Just A Little Heavy Sharing!

Last October I watched my mom die of lung cancer. I was numbed on pills throughout the whole process. I kept telling myself, well, she coped with life by smoking, I cope by popping pills. What a load of BS our brains can tell us; it's the addict in us.

I have a few pills left; I've been tapering the last several days, hence the restless legs, severe anxiety, etc. I have been clean/using/clean/using for decades, but I haven't found the Golden Ticket to staying clean. I have the tools: NA literature, this board, NA friends, even a sponsor who is a phone call away.

Anyway, I know I'll have a lot to deal with emotionally once I am totally off the pills. I know the physical stuff goes away eventually, but like Pink Floyd said, "I have become comfortably numb." Can anyone relate?
Oh yeah.
The real test is becoming comfortably sober, which is not as easy to do as popping a pill to become numb.There is no golden ticket.
I quit being comfortably numb.It was all hell.

You can do it.Once you have a taste of freedom,getting numb never last.

Like you said,you know what to do.I'll say prayer for you today.I think you're worth it.



I know she is worth it, and she does, too.

I had a doctor tell me the other day how bewildering it is to him to see otherwise "intelligent, nice looking, seemingly "together" women", blow it all by sticking a cigarette in their mouth. I thought, "Man, if he only knew about some of my other (past) habits"! .
The same goes for you, Betsy. You have everything it takes to live a wonderful life, and I hate you see you being a slave to the damn pills.
There is no golden ticket, kiddo. Sorry. The closest you will ever find to one is the burning desire in your heart to stop the madness.
I am very sorry to hear about your mom.
I will reply to your email after American Idol. Gotta go and watch my girl Brook!!
My gosh - not to take away from your message Betsy, but this is what I get for not watching TV. You mean our "Brookie" is on AI this year, Carol? I knew there was a reason why she was putting time restraints on our meeting and here I thought it was those softball games. <beg>

Betsy - I can relate to what you wrote. However, that feeling of comfortable numbness, became very uncomfortable as my disease progressed. I'll get back with you via email, as there currently are no PA meeting in your neck of the woods...YET. I have always felt such a kindred spirit with you and am so happy to see messages from you. I am going to be offline for the next 5 days or so, but let's talk via phone. I'll send you my number.

Love to you ~

Sammy