Hey Jim...got tired of trying to talk to you about recovery and having Danny jump in and talk about movies or music. Nothing wrong with that, this board needs a little lightness, but it is still about recovery and that's what I feel like talking about today.
Not sure what my mood is and why but I'm white knuckling it today. It snowed here last night and today the house is quiet, too quiet. Just want you to know that even after 8 months, I go through days like this where things just aren't as perfect as I'd like them to be...I'm not as strong as I'd like to be either. Should of made a meeting this morning, but the driveway was pretty scary and my husband had already left for the football game. Excuses? Probably.
Anyway, I love that you're back and I love your honesty. Sorry to say that your wife was justified in the tongue lashing. You deserved it and she probably had a lot of pent up scary feelings that she didn't know what to do with. Long as it's done with love, it's just something we gotta shut up and take. The flip side is, she might not care and not say a word.
It's going to be a bumpy ride, darlin, so hang on to your butt. You've been down this road, so you know what you have to do.
Always
Cowgirl
Hi Cowgirl,
Love ya'. One of the things that help me when an obsession comes along is remembering how I felt and what I went threw and knowing I never have to feel like that again. I find it's much easier to stay clean than to get clean! And yes,
poor excuse! lol, You would have gone down that driveway for your addiction, you damn sure can go down that driveway for your recovery! Thats one of the things I love about you, your honesty, have a nice day Cowgirl, I love ya'.
Take care...................................God bless....................................Bob
Love ya'. One of the things that help me when an obsession comes along is remembering how I felt and what I went threw and knowing I never have to feel like that again. I find it's much easier to stay clean than to get clean! And yes,
poor excuse! lol, You would have gone down that driveway for your addiction, you damn sure can go down that driveway for your recovery! Thats one of the things I love about you, your honesty, have a nice day Cowgirl, I love ya'.
Take care...................................God bless....................................Bob
Hi Jr.,
I agree with Cowgirl, took a lot of courage to admit you were using again. Just know that most of us, if not all of us have relapsed. You're not the only one and I know how embarrassing it can be. It's a disease though, that's something I have to get through my head.
Cowgirl,
I know things have been so hard on you for the past several months. The fact that through it all you continued to stay clean shows so much strength. I admire you for that. I dont think many people could had toughed it out as you have.
I'm glad for this thread too, thank you. I am so tired of the other issue's on this board anymore.
Love,
Liz
I agree with Cowgirl, took a lot of courage to admit you were using again. Just know that most of us, if not all of us have relapsed. You're not the only one and I know how embarrassing it can be. It's a disease though, that's something I have to get through my head.
Cowgirl,
I know things have been so hard on you for the past several months. The fact that through it all you continued to stay clean shows so much strength. I admire you for that. I dont think many people could had toughed it out as you have.
I'm glad for this thread too, thank you. I am so tired of the other issue's on this board anymore.
Love,
Liz
Hey CG-
Dont mean to "butt in" - but you are right, seems like things have kinda gotten "off track" here between wives and lyrics!!! I did like the song thing, that was kinda fun, but we still have to focus on recovery.
We all have our days, CG - and I know you wont use (especially since your snowed in)LOL. No, seriously - do you live in WA? My best friend lives in Kent, WA. I've never been out west, but my birthday is in Feb and I was thinking of flying out there for a long weekend - when does it start warming up a little??
Your a tough cookie, with a heart of gold. You have been through a hell of alot lately and then with the holidays and all - I think it gets a little "overwhelming" for alot of people. You just hang in there chica. You are such a great inspriation to so many here, including myself and you know that.
Hey, has that show aired yet. I saw a commercial for it one day last week. Do you know when its on - I'd really love to watch it.
Sending you a big hug and letting you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. If you'd like to email me anytime purplerain062@yahoo.com.
Love ya,
Marie
Dont mean to "butt in" - but you are right, seems like things have kinda gotten "off track" here between wives and lyrics!!! I did like the song thing, that was kinda fun, but we still have to focus on recovery.
We all have our days, CG - and I know you wont use (especially since your snowed in)LOL. No, seriously - do you live in WA? My best friend lives in Kent, WA. I've never been out west, but my birthday is in Feb and I was thinking of flying out there for a long weekend - when does it start warming up a little??
Your a tough cookie, with a heart of gold. You have been through a hell of alot lately and then with the holidays and all - I think it gets a little "overwhelming" for alot of people. You just hang in there chica. You are such a great inspriation to so many here, including myself and you know that.
Hey, has that show aired yet. I saw a commercial for it one day last week. Do you know when its on - I'd really love to watch it.
Sending you a big hug and letting you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. If you'd like to email me anytime purplerain062@yahoo.com.
Love ya,
Marie
God, Bob, you are so right. I feel like such a dork.
If it meant I was getting a prescription filled, I would have walked down the driveway (a mile long dirt rad, covered with snow and ice) and hitched a ride into town.
I do keep in mind what it felt like to go through the pain, emotionally and physically of withdrawals... in fact when I read posts from people that are going through w/d's, I get that panicky, anxious feeling in my stomach that I never ever want to feel again. So evil.
If I don't have honesty, what do I have?
I love you bud
Cowgirl
If it meant I was getting a prescription filled, I would have walked down the driveway (a mile long dirt rad, covered with snow and ice) and hitched a ride into town.
I do keep in mind what it felt like to go through the pain, emotionally and physically of withdrawals... in fact when I read posts from people that are going through w/d's, I get that panicky, anxious feeling in my stomach that I never ever want to feel again. So evil.
If I don't have honesty, what do I have?
I love you bud
Cowgirl
Hey Marie... thanks for the pep talk. Read the thread titled "cowgirl" by John Dee. It tells all about the show. Yes, it is tomorrow night.
It doesn't start warming up here until August. Kidding, April and May can be pretty nice. What a wonderful way to spend your birthday, I hope you get to go.
I am tough and I can do this. But I'm also human and an addict (now, there's a scary combination).
Love you too kiddo
Cowgirl
It doesn't start warming up here until August. Kidding, April and May can be pretty nice. What a wonderful way to spend your birthday, I hope you get to go.
I am tough and I can do this. But I'm also human and an addict (now, there's a scary combination).
Love you too kiddo
Cowgirl
Jim, are you out there?
I'm off for the night, hopefully we can hook up in the morning...
I'm off for the night, hopefully we can hook up in the morning...
Hi Cowgirl - I didn't see this post until now. I just came online and posted about Step 3. Thanks for your support, and you're right about my wife. I deserve every bit of it and more. I'm really in white knuckle mode myself, and depsite the ice and snow here in Hartford (my excuse for staying home), I should have gone to a meeting today. Bob's right, there's no excuse.
Well, now my son wants to go play in our train room. We've built an HO-scale layout in the basement - it's a lot of fun for both of us. I'll try and get back on in a little while.
Thanks for checking in on me.
Jim
Well, now my son wants to go play in our train room. We've built an HO-scale layout in the basement - it's a lot of fun for both of us. I'll try and get back on in a little while.
Thanks for checking in on me.
Jim
Jim..you sound better..so I'll say good night knowing that you're ok.
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
CG:
I have to agree with you on the notion of if it were an rx you'd hitch a ride to get it but when it comes to a meeting sometimes we forget that same tenacity. I was at a meeting tonight that has a 10 minute speaker and then the main speaker, well, I told my friends that "I was sooo tired" that I would leave after the 10 minute speaker. My friend informed me that when I was getting loaded that I more often than not stayed up past 9 pm, lol! I didn't leave before the miracle, lol, and it was a great meeting. I go to a lot of meetings and it helps me stay in check. Next week I will be in San Francisco for business, for a week, and will not be able to make my usual meetings. I know how I get when I don't go, restless, irritable and discontent. Hope you are doing better.
Love,
Rachel
I have to agree with you on the notion of if it were an rx you'd hitch a ride to get it but when it comes to a meeting sometimes we forget that same tenacity. I was at a meeting tonight that has a 10 minute speaker and then the main speaker, well, I told my friends that "I was sooo tired" that I would leave after the 10 minute speaker. My friend informed me that when I was getting loaded that I more often than not stayed up past 9 pm, lol! I didn't leave before the miracle, lol, and it was a great meeting. I go to a lot of meetings and it helps me stay in check. Next week I will be in San Francisco for business, for a week, and will not be able to make my usual meetings. I know how I get when I don't go, restless, irritable and discontent. Hope you are doing better.
Love,
Rachel
Rachel;
You are soooo right about that! With this recent relapse once again it's mind-boggling to realize how much time and energy I put into my cloak and dagger routine in order to get some pills. I've always done my pill shopping online, and won't go into any details here, but it was virtually all consuming for several days to eventually get the pills. And yet I still screwed up - the m.o. receipt was crumpled up next to my bedroom dresser. My wife was just picking up around the house when voila! she picked up the receipt.
Actually I'm coming to believe that I didn't screw up so much as my HP (today I call him Peyton Manning), wasn't going to allow me to conitnue down this path of self-destruction.
Thanks, and take care!
Jim
PS - Will you go to meetings in San Fran?
You are soooo right about that! With this recent relapse once again it's mind-boggling to realize how much time and energy I put into my cloak and dagger routine in order to get some pills. I've always done my pill shopping online, and won't go into any details here, but it was virtually all consuming for several days to eventually get the pills. And yet I still screwed up - the m.o. receipt was crumpled up next to my bedroom dresser. My wife was just picking up around the house when voila! she picked up the receipt.
Actually I'm coming to believe that I didn't screw up so much as my HP (today I call him Peyton Manning), wasn't going to allow me to conitnue down this path of self-destruction.
Thanks, and take care!
Jim
PS - Will you go to meetings in San Fran?
JR:
Sometimes God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. I will try to go to meetings in San Francisco but my company plans stuff from 7am- dinners at night. I have the same job as your wife so I'm sure you've heard about our meeetings, lol. Take care of yourself, you sound good.
RAchel
Sometimes God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. I will try to go to meetings in San Francisco but my company plans stuff from 7am- dinners at night. I have the same job as your wife so I'm sure you've heard about our meeetings, lol. Take care of yourself, you sound good.
RAchel
That's right...I'm sorry I forgot. My wife always comes back exhausted from those trips. She gets about a one hour break before the evening stuff and that's about it. What a drag...I don't travel much but I cherish the evenings to do my own thing (which is usually not much!).
BTW - I have my straterra pen and cialis tissues at my desk.
Have a safe trip.
Jim
BTW - I have my straterra pen and cialis tissues at my desk.
Have a safe trip.
Jim
JR:
LOL, pens, tissue, hand sanitizer...I'm sure you get the onslaught of UPS shipments on your front porch. I get really tired from these meetings also, wish I didn't have to participate but I try to act like a team player. It is pouring rain in L.A. today, don't feel like flying, oh well. You take care of yourself.
RAchel
LOL, pens, tissue, hand sanitizer...I'm sure you get the onslaught of UPS shipments on your front porch. I get really tired from these meetings also, wish I didn't have to participate but I try to act like a team player. It is pouring rain in L.A. today, don't feel like flying, oh well. You take care of yourself.
RAchel
