Rent-A-Sponsor
Are you tired of being told like it is?
Still looking for that easier, softer way?
Had enough of that same old time - tested direction?
NO READING! NO WRITING! NO DEADLINES!
STANDARD FEATURES INCLUDE:
Listening to your sniveling without constant reference to the Big Book or Steps!
Co - signing your excuses and rationalizations!
Work only the Steps YOU want, in the order YOU choose!
Learn the secret of giving it away before you even have it!
Why "walk the walk" when you can just "talk the talk?"
Why save your a** at the cost of losing your face?
Remember, it's better to LOOK good than to FEEL good
FOURTH STEP WRITING SERVICE NOW AVAILABLE! YES, WE WILL TAKE YOUR INVENTORY FOR YOU!!
At Rent - A - Sponsor we understand how UNIQUE you are!
HALF MEASURES ARE OUR SPECIALTY!
Call 1-900-O-POOR-ME
Call now and receive a free copy of "Staying Sober on War Stories Alone!"
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have
accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all beer containers:
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all beer containers:
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
Hey, are they hiring? I'd LOVE to get paid to take inventories--I did it for FREE for years!
God grant me the laughter
to help me see the past with perspective,
face the future with hope,
and celebrate today---
without taking myself too seriously.
to help me see the past with perspective,
face the future with hope,
and celebrate today---
without taking myself too seriously.
A sponsor and his newcomer were at a meeting when the newcomer suddenly collapsed, went into cardiac arrest and fell to the floor. The paramedics arrived, performed CPR and brought the newcomer back to life. "My GOD!", said the sponsor. "I thought we had lost you". The newcomer looked up and told his sponsor, "I believe I was actually dead for a short time. I saw a bright light and felt myself basking in the light of my higher power. I'm sure it was heaven. It was an amazing experience!" "What was heaven like?" asked the sponsor. The newcomer smiled and replied, "Well, I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is that in heaven they have a huge speaker meeting every Thursday night. All the greatest AA speakers that have passed away speak there". "And the bad news?", asked the sponsor. The newcomer looked his sponsor in the eyes and replied, "The bad news is that you're the speaker next week".
12 stepper
The "Rent a Sponsor" is a classic! I loooove it! Personally, I think it should be added to the Big Book, but that ain't happenin' anytime soon.
If I ever get a sponsee, its required reading....
The "Rent a Sponsor" is a classic! I loooove it! Personally, I think it should be added to the Big Book, but that ain't happenin' anytime soon.
If I ever get a sponsee, its required reading....
| QUOTE |
| "Well, I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is that in heaven they have a huge speaker meeting every Thursday night. All the greatest AA speakers that have passed away speak there". "And the bad news?", asked the sponsor. The newcomer looked his sponsor in the eyes and replied, "The bad news is that you're the speaker next week". |
ROTFLMAO.........................................
~~Waving~~Hi Elim.......
LOL...that is hilarious! Thank you for sharing.
| QUOTE |
| A drunk fell into an open grave in the middle of winter and was calling out, "Help. I'm freezing!" Another drunk wandered by and called down, "No wonder.... you kicked all your dirt off." |
More Funnies Found HERE
DISCLAIMER: If you see yourself in ANY of these jokes chances are you might be an alcoholic! Names, faces, places and any individual indidence of coincidence is merely coincidence and not an offense of sense. Unless you want it to be...
I am only semi-joking about the "Rent a Sponsor". The behavior that joke describes happens way, way, too often. A whole lot of Terminal Uniqueness{TM) and way too many reasons why someone can't work a Step or a part of recovery. I like to see more reason why someone wants to work a Step. More helpful to me.
Gidday All
Thanks for the laughs and is that your new signature Skg (the disclaimer)LOL
light and love Zac
Thanks for the laughs and is that your new signature Skg (the disclaimer)LOL
light and love Zac
| QUOTE |
DISCLAIMER: If you see yourself in ANY of these jokes chances are you might be an alcoholic! Names, faces, places and any individual indidence of coincidence is merely coincidence and not an offense of sense. Unless you want it to be... |
Yes, I want to be offended. I will have you know that I often deeply, deeply, resemble those remarks...
Elim, you RAWK.
