I am just in my bed coming close to my 72 hours clean again im reading all the posts that are been writen and starting to think no one has pushed me to stop i want to stop for me but it is so dam hard all i can think about is that if i go and score i will be normal again but then it would start all over again tomorrow. When does it end why cant i get this stinking thinking out of my head i have two great kids and a lovely husband that is at breaking point and all i can think of is scoring. Does that make me the most selfish person in the world or is that how we all feel/felt i just hope that this time i can do it thanks for listening take care one and all suexx
Hi Sue,
I have just come across your message and my heart goes out to you and your family. Sue, I have a friend that was really hooked on drugs, she went to rehab after rehab and seemed as if there was no help. She also has two girls, Today 6 years on she is clean and living a normal life. I feel that it is important for you to speak to people who have been where you are now and for you to gain confidence that if it could get better for them then it will for you. What town do you live in. If you would like to speak to my friend for encouragement and advice or just to speak to me then contact me on my email address which is HiLoz1@aol.com. I am currently attending a Christian Counselling course, level two, where we are looking at drug abuse in particular. Remember you are not on your own and that you need help.
Regards
Sue
I have just come across your message and my heart goes out to you and your family. Sue, I have a friend that was really hooked on drugs, she went to rehab after rehab and seemed as if there was no help. She also has two girls, Today 6 years on she is clean and living a normal life. I feel that it is important for you to speak to people who have been where you are now and for you to gain confidence that if it could get better for them then it will for you. What town do you live in. If you would like to speak to my friend for encouragement and advice or just to speak to me then contact me on my email address which is HiLoz1@aol.com. I am currently attending a Christian Counselling course, level two, where we are looking at drug abuse in particular. Remember you are not on your own and that you need help.
Regards
Sue
..Sue..
..I don,t think your being selfish thinking about scoring..cos thats wot addiction does to us..are brain is fixated on scoring..it is a normal reaction for an addict..to ppl who have never had an addiction they may look at you as being selfish..but to us addicts..we know exactly wots goin thru your head and why you have these cravings..if you use today sue..your back to square one and you,ll have to start all over again..thats wot i used to think,one bag today and i,ll stop again tomorrow but it never works like that..you,ve got 72 hours under your belt sue..try to stay strong in yourself and keep the devil away from your door..you will have cravings for a long time to come..but the more you resist the temptation the easier it will get over time..and you also have more to gain out of life from being clean than you have by being active in using..i wish you well in your fight sue..good luck and keep ya chin up..you have a life to live for you and your family..Robbie..
..I don,t think your being selfish thinking about scoring..cos thats wot addiction does to us..are brain is fixated on scoring..it is a normal reaction for an addict..to ppl who have never had an addiction they may look at you as being selfish..but to us addicts..we know exactly wots goin thru your head and why you have these cravings..if you use today sue..your back to square one and you,ll have to start all over again..thats wot i used to think,one bag today and i,ll stop again tomorrow but it never works like that..you,ve got 72 hours under your belt sue..try to stay strong in yourself and keep the devil away from your door..you will have cravings for a long time to come..but the more you resist the temptation the easier it will get over time..and you also have more to gain out of life from being clean than you have by being active in using..i wish you well in your fight sue..good luck and keep ya chin up..you have a life to live for you and your family..Robbie..
HI sue AND robbie i think i have spoke to you a few time robbie as i started posting on the board a while ago so this isnt my first time at getting clean i did have six years under my belt but it all fell to pieces last year i know that i can do it and i will but thanks for your support and i hope you all stay strong and keep clean as i know i am trying thanks once\again take care suexx
just think of it as everyday you suffer through withdrawl you are that much closer to feeling normal without any reprecussions. I think one of the reasons it's so hard to stay clean through witdrawl is because the bag promises normal, but like you said it's only a temporary solution, and you'd end up right back where you started. Hang in there, the worst part is almost over babe, and you are doing fantastic!
Thanks for your words of kindness just been to a meeting and feel alot better i went to meetings when i was still using but never took enough to look like i was using but this one guy tonight got me a bit angry as he kept nodding off all the way through the meeting i know you dont have to of stopped using to go to them but he could of had a bit of consideration for us that were newly clean he so made me want to use but i suppose once i have some more clean time behind me i might feel different anyway thanks for listening take care sue
nice one sue forget about the muck [easier said] but 3 or 4 days is sound and maybe this could be the last time .best of davey
My sweetest Sue:
I have never talked to you before cause I was gone for a while,(financial problems).You see sweety you can do it cause I was a heroin addict from the age of 9yrs old and I stopped when I was 24/25yrs old,now I'm 36 and a single mom of three beautiful angels,I know what your going through and you are not selfish at all cause if you were you would have said to hell with the husband and kids and went to where there is no return,but instead you chose,YOU CHOSE,to do it on your own and stay a mom and a wife to these innocent people in your life who didn't ask to have a mom and a wife who is an addict to the most devilish drug that there will ever be.I know your strong cause your doing this and going to meeting's,your more stronger than I,and some of us,to do this and be surrounded by your kids and husband.I'm so proud of you and I know you can do it cause you have tasted the good straight life and you want it back,so you will do it,and just remember that I'm here if you need someone to talk to and so is the other girl,so I too will give you my e-mail in case you want to talk in private,I live in Montreal,Canada,where are you from?
I'm very proud of you and I know that even if they don't say it so often,your family is proud of you also,,just don't worry about anyone right now but yourself,right now your the most important person,get well and everything will follow suit.
I'v been off heroin for almost 11yrs and there are times that I still think about it and the what if...... But there can't be a what if for me or any recovering addict.
I wish you the best and I will be looking out for you sweety.....
My e-mail is Teena-LVD@hotmail.com give me a shout if you need a friend,luv Teena
I have never talked to you before cause I was gone for a while,(financial problems).You see sweety you can do it cause I was a heroin addict from the age of 9yrs old and I stopped when I was 24/25yrs old,now I'm 36 and a single mom of three beautiful angels,I know what your going through and you are not selfish at all cause if you were you would have said to hell with the husband and kids and went to where there is no return,but instead you chose,YOU CHOSE,to do it on your own and stay a mom and a wife to these innocent people in your life who didn't ask to have a mom and a wife who is an addict to the most devilish drug that there will ever be.I know your strong cause your doing this and going to meeting's,your more stronger than I,and some of us,to do this and be surrounded by your kids and husband.I'm so proud of you and I know you can do it cause you have tasted the good straight life and you want it back,so you will do it,and just remember that I'm here if you need someone to talk to and so is the other girl,so I too will give you my e-mail in case you want to talk in private,I live in Montreal,Canada,where are you from?
I'm very proud of you and I know that even if they don't say it so often,your family is proud of you also,,just don't worry about anyone right now but yourself,right now your the most important person,get well and everything will follow suit.
I'v been off heroin for almost 11yrs and there are times that I still think about it and the what if...... But there can't be a what if for me or any recovering addict.
I wish you the best and I will be looking out for you sweety.....
My e-mail is Teena-LVD@hotmail.com give me a shout if you need a friend,luv Teena
Teena thanks so much for your kind words i did try to email you but it wouldnt let me it was just to say reading you post made me cry. I want to be a good wife a good mum and i know i can be i was clean for 6 years before so i know i can do it. I just hate the way the evil drug gets you and takes your soul till your left just a empty shell looking for your next fix and how you can get the money to feel normal. i likve in Scotland in the UK and i was using 80 a day i dont know how much in your money that would be but it didnt even give me a buzz i needed it to feel normal.
Like i said i went to my meeting last night and shared as i didnt think i should of before when i was using as i went to meets whilst using i was so proud of myself for opening up to people face to face as at home all my friends think i am this strong person but i am not im just a weak addict. When i stopped using before i thought that i was cured and that i would not always be a addict you know like a alcholic i thought that i could do it every now and again but i was wrong and i have learnt from my mistakes.
I am sorry for going on so much but like i say this site and meetings are the only place i can vent. There are so many strong people on this site i have been coming on here from just before christmas dont post alot now just read and i am so amazed at how peoples storys mirror your own life anyway enough from me good luck to all and a happy sober day take care suexx
Like i said i went to my meeting last night and shared as i didnt think i should of before when i was using as i went to meets whilst using i was so proud of myself for opening up to people face to face as at home all my friends think i am this strong person but i am not im just a weak addict. When i stopped using before i thought that i was cured and that i would not always be a addict you know like a alcholic i thought that i could do it every now and again but i was wrong and i have learnt from my mistakes.
I am sorry for going on so much but like i say this site and meetings are the only place i can vent. There are so many strong people on this site i have been coming on here from just before christmas dont post alot now just read and i am so amazed at how peoples storys mirror your own life anyway enough from me good luck to all and a happy sober day take care suexx
Sue Sweetness
I'm so sorry when I went to see if you had sent me any mail I found out I had not acctivated my e-mail,so now that's done and please hon feel free to mail me.I want you to know that I understand you completly,boy do I ever,I've been there and still am cause all these people around me,(friends and people that know me,neighbours) think I'm some kind of wonder woman all alone with three kids and no family,since my mom passed away before I got clean,I was in jail for three yrs for trafficing heroing when she passed away,I didn't even see how bad and in pain my mom was cause I was so danm knocked up from drugs that I couldn't see straight.My dad was kicked out of the house when I was 8 or 9 yrs old,and the only brother I have is about 2hrs away but won't ever understand cause he was just a coke and pot/hash addict and since he's been off it 19yrs,he thinks that all user's are scum and he's cured for ever,but in my book he's the scum for not realizing that he'll always be an addict till the day he\we die.
Anyways I go through depressions alot about 2 a yr and I say to myself I can't do this no more I just feel like curling up in a dark corner and staying there till I die,but then I just think of my sweet angels and how they love me with all the wrong I have done and with all my faults and that bring's me right back,from the other 100 times I want to get into the darkness of deppression,but once or twice a yr it get's the better of me.
You know sweety I know how your feeling and thinking about if your a lousy mom or wife but just remember your still there,how many mom's have left there kid's or even sold them for smack,and they never look back cause the H devil is there only baby,but not you hon.All I know that at least your trying to better your life once more,boy 6yrs and you went back,but don't worry before you know it with my help and everyone else on here who cares,plus your family and meetings it will be a thing of the past.Your only humain sweety with a very evil problem don't be so hard on yourself.
I'll let you go before I right a novel,loll,loll.I realy care and I'm always here if you need to talk or scream or just freek-out I'll be here cause I understand,I'v been there and still fighting some kind of demons all the time in my life and I will for the rest of my life cause I'm a recovering addict and it will never be the same as when I was inocent and had never poisoned my mind and body.I accept it and I hope you will to,your one great person and I'M SOOOO PROUD OF YOU FOR COMING SO FAR.
Always a friend Teena xxooxxooxx
I'm so sorry when I went to see if you had sent me any mail I found out I had not acctivated my e-mail,so now that's done and please hon feel free to mail me.I want you to know that I understand you completly,boy do I ever,I've been there and still am cause all these people around me,(friends and people that know me,neighbours) think I'm some kind of wonder woman all alone with three kids and no family,since my mom passed away before I got clean,I was in jail for three yrs for trafficing heroing when she passed away,I didn't even see how bad and in pain my mom was cause I was so danm knocked up from drugs that I couldn't see straight.My dad was kicked out of the house when I was 8 or 9 yrs old,and the only brother I have is about 2hrs away but won't ever understand cause he was just a coke and pot/hash addict and since he's been off it 19yrs,he thinks that all user's are scum and he's cured for ever,but in my book he's the scum for not realizing that he'll always be an addict till the day he\we die.
Anyways I go through depressions alot about 2 a yr and I say to myself I can't do this no more I just feel like curling up in a dark corner and staying there till I die,but then I just think of my sweet angels and how they love me with all the wrong I have done and with all my faults and that bring's me right back,from the other 100 times I want to get into the darkness of deppression,but once or twice a yr it get's the better of me.
You know sweety I know how your feeling and thinking about if your a lousy mom or wife but just remember your still there,how many mom's have left there kid's or even sold them for smack,and they never look back cause the H devil is there only baby,but not you hon.All I know that at least your trying to better your life once more,boy 6yrs and you went back,but don't worry before you know it with my help and everyone else on here who cares,plus your family and meetings it will be a thing of the past.Your only humain sweety with a very evil problem don't be so hard on yourself.
I'll let you go before I right a novel,loll,loll.I realy care and I'm always here if you need to talk or scream or just freek-out I'll be here cause I understand,I'v been there and still fighting some kind of demons all the time in my life and I will for the rest of my life cause I'm a recovering addict and it will never be the same as when I was inocent and had never poisoned my mind and body.I accept it and I hope you will to,your one great person and I'M SOOOO PROUD OF YOU FOR COMING SO FAR.
Always a friend Teena xxooxxooxx
Sue sweetheart,
Just wondering if your doing good,I'll go check my e-mail to see if you wrote me a few words....
Always loved by your friend Teena
Just wondering if your doing good,I'll go check my e-mail to see if you wrote me a few words....
Always loved by your friend Teena
