and live a better and happier life...You just dont know it yet..lol
Big Hugs
Ali
Post Script:
Hon..Just wanted to finish by saying that if i could come up with ONE thing that was the final PUSH to CHANGE...to leave for good...if there was "ONE SECRET"....it was the EXACT same thing that happened to me when i stopped using....
I could not..absolutely NOT continue even one more day.... from that moment on...death was the only thing that could be worse then what i was experiencing, and if that was the consequence of leaving ( and with drugs- stopping) then so be it...cus even that was better than continuing....
Honey..if the words I say to you sometimes makes sense to you..its because i was you...
In a relationship that had turned so incredibly bad...and all my reasoning, all my best intentions...all my dreams for a better future made no difference...I felt stuck...too scared to stay too scared to leave...
When we met I knew he was bad news...but did'nt listen to my instincts either.. he swore if he had me he'd have everything he'd ever want in life, but he had such low self esteem that he constantly worried if he ever lost all his money..i'd leave..which of course became a self fulfilling prophecy...lol..he lost it- and once that happened he started drinking heavily, and the abuse started...
God forbid I should leave and prove to him what a money loving gold digger i am...so i stayed...and stayed...and stayed...split lips, broken wrist, broken heart...and i stayed...
I figured there must really be something wrong with me...not him..but me for putting up with his s***..figured maybe i was addicted...searched the libraries for proof of some chemical malfunction in the deepest part of my brain...
And i stayed and stayed..
The song Hold On came to me...and it was like a personal whisper from God...it became "the song" that got me through one of the worst times in my life..
Talk about music being inspirational...lol..What would we do without music in our lives??
I was so naive...i really thought that women "like me" didnt get into relationships like that... talk about denial...Had there been a "MA" (Men's Anonymous ) back then, I would surely have signed up...
And so here i sit, typing to you, hoping to pass on something, anything, that will be your "Hold On" song...
It took me several times to leave for good..like you i "paid a price for leaving" the 1st time...but looking back it was all just part of the process, and one I see you on as well...your leaving him Jody...Your going to take your Kids and you are going to go on and live a better and happier life...You just dont know it yet..lol
Big Hugs
Ali
Post Script:
Hon..Just wanted to finish by saying that if i could come up with ONE thing that was the final PUSH to CHANGE...to leave for good...if there was "ONE SECRET"....it was the EXACT same thing that happened to me when i stopped using....
I could not..absolutely NOT continue even one more day.... from that moment on...death was the only thing that could be worse then what i was experiencing, and if that was the consequence of leaving ( and with drugs- stopping) then so be it...cus even that was better than continuing....
Can anyone even understand? I mean, those that haven't lived it. Can you help them to see what it's like? I can't even describe it. I hate it.
I get it. Today, all I ask is why I stayed so long. My sister once told me "I wish you would choose yourself out of this."
It is a choice, Jodi. Even though it seems like it isn't, you make the choice.
You are supporting the family; you are doing it all on your own anyway. The only thing that you will miss when he leaves is his mental abuse.
Recovery is a hard thing to sustain (not impossible, just harder..it is hard enough) with constant mental beat downs. He is an abuser, Jodi. A mental abuser and a blamer.
You have absolutely no power over his capabilites to earn only $100 a week. But he will make you feel like it is all your fault.
What have you got to lose? I wish I could go there, pick you up, and take you out of there. Unfortunately, only you can do that.
It is so worth it. If WE that have left and survived, even FLOURISHED could make you see; make you understand....
You just have to make up your mind and stick to it.
I get it. Today, all I ask is why I stayed so long. My sister once told me "I wish you would choose yourself out of this."
It is a choice, Jodi. Even though it seems like it isn't, you make the choice.
You are supporting the family; you are doing it all on your own anyway. The only thing that you will miss when he leaves is his mental abuse.
Recovery is a hard thing to sustain (not impossible, just harder..it is hard enough) with constant mental beat downs. He is an abuser, Jodi. A mental abuser and a blamer.
You have absolutely no power over his capabilites to earn only $100 a week. But he will make you feel like it is all your fault.
What have you got to lose? I wish I could go there, pick you up, and take you out of there. Unfortunately, only you can do that.
It is so worth it. If WE that have left and survived, even FLOURISHED could make you see; make you understand....
You just have to make up your mind and stick to it.
Joooooooddddddiiiiiiiiii
Where are ya hon?
Check in please,..
cant stop thinking of you..
So many of us know what you are going through and are here for you
come what may..
Hugs
Ali
Where are ya hon?
Check in please,..
cant stop thinking of you..
So many of us know what you are going through and are here for you
come what may..
Hugs
Ali
Jodi-
I am thinking of you as well..........Please check in when you can.
Hugs.
I am thinking of you as well..........Please check in when you can.
Hugs.
Well Im not Jody but Im checking in.Early day for me.
Jody,hun I also can understand your feelings.It took me 13 years to finally say ENOUGH.13 years & a cut throat,to FINALLY say I do not need this,I do NOT deserve this.I could write a book on how scarey life as a single mom can be BUT & this is a big BUT....the rewards you get from building your own life,with your own rules are priceless!!!!
molly
Jody,hun I also can understand your feelings.It took me 13 years to finally say ENOUGH.13 years & a cut throat,to FINALLY say I do not need this,I do NOT deserve this.I could write a book on how scarey life as a single mom can be BUT & this is a big BUT....the rewards you get from building your own life,with your own rules are priceless!!!!
molly
