I can still remember driving home from work tired, but happy. I had started on a new shift pattern and would finish at 4.00pm and in the summer I always remember it still being light and still warm. Sometimes I would switch on the Landrovers radio and as I drove further up Huddersfield Road, the more greener it got I felt the more calmer I became. I would turn the car around before the bend in the road that lead to Denshaw and park the 2.5L facing downwards, so I did not have to turn it around early the next morning for work. I can remember opening the door and being greeted by the cats; Ghandi Holly and Derek. The house was always quiet at that time because Christine did not get home from Hope Hospital until 6.00pm. I never turned the TV on, but just sat there in the house nice and quiet as I wound down. We owned the house outright, so there was never any worry about paying the mortgage. The year before we had bought the house for 90,000, but I knew it was worth at least 140,000 now and then I never seemed to have any worries. I had married Christine at Gretna Greens Blacksmiths, just the two of us. Remembering back now I knew I did not love her, but I suppose I must have to want to commit to marriage? I would start making the dinner around 5.30pm and loved that little Cottage Kitchen, we had spent 3,000 to get it to how I wanted it, not my Wife, but me as I did most of the cooking with my expensive pans and cutlery. I had a fish tank with my little Gold Fish that I liked to collect, I remember calling one of the exotic ones Elvis.
The next thing I remember was being sat in a mates flat holding a piece of tinfoil with brown lines along it. The pungent smell of heroin hanging in the air, but thats not why I got divorced I just guess that that was part of the symptoms that followed the divorce.
Now I cannot remember much and all I know is that I am confused and in a place I do not like and probably ready to die because I cannot see no-way out or any way back and no way forward! A place where I have been dragged so far down that driving home to Huddersfield Road seems like some other Life and yet it was only three years ago. Fate is inexorable.
Marky Mark
hi mark things can get really bad at times and you been through the mill at the begining browns your friend your escape from life.i hope things get better for you i know how hard it is when things fall apart as you will know the brown stuff is now your biggest problem given to you by your not friends the same thing happened to myself i thought i was smoking liquid pot for months i had no idea what it was ignorant to drugs.i hope your mood lifts it will this is apart of your life things could change think of before your addiction the life you had.heroin is a natural deppressant when you have been on it for a while .i hope you dont give up ive had the same feelings your having at the moment more than once .dont give up
Mark......I know, i know.........I have learned that its best not to go there.although at times it is hard not to........my life then, compared to now..........worlds apart..........but things r slowly getting better.........I feel things had to happen for me to become the person i am today......i certainly took a lot for granted back then. today I take NOTHING for granted........Things do and will get better, we may never get back all that we had before, but i figure my higher power has some plan for me, and in different ways my life can be better than ever b4.........stay strong !!
Marky Mark,
I'm not an addict so you could say I don't know but I've been to some very dark places in my life. It's either been champagne lunches or shop doorways with not much inbetween. My bloke like you has lost so much time and time again and I've often heard him say I'd be quite happy to die tonight it was never a line - although intelligent talented and sensitive - he did feel there was nothing more left to lose.
But now he's so glad he's still here and you will be too. You won't go back you will move on to something different, something bright and bold where you'll break free and your spirit will fly and you will be strong and secure again. Focus on where you want to be and what you want to be and that will help you get through all this s***e now.
I'm not an addict so you could say I don't know but I've been to some very dark places in my life. It's either been champagne lunches or shop doorways with not much inbetween. My bloke like you has lost so much time and time again and I've often heard him say I'd be quite happy to die tonight it was never a line - although intelligent talented and sensitive - he did feel there was nothing more left to lose.
But now he's so glad he's still here and you will be too. You won't go back you will move on to something different, something bright and bold where you'll break free and your spirit will fly and you will be strong and secure again. Focus on where you want to be and what you want to be and that will help you get through all this s***e now.
Hi Markymark
This is my first time replying to anyone, I so wish I had the answers for you, I've been an addict for 25 years and swore to myself if I didn't do something soon I just as well do the unspeakable. Wait now 18 months ago I tried once again I've gone from 95mls meth down to 30mls and on Tuesday starting on Subutex, I've been given a lovely bungalow to live in, I never thought I would be here, so please keep trying, put your thoughts on web do whatever you can just please don't give up.
Take care
This is my first time replying to anyone, I so wish I had the answers for you, I've been an addict for 25 years and swore to myself if I didn't do something soon I just as well do the unspeakable. Wait now 18 months ago I tried once again I've gone from 95mls meth down to 30mls and on Tuesday starting on Subutex, I've been given a lovely bungalow to live in, I never thought I would be here, so please keep trying, put your thoughts on web do whatever you can just please don't give up.
Take care
If you believe like I that you can change your own fate, you can have the power and the will to stay strong and keep fighting. Don't lose sight of the good imagery a few years from now when this can be behind you.
My partner has just gone through w/d again. I kicked him out when I saw that he'd started using again...but it was the lies and the abuse that hurt me, and I couldn't watch any longer. I thought if he went to rock bottom the only way then is up. He's lost a lot, a very good job, me, for now his daughter, his vehicle and a beautiful home.
But, he's such a good guy. And he can be happy again, like I can be even though although I'm not using anything and haven't ever, I know that on the bad days the sun will shine again and the pain and turmoil I'm going through at ending something that was potentially so beautiful will ease in time. That's just it give it time and you do have time.
Please stay strong, you are worth it and if you can keep this strength you will have the joys of simple life again. I wish you all the very best. Take care of yourself x
My partner has just gone through w/d again. I kicked him out when I saw that he'd started using again...but it was the lies and the abuse that hurt me, and I couldn't watch any longer. I thought if he went to rock bottom the only way then is up. He's lost a lot, a very good job, me, for now his daughter, his vehicle and a beautiful home.
But, he's such a good guy. And he can be happy again, like I can be even though although I'm not using anything and haven't ever, I know that on the bad days the sun will shine again and the pain and turmoil I'm going through at ending something that was potentially so beautiful will ease in time. That's just it give it time and you do have time.
Please stay strong, you are worth it and if you can keep this strength you will have the joys of simple life again. I wish you all the very best. Take care of yourself x
