Josh,
I want you to know how much I admire your strength and courage. I cant imagine what hell it must be for you to loose your hand. The physical and emotional pain has got to be unbearable.
You are not the typical guy. You have a fianc, not a girlfriend but someone that you are going to marry and begin a life together. She loves you for who you are inside and out.
You have gotten addicted to pain pills. It is understandable with your injury. You are not content to be an addict like everyone else in your neighborhood. You are not content to live off the State for the rest of your life. You want a respectable good paying job. You want a good life for yourself, your fianc and your family. You want to move away from where you are living now. You have plans. You are not the typical guy.
Your anger is understandable. It must seem like the world is against you. Your troubles dont belong to a 23 year old man at the beginning of his adult life.
You need someone to help you get a good job. Contact your local college. Your local collage will have job counselors or career counselors that can tell you what kind of jobs are out there and what you will need to get the job. Then put you anger to good use. Contact every State and local agency and tell them you want help for school and you want it now. Dont stop until they say yes. No doesnt work, you dont have time for no. Cant doesnt work, you dont have time for cant.
You are trying to find the answers and change your life. By coming here and telling you story and asking questions you have proven to me that you are a special person. You are going to beat the odds.
Catherine
Im speachless . serious yes thats me to the T and im trying so hard its ubelivable the crap i have seen the deaths ive witness , my friends dead from drug over doses the ones who i seen a few days before and never got chance to say good by. The hand being blown off every day i have serious pain i have nerve damage from it they tucked my nerves and veins under my wrist . Im starting to get musle degeneration . at 1 time i was a guy who loved life who was in college and in serious martial arts , muati akido for 5 years . then dec 2004 i lost it all . now im trying to regain respect from the ones i lost it from . im geting i togeather but just one day at a time it seems if i take 3 steps im at the first step again . i told the truth in all my post in great honest deatail the people ask me the same questions y ?I tell them look at all my post before judement day . thank you megan seriously maybe others can read what you wrote and understand . now time to see my next peplies im sure i have to answer tenmore times im sure its never good enough for the rest my answers thats y . sin josh
Josh,
Just keep doing what you know deep in your heart is right and that's all you need to worry about. Somedays are easier than others. You keep on trying and that's what counts.
I hope you have a good weekend with your Mom, Dad and your girl,
Best of Luck,
Jan
Just keep doing what you know deep in your heart is right and that's all you need to worry about. Somedays are easier than others. You keep on trying and that's what counts.
I hope you have a good weekend with your Mom, Dad and your girl,
Best of Luck,
Jan
Hello Josh,
I read your posts. I can see the person you are. You are screaming out to people to understand you.
First things first. Get your addiction under control. Get a job or get in school. A job is so important. A job gives you a reason to get up in the morning. A job gives you self respect. A job gives you medical insurance. A job gives you money. Money can get you out of that town.
I know how much it hurts you. I know how much you want your hand back. I know how much you want it like it used to be. You have to start over. You have to begin at the beginning all over again. It isn't goin to be easy. You know that better than me.
Today people see an addict without a hand and that really makes you angry. And I sure don't blame you. You don't want a hand out you want a real job and a real education but you don't know where to begin. You have an inner strength that most people don't have. Use that strength. Let people see that strength. Once people see that you really want a good life, people are going to be willing to help you.
Keep posting Josh. Maybe there are people on this board that are familiar with the area you live and know of Jobs in your area. The same for schooling. And I'm talking good paying jobs. Who woulden't want a young guy like you working for them.
Catherine
I read your posts. I can see the person you are. You are screaming out to people to understand you.
First things first. Get your addiction under control. Get a job or get in school. A job is so important. A job gives you a reason to get up in the morning. A job gives you self respect. A job gives you medical insurance. A job gives you money. Money can get you out of that town.
I know how much it hurts you. I know how much you want your hand back. I know how much you want it like it used to be. You have to start over. You have to begin at the beginning all over again. It isn't goin to be easy. You know that better than me.
Today people see an addict without a hand and that really makes you angry. And I sure don't blame you. You don't want a hand out you want a real job and a real education but you don't know where to begin. You have an inner strength that most people don't have. Use that strength. Let people see that strength. Once people see that you really want a good life, people are going to be willing to help you.
Keep posting Josh. Maybe there are people on this board that are familiar with the area you live and know of Jobs in your area. The same for schooling. And I'm talking good paying jobs. Who woulden't want a young guy like you working for them.
Catherine
thank you megan and the other on here for your responce its true . im suffering hard core . my anixtey is over welming and its chronic like a disbaleing aniextey im on klonpin 1mg 3 times a day its a benzo like xanox i have to take it just trust me on that issue because its to deap to talk about right now i dont abuse it .
look this is the case im fighting really bad crap . that i shoudlnt be fighting im in deap distress . Im wateing for the day that i go into servere chronic withdrawl from suboxone even weing down off of it . Im in hell . I dont like xanax because you get to tolerante to it danny is right pop pop pop in your mouth .
the only drug that has ever helped me was klonopin im looking at the drug fact book its a anticonvulant . perscibed for . petit mal and other seizures ; also persibed for panick atacks leg movent during sleep speaking difulculteys . acute manic depresstion episodes , nerve damage pain .
there is a few of the above that i have wich is really bad aniexty , really bad painc attacks . i have really bad rrls wich is restless leg syndrome . i do have speaking diffuclteys in front of people . AND I DO HAVE MANIC EPISODES AND REALLY BAD NERVE DAMAGE FROM MY ACCIDENT . aND THE REASON Y I ALWAYS LIKED KLONOPIN WAS BECAUSE IT STAYED IN MY BLOOD STREAM FOR A LONG TIME LIKE 2-3 DAYS THATS Y I NEVER ABUSED IT . SO NOW I KNOW Y THEY WANTED ME TO TAKE IT 3 TIMES A DAY INSTEAD OF AS NEEDED . I WAS ALWAYS HONEST AND IT GOT ME IN DEAP CRAP I TOLD MY X DOCTOR WHO CUT ME OFF COLD THAT I ONLY USE IT AS NEEDED BECAUSE I WOULD GO DAYS WITH OUT IT . HE DIDNT LIKE IT SO HE CUT ME OFF AND OTHER ISSUES IF YOU READ ALL MY POST IT WILL TELL YOU Y . yes when i got cut off i had really bad withdrawls like a crackwithdrawl for 2 weeks and i could of sued the sh#t out of him for this . Im stoping xanox very soon its 2mgs . Im not doctor jumping but i need to find a careing doctor who will perscibe this to me i made an apptment
hopefully it will go good . look guys i know all benzos are bad but look i will say 1 thing these drugs are only for the people who didnt respond to well on the other therapeys like the antidepressants and noncontrolled aniexty meds .i dunno if i was addicted to klonpin but i did have withdrawl from when i got cut off even knowing i was only useing it every other day or 3 days ?
i cant even get into see a phycatrist it sucks really bad im serious .
im haveing it bad and i have some more failed rute canals im about to have a freakin breakdown . seriously . i dunno wtf to do . im scared sh1t less i mean it
the xanox sucks . the other post above was incorect sorry about that
look guys im stuck in just dunno what to do you know . i have no phycatrist im looking for a doctor who is going to help me .the suboxone doctor is a dead issue im done with him he gave me strong weing instructions . i told the doctor i see now i made an appt with a phycatrist but they called back saying its a 5 month back up because i was supoose to be only on 2 1/2 of xanox a day its alot and its a bad drug at first its ok but it screws u over after 2 weeks of use .
i dunno wat to do and suboxone makes me feel like crap all the time when im on it it raises my blood preassure makes me sad and all kinds of crap another typical opiod and its to tricky of a drug . my fincea is puting me through stress .
i cant get no job until im better . rehab is outa the question omggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg i cant take it nomore even my fincea i cant talk to about this crap......................shes like ever y day u talk about sub and drugs i must be anoying and insnae
the only drug that has ever helped me was klonopin im looking at the drug fact book its a anticonvulant . perscibed for . petit mal and other seizures ; also persibed for panick atacks leg movent during sleep speaking difulculteys . acute manic depresstion episodes , nerve damage pain .
there is a few of the above that i have wich is really bad aniexty , really bad painc attacks . i have really bad rrls wich is restless leg syndrome . i do have speaking diffuclteys in front of people . AND I DO HAVE MANIC EPISODES AND REALLY BAD NERVE DAMAGE FROM MY ACCIDENT . aND THE REASON Y I ALWAYS LIKED KLONOPIN WAS BECAUSE IT STAYED IN MY BLOOD STREAM FOR A LONG TIME LIKE 2-3 DAYS THATS Y I NEVER ABUSED IT . SO NOW I KNOW Y THEY WANTED ME TO TAKE IT 3 TIMES A DAY INSTEAD OF AS NEEDED . I WAS ALWAYS HONEST AND IT GOT ME IN DEAP CRAP I TOLD MY X DOCTOR WHO CUT ME OFF COLD THAT I ONLY USE IT AS NEEDED BECAUSE I WOULD GO DAYS WITH OUT IT . HE DIDNT LIKE IT SO HE CUT ME OFF AND OTHER ISSUES IF YOU READ ALL MY POST IT WILL TELL YOU Y . yes when i got cut off i had really bad withdrawls like a crackwithdrawl for 2 weeks and i could of sued the sh#t out of him for this . Im stoping xanox very soon its 2mgs . Im not doctor jumping but i need to find a careing doctor who will perscibe this to me i made an apptment
hopefully it will go good . look guys i know all benzos are bad but look i will say 1 thing these drugs are only for the people who didnt respond to well on the other therapeys like the antidepressants and noncontrolled aniexty meds .i dunno if i was addicted to klonpin but i did have withdrawl from when i got cut off even knowing i was only useing it every other day or 3 days ?
i cant even get into see a phycatrist it sucks really bad im serious .
im haveing it bad and i have some more failed rute canals im about to have a freakin breakdown . seriously . i dunno wtf to do . im scared sh1t less i mean it
the xanox sucks . the other post above was incorect sorry about that
look guys im stuck in just dunno what to do you know . i have no phycatrist im looking for a doctor who is going to help me .the suboxone doctor is a dead issue im done with him he gave me strong weing instructions . i told the doctor i see now i made an appt with a phycatrist but they called back saying its a 5 month back up because i was supoose to be only on 2 1/2 of xanox a day its alot and its a bad drug at first its ok but it screws u over after 2 weeks of use .
i dunno wat to do and suboxone makes me feel like crap all the time when im on it it raises my blood preassure makes me sad and all kinds of crap another typical opiod and its to tricky of a drug . my fincea is puting me through stress .
i cant get no job until im better . rehab is outa the question omggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg i cant take it nomore even my fincea i cant talk to about this crap......................shes like ever y day u talk about sub and drugs i must be anoying and insnae
oh yea 1 more thing suboxone gives me troubles in sexual realtions with her such as i cant u know lol i can get it up but not gizzzzz u see that picture thank god for the mental illness think about it it means thank you all the doctorfeel good quaks who got me hooked and god for the mental illness behind it . i hope this topic dont get locked i sware its really important to me . im buggin out big time . i know that crap above might sound funny but its not ............and i cant sleep takeing suboxone it bad thats another reason y im on setdatives suboxone has the worst side affects for me tha any other opoid out on the market even knowing its only a partial opiod it feels like a full 1 to dam strong and to dam tricky and no im not bashing suboxone its wat im going through i sware to god please help me oh im talking to god lol
for those who want to contact me through instant messanger my aim screen name is cainmarko1984 . my yahoo screen name is blue_confustion just spelled like that . i like instant messager talk better . my e-male is drfeelg@netzero.net ok . please help or talk to me guys through there im home almost 24 7 during the week i go on the computer at 10 - 11 am or through out the day i use www.meebo.com its free check it out you can use 5 screen name from all messanger services for free .
You need to get to meetings Im yahoo? For what? Go by the big book tomorrow at a meeting and get out of the house. Go exercise do something.
Get as Job? Go back to school? Start living some kind of life.
Sitting on a computer hey its your life
Good luck to ya
Get as Job? Go back to school? Start living some kind of life.
Sitting on a computer hey its your life
Good luck to ya
Hello Josh,
What can we all do for you? I really mean that.
Please, please, please, don't think I'm jumpping on you. I'm not saying this to be mean. I am trying to understand.
You have built a very large, very thick wall around you to protect yourself. I sure understand why, we all do. Can you poke a little hole in your wall? Your wall may be beginning to hurt you now and if you let us in a little maybe we can know how we can help you.
You are very "down" on just about eveything. Your comments on suboxone are very pessimistic. You wrote that stopping suboxone was worse that quitting heroin. That comment wasn't true. Why did you say it? You are taking it to help you stop the pills. Suboxone is helping you! Suboxone isn't your enemy.
Everybody here is your friend. People come here because they want to. No one get's paid for it. People here have been through hell, they have seen it. People come here because they don't want to let anyone suffer the way they did. Chip a litttle of your wall away so at least the people here can get in.
I'm just trying to understand, please don't mis-understand me.
Oh I read where you wrote that you may be moving south. Tell us more about it.
Catherine
What can we all do for you? I really mean that.
Please, please, please, don't think I'm jumpping on you. I'm not saying this to be mean. I am trying to understand.
You have built a very large, very thick wall around you to protect yourself. I sure understand why, we all do. Can you poke a little hole in your wall? Your wall may be beginning to hurt you now and if you let us in a little maybe we can know how we can help you.
You are very "down" on just about eveything. Your comments on suboxone are very pessimistic. You wrote that stopping suboxone was worse that quitting heroin. That comment wasn't true. Why did you say it? You are taking it to help you stop the pills. Suboxone is helping you! Suboxone isn't your enemy.
Everybody here is your friend. People come here because they want to. No one get's paid for it. People here have been through hell, they have seen it. People come here because they don't want to let anyone suffer the way they did. Chip a litttle of your wall away so at least the people here can get in.
I'm just trying to understand, please don't mis-understand me.
Oh I read where you wrote that you may be moving south. Tell us more about it.
Catherine
Josh - You do realize that the withdrawal from Xanax will be much worse than Klonopin? They half life is much different and much shorter with Xanax.
It's going to be pretty bad, dude.
It's going to be pretty bad, dude.
danny i know what you mean im not kidding . yea i got amune to xanax 2mgs in like over a months use its a bad drug to take . im going back to the doctors and geting off of it as of weing im not kidden because 2mgs and good enough once a day .
another thing danny im switching over to klonpin again because i never really had to much troubles with that drug the doctors use it on me for nerve damage on my left arm i have muscle deateration its geting bad the pain is geting worse on my left arm so thats the true reason y i use klonopin and because of my nerves are shot really bad like everyday im not kidden its no joke . theres alot more to it . AND THE SUBOXONE GUYS I DUNNO ITS HELP ME BUT ITS JUST ANOTHER OPIOD TO BE ON THATS MY OPION YEA IT SAVED MY LIFE BUT THE REAL REASON Y I WANT OFF BECAUSE ITS A NACROTIC IM 23 YEARS OLD IM GETING OLD AND I HAVE T QUIT TAKEING IT WHILE IM AHEAD IN MY BODEY SUB CAUSES WITHDRAWLS BIGTIME IVE USED SUB WITH OUT BENZOS ITS STILL THE SAME IT MAKES ME GO INTO WITHDRAWL IF I DONT TAKE IT EVERY 24 HRS IF IM LUCKY ITS THE TRUTH ITS NOT MY MIND .
another thing danny im switching over to klonpin again because i never really had to much troubles with that drug the doctors use it on me for nerve damage on my left arm i have muscle deateration its geting bad the pain is geting worse on my left arm so thats the true reason y i use klonopin and because of my nerves are shot really bad like everyday im not kidden its no joke . theres alot more to it . AND THE SUBOXONE GUYS I DUNNO ITS HELP ME BUT ITS JUST ANOTHER OPIOD TO BE ON THATS MY OPION YEA IT SAVED MY LIFE BUT THE REAL REASON Y I WANT OFF BECAUSE ITS A NACROTIC IM 23 YEARS OLD IM GETING OLD AND I HAVE T QUIT TAKEING IT WHILE IM AHEAD IN MY BODEY SUB CAUSES WITHDRAWLS BIGTIME IVE USED SUB WITH OUT BENZOS ITS STILL THE SAME IT MAKES ME GO INTO WITHDRAWL IF I DONT TAKE IT EVERY 24 HRS IF IM LUCKY ITS THE TRUTH ITS NOT MY MIND .
DANNY U KNOW WHATS ODD I HAVENT TOOK XANOX SINCE YESTERDAY AT 5 PM ITS 11 AM OR SO TODAY AND I DONT FEEL NO WITHDRAWLS FROM XANOX MAYBE ITS STILL IN MY BLOOD STREAM I DUNNO ? MAYBE I HAVENT BIN ON IT LONG ENOUGH YES I BIN TAKEING IT FOR OVER A MONTH MAYBE 2 . 2MGS AND 1/2 OF A MG DAILY THATS 3MGS A DAY YEA I SCREWED AROUND WITH IT A FEW TIMES BY TAKEING 2 PLLS AT ONCE BUT NEVER WENT FARTHER THEN THAT I PROB WOULD IF I DONT QUITE IT ALL IT REALLY DOES IS MAKES U THINK OMG IM ALIVE AGAIN THEN A LITTLE WHILES LONGER UR LIKE UH WTF
Withdrawals can take up to a couple of weeks to kick in. It took 4 or 5 days for me.
You have mail.
You have mail.
