hi my names tony iv been on heroin for 18 years now and have had some clean time inbetween for short periods. iv been in recovery for 2 years now and i got 6 months clean the first time then relaped then after 10 months back out there then got 3 months clean but messed it up again. iv beenb using again for about 6 months and am sick of it but am finding it so hard to take that first step and take my subutex the fear is really on me. im sitting hear now not feeling to good hoping i can take my sub but on the other hand im thinking of scoring its only because i have no money at the moment that i havent. if someone could give me some words of wisdom would really help me right now im struggling so bad and dont know what to do and feel reallyt scared to be honest. thanks tony.
Tony..don't score. Take the sub. Get off the merry go round. What have you got to lose?
If you score, you start all over. If you take the sub, you get a shot at recovery. Have you gone to any NA meetings? Talked to anyone about this besides your mom?
Keep coming back here..lots of good people to talk too.
If you score, you start all over. If you take the sub, you get a shot at recovery. Have you gone to any NA meetings? Talked to anyone about this besides your mom?
Keep coming back here..lots of good people to talk too.
Hi There,
I startted on Subutex three years ago after 23 years of using.
First three days of detox - what you would expect - near hell. Next three days on 16mg uncomfortable but improving. Then day be day improvement.
I took 18 months to wean off the subs and clean ever since.
I could never go back to that life, if I think about using I also think about what I will miss, holidays, a nice home, great partner, money in the bank.
Two days before I was due to detox I was wavering!!!
Good Luck,
Eddie
I startted on Subutex three years ago after 23 years of using.
First three days of detox - what you would expect - near hell. Next three days on 16mg uncomfortable but improving. Then day be day improvement.
I took 18 months to wean off the subs and clean ever since.
I could never go back to that life, if I think about using I also think about what I will miss, holidays, a nice home, great partner, money in the bank.
Two days before I was due to detox I was wavering!!!
Good Luck,
Eddie
hi there. thanks for your repleys. its so nice to get some suport from people i dont even know i think thats what i love about ca people just want to help and dont want nothing from ya which was new to me. people always wanted something from me.i still have not taken my sub yet its crazy iv done it a few times now and have been ok but every time it comes to doing it again the fear is on me that when i take it im going to be ill. i so want to get clean again i love the summer and dont want to be using. i spoke to my sponcer last night but he has nothing new to tell me he just says you know the steps and have done them so i know what to do but that dont help me right now when that beast is wispering in my ear.im so down that i cant take this first sub feel like im so weak.
Tony - I'm a recovering heroin addict and have been on Suboxone since Dec. 20th.
I thought that my life was going to be so boring without the partying of drugs. I was worried for nothing. Life is sooooooooo many million times better without the drugs!!
You basically have to just want it very badly is what I believe gets people clean. They have to be sincerely sick of the lifestyle and disgusted with having to find drugs all the time. I found myself overwhelmed with disgust at the time, money and energy I wasted getting high constantly. And how, when compared to my life now, shady and awful it was to live that way. I was always trying to score, always trying to find money to buy drugs and had crappy friends who were not friends at all, but just other users. Who I could not trust alone in my living room while I was on the toilet, lol.
Getting clean and starting a new life....scary stuff but I decided to look at it as an adventure instead of something to be afraid of. Almost a fake it til you feel it type of thing. I didn't have to fake it at all. My brain is healing, my outlook is better...I feel very hopeful, my life is already tons better. I also saw my regular doc besides the addiction specialist and group meetings. He gave me Prozac and it really helped with my depression and overall outlook. Perhaps this is something to try? Talk to your doc...perhaps you are depressed along with being an addict. Like I was. Now I'm a recovering addict with a hopeful outlook. It's nice. I feel a little like a new person. One day at a time ya know?
Take care, keep posting and let us know how you are doing!
Nice to meet you.
Love,
Melissa
I thought that my life was going to be so boring without the partying of drugs. I was worried for nothing. Life is sooooooooo many million times better without the drugs!!
You basically have to just want it very badly is what I believe gets people clean. They have to be sincerely sick of the lifestyle and disgusted with having to find drugs all the time. I found myself overwhelmed with disgust at the time, money and energy I wasted getting high constantly. And how, when compared to my life now, shady and awful it was to live that way. I was always trying to score, always trying to find money to buy drugs and had crappy friends who were not friends at all, but just other users. Who I could not trust alone in my living room while I was on the toilet, lol.
Getting clean and starting a new life....scary stuff but I decided to look at it as an adventure instead of something to be afraid of. Almost a fake it til you feel it type of thing. I didn't have to fake it at all. My brain is healing, my outlook is better...I feel very hopeful, my life is already tons better. I also saw my regular doc besides the addiction specialist and group meetings. He gave me Prozac and it really helped with my depression and overall outlook. Perhaps this is something to try? Talk to your doc...perhaps you are depressed along with being an addict. Like I was. Now I'm a recovering addict with a hopeful outlook. It's nice. I feel a little like a new person. One day at a time ya know?
Take care, keep posting and let us know how you are doing!
Nice to meet you.
Love,
Melissa
Ask for a different sponsor..ok?
Yea, ok, you've done the steps, you know them but at times like this, you need all the support you can get. That means your sponsor, meetings..anything and everything to keep you from using.
How long has it been since you last used H? Is this why you're afraid to use the sub? That you won't be in withdrawals long enough? 24-36 hours should be plenty. Are you working with a sub dr? Less is best so start with 4mg, see how you feel and then go from there. You haven't taken anything that is long acting, like extended release morphine, right?
Yea, ok, you've done the steps, you know them but at times like this, you need all the support you can get. That means your sponsor, meetings..anything and everything to keep you from using.
How long has it been since you last used H? Is this why you're afraid to use the sub? That you won't be in withdrawals long enough? 24-36 hours should be plenty. Are you working with a sub dr? Less is best so start with 4mg, see how you feel and then go from there. You haven't taken anything that is long acting, like extended release morphine, right?
Hi, Tony
Great to see you posting and seeking support from these wonderful people! My son is on suboxone and he said that it helps him a lot with the cravings. He also is on Zoloft for depression. I hope you decide to give this a chance so you can get your life back. It sounds like you're so tired of living like this....just as my son was. Like Melissa shared, my son's life was consumed with scoring. Nothing else mattered...not his wife...not his dog...not his home...not his parents...not his sisters or their families. He wasn't spending any time with any of us and when I looked into his eyes...he looked sad and lost. Now, he's back on his suboxone and he's spending time with his wife, his dog, and the rest of his family. He went to the baptism of his cousin's baby and the celebration with the extended family afterwards...even called her to ask for gift suggestions. He goes out to play Wii with his 5 year old nephew (Godson). He traveled about 100 miles to testify for a friend who bought a home with undisclosed water problems and helped her win the case! He would have been incapable of doing that if he was still using. I am praying for you. Please keep in touch! I care!
God bless!
Susan
Great to see you posting and seeking support from these wonderful people! My son is on suboxone and he said that it helps him a lot with the cravings. He also is on Zoloft for depression. I hope you decide to give this a chance so you can get your life back. It sounds like you're so tired of living like this....just as my son was. Like Melissa shared, my son's life was consumed with scoring. Nothing else mattered...not his wife...not his dog...not his home...not his parents...not his sisters or their families. He wasn't spending any time with any of us and when I looked into his eyes...he looked sad and lost. Now, he's back on his suboxone and he's spending time with his wife, his dog, and the rest of his family. He went to the baptism of his cousin's baby and the celebration with the extended family afterwards...even called her to ask for gift suggestions. He goes out to play Wii with his 5 year old nephew (Godson). He traveled about 100 miles to testify for a friend who bought a home with undisclosed water problems and helped her win the case! He would have been incapable of doing that if he was still using. I am praying for you. Please keep in touch! I care!
God bless!
Susan
Hey melissa
I can relate to almost all of which you have just wrote,,i know we,ve not really spoke b4 but what i,m wanting to ask you is about the prozac..
I,m in Scotland and the prozac i,m prescribed is callled fluoxetine,,i was on 20mg but now bn put up to 40mg,,problem is the fact that i dont take them,,,I did at one point though took more than i should have,,only bcoz a woman had told me she was on 60mg i decidede to up my dose on my own,,i then stopped taking them abruptly,basically as per usual i did everthing you are told not too....I ended up in a bit of a state with my balance amongst other things when i did this and am now wary of them...I dont really want to be on anti-depressants but i suppose if they were gonna help me then yeah,,i should go for it..
So i reckon you will say go for it as well,,,Melissa can you give me any pointers in how you were b4 you took them then obviously as you were taking them,,,i,ll understand if you dont wanna share this with me....Thanx in advance........................Eck.....
I can relate to almost all of which you have just wrote,,i know we,ve not really spoke b4 but what i,m wanting to ask you is about the prozac..
I,m in Scotland and the prozac i,m prescribed is callled fluoxetine,,i was on 20mg but now bn put up to 40mg,,problem is the fact that i dont take them,,,I did at one point though took more than i should have,,only bcoz a woman had told me she was on 60mg i decidede to up my dose on my own,,i then stopped taking them abruptly,basically as per usual i did everthing you are told not too....I ended up in a bit of a state with my balance amongst other things when i did this and am now wary of them...I dont really want to be on anti-depressants but i suppose if they were gonna help me then yeah,,i should go for it..
So i reckon you will say go for it as well,,,Melissa can you give me any pointers in how you were b4 you took them then obviously as you were taking them,,,i,ll understand if you dont wanna share this with me....Thanx in advance........................Eck.....
hi all. thanks for your replys it was so nice to look on here and see someone had replyed to my mail thank you.well i ant taken my sub yet still too scared to take it and have used today but it really has come to a end im am totally fed up and sick of doing the same thing day in day out. im going to take my sub tomorrow defo im trying to stay strong tonight wake up and take it. i need to turn my life around and am going to put my all into it tomorrow. so tonight i will be on my knees and reading my book to help me. im 38 now and think after 19 years of using its about time to get myself clean and beging to injoy my life instead of just excisting. so all hope your fingers are crossed for me for tomorrow. ill post tomorrow and let you know how i get on. thanks bfor all your replys. tony.
Hi, Tony! So good to hear from you! I got on tonight before I went to bed just to check on YOU. Before I go to sleep I will say some special prayers for you to find the strength to do the right thing for YOU and take your subutex...and get your life back like my son did. You CAN do this....one day at a time! :)
God bless and make you strong,
Susan
God bless and make you strong,
Susan
Did you take the sub? How do you feel?
Hi, Tony
I was hoping to hear from you. Whether you took it or not...please keep in touch. We're here to help in any way we can. I did pray for you before bed last night. I will tonight too!
God bless!
Susan
I was hoping to hear from you. Whether you took it or not...please keep in touch. We're here to help in any way we can. I did pray for you before bed last night. I will tonight too!
God bless!
Susan
"""Melissa can you give me any pointers in how you were b4 you took them then obviously as you were taking them,,,i,ll understand if you dont wanna share this with me....Thanx in advance........................Eck....."""
No problem! Of course I don't mind sharing.This is important to recovery I believe.
Before I took the anti's (Prozac) I was in a very dark, dreary place. I woke up everyday hopeless. I cried at the drop of a hat. I hated myself and found reasons to pick myself apart. I felt nothing I did was ever right and that I always made poor decisions. I felt sorry for myself a lot. I began spending my weekends utterly alone (after I got my fix and had to stand talking to people for a while). I didn't even enjoy my walks anymore. I felt hopeless and like what was the point of life? It was bad. I watched a LOT of bad television. Sometimes I just started at the screen and saw nothing. I was spending a ton of money on Heroin. About 10 bags a day or more if I could afford it. I was sad and would focus on all the bad in my life. I just felt very,very down and miserable. Nothing made me happy, no amount of drugs and no one could help me. It was all me, living in misery in my head too much.
I burst out bawling in the doc's office. He said, and I quote "the very first thing we have to do Melissa is get that depression under control!" He was awesome. I began taking the Prozac (and yes, you were getting the generic as I am too) and after about 3 days I began to notice a slight lift to my spirits. It wasnt' just in my head, I actually "felt" better, stronger in mind and less dark. I began to like people being around me more. I began to want to spend time with my friends and I actually shopped for Christmas with enthusiasm. (I started mine Dec. 3rd) I was in a up and down state still, but it was way reduced..it was like instead of having super low lows, I was having periods of high, medium and low. I think that is what people are supposed to feel. All emotions. Once I started feeling like I had a better outlook, I could not wait to get started on recovery.
Everyone said it takes weeks and up to a month to feel any result from the Prozac. But for me, I noticed pretty fast a difference. Within a week I had already felt better. Also the fact that I un-burdened myself by telling my doctor everything. I didn't leave anything out.It helped a lot that he was sympathetic and so very, very kind. He even made me feel better by telling me I had a lot of courage to come in that day and speak up. That made me feel proud of myself for the first time in forever.
As I progress I still do have moods. It's not like I walk around in a constant state of bliss (lol, don't we all wish?) but my lows aren't as dramatic and dark and my highs feel awesome. Because of the Prozac and the Subs my entire life has changed. I never was one for exercise and working out but I have been going to Yoga, running and doing exercise dvd's at home. I am starting to make clean friends. It's hard to do at this age but not impossible.
I'm only on 20 mgs. a day too. It makes a difference. Give it time. If you don't feel much after about 2 weeks, talk to your doctor about the dosing. Also, sometimes people need a little something extra added to the antidepressant. My doctor told me that later on, if my lack of sex drive becomes an issue (that's a side effect that does suck), he can put me on a small dose of Wellbutrin to stimulate my dopamine receptors. Apparently, you can take both. Also, Abilify is sometimes added for people too. Especially if you have any OCD issues.
Try it again Eck, and this time - take it correctly. Don't increase your dose. Take it at the same time every day. I take mine in the morning. Everyone is different though, I have friends who take thiers at night. Start a blog or a journal if you like to write. Write down what you are feeling. Then, in a month or 2, go back and look at it. See if your outlook has changed for the better! And I will bet it will change.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Much support and prayers going your way...
Love,
Melissa
No problem! Of course I don't mind sharing.This is important to recovery I believe.
Before I took the anti's (Prozac) I was in a very dark, dreary place. I woke up everyday hopeless. I cried at the drop of a hat. I hated myself and found reasons to pick myself apart. I felt nothing I did was ever right and that I always made poor decisions. I felt sorry for myself a lot. I began spending my weekends utterly alone (after I got my fix and had to stand talking to people for a while). I didn't even enjoy my walks anymore. I felt hopeless and like what was the point of life? It was bad. I watched a LOT of bad television. Sometimes I just started at the screen and saw nothing. I was spending a ton of money on Heroin. About 10 bags a day or more if I could afford it. I was sad and would focus on all the bad in my life. I just felt very,very down and miserable. Nothing made me happy, no amount of drugs and no one could help me. It was all me, living in misery in my head too much.
I burst out bawling in the doc's office. He said, and I quote "the very first thing we have to do Melissa is get that depression under control!" He was awesome. I began taking the Prozac (and yes, you were getting the generic as I am too) and after about 3 days I began to notice a slight lift to my spirits. It wasnt' just in my head, I actually "felt" better, stronger in mind and less dark. I began to like people being around me more. I began to want to spend time with my friends and I actually shopped for Christmas with enthusiasm. (I started mine Dec. 3rd) I was in a up and down state still, but it was way reduced..it was like instead of having super low lows, I was having periods of high, medium and low. I think that is what people are supposed to feel. All emotions. Once I started feeling like I had a better outlook, I could not wait to get started on recovery.
Everyone said it takes weeks and up to a month to feel any result from the Prozac. But for me, I noticed pretty fast a difference. Within a week I had already felt better. Also the fact that I un-burdened myself by telling my doctor everything. I didn't leave anything out.It helped a lot that he was sympathetic and so very, very kind. He even made me feel better by telling me I had a lot of courage to come in that day and speak up. That made me feel proud of myself for the first time in forever.
As I progress I still do have moods. It's not like I walk around in a constant state of bliss (lol, don't we all wish?) but my lows aren't as dramatic and dark and my highs feel awesome. Because of the Prozac and the Subs my entire life has changed. I never was one for exercise and working out but I have been going to Yoga, running and doing exercise dvd's at home. I am starting to make clean friends. It's hard to do at this age but not impossible.
I'm only on 20 mgs. a day too. It makes a difference. Give it time. If you don't feel much after about 2 weeks, talk to your doctor about the dosing. Also, sometimes people need a little something extra added to the antidepressant. My doctor told me that later on, if my lack of sex drive becomes an issue (that's a side effect that does suck), he can put me on a small dose of Wellbutrin to stimulate my dopamine receptors. Apparently, you can take both. Also, Abilify is sometimes added for people too. Especially if you have any OCD issues.
Try it again Eck, and this time - take it correctly. Don't increase your dose. Take it at the same time every day. I take mine in the morning. Everyone is different though, I have friends who take thiers at night. Start a blog or a journal if you like to write. Write down what you are feeling. Then, in a month or 2, go back and look at it. See if your outlook has changed for the better! And I will bet it will change.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Much support and prayers going your way...
Love,
Melissa
Still praying for you, Tony! Hope to hear from you soon!
God bless!
Susan
God bless!
Susan
You are so wonderful Melissa.
Awww...((((blush))))) Thanks Lisa! :)
Depression is very scary. I felt like I lost myself. I am normally very optomistic and positive and had a zest for life so when I'm depressed, it doesn't even feel like me! Remembering that...I can't not help someone out who's in that mode.
But, you know what? If I hadn't gotten depressed like I was, I don't know if I would have wanted to quit so much! I can never be sure but I think my angel directed this, knowing I would get help. I would never let myself get so down that I even dared to consider suicide. I am a victim of suicide after all - my brother hung himself when I was 20 years old - devistating my entire family just about forever.
Good luck and God Bless Eckie. And thanks Lisa, I'm feeling pretty okay about myself these days! :)
Love,
Melissa
Depression is very scary. I felt like I lost myself. I am normally very optomistic and positive and had a zest for life so when I'm depressed, it doesn't even feel like me! Remembering that...I can't not help someone out who's in that mode.
But, you know what? If I hadn't gotten depressed like I was, I don't know if I would have wanted to quit so much! I can never be sure but I think my angel directed this, knowing I would get help. I would never let myself get so down that I even dared to consider suicide. I am a victim of suicide after all - my brother hung himself when I was 20 years old - devistating my entire family just about forever.
Good luck and God Bless Eckie. And thanks Lisa, I'm feeling pretty okay about myself these days! :)
Love,
Melissa
HI YA SORRY HAVENT REPLYED. IHAVNT TAKEN IT YET THE FEAR IS SO BAD IM SO DEPRESSED AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. IM GOING TO KEEP TRYING KEEP PRAYING AND READING MY BOOK. MY FRIEND HAS SAID I CAN GO STAY WITH HIM FOR A BIT TO GET AWAY FROM MY EREA MIGHT HELP BECAUSE FINDING IT SO HARD. THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGES THEY REALLY DO HELP KNOWING THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CARE. HOPE YOUR WELL TONY. X
GREAT to hear from you, Tony! You're taking steps...just keep moving in the right direction...you'll get there! Going to stay with your friend would probably help...especially for those first days. My son deleted a lot of numbers on his cell phone and asked me to block some so they weren't pestering him while he was trying to move away from it all. The blocking helped because they wouldn't leave him alone. Keep posting and trying...for YOUR sake...for YOUR life. :) I'll keep praying...guaranteed!
God bless!
Susan
God bless!
Susan
thank you susan i will go away for a bit and give it a go need to do this so bad the clean time i had before was proberly the happiest months of my life. thank you for the prairs your such a nice person thank you. x
That is WONDERFUL news!!!! I'm so proud of you for taking this step for yourself. Prayers still coming!!!! I asked my son to pray for you as well. You CAN do this!
God bless,
Susan
God bless,
Susan
