I haven't really posted much, I like what people have said on this board and how we all support each other. I'm just scared of life right now lol, I need to vent and I'm worried I'm gonna fill my script tomorrow. I'm going to call someone in the morning from na, but I'm hoping I don't just chicken out and take the easy route on this. I want to be happy again, I want to feel loved and know I can do this, should be able to do anything at this point-18 days clean and I should feel fine, but I'm depressed, I smile at everyone-but don't leave the house unless I have to. My husband brews alchohol, and I don't drink, never liked it that much, but it's there and it's tempting. I just want to be happy again, I don't want to live like this anymore, too many marriage problems, too many dirty dishes (yeah I know I'm wallowing in self pity lol) I just want to scream and run away
"I'm going to call someone in the morning from na, but I'm hoping I don't just chicken out and take the easy route on this."
Is this really the easy route? Think about that and play the tape all of the way through. Filling a script is the hard way. Living clean is a lot easier than all of the insanity that would come if you choose to fill that script. There was a reason, (I'm assuming that pills stopped working) why you wanted to get clean. Don't glamorize the pills especially since I can bet that your last days using were far from glamorous. You are doing so well don't cheat yourself out of the life you are getting back.
Rachel
Tasia,
Sounds like you have NA for support and that's awesome and here but are you getting any kind of therapy? Sometimes you know it's just tough and we have to keep climbing our way out of that dark spot even though we think there isn't any light. There always is a little spark there. Just keep looking. If you are 18 days out don't ruin it now. Just wait it out a little longer. It takes time for your body to get back it's own rhythm. You just need to be a little more patient. You can do this. You don't need to give up just yet. We haven't given up on ya so you don't give up either okay???? You know you don't really wanna go back because that is far from the easy way out. You just are feeling that plateau where you are past the withdrawl yet you don't really have energy or emotional balance. Now is where it gets kind of tricky and you need to pull out the support you can and be strong because the psychological factors are sneaky.
keep hanging in there.
peace,
pm
Sounds like you have NA for support and that's awesome and here but are you getting any kind of therapy? Sometimes you know it's just tough and we have to keep climbing our way out of that dark spot even though we think there isn't any light. There always is a little spark there. Just keep looking. If you are 18 days out don't ruin it now. Just wait it out a little longer. It takes time for your body to get back it's own rhythm. You just need to be a little more patient. You can do this. You don't need to give up just yet. We haven't given up on ya so you don't give up either okay???? You know you don't really wanna go back because that is far from the easy way out. You just are feeling that plateau where you are past the withdrawl yet you don't really have energy or emotional balance. Now is where it gets kind of tricky and you need to pull out the support you can and be strong because the psychological factors are sneaky.
keep hanging in there.
peace,
pm
oh honey, it's not self pity!! you just want to feel like you are loved!! well i promise you one thing!!! there are people that love you!!!! you are some-ones sister, some-ones daughter, some-ones-aunt, some-ones cousin, know what i mean!! i have depression also, but things does get better!!!!! besides we are all here for you!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!!
I even have lots of dishes but they will still be there when i'm ready to do them. and all the other work. it's there for the day we wake up rip-raren to go get em', lol. don't worry hun you will make it. the hard part is over now!!!!!!!
AND YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I even have lots of dishes but they will still be there when i'm ready to do them. and all the other work. it's there for the day we wake up rip-raren to go get em', lol. don't worry hun you will make it. the hard part is over now!!!!!!!
AND YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NA IS the easy route. Getting the script filled is not the answer to anything. It will just take you back to hell. You want to quit them for a reason. What is it? Remember what it is and go to that meeting. Your life is waiting for you. Rip up the script or call teh pharmacy and tell them to cancel it if its a refill. You can do it!!
Pls call that person in the morning and give the person the 'script.
Better yet, tear it up tonight a.s.a.p. if you have no real reason to take paiin pills. I haven't read where you have any medical problems. Then - no filling it for sure.
.
Lots easier in the long run. You have too many clean days to blow it now.
We understand b/c we have filled way too many prescriptions. It got us to this board that is helping us but we all have to move forwards instead of backwards.
W/D's are still fresh in your mind and you don't even want to go through that again. You know what hell they are - it's been over 4 months for me and I remember it well.
Most of us did wallow around a lot. Our brains take time to get back the strength we had before the pills. My house was realy dirty for a month. I still just do a lot of picking up b/c the pills gave me a sense of false energy and I got nothing done then either.
I have dirty dishes in my sink, too. I know they will get clean tomorrow.
Hope the right decision comes through,
Love, Jean
Better yet, tear it up tonight a.s.a.p. if you have no real reason to take paiin pills. I haven't read where you have any medical problems. Then - no filling it for sure.
.
Lots easier in the long run. You have too many clean days to blow it now.
We understand b/c we have filled way too many prescriptions. It got us to this board that is helping us but we all have to move forwards instead of backwards.
W/D's are still fresh in your mind and you don't even want to go through that again. You know what hell they are - it's been over 4 months for me and I remember it well.
Most of us did wallow around a lot. Our brains take time to get back the strength we had before the pills. My house was realy dirty for a month. I still just do a lot of picking up b/c the pills gave me a sense of false energy and I got nothing done then either.
I have dirty dishes in my sink, too. I know they will get clean tomorrow.
Hope the right decision comes through,
Love, Jean
Tasia
Hello,Im with you hun, I feel like i need to let my feelings out right now.Im so depressed and feel lonely,sad,scared,hopeless,anger,hurt,and MAD.Im on sub. been on it since the end of April and im on 4mgs daily.The depresstion is so bad and since im not working dont feel i could hold a JOB .My husband and i have been struggling so bad these past couple of months.He lost his job this weekend so,no pay this week.Bills,bills, they are so far behind My depresstion has been with me for about 2 years now since my mom died of cancer.Ive been a addict for five years on pers.Life has been hell for me and ive made it that way for my family at times too.I feel so bad for my husband ive always work since 16 helped him as much as i could even doe my job didnt pay as much as his but,it really help.I was hopeing to be off sub. 2 months back and have tried to come off and the w/ds and craveing were so awful.Suboxone has really help me through but,the depression i just want to lock myself up in a room and nerver come out.Ive been just as you closed up and haveing my husband to do the running.Ive gotten alot better since sub. just dealing with this depresstion and i have tried different meds. for it and they have not help me.Some made it alot alot worst.So i know where you are comeing from and i thought id post to let it out here seemed like a good tread to do it at.I know its hard to not get that script filled and hard to just tear it up but, i hope you look back and remember like others have said .The hell they have made you go through!!!!!I hope you do the right thing .I have so much anger build up and the other night i got up set about money and took it out of my husband I ACTED CRAZY and i was throwing things saying things .After i claimed down i thought about my action and i felt so bad for my husband.I thought all that i have put him through with my addication and im not even working to suport myself and the kids he is .I have no right to treat him the way i did.Now another bad problem even worst then the other fight has arrived how im i going to get through it.He has lost his JOB and we have Alot of bills and im one to try my best to pay them on time and try to have something in life.But,what gives me the right to raise hell at him when i have put us in dept before with the buying pills off the street,then going to see my sub. doctor that is really expenses plus the script for the sub.He stood by me through it all and now i have to stay com and just pray something will come up.I just hope this week i dont flip out on him like i did a week ago.I got all these thoughts running in my head.I just wish i could get my life back and help my husband .He is really good to me and since on the pills sub. boy if he gives me a reason even if not his fault i go off on him.The sub. has given me my feelings back and im not numb any longer.Ive got so much anger and ive got to learn how to control my anger (mood swings) so i have not talked much today to him .After we found out that he was out of a job we have not really discussed it.Tommrow it has to be disscussed and im going to handle it better.He knows i have been through alot and he dont really understand my addiction being he dont use anything but, smokes cigs.Well,it 3am here and i got to try to get some sleep .I feel alot better just sitting here telling this.I wish you the best of luck in your recovery.Hope that you take that script and burn it or whatever just dont go get it.Get rid of it as soon as possible.Good night.crystal
Hello,Im with you hun, I feel like i need to let my feelings out right now.Im so depressed and feel lonely,sad,scared,hopeless,anger,hurt,and MAD.Im on sub. been on it since the end of April and im on 4mgs daily.The depresstion is so bad and since im not working dont feel i could hold a JOB .My husband and i have been struggling so bad these past couple of months.He lost his job this weekend so,no pay this week.Bills,bills, they are so far behind My depresstion has been with me for about 2 years now since my mom died of cancer.Ive been a addict for five years on pers.Life has been hell for me and ive made it that way for my family at times too.I feel so bad for my husband ive always work since 16 helped him as much as i could even doe my job didnt pay as much as his but,it really help.I was hopeing to be off sub. 2 months back and have tried to come off and the w/ds and craveing were so awful.Suboxone has really help me through but,the depression i just want to lock myself up in a room and nerver come out.Ive been just as you closed up and haveing my husband to do the running.Ive gotten alot better since sub. just dealing with this depresstion and i have tried different meds. for it and they have not help me.Some made it alot alot worst.So i know where you are comeing from and i thought id post to let it out here seemed like a good tread to do it at.I know its hard to not get that script filled and hard to just tear it up but, i hope you look back and remember like others have said .The hell they have made you go through!!!!!I hope you do the right thing .I have so much anger build up and the other night i got up set about money and took it out of my husband I ACTED CRAZY and i was throwing things saying things .After i claimed down i thought about my action and i felt so bad for my husband.I thought all that i have put him through with my addication and im not even working to suport myself and the kids he is .I have no right to treat him the way i did.Now another bad problem even worst then the other fight has arrived how im i going to get through it.He has lost his JOB and we have Alot of bills and im one to try my best to pay them on time and try to have something in life.But,what gives me the right to raise hell at him when i have put us in dept before with the buying pills off the street,then going to see my sub. doctor that is really expenses plus the script for the sub.He stood by me through it all and now i have to stay com and just pray something will come up.I just hope this week i dont flip out on him like i did a week ago.I got all these thoughts running in my head.I just wish i could get my life back and help my husband .He is really good to me and since on the pills sub. boy if he gives me a reason even if not his fault i go off on him.The sub. has given me my feelings back and im not numb any longer.Ive got so much anger and ive got to learn how to control my anger (mood swings) so i have not talked much today to him .After we found out that he was out of a job we have not really discussed it.Tommrow it has to be disscussed and im going to handle it better.He knows i have been through alot and he dont really understand my addiction being he dont use anything but, smokes cigs.Well,it 3am here and i got to try to get some sleep .I feel alot better just sitting here telling this.I wish you the best of luck in your recovery.Hope that you take that script and burn it or whatever just dont go get it.Get rid of it as soon as possible.Good night.crystal
Tasia - chin up my lovely. Just think of your beautiful boys and they should give you a reason to carry on. I must admit my week has been pretty rough too. I'm 5 months down the road off H now. One day will be ok then the next with be bad - up and down,. up and down like a yo-yo. I still get withdrawls and as for anyone that says that the easy part is normal life and not getting wrecked, I.m sorry but at this current time I disagree. Maybe my thoughts on that will change as time goes by. I have always found that the easy part, to cop-out of life is to pop some pills or use H. Leading a normal and happy life after what we have been thorough is not an easy task at all. But we know deep down that it is the right thing. We will eventually get the hang of this normal life it will just take time. Call and talk to whoever you need to or come back here vent you feelin's. I know it is hard when you feel like this - just try and remember that we/others have and are going through this with you. Remember this is just my experience so others may find that staying clean is the easy part. But I have a few contributing factors that currently don't help much.
Keep smiling beautiful. It will be worth it in the end even though you judgements are clouded at the moment.
Take care
love
Becks
xx
Keep smiling beautiful. It will be worth it in the end even though you judgements are clouded at the moment.
Take care
love
Becks
xx
Dear Crystal:
I am so sorry all of these terrible things are hapening to you all at one time.
Please try and look out for yourself. You are the only one who has the power over your emotions. I know you have grieving to do, but so many other issues.
Please, Tasia and Crystal, if you ever want to just vent, write to me.
blink17172@cs.com
Love, Becky
I am so sorry all of these terrible things are hapening to you all at one time.
Please try and look out for yourself. You are the only one who has the power over your emotions. I know you have grieving to do, but so many other issues.
Please, Tasia and Crystal, if you ever want to just vent, write to me.
blink17172@cs.com
Love, Becky
Tasia, you have to remember why (like the others said) that you want to get clean, and stay clean. Make a list of the bad parts of using, and carry that with you.
You are past the worst...it only gets better. I know how hard it is to live without the crutch, but using only gets worse...and worse.
As much as the addict in you will fight to go to the pharmacy, pick up that heavy phone and make the call. If you really want to stay clean, you are going to have to cut off ALL sources...I learned that one the hard way.
Then, get out and do something with your boys....the clearer I get, the more I really see how much of my kids while using...you don't want to miss out on more time. They are gone before you know it.
It takes a while to get back to normal, and vigourous exersize helps that alot.
BTW, inspire me, Becks. You are right....it is so hard to live normal after being loaded for so long. But it gets easier.
Kerry
You are past the worst...it only gets better. I know how hard it is to live without the crutch, but using only gets worse...and worse.
As much as the addict in you will fight to go to the pharmacy, pick up that heavy phone and make the call. If you really want to stay clean, you are going to have to cut off ALL sources...I learned that one the hard way.
Then, get out and do something with your boys....the clearer I get, the more I really see how much of my kids while using...you don't want to miss out on more time. They are gone before you know it.
It takes a while to get back to normal, and vigourous exersize helps that alot.
BTW, inspire me, Becks. You are right....it is so hard to live normal after being loaded for so long. But it gets easier.
Kerry
Thank you guys for all those responses, and I'm sorry Crystal that life can be so hard. I do the same thing to my husband, he's working 12 hour days and I'm struggling with things here, not really helping him out at all. I haven't filled my script, and I'm trying to find my n/a phone list right now...I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached. I do have severe migraines, and back problems, but I made the choice-considering I get the migraines rarely, that I'd rather sleep sitting up so my sides don't hurt then take pills all the time. Besides I did it for years before I found this dr., I can live without it now. so there...lol (sorry immature this morn. lol) im gonna go keep looking for my phone list, and prolly come back and vent more, specially if I dont find it, oh yeah Im very glad theres someone out there with a dirty house too!!
Tasia, maybe you need to rip that script up....that much less temptation!
HAng in there...........I totally understand the above feelings..........all I have to say is.,its great to have a husband who is supportive.........he doesn't understand exactly what I am going thru, but he does see I ma getttin gbetter everyday..........I have not really worked in over 4 years..( I finally got a job, then the guy passed away 2 weeks later)....so believe me I understand the debt we get ourselves into...Its just hard knowing I have to figure out how to get us out of it, since I got us into it.My hun has been pulling 12 hour days also, plus having a 2 hour commute each way on most days........I believe come mid Nov. I should feel well enough to take a full time job and climb out of the hole we are in..then he can get back to his 8 hour days....life would be so much easiert on him..but thank goodness for the good patient men we have in our lives!!!
