I havent been here in quite some time, About 4 month ago my husband relapsed. Well here it is 2:42 am and he has disappeared agian. I am so sick of giving him chance after chance to get better, He always is sorry but then he does it over and over.He was clean for months at a time and just when I begin to trust he does it again. Worst of all he just opened a new business and spent every last dime on it. Now what do I do, I have 2 beautiful children to support. I work also and put every penny into the bank because he hasnt taken a pay check in a month.I went to buy 2 pairs of jeans yesterday and he freaked out because I spent money but I wonder how much he is spending now.I cant even keep track of it because he probably got paid cash for a job.
I only talked to one friend about this and of course she said to leave him. Why is it so hard to leave? I love him but I cant do this anymore. It has been 2 years of this and I cant keep thinking he will get better if he wont get help. I beg him to get help and he swears to me he can do it. I begged him not to open this business until he was clean for at least a year and he conned me into this with his sweet talking bull --t. He is very charming and if you were to meet him you would never suspect he was a addict.He has so many people fooled.All my friends think he is the best guy in the world and when he isnt using he is.He loves my kids they are from a previous marriage. They love him too, How can I take them away from him they will never understand. but I know I have to do the best thing for them. My son will be heart broken he looks up to him so much. They arent home right now they are with thier father for the weekend and that is when he does this , He will now drive around all night until he comes down and call me when he runs himself out of gas and expect me to go get him.He lost his car once it took a whole day to find it out in some corn field.
I am just at my wits end. I was stressed out enough with this new business and not having health insurance now I have to deal with this. I feel like Im going to have a nervous breakdown.I pray to god I usually go to church although I havent been very good about it latley because the only day we have together is sunday and I need to get things done around my house. I know not a good excuse .I just at this moment want to know if he is alive, He wont answer his cell phone I could keep calling all night but I know there is no point.He will only call when he is ready.I have a feeling he hooked up with a dealer I think this customer of his was a dealer he was really sneeky about they whole job and my gut told me this was coming and I chose to ingnore it.I didn't want to believe it was happening yet again.But I alway get a feeling and Im always right.You wouldn't know he seemed quite normal we had a great night last night and he was in a wonderful mood this morning so I chose to think he was ok.He called me at 2:30 this afternoon sounded normal and he never showed up at home and I havent heard from him since.He is usually a normal guy until he gets a craving his mouths waters for it so bad nothing else matters.He usually is a very loving man but he is selfish also.He puts his own wants first always. He buys what he wants he does what he wants regardless to what I say. And he will turn things around and make me look wrong. I dont know how to stop letting him con me.Help and please pray for us. Kim V
you can't return if you never leave
I just heard from him, I told him he needs to go to rehab or he is out and I really mean it this time. Do any of you know of any in the New Jersey area? And anything about the program? Thanks Kim
Does he have insurance? I went to Princeton House, they have some long programs but i only there for three days (twice) to detox from heroin. I don't have any other rehab to compare it to so can't really say if it was good or not. It did the job for the worst of my withdrawals and I learnt a bit when they had seminars on addiction and heroin and stuff cause I didn't know anything about heroin except how to use it and how to find it.
We had group meetings twice a day to talk about drugs and withdrawal and staying clean etc and though many find them helpful, they did not stimulate me at all. Both times I went there with all the determination in the world to get clean. I hated needing heroin, hated what it was doing to my relationship with my husband (who was also using) hated the person I was becoming and hated going though withdrawal. In these meetings everyone seemed to say the same type of thing, like "well I have been using for 6 years and this is my 10th rehab, but I really mean it this time, I'm really gonna do it theres's no way I'll ever go back to (heroin)"
When asked I said something like "This is my 2nd rehab, I'm here cause I want to quit, I hate what heroin is doing to my life, but I still love it and crave it and want to get high. I hope this time will be different, i really do, and I wish I could say that I'll never use again but I can't make that promise while I'm feeling like this cause I just don't know. i wont lie.
The nurses and counsellors were all like "you'll never make it with that attitude" etc but I was being honest while the others sat there and lied to them and to themselves. As you can imagine they were not impresses with me at all.
80% of addicts were there for heroin, there were a couple for crack and there was one alcoholic.
Everyone was assigned a counsellor who you had a one on one with every day and that was ok, they didn't dig very deep though.
In the evenings they had local NA/AA meeting held there, and many people find these to be vital to recovery and essential for support. I, unfortunately am one of the minority that didn't feel that way. All that talk of drugs just made me want to go get high.
Chatting with other addicts there away from the nurses etc was not good for recovery at all. We all talked about how much we used, crazy stories we'd live to tell of, which streets sell the best stuff etc.
The first time I went I met this guy who was there cause he didn't have a car to drive to Philly in anymore cause he had flipped it driving home high one day but kept driving it home f***ing it completely (cause he didn't want the cops getting the rest of his bags) Anyway he told me where there was a way better spot to buy dope from, and it was only a few blocks away from the streets that I usually bought from. His spot had way stronger s*** then I'd been getting.
We swapped numbers and after we go out of rehab he called and asked for a ride. I was back using again so it worked out sweet. He lived just off one of the exits on my drive to Philly so each day I picked him up and dropped him home and he shouted me 2 bags.
Sorry that was so long, and I know it was probably way too negative, but it is just my honest recollection of rehab, I may have felt differently had I stayed 28 days, I don't know.
Hope things work out for you and your husband.
Hugs
Charmed
We had group meetings twice a day to talk about drugs and withdrawal and staying clean etc and though many find them helpful, they did not stimulate me at all. Both times I went there with all the determination in the world to get clean. I hated needing heroin, hated what it was doing to my relationship with my husband (who was also using) hated the person I was becoming and hated going though withdrawal. In these meetings everyone seemed to say the same type of thing, like "well I have been using for 6 years and this is my 10th rehab, but I really mean it this time, I'm really gonna do it theres's no way I'll ever go back to (heroin)"
When asked I said something like "This is my 2nd rehab, I'm here cause I want to quit, I hate what heroin is doing to my life, but I still love it and crave it and want to get high. I hope this time will be different, i really do, and I wish I could say that I'll never use again but I can't make that promise while I'm feeling like this cause I just don't know. i wont lie.
The nurses and counsellors were all like "you'll never make it with that attitude" etc but I was being honest while the others sat there and lied to them and to themselves. As you can imagine they were not impresses with me at all.
80% of addicts were there for heroin, there were a couple for crack and there was one alcoholic.
Everyone was assigned a counsellor who you had a one on one with every day and that was ok, they didn't dig very deep though.
In the evenings they had local NA/AA meeting held there, and many people find these to be vital to recovery and essential for support. I, unfortunately am one of the minority that didn't feel that way. All that talk of drugs just made me want to go get high.
Chatting with other addicts there away from the nurses etc was not good for recovery at all. We all talked about how much we used, crazy stories we'd live to tell of, which streets sell the best stuff etc.
The first time I went I met this guy who was there cause he didn't have a car to drive to Philly in anymore cause he had flipped it driving home high one day but kept driving it home f***ing it completely (cause he didn't want the cops getting the rest of his bags) Anyway he told me where there was a way better spot to buy dope from, and it was only a few blocks away from the streets that I usually bought from. His spot had way stronger s*** then I'd been getting.
We swapped numbers and after we go out of rehab he called and asked for a ride. I was back using again so it worked out sweet. He lived just off one of the exits on my drive to Philly so each day I picked him up and dropped him home and he shouted me 2 bags.
Sorry that was so long, and I know it was probably way too negative, but it is just my honest recollection of rehab, I may have felt differently had I stayed 28 days, I don't know.
Hope things work out for you and your husband.
Hugs
Charmed
Hi Everyone, Im just updating. Things are looking up at the moment. We are going to councling tonight.He is going back to his meetings not enough but it is a start.He is throwing himself into his work he says that always helps him focus. He is very complicated. He can go for months and then he just relapes.He had 4 months clean. Before that it was 9 months.And he has gone 5 years.Is there hope that this will ever be over? I just pray ALOT! That does seem to help. I just have to not forget like I always do when he seems to be doing better and things get back to normal I let my guard down.But I dont want to think about it all the time, I would love to pretend this isn't a problem and we are just normal people. No one would ever suspect he has a problem. He hides it very well.Well keep us in your prayers please. God Bless you all. Kim
well kim, i was a ten year addict and had to die in order to finally quit....i turned my back on it cold turkey...no councelling no help. you have to really want it. and believe me i was a full fledged addict. i'd go days on end, not eating, never leaving the house, having it delivered to me. it was a night mere. but it can be done. i have a long way to go as far as how i feel about my self. but i don't crave the drug any more. in fact remembering the horror it turned into for me helps me. good luck
