Hey I was reading your lost post.Ill admit I didnt read it all but I did read what YOU were writing.
Huny I know that lost feeling,we probaly all do but I can only talk about how it was & is for me.
I really thought I was nothing without those darn pills,I didnt even know who I was anymore.Lost....I was in the Wicked witches Forest with no place to turn.
Happiness...WTHECK is that?I thought ,I mean I truley believed I could NEVER be happy again.And the saddest part of that is my life is 20xs better now than it was 18 years ago,I am no longer abused,I have 2 beautiful daughters,a family that loves me....didnt matter.Pills were my best friend!!! I made all the excuses I could & than some to find reasons to keep abusing.
I think the hardest thing for me to except was time......I wanted to feel better,happy,like RIGHT NOW.It takes time & alot of stubborn hard work Jody.You have moments where all you want to do is go numb again.You have moments where you HATE yourself for what youve let yourself become.
The plus side...and Jody until you get to this point youll never know...the plus side is that happiness,self fullfillment,love,contentment...all the things you feel lost from right now.They come.Not right away,but little by little.One day you realize....HOLY BAT CRAP...I feel happy!!!
But Jody until you take that first step...you never know.
Easy????Heck no.But than NOTHING worthwhile in life ever is.Is it worth it?I say yes but YOU have to believe that & start making the changes.
Please at least try you have NOTHING TO LOSE BY TRYING & AS YOU ARE SEEING EVERYTHING TO LOSE BY NOT TRYING
Molly
MJ,
What a beautiful post,
I wish I had have had someone so wise talking to me when I was in my early twenties, but I probably would not have listend.
So beautiful, so wise
Wendy
What a beautiful post,
I wish I had have had someone so wise talking to me when I was in my early twenties, but I probably would not have listend.
So beautiful, so wise
Wendy
mj,
I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am in so much emotional pain right now, I don't know which way is up. But I wanted to say thank you anyways. I've got to figure something out....a way out.
I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am in so much emotional pain right now, I don't know which way is up. But I wanted to say thank you anyways. I've got to figure something out....a way out.
Jodi,
It's good to see you here posting. Don't give up, girl. I wish I had magical words to take it all away. All I can say is that things do get better once the fog of drugs has been lifted. If I can ever help you, in any way, please let me know. You deserve happiness. (((HUGS)))
It's good to see you here posting. Don't give up, girl. I wish I had magical words to take it all away. All I can say is that things do get better once the fog of drugs has been lifted. If I can ever help you, in any way, please let me know. You deserve happiness. (((HUGS)))
Even though I know there is no "magic" solution, I just wish sometimes that someone could come and just take me away...out of this every day life... maybe then I could have just one chance to live...really LIVE. Experience life as God meant it to be.
Surely this can't be all there is to it?
Surely this can't be all there is to it?
You have the power to change that "everyday life." I know it's not easy, but it is possible. I hope you can soon find it within you to start doing this, and you do have that power within you, my friend. Just believe in yourself. You are a smart woman and anything is possible. Just never give up. I'll say a prayer for you tonight.
(((((((((((((((((jodi))))))))))))))))))))
big hug to you girlfriend.............
i will pray that you will feel God's gentle comfort and peace inside your heart...
God bless you this holiday season.........
love
thumper
hi mj.........i love u....still praying for your health...;0)...
flavor flavvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
big hug to you girlfriend.............
i will pray that you will feel God's gentle comfort and peace inside your heart...
God bless you this holiday season.........
love
thumper
hi mj.........i love u....still praying for your health...;0)...
flavor flavvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Jodi quotes-Surely this can't be all there is to it?
You know it's not Jodi.The magic is that you still think there is hope or you wouldn't be coming back here.
I have a longer history of drug/alcohol abuse and relapsing than you do.I always drug my humiliated butt back and picked up another desire chip.I know people just squirmed in their seats when I shuffled down to pick it up.
The deal is.........I kept coming back.The only failure is to stop trying.
You are killing yourself.You know it and we know it.It's going to get tougher as you age.Inside and outside.You know what you have to do so throwing a litany of options out there for you would be redundant.The guy you are with is just as sick.Don't wait for him to change.
Stay plugged in here for now but to take the big leap is going to require more action.Like F2F help.
Thanks for the e-mail Jodi.I know I torture you but I love you.
e-mail me anytime.
You know it's not Jodi.The magic is that you still think there is hope or you wouldn't be coming back here.
I have a longer history of drug/alcohol abuse and relapsing than you do.I always drug my humiliated butt back and picked up another desire chip.I know people just squirmed in their seats when I shuffled down to pick it up.
The deal is.........I kept coming back.The only failure is to stop trying.
You are killing yourself.You know it and we know it.It's going to get tougher as you age.Inside and outside.You know what you have to do so throwing a litany of options out there for you would be redundant.The guy you are with is just as sick.Don't wait for him to change.
Stay plugged in here for now but to take the big leap is going to require more action.Like F2F help.
Thanks for the e-mail Jodi.I know I torture you but I love you.
e-mail me anytime.
Okay, I have a few minutes alone now to breathe and enjoy some privacy. For the past 8 months, my husband has been my babysitter (or more like the warden). I miss my space and my free time. Even when he was working, I didn't really have any freedom, so to speak. But atleast then I could get on here and be among those who understand what it's like to be caught in this hell of addiction. I wish he would just get another job already and give me some time alone. Instead of hanging around here, walking outside when I get on the computer and lerking in the windows to see if he can catch me doing something wrong.
Sorry, I got off track. Last night, my friend came over to visit. I wrote about her on here before...Angi. She is my only real friend I have left. She comes over quite often now. She is the only person in my left who knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me...the good, bad and most definitely ugly. I had her read the post I typed on here about isolating myself and how I used to even avoid her calls. And about how I knew she would do anything in her power to help me help myself. Of course my husband was here so we weren't able to talk afterwards.
Now I'm wishing I hadn't asked her to read that. I don't know why. But I avoided talking to her when she tried calling today. Maybe I thought I was reaching out and asking her for help last night without actually having to say the words......or maybe I was just drunk.
I am such a damn disappoint to myself. I woke up late for work today. I looked in the mirror to brush my teeth this morning and I looked so pathetic. Of course, I swore to myself for the 300th morning this year that I am NOT drinking today. And I fully believed myself when I made that promise. And it's not too late because I haven't drank anything yet. But I have serious doubts I will follow through. Geez, I wonder why? I will tell myself that just abstaining from drinking for one night won't make a difference. Besides, I still popped pills all day so why bother? "I'll do something about it tomorrow." Always tomorrow.
How many tomorrows do I have left?
I'm sorry I'm all over the place with this post. I'm really just trying to make sense of my reality.
Sorry, I got off track. Last night, my friend came over to visit. I wrote about her on here before...Angi. She is my only real friend I have left. She comes over quite often now. She is the only person in my left who knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me...the good, bad and most definitely ugly. I had her read the post I typed on here about isolating myself and how I used to even avoid her calls. And about how I knew she would do anything in her power to help me help myself. Of course my husband was here so we weren't able to talk afterwards.
Now I'm wishing I hadn't asked her to read that. I don't know why. But I avoided talking to her when she tried calling today. Maybe I thought I was reaching out and asking her for help last night without actually having to say the words......or maybe I was just drunk.
I am such a damn disappoint to myself. I woke up late for work today. I looked in the mirror to brush my teeth this morning and I looked so pathetic. Of course, I swore to myself for the 300th morning this year that I am NOT drinking today. And I fully believed myself when I made that promise. And it's not too late because I haven't drank anything yet. But I have serious doubts I will follow through. Geez, I wonder why? I will tell myself that just abstaining from drinking for one night won't make a difference. Besides, I still popped pills all day so why bother? "I'll do something about it tomorrow." Always tomorrow.
How many tomorrows do I have left?
I'm sorry I'm all over the place with this post. I'm really just trying to make sense of my reality.
The only part of your post that I can offer support in right now is this:
If you abstain from drinking today, then you have a shot at abstaining from drinking tomorrow, and so on, and so on...and then it becomes exponential. String a bunch of todays together and you make a month, and then two....I think you get the picture.
No one has a promise of tomorrow...no matter how sober you are or aren't. All any of us have is today. Choose well today.
I hope it gets better.
Sincerely,
Sarah
If you abstain from drinking today, then you have a shot at abstaining from drinking tomorrow, and so on, and so on...and then it becomes exponential. String a bunch of todays together and you make a month, and then two....I think you get the picture.
No one has a promise of tomorrow...no matter how sober you are or aren't. All any of us have is today. Choose well today.
I hope it gets better.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Jodi quotes-I swore to myself for the 300th morning this year that I am NOT drinking today. And I fully believed myself when I made that promise. And it's not too late because I haven't drank anything yet. But I have serious doubts I will follow through.
Jodi,Every alcoholic I've known,including myself,has made that statement.It's part of the 1st step."We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and our lives had become unmanageable"
In order for you to get help it has to be a prerequisite.
I don't think you have any doubts about the unmanageability.You have a husband who is spying on you.You are hiding from your best friend.You are popping Percocet with alcohol,double whammy and you are now starting to be late to work.
Jodi,I would give anything if I lived close enough to come get you and take you to treatment.I can't do that even if you lived around the corner.You have got to surrender and trust that something outside of yourself is going to take care of you.Think about it.It's already happened.Somone is watching over you because this has been going on since I've been on the board in 2004.
Our Higher Power doesn't abandon us,we abandon them.
I know you will get this someday,I just hope you don't have to lose everything.
I love you Jodi.
Jodi,Every alcoholic I've known,including myself,has made that statement.It's part of the 1st step."We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and our lives had become unmanageable"
In order for you to get help it has to be a prerequisite.
I don't think you have any doubts about the unmanageability.You have a husband who is spying on you.You are hiding from your best friend.You are popping Percocet with alcohol,double whammy and you are now starting to be late to work.
Jodi,I would give anything if I lived close enough to come get you and take you to treatment.I can't do that even if you lived around the corner.You have got to surrender and trust that something outside of yourself is going to take care of you.Think about it.It's already happened.Somone is watching over you because this has been going on since I've been on the board in 2004.
Our Higher Power doesn't abandon us,we abandon them.
I know you will get this someday,I just hope you don't have to lose everything.
I love you Jodi.
