That saying means so many things to me. When I first got clean, it meant peeling back all of the dead layers to get to the new growth inside of me. After I got clean, it meant going layer by layer, working on each one so that I could stay clean and sober. Now it means something entirely different.
My life today is an onion. Layer by layer things keep happening. Each new layer brings something new to my life. Sunday, Jake came to me and admitted that he relapsed. I suspected but let him come to me. He had about a 3 day run. Just long enough to cause some personal damage, but none to us (meaning property). There's more to that story and I will share it as I go along.
Tuesday, my mother was found unresponsive at the nursing home, she was airlifted to Seattle and is very sick. On a vent with a raging UTI caused by the sheer negligence of the nursing home. More to that story too.
And my dad. The chemo is killing him long before the cancer will.
Another layer? I'm still clean and sober today.
I am so sorry Lisa about you Mom and Dad.
But then I am really proud of that boy of yours for ratting on himself and of you too. I know how hard it is to wait when you know they are using and the constraint it takes to not say anything.
I will keep all of you in my prayers...
Love,
Tina
But then I am really proud of that boy of yours for ratting on himself and of you too. I know how hard it is to wait when you know they are using and the constraint it takes to not say anything.
I will keep all of you in my prayers...
Love,
Tina
Lisa-I've heard the same thing about chemo.It can be a lifesaver too so it's a hard call.I'm truly sorry.
I thought Jake was on Sub? I guess he got off it long enough to have a slip.That was planned.The only thing I can see with that is to go daily to get the dose at a clinic.They will watch him when he takes it.It's a hassle and I'm sure there are ways to get around it.I don't know enough about it.Was he getting monthly supplies from a doctor?
Are you o.k? I'm home today if you need to e-mail me.I know you're depressed and don't blame you.This is all getting real old and you share what you need to.I don't have any answers you haven't heard already but I'm a good listener.
Keep plugged in.
I thought Jake was on Sub? I guess he got off it long enough to have a slip.That was planned.The only thing I can see with that is to go daily to get the dose at a clinic.They will watch him when he takes it.It's a hassle and I'm sure there are ways to get around it.I don't know enough about it.Was he getting monthly supplies from a doctor?
Are you o.k? I'm home today if you need to e-mail me.I know you're depressed and don't blame you.This is all getting real old and you share what you need to.I don't have any answers you haven't heard already but I'm a good listener.
Keep plugged in.
I'm heading out the door to go to the hospital but will check in later today.
I am depressed. I'm tired and I'm angry, resentful. I'll explain that later. I am proud of Jake for coming to me, he seems to be going about this differently? I guess for lack of a better word. No, he was not getting monthly scripts, they were for 2 weeks and he was UA'd every week. It was when the doc took him off the sub 2 weeks ago that this started brewing. It was too soon. He's back on it and needless to say, we are looking for another dr who will make Jake more accountable. I should say, Jake is looking. I'm taking a step back, I don't have the strength right now to be all for every person.
I do gain alot of my strength from my friends here. Just keep me in your back pockets for a few days, ok?
I am depressed. I'm tired and I'm angry, resentful. I'll explain that later. I am proud of Jake for coming to me, he seems to be going about this differently? I guess for lack of a better word. No, he was not getting monthly scripts, they were for 2 weeks and he was UA'd every week. It was when the doc took him off the sub 2 weeks ago that this started brewing. It was too soon. He's back on it and needless to say, we are looking for another dr who will make Jake more accountable. I should say, Jake is looking. I'm taking a step back, I don't have the strength right now to be all for every person.
I do gain alot of my strength from my friends here. Just keep me in your back pockets for a few days, ok?
Man oh man Lisa you certainly have a lot on your plate. I admire you so much for having the wisdom to stay clean through it all. I know if it were me I'd make all of those situations into excuses to use. But you are much more grown up than I am (not meaning age) and that is why I value your input so much. I am sending HUGE amounts of love and support to you and your family. I guess all I can say is just make sure you are doing things for you. Whatever it is that you love and brings you joy-make it a priority right now. XOXO
Molly
Molly
QUOTE |
Jake is looking. I'm taking a step back, I don't have the strength right now to be all for every person. |
Good for you.I see a lot of growth there.He will be o.k. You take care of what you can and turn the rest over.
You're a strong woman Lisa.In the last few years I've grown to respect and love you.I know we had a rocky start but that's because we both have alpha personalities.Those are usually the ones I make the best friends with.
How I end up with every needy victim out there has always baffled me.That's why I stay out of the SPCA.It's like I'm wearing a sign "Available To Rescue"
You will be in my prayers.If you need to vent,I'm around.
Lisa, got you msg and came here to read this.
I am so sorry Lisa. As I said....enough is enough and I really wish you and your family would get a break. I know you are strong enough to handle this without using, but I wish you didnt have so much on you.
I will keep you in my thoughts, prayers and back pocket. You know where to find me if you need to talk.
As for the nursing home.....I am sure heads will roll, but let that go for now. There is nothing to gian by adding to your already high stress level. What is done is done, and can't be undone. I am sure you're swamped dealing with mom and dad,,,,,,,that's enough for any one person......let the nursing home debacle wait until you're in a better place.
I love you, my friend!
Carol
Oh my my my Cowgirl, you just made my day as I have been patiently waiting for a long long long time, me being such a kind, sensitive loving person and you being such a, well such a girl. But you opened the door this time (probably thought i wouln't notice I bet, cause i know u must of read about courageous demonstration of Christian love when it was real could out last week, when. with the advice and encouragement of my tiny Chinease twin brother who lives between my big toe and the one next to it, I helped all the people around me who were old keep warm..
It was such a brilliant and at the same time obvious idea, I still can't believe it hasn't been done before. It went great in spite of some of the minor drawbacks. My stupid wife is so unreasonably pissed, cause while I was on my soul and life saving mission I might have damaged her 2007 Chrystler 300.
To this day I bet she still is thinking selfishly. I have come to realize that she really does believe I'm insane, which is OK because me and my other 12 super brothers and sisters (i think u met a couple - usually as u know they have learned the trick to hide in my head, but sometimes they like to hand out in the sewrs) know whats goin on.
Though what really gets me, is she thinks im stupid or something. Im not stupid. Shes stupid. She really got me mad boy, cause she said I was selfish and crazy cause she thought If i was gonna do something so idiotic which would have to wreck the car- why did I take her beautiful car instead of my piece of crap pickup that was 15 years old.
How selfish of her. what would have happened if I took my truck and it got wrecked, what would I drive.
and her car aint that bad, its got a front window and its sorta held together and u could probably drive it & if SHE hadnt thrown out all those plastic bottels and empty paint buckets from 2 years ago, I wouldnt have had to take all our pots and pans and the crock pot and the garbage can and stuck them in the back seat . It was getting ridiculous holding the gas pump and trying to fill things one can at a time. I mean I was even getting a drop or 2 on my hands.
Suddenly, i got a brilliant idea. I remembered that the car upholstery was scothguarded. so this gas couldnt hurt it- a couple drops of water, a towel and the gas would be gone. Anyway. i carefully put her credit card (i gottaa get me one a dem) that i borrowed from her purse safely in her glove compartment and started on my mission which im sure u have by now figured out.
I gotta tell ya after the first two it had been like I had been keepin old people nice and warm their whole lives. Its just amazing what u can do with gas, and so safe usually. And just cause I like to be extra- cautious, when I pored the gas around their house and all over their property, I always stayed a foot or so away from the house. They loved it cause no one came out to complain. Matter of fact, the only people i saw outside were mostly kids playing, running out and running around with their heads on fire.
The funny thing is, that first house were the people were really loving it turned out not to be an old persons house, but a church. Sometimes I forget my glasses, but i found em under the seat and really couldnt see. I endured, and heled the people in the church and they loved it for u could hear them yelling & screaming.
Well cowgirl, u did almost get by sneaking this post past me, cause yes my sister and the cops conspired against me and now I'm in this funny farm (and I gotta tell ya something too, talk about crazy people , their all nuts, the guards the drs, everyone but me. Its a joke. There is not one person here who has any awareness of invisible kangaroos or the tanger they pose.
ahhh, here comes my lawer to get his computer back, but revenge is now mine Oh cowgirl, all those times you called me dog breath, crushing my self image and at times though i am a man of men. i went under my bed and cried. But I knew ur true motives, jealousy and fear. You were afraid all the girls would comeafter me , and u want me to be urs and urs only. It wont work.
Now for my revenge : COWGIRL ONIONBREATH, HA HA HA HA HA HA -
AHHH, LIKE DON CORLEONE SAYS: revenge is a dish best served cold and I say "vengence is now mine"
It was such a brilliant and at the same time obvious idea, I still can't believe it hasn't been done before. It went great in spite of some of the minor drawbacks. My stupid wife is so unreasonably pissed, cause while I was on my soul and life saving mission I might have damaged her 2007 Chrystler 300.
To this day I bet she still is thinking selfishly. I have come to realize that she really does believe I'm insane, which is OK because me and my other 12 super brothers and sisters (i think u met a couple - usually as u know they have learned the trick to hide in my head, but sometimes they like to hand out in the sewrs) know whats goin on.
Though what really gets me, is she thinks im stupid or something. Im not stupid. Shes stupid. She really got me mad boy, cause she said I was selfish and crazy cause she thought If i was gonna do something so idiotic which would have to wreck the car- why did I take her beautiful car instead of my piece of crap pickup that was 15 years old.
How selfish of her. what would have happened if I took my truck and it got wrecked, what would I drive.
and her car aint that bad, its got a front window and its sorta held together and u could probably drive it & if SHE hadnt thrown out all those plastic bottels and empty paint buckets from 2 years ago, I wouldnt have had to take all our pots and pans and the crock pot and the garbage can and stuck them in the back seat . It was getting ridiculous holding the gas pump and trying to fill things one can at a time. I mean I was even getting a drop or 2 on my hands.
Suddenly, i got a brilliant idea. I remembered that the car upholstery was scothguarded. so this gas couldnt hurt it- a couple drops of water, a towel and the gas would be gone. Anyway. i carefully put her credit card (i gottaa get me one a dem) that i borrowed from her purse safely in her glove compartment and started on my mission which im sure u have by now figured out.
I gotta tell ya after the first two it had been like I had been keepin old people nice and warm their whole lives. Its just amazing what u can do with gas, and so safe usually. And just cause I like to be extra- cautious, when I pored the gas around their house and all over their property, I always stayed a foot or so away from the house. They loved it cause no one came out to complain. Matter of fact, the only people i saw outside were mostly kids playing, running out and running around with their heads on fire.
The funny thing is, that first house were the people were really loving it turned out not to be an old persons house, but a church. Sometimes I forget my glasses, but i found em under the seat and really couldnt see. I endured, and heled the people in the church and they loved it for u could hear them yelling & screaming.
Well cowgirl, u did almost get by sneaking this post past me, cause yes my sister and the cops conspired against me and now I'm in this funny farm (and I gotta tell ya something too, talk about crazy people , their all nuts, the guards the drs, everyone but me. Its a joke. There is not one person here who has any awareness of invisible kangaroos or the tanger they pose.
ahhh, here comes my lawer to get his computer back, but revenge is now mine Oh cowgirl, all those times you called me dog breath, crushing my self image and at times though i am a man of men. i went under my bed and cried. But I knew ur true motives, jealousy and fear. You were afraid all the girls would comeafter me , and u want me to be urs and urs only. It wont work.
Now for my revenge : COWGIRL ONIONBREATH, HA HA HA HA HA HA -
AHHH, LIKE DON CORLEONE SAYS: revenge is a dish best served cold and I say "vengence is now mine"
Seems more like shredding the onion, with all you're dealing with right now. Wish I could help, but you are in my thoughts and I admire your courage and strength. Thank you for sharing that with the Board. It really does help to see that people can get through hard times without using, and "this too shall pass." Hang in,
None
None
I don't know you like everyone else but I just want to send you a hug. Sorry to hear about your Mom and Dad.
Keep strong.
Hugs,
Hilary, aka foggyeyes
Keep strong.
Hugs,
Hilary, aka foggyeyes
Lisa, despite all that's going on around you and within your family, despite being depressed and overwhelmed, you sound grounded and okay...no frantic pleas, no taking on what's not yours. You are taking care of those things within your control.
I'm thinking of you and will call this weekend. Praying for your parents and for you to get a break.
Love ~ S
PS I posted our situation on the Family board if you get a chance...your words are always helpful to me.
I'm thinking of you and will call this weekend. Praying for your parents and for you to get a break.
Love ~ S
PS I posted our situation on the Family board if you get a chance...your words are always helpful to me.
Thank you all for the love and support. I stay grounded because of it. Because of what I get here and sharing in meetings. I know that I am not alone anymore. Though, I never was, I just didn't know it.[/B]
Yes Carol, I will let the nursing home thing rest on the back burner for now. My family has forbid me to call them or go there, as angry as I am, I would just tip thier hand. An atty has been contacted, I will let him do his job and I will do mine which is to take care of my parents, my child and myself right now. But all with boundries.
It's been a really hard day. They don't know why she is so sick. She is still intubated and fails when they try to take her off. It's so very hard to watch someone you love be so aware of what's going on around them but to be so confused and frustrated at the same time. Having a tube down your throat while awake is horrible. We do our best to calm her, all of us are taking shifts so that someone is there most of the time.
Jake found a different doc. He has an appt tomorrow. He has to do this one on his own this time. I'm not giving up on him by any means, just letting him be accountable and a grown up.
Yes Carol, I will let the nursing home thing rest on the back burner for now. My family has forbid me to call them or go there, as angry as I am, I would just tip thier hand. An atty has been contacted, I will let him do his job and I will do mine which is to take care of my parents, my child and myself right now. But all with boundries.
It's been a really hard day. They don't know why she is so sick. She is still intubated and fails when they try to take her off. It's so very hard to watch someone you love be so aware of what's going on around them but to be so confused and frustrated at the same time. Having a tube down your throat while awake is horrible. We do our best to calm her, all of us are taking shifts so that someone is there most of the time.
Jake found a different doc. He has an appt tomorrow. He has to do this one on his own this time. I'm not giving up on him by any means, just letting him be accountable and a grown up.
ahhh, here comes my lawer to get his computer back, but revenge is now mine Oh cowgirl, all those times you called me dog breath, crushing my self image and at times though i am a man of men. i went under my bed and cried. But I knew ur true motives, jealousy and fear. You were afraid all the girls would comeafter me , and u want me to be urs and urs only. It wont work.
Now for my revenge : COWGIRL ONIONBREATH, HA HA HA HA HA HA -
AHHH, LIKE DON CORLEONE SAYS: revenge is a dish best served cold and I say "vengence is now mine"
I'm not sure I understand this Dog...you know you are one of my favs here but I get the feeling that you feel offended about something? Dogbreath has always been a term of endearment, not a slam. I'm really confused right now.
Now for my revenge : COWGIRL ONIONBREATH, HA HA HA HA HA HA -
AHHH, LIKE DON CORLEONE SAYS: revenge is a dish best served cold and I say "vengence is now mine"
I'm not sure I understand this Dog...you know you are one of my favs here but I get the feeling that you feel offended about something? Dogbreath has always been a term of endearment, not a slam. I'm really confused right now.
Jake found a different doc. He has an appt tomorrow. He has to do this one on his own this time. I'm not giving up on him by any means, just letting him be accountable and a grown up.
Yeah Lisa! I am so glad you gave this back to him, it really wasn't yours. We all know you aren't giving up on him, more like giving him a gift.
And look at him, he got a new doctor all on his own ;) Hug that boy!
As I said earlier, you are all in my prayers.
Love,
Tina
Yeah Lisa! I am so glad you gave this back to him, it really wasn't yours. We all know you aren't giving up on him, more like giving him a gift.
And look at him, he got a new doctor all on his own ;) Hug that boy!
As I said earlier, you are all in my prayers.
Love,
Tina
lol..at least I made someone happy today. I will hug him Tina. Extra hug from you.
IM REALLY SORRY COWGIRL - YOU HAVE NEVER EVER OFENDED ME. I WAS COMPETELY AND TOTALY JOKING AROUND AND JUST MAKING UP A STUPID STORY TO BE ENTERTAINING, MAYBE A TEENY TINY BIT FUNNY IN AN ATTEMPT TO TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH YOU AND YOUR TOPIC , AND AFFEDCTIONATLY TEASE U A LITTLE JUST LIKE YOU KINDLY & JOKINGLY CALL ME DOG BREATH. I WAS PRETENDING I GOT REVENGE AND COULD NOW CALL U ONIONBREATH. i REALLY AM SORRY, AND LUCKY FOR ME, EVEN IF WHAT I CAME UP WITH WAS STUPID, AND THERE WAS NO VALUE AS FAR AS ENTERTAINMENT YOU GOT A LITTLE CONFUSED BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS I GUESS TRYING TO OFFEND YOU, YET YOU KNEW THAT THAT COULDNT BE SO.
im GOIN TO SLEEP NOW. i hope things are goin good for u & ur son, good night ol cowgirl.
im GOIN TO SLEEP NOW. i hope things are goin good for u & ur son, good night ol cowgirl.
So Sorry to hear bout your mom Lisa. It does seem like you have been put through the ringer lately. Three sayings come to mind.... what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....There is not more put on us than we can handle.....and this too shall pass. You are the strongest woman I have ever known and I really admire you for how you handle things.
I am praying for you and your family. Love ya!
I am praying for you and your family. Love ya!
I'm sorry Lisa. I'm kind of at a loss for encouraging words. All I can say is that we all sure do have our troubles. It is nice to have a place to go with people who can just feel for you and with you. Sorrows shared have a way of lessening. I'll send some prayers your way.
My dearest DogBreath...whew. Ok, now I get it. Usually, I would have gotten it? But was just to raw and vulnarble these past couple of days...maybe even a tad bit blonde. I should have known you were trying to be funny. Sorry. So, Onion Breath it is.
I swear to God Rhonda, if one more person tells me that God isn't going to give me anymore than I can handle, I'm gonna punch them in the mouth. Seriously. Enough already.
xxoo
I swear to God Rhonda, if one more person tells me that God isn't going to give me anymore than I can handle, I'm gonna punch them in the mouth. Seriously. Enough already.
xxoo
Sorry, I was just trying to be supportive...it certainly wasn't my intention to upset you. Those are some things that you said to me that was comforting when I was going through hard times with my mother and all.