151 days of being c/s!!!! I am happy about my recovery. That being said its also hard to be c/s. I still have crazy thoughts like i can just deal drugs, not use them cause i need the money. Sorry WANT the money the bills get paid here and not by me but im not poor so want is a better word. The using dreams OMG i hear that it does stop but they hit me like a train. The feel so real. In my dreams i take pills and i can tatse it smell it and feel it i get up to pee and i cant wait to get back to my dream. CRAZY the obsession that is.
Still looking for a new sponsor but im not gonna rush it since ive had 3 so far i want to take my time find a better fit. Im going to different meetings and making new friends. Sometimes its like i can be in two worlds. The meetings i attend regularly are in the east side(nice side) and im not really a east side girl if ya know what i mean. I can relate and see things very different in a meeting on the west side. But since im still kinda new at this stuff i think its harmful for me to be on the west side cause dealers are in the room waiting to get their paper signed and for a chance to get you alone so they can just let you know...Its to tempting for me but i dont go alone that helps and leave soon after. Youd think even in the day it wouldnt be like that WRONG. Now on the east side the ladies are kinda stuck up but are nice to your face. There are wonderful ladies dont get me wrong they earned their seat just like me but they can make you feel like they think they are better then you and not think twice about it. The rooms are full of all different kinds of people and i feel like im complaining but im greatful for everyone in the rooms. They are there to carry the message and my butt needs to be there daily to hear the message.
Anyway im getting exiced about Halloween!!!!!!! Ive got lots of fun things planned to do with my son and bf. We are going to do trunk-or-treat again this year and he(my son hes 5)cant wait. A is going to be Wovlerine. A super hero. He like dressing up and i like being able to make him happy. Getting my s*** together and being a part of sons life on an everyday basis is a wonderful thing it couldve been different.
Im greatful for everyone here thanks for letting me ramble. Love ALL you guys.
IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT AND WERE WORH IT!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxo
Jessica
Good Job Girl!! Congrats!!
I have been clean a while but I can still,like it was yesterday,remember what it feels like to feel that special something in early recovery.....it is wonderful. Thats how it should feel...overwhelming,special,unbelievable.....something you now realize you missed and never want to let go of...
I have been clean a while but I can still,like it was yesterday,remember what it feels like to feel that special something in early recovery.....it is wonderful. Thats how it should feel...overwhelming,special,unbelievable.....something you now realize you missed and never want to let go of...
