Kee Kee

wow, your response to "why am i an addict" blew me away. i felt as if i was reading my own thoughts especially since i was 38 the first time i popped a percocet at the onset of a stressful situation. God i am so glad to feel passed that. i am clean 5 days today and i feel so much better that i pray every minute for the strength to stay away from them. i don't ever want to see one again.

i did have alot of the things you described.... i lost my Mom when i was fairly young (22) and she was my best friend. and after that a slew of close family members within the last few years. i also come from a family that (of course not to them at the time) abused alcohol. I spent many an afternoon as a kid after school at the Elks lodge with my Pop and it was NORMAL! ha! when I think of how it was no big deal to bring your kid to a bar back then! today you would have DYFS on your a** so fast your head would spin.

just wanted to let you know that your post answered my question. and I am grateful to the person who posted it THANK YOU because I have struggled with that for a while now. I will be forty in a few months so I had a pretty short run with the opiates. I was taking probably 10 to 12 10mg yellow tablets a day and it all started with a half of one in the morning and half of one in the evening a year and a half ago! the habit increased so quickly that i can understand what people mean when they say it spiraled out of control.

i am just glad i have 5 days clean even though it doesen't seem like much to some of you who have 5 years, but the worst is behind me and i am NOT looking back!!

Sadie xo
Sadiegirl!!

5 days Clean! I am really impressed, I know that it's not easy. I hope that you are starting to feel better now. The physical aspects of w/d seemed like they lasted forever with me. That coupled with the emotional turmoil kept me going back out time and time again.

If I can offer any advice at this point, please please seek out some F2F help. It was absolute key in moving forward to a healthy recovery. You don't have to keep relapsing like I did. Not that you will.....but so much can come from talking this out with others that have walked in your shoes. It's so theraputic to speak about what happened and what it is like now.

I am really so very happy that you could relate to my story. If I can help just one person on here then that is a very good day indeed. I am so proud of you sweetheart. I am in absolute AWE of those that are able to stop cold turkey.....now the real hard work will begin! But, it gets easier and lets face it...who has time to waste now (wink, wink).

Keep posting you are such an inspiration!!

Hugs.
Thanks, I need that boost sometimes. I never told anyone about my problem. Not family, not my boyfriend....NOT ONE PERSON. This board is a life saver.

I have read so much here. I wish I could offer something to people in need, but un-fortunately I am in no shape to give advise to anyone.

Thanks again and take care

Sadie
Sadie, Don't ever think that because you only have 5 days clean that you have nothing to offer to people on this board or people who just read. Some may be still struggling with addiction and by you posting your story you give those people hope. I use to love reading stories like yours when I first joined this board over 3 years ago. Those stories showed me that if other people could do it there was still hope for me. I for one think 5 days is great keep it up. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help if you find yourself struggling there are some very great people on this board who will always help you in any way they can. Take care, Shantel
Hi Sadiegirl!!

I was thinking about you today and wanted to pop in and see how things are going with you.

Post when you get a chance. Keep posting sweetheart. I hope that some others come along and offer some words of encouragement as well.

Big hugs!
Kee Kee,

I'm touched that i was in your thoughts. thank you. I had a little slip up. I am ashamed of myself, but it was in my face and I didn't have the strength to say no since i had a HORRIBLE cold and sore throat. WOW it's amazing how your body gets sick the minute you STOP abusing it with narcotics!! can anyone explain that to me? I have not even had the sniffles in about a year and a half. I stop abusing myself with pills and I come down with a chest cold so terrible that I feel as if I have two bricks for breasts!

The minute i swallowed that perc it all went away 25 minutes later. GOD I hate that and I am so mad at myself for doing it. When do you just stop giving in to the temptation

If I can't be strong and say no, does that mean I need more severe help?

Thanks for listening and caring,

Thank you as well to the others that have responded.

PEACE & LOVE

Sadie
QUOTE
If I can't be strong and say no, does that mean I need more severe help?


No, it just means that you are an addict like the rest of us here. I wish I had an answer for you. I don't. Others will, though. I know one thing. It's not about being strong. I've been the strongest I've ever been in my life lately. Being strong isn't enough.

I think you actually have to be able to admit and accept and surrender to your vulnerable side to change. If I could "get better" by willpower alone? I would have done it years ago.

I can have all the willpower in the world. But I'm still an addict and a drunk. It sucks but it's my reality.

You did it for 5+ days so you know that you are capable. Just try again and don't ever give up. That's all any of us can do.
Dear Jodi,

Yep. You must be right.

I just can't wrap my head around the fact that there are people out there who have NEVER caught a drug habit. They look at and judge others like they are some supreme beings and it really pisses me off! I wanna scream HEY, YOUR NO BETTER THAN ME! we all have our demons......some worse than others.....but I refuse to be judged. Unless you can walk on water, keep your opinions to yourself please. Everyone is fighting some sort of personal battle.

I just want to feel normal again, relying on nothing but my daily womens multi-vitamin! Thanks for your response. Every bit helps.

SADIE xo