Just Jodi? Please Come Back...

Really would love to hear from you. Need to know that you're ok. It doesnt' matter what's been said or what's happend, you belong here, so please, check in. Love,Lisa
Jodi,

What Lisa said.

Love,
Gina
bump
Hi Lisa and Gina.

Thanks for asking. I'm okay. Still alive and kicking. Nothing has changed. Nothing.

I don't come around much. I don't really feel like I belong here. This place is for those looking to get and stay sober. Guess I'm not there yet. I don't think I ever will be. I've given up.

I still look in from time to time....so many people I care for and respect here. I love you all and appreciate all I've gotten from this place.

Everyone here is on my mind and in my heart daily.
Hey Jodi, if you're not quite ready to get clean yet, why not just hang out whenever you can and build up friendships here? You don't have to talk about your progress or lack of if you don't want to. Maybe in time you will feel more inspired but meanwhile you could enjoy a group of friends to talk to.
I know at times my life has been and is so serious, that I welcome the banter and social bonding that comes easily here.
xxxxxxoooooo
Hey Jodi, I am in the same boat as you, I cannot give up these damn pills. If you ever want to talk, I am here for you. I can totally relate, I feel like I don't belong here either. Please, if you need me email me: Saamdp@Yahoo.com any time....
QUOTE
The Addiction Recovery Guide assists individuals struggling with drug addiction and alcoholism find help that best suits their needs.

That's from this website's homepage, Jodi (and you, too, Dawn). It says this place exists to help those who are struggling -- not those who are clean or even those who know they will be clean tomorrow. (After all, which one of us KNOWS what will happen tomorrow?)

I'm glad you posted. I won't say it doesn't mattter that nothing has changed because it matters to me that you are still stuck, but what matters to me in this instance is irrelevant. We've all been in that stuck place and if I get frustrated, it's with the disease, not with you. I have no right to judge you.

You might as well accept the fact that Lisa and my Kat never give up on anyone, so you're stuck with 'em, LOL. I think that by being here at all, you hold just the tiniest glimmer of hope for yourself. Never give that up.

Please keep posting and reading the messages of hope. One day it will matter enough to you to make a change. We'd all like to see that happen.

Love,
Gina

P.S. If you have the time, check out the link on Rachel's Sobriety thread. It's really good -- funny and thought-provoking.
Gina-That was incredibly kind.Thank You.

Jodi-I hope you know what a place you hold in my heart.I've never met you but your struggle with this disease gives us an instant bond on an intimate level.I'm real up and down about this issue.If the BB in any way keeps you from getting outside help,I say definitely leave.At this point however,maybe keeping some contact with us is good.I don't know and there is no way I can.
Everyone is welcome here and you don't have to be clean and sober.I do think that after a couple of years you have to start asking yourself some hard questions about whether it's become a crutch.Only you can make that call.I can't.Gina can't.Lisa can't.Nobody.

Most of us on here who have long term sobriety have outside sources.Either through NA or AA.I didn't even know about this BB before I got sober.
Some people may disagree with me but I don't think you can replace the spiritual miracle that happens when recovering addicts actually meet F2F.
The work done between a sponsor and a sponsoree takes place in a live situation.It's fun to come here and BS and also give out information but the real work happens off line.

I hope you value your life enough to take some action.This disease will kill you.There is no way to sugar coat it.

I love you Jodi and I will always pray for you.
Jodi,

You belong here and I agree with everything posted. A lot of people care about you. You may be stuck, but reading and posting may help you to get UN-stuck. You are in my thoughts. Email me if you ever need a friend. Hugs.
I think you know that no matter what, you are in my heart and thoughts. Looks like a few others feel the same. Otherwise, we wouldn't waste our time. I love Kat's suggestion, just hang out. K? Even if you aren't ready, you never know when that bolt of lightening might strike. Love you, Lisa
hi (((((((((((((((jodi)))))))))))))))))

so nice to see you posting..........

just hang out, and post jodi..............

God Bless you........

thumper
Each and every one of you mean so much to me.

Here's the deal - the bottom line. I know with 100% certainty that I will never get or stay sober while I'm in this sick relationship. I know other people have done it. I know myself enough to know that I won't.

The last time I posted, I was bound and determined to go to that meeting. I told my husband that it was none of his business where I was going. I drove there. He followed me. Here I am, in the parking lot at the meeting. There was no way I was going to step inside that door not knowing if there would be some sort of scene with him. It's bad enough not knowing anyone there. But to have something like that happen in front of a bunch of strangers? Talk about humiliation.

I haven't attempted to go back since.

I don't know what is holding me here. I do know that if I would just make the jump and get the hell out of here, I would have a fighting chance. There is so much I want to do for myself. I have wasted so many years of my life already. Getting sober is only one (and the first) of many things on a very long list. I can envision what I want my life to be.

I want to be able to go to sleep at night knowing that, for today, my life meant something, was worth something. That I was worth something.

I have it in me to fight this disease. I am comfortable in the rooms of AA. I am letting this relationship hold me back. From everything. I don't know why. I guess I am holding onto this false illusion that things will change, that things will get better.

In the meantime, I get sicker and sicker.
Hey Jodi,

I am glad your posting. You will leave when you are really done. No one can tell you to leave. Everything that has ever been posted about your relationship you already know.

When does one reach there own breaking point? This is known only by the one in the situation. One thing that I do know is that when you are ready there is a seat waiting for you at AA/NA. Often we leave an empty chair in the middle of our circle during meetings. This chair is for the addict that still suffers, when I look at that chair, I most definitely think of you Jodi.

You are of course what this board is all about. We all are. Hugs and Hope to you.
Jodi,
Like you I ALWAYS felt there was no way out of an abusive controlling relationship.Until the night I had my throat cut.At one point a therapist told me...."As much as hes tried he hasnt killed that spark"Theres still no matter how small a spark left in your eyes.
Jodi people like YOU need this board more than people who are even in recovery.
Someday you may read one line,one word,that ,may change it all for you.
You can see people care,but all the world caring means nothing unless you care.
No No lectures Jodi,Im just going to ask that even if you dont post,come read,NEVER stop dreaming.
As I said like you I saw no way out.Like you I even had to fear family fuctions for fear of what Id be put through.
Jodi that was 14 years ago.I still used after I left but,left I did.
One day of freedom is worth more money EVER minted.
So from me all Im going to ask is PLEASE if anything...keep comming here if only to read.Like I said one line,hell one word could change your life....
I will hold you in my heart as someone who lived through the abuse & came out to be one hell of a strong woman.
As strange as this may sound Jodi....I love you & if ever you want to write me cowgirl(yes I said cowgirl)can give you my addy.Ill listen & be a shoulder in your weakest moments
molly
Lol @ Molly.."yes, cowgirl"....funny girl. :} Jodi honey, bottom line here? You'll go when you go. Sounds so simple but that's what this program is and you know that. You make it hard on yourself and it doesn't have to be that way. Let him make a scene...that's on him. I know, easier said than done and never having been in your situation, I shouldn't remark, but I get so frustrated for you. I love you Jodi girl and am so glad you're back. Hang out, get into some of the discussions (the fun ones too, I don't think you have very much laughter in your life) and make your presence known here. You have alot to offer. My email and numbers haven't changed kiddo...Lisa
Jody

You have my email addy

you can always reach me there.

You are loved

Ali

QUOTE
There was no way I was going to step inside that door not knowing if there would be some sort of scene with him. It's bad enough not knowing anyone there. But to have something like that happen in front of a bunch of strangers? Talk about humiliation.


JMO, If he created a scene at a meeting, it would be humiliating to him. I think the people there would understand what you are dealing with.

I'm glad you got as far as the parking lot. That's a step. Next time, whether he's there or not, maybe you'll get in the door. Don't let him take this chance away from you.

Love,
Gina
I am glad to see you posting, Jodi.

I just wanted to remind you that this is possible, and lots of us thought about getting sober LONG before we ever got there. It is part of the process.

You are still worth something....you are still a mom, a worker, and a good soul. Even if you aren't sober...you are still worth lots. And you deserve happiness.

There will come a day when you are done...done with him, and done with using. It will come.

Hang in there. You can do this.
Just Jodi...
I didn't think I would ever get clean, as well. Now I am four weeks clean off of the Methadone program. So if I can do it (and I thought I was hopeless), so can you.

Love,
Deirdre
Dear Jodi:

I will always be rooting for you! I believe you are on your way to leaving that sick relationship, and reclaiming your life...you just don't know it yet.

Much love and peace to you.

Sarah