am feeling like my world was like i had a big blanket round me, i didnt care about the pills or the booze. it was warm, i was happy.
now the blanket has gone, and am out in the cold, and i'm freezing.
am not liking myself at all and am aware far more of myself and what i di that i shouldnt.
i have a disease and a illness kind of like chrohns, and the pills and the booze help/helped me to forget.
But I just dont know how to stop or help myself, i try to take one day at a time, which sometimes are good days. sometimes bad, am tired of myself. i dont like who i am or what i have become. and am thinking this is where suicidal thoughts come in.
I get up i get to work, i work all day, i come home. if i can do this and make myself presentable. I am proud of myself. that cant be right? but if i can do that then i can surely make more steps to a better life. to a quality of life.
thank u for lisetning,
Hi my heart goes out to you because I know the way you are feeling. Please hang in there. the bad day will pass it really well. When the bad comes try and remember what the good ones felt like and tell yourself that the good ones will come again. That monkey on your back is trying his best to get in your head. DON'T LET HIM. You go to work that is a good thing and it is an accomplishment and you should be proud that you can do that.You are a good person we have all done things drinking that we wish we had not done but that too is part of the disease that afflicts us.Please believe in your selfworth. Please try and think positive and this is where you have to be strong and ask your HP to help you. Also please know that you are not alone you have people who care about you and love you and to do harm to yourself would only hurt them. By the time you read t his I hope you will be feeling better and that you will have your blanket back. In the meantime I will pass on to you something I read. "what we think or what we believe is in the end of little consequence. the only thing of consequence is what we do" Please take care and I will pray that today will be a good day for you. God bless and be safe
Hello, Wallja. Glad you're here.
When I was working my addictions I was "happy." Namely because I was keeping The Committee in my head at bay, and I was being fun. So I thought. When partying stopped and the fun-ness disappeared, I was left holding the bottle. Somewhere I'd gone from being a cucumber to being a pickle and I had no idea when that happened, but I learned through others that I wasn't ever going to be a cucumber again!
It took some serious beat-downs, but I finally got a thought in my head that if others were getting sober and getting rid of addictions in AA, and it didn't cost anything (save for the $1 in the basket for an hour of entertainment and enlightenment). NOT ONLY did they promise to relieve me of the obsession to drink or drug, but also that they would help me to build a set of life's tools that, somehow along the way, I'd not developed.
I grudgingly started to listen. I'm a changed man. With a Higher Power that actually understands me and a zeal for living that I haven't had since I was a child of 10 or 12.
Keep coming back--and sharing.
When I was working my addictions I was "happy." Namely because I was keeping The Committee in my head at bay, and I was being fun. So I thought. When partying stopped and the fun-ness disappeared, I was left holding the bottle. Somewhere I'd gone from being a cucumber to being a pickle and I had no idea when that happened, but I learned through others that I wasn't ever going to be a cucumber again!
It took some serious beat-downs, but I finally got a thought in my head that if others were getting sober and getting rid of addictions in AA, and it didn't cost anything (save for the $1 in the basket for an hour of entertainment and enlightenment). NOT ONLY did they promise to relieve me of the obsession to drink or drug, but also that they would help me to build a set of life's tools that, somehow along the way, I'd not developed.
I grudgingly started to listen. I'm a changed man. With a Higher Power that actually understands me and a zeal for living that I haven't had since I was a child of 10 or 12.
Keep coming back--and sharing.
Gidday Wallja
I was either going to die or stop drinking on the 24th of march 1996, i had all i needed to die and i had all i needed to stop drinking. Creep and a Weirdo by Radiohead was my suicide note.....suicide started out as an option and became a reality, addiction wanted me for keeps either by alcohol or my own hand.
The decision i made that day was to forever change my world one day at a time it has added up to alot of happiness and miracles and yes there are hard times....yet nothing will ever be as hard as a drink is in my bloodstream and mind....i have a healthy fear of drinking and a love of life.
Wallja keep posting and acknowledge the good in you because it is there and it just needs to be allowed to shine one day at a time
light and love zac
I was either going to die or stop drinking on the 24th of march 1996, i had all i needed to die and i had all i needed to stop drinking. Creep and a Weirdo by Radiohead was my suicide note.....suicide started out as an option and became a reality, addiction wanted me for keeps either by alcohol or my own hand.
The decision i made that day was to forever change my world one day at a time it has added up to alot of happiness and miracles and yes there are hard times....yet nothing will ever be as hard as a drink is in my bloodstream and mind....i have a healthy fear of drinking and a love of life.
Wallja keep posting and acknowledge the good in you because it is there and it just needs to be allowed to shine one day at a time
light and love zac
Hi Wallja,
How are you doing today? I'm thinking of you and said a prayer for you honey. I to have felt just like you hopeless just want my comfy blanky back. What I really meant was I wanted my bottle back because I didn't know how to be happy without it. Do you beleive in a Higher Power? Can you go to an AA or NA meeting?
Do you have a family member or a friend you can talk to. It just sounds like your having more than a bad day to me. If I'm wrong I'm so sorry. If I'm not please get some counseling I here the depression. If this is the case you need f2f support Wallja. Please check in I care. If you get really down you call somebody please!
Please Take Care
How are you doing today? I'm thinking of you and said a prayer for you honey. I to have felt just like you hopeless just want my comfy blanky back. What I really meant was I wanted my bottle back because I didn't know how to be happy without it. Do you beleive in a Higher Power? Can you go to an AA or NA meeting?
Do you have a family member or a friend you can talk to. It just sounds like your having more than a bad day to me. If I'm wrong I'm so sorry. If I'm not please get some counseling I here the depression. If this is the case you need f2f support Wallja. Please check in I care. If you get really down you call somebody please!
Please Take Care
Welcome back Wallja, I can't remember but have you tried AA meetings?
