I've not made a post in a while. I have several things going on. I have been getting so close to a H relaspe. I was offered to split a $20 bag i thought REAL hard about it. Still thinking i might just go get some. Mostly i'm unhappy. I've started smoking weed "i don't even like weed". Valuim and beer has been a near nightly ritual. I'm lying to my fiance about the pot, and pills. I feel like a retard I need a job. This is not working or making anything any better yet it feels right. I just don't know what else to do. I want things to be smooth i don't want to deal with the kids, the fiance, the house, my family. My brother is sick in his addiction my mom has kicked him out. He's on the streets he's begging to stay with me it's breaking my heart to see him the way he is but, still it's tempting to go score with him INSANE HUH?. I don't know the truth about what may or may not have occured in regards to my fiance and my daughter saying he touched her sexually. It's killing me to not belive either of them. I am in a spot where i can either leave with "no job, 3 kids, nothing" on my daughters WORD that something hapend "daughter is ADHD,BI-POLAR,DIFANT disorder," or stay with a man who can offer more then i'll ever get on my own, a man who has no history of being violent or perverted...either way i'm not happy. I don't know how much i love him..i know how much i love her, i don't know what's right. I don't belive her but, the WHAT IF is so big. I don't think i can EVER mentally be commited to him "the fiance" I feel like i'm using him for money and a place to stay. I also can't leave with my baby "his son" he will fight and win "i can't passs a drug test at this point". The baby is his only child the only grandchild his family will have me hung out to dry. I HATE life "my life. There was no evidence he touched her the case with childrens services and the police is closed it's not closed for me. I want away from both my daughter and him "i know that sounds TERRIBLE" I can't deal with it. I know the general advice is to err on the side of caution get her away from him BUT, nothing is as simple as it seems in life. There is the matter of the 16 month old WE have together, the matter of where do i acually go?. For now i'm at home with her SHE is never alone with him i take her to the grocery store with me He is not allowed to be in her room. I WATCH HIM ALL the time I feel like i'm waiting to see him screw up In which case i think i might kill him. I don't know how to get past this IF IT DID or DID NOT happen I feel diffrent about him now because i have doubt I also have just as much doubt that she is telling the truth "she is disturbed mentally".
ZG -
Don't feel guilty about wanting away from both of them...it's just a feeling and iit's there in you head - you've recognized it and are honest about it. We've spoken about your daughter before and I know she's a handful - I've seen how kids like that are and it's exhausting. You love her but can't seem to get any relief from the constant need for your presence and it must feel real loud in your head about now. I'm not even gonna get into the abuse thing - only you can make that call.
Don't give in to the H...you know you are already on a slippery slope with the other stuff. You've fought too long and hard to lose it all now. Can't talk now, but will check in later. Hang tough ZG, lots of folks rooting for you.
Peace~MomNMore
Don't feel guilty about wanting away from both of them...it's just a feeling and iit's there in you head - you've recognized it and are honest about it. We've spoken about your daughter before and I know she's a handful - I've seen how kids like that are and it's exhausting. You love her but can't seem to get any relief from the constant need for your presence and it must feel real loud in your head about now. I'm not even gonna get into the abuse thing - only you can make that call.
Don't give in to the H...you know you are already on a slippery slope with the other stuff. You've fought too long and hard to lose it all now. Can't talk now, but will check in later. Hang tough ZG, lots of folks rooting for you.
Peace~MomNMore
Z Girl,
I've taught girls, who've accused male teachers of abuse and the blokes have lost everything for nothing. And I've taught girls who have been abused in some way and no one's believed them. The only thing I can say is make no big decisions while your head is battered.
Deal with yourself, you've been through a lot to get where you are.
You can't go back. The gear is an easy place to run to when everything is falling apart, my bloke does it. And you know it will solve nothing.
Your daughter, your man, your situation will still be the same. The only thing different is you'll be even less able to cope with it all.
Be gentle on yourself, relax, hard with 3 kids. What all this has thrown up is how you really feel about your man and daughter and all the responsibilities on your shoulders.
If you can't talk to him, her, them, then you have to talk to someone - someone who won't judge and won't try to tell you what you should do.
It's really important ZG stay away from the H. The weed is a chill factor it may help short term but it'll only confuse your head even more and you need to be strong to sort this out.
Talk to someone.
A friend of mine parked her car on the M62 and walked infront of a truck last wednesday, problems, depression and didn't tell anyone. You're stronger than that.
k
I've taught girls, who've accused male teachers of abuse and the blokes have lost everything for nothing. And I've taught girls who have been abused in some way and no one's believed them. The only thing I can say is make no big decisions while your head is battered.
Deal with yourself, you've been through a lot to get where you are.
You can't go back. The gear is an easy place to run to when everything is falling apart, my bloke does it. And you know it will solve nothing.
Your daughter, your man, your situation will still be the same. The only thing different is you'll be even less able to cope with it all.
Be gentle on yourself, relax, hard with 3 kids. What all this has thrown up is how you really feel about your man and daughter and all the responsibilities on your shoulders.
If you can't talk to him, her, them, then you have to talk to someone - someone who won't judge and won't try to tell you what you should do.
It's really important ZG stay away from the H. The weed is a chill factor it may help short term but it'll only confuse your head even more and you need to be strong to sort this out.
Talk to someone.
A friend of mine parked her car on the M62 and walked infront of a truck last wednesday, problems, depression and didn't tell anyone. You're stronger than that.
k
wow,that is some story dear,we dont know each other but ive been posting for a few weeks now and thats possibly the most disturbing story ive heard yet.my main concern for u right now is the drink and valium,very bad mix,they will make u start doubting yourself,did that happen or not last-night type of thing.i really dont know what to say other than family-wise,a bit like myself u need to be strong and what u r using will fry your brain.if this man,your partner has abused your daughter he will do it again,its in people like that to do it,it doesnt just happen,god forbid it does not happen again,but if he is a beast,he will always be a beast.maybe im saying the wrong things here but u dont sound like u love him anyway,there must be some services where u live that can help u,i really dont know what else to say other than that dont go back to the skag,plus the cocktail u r on is not a good one,will lead to trouble,,sorry if ive offended u,,good luck;;eckie
Hey ZG, F*** can't imagine what you're going through right now, but don't go back on the H, you know it'll all get worse if you do. You have done so well with your life since you got clean. Your kids need you right now...all of them. I know how easy it would be to go and score but at the end of the day it's only going to get worse if you do, you know that.
Before you make any decision think about all the consequences... cause what you do now , one way or another will effect you for years to come. Take care over there ZG, you're a good mom, fiance, your head is just in a mess...
Thinking of you, Kev
Before you make any decision think about all the consequences... cause what you do now , one way or another will effect you for years to come. Take care over there ZG, you're a good mom, fiance, your head is just in a mess...
Thinking of you, Kev
Honey, where ya at?
Where are ya ZG?
You changed up on us...........I thought when ya didn't post you were doing good..............I'm a nimwit..........I'm so sorry.........I hate you to be in this pain, and uncertainty.
Where are ya ZG?
You changed up on us...........I thought when ya didn't post you were doing good..............I'm a nimwit..........I'm so sorry.........I hate you to be in this pain, and uncertainty.
Heartbreaking story if i ever heard one.....ZG.....i really feel for ya....but as Eck said the valium&beers will just clould yer jugdement further .....you are looking to zone out just like you zone out on H ........let the evening slip by in a nice cotton blur......you will find that you may have that pill or beer earleir in the day if you continue......and its the same for the weed.
As for yer family issues my heart goes out to ya .....you seem really stuck.....should i stay or should i go?????only you can work that one out.....but i think trying to get even a p/t job would do you the world of good.....get you out of the house for a bit.Take care Ms,............Davey
As for yer family issues my heart goes out to ya .....you seem really stuck.....should i stay or should i go?????only you can work that one out.....but i think trying to get even a p/t job would do you the world of good.....get you out of the house for a bit.Take care Ms,............Davey
ZG im so sorry to hear what your going through my head would be f***ed up too i dont know what to say except im thinking of you xxx
I ve been wondering about all that, but didnt want to be nosy, you really are in a hard position....but i know youll male the best decision--and like someone else said--maybe right NOW isnt the right time to make that decision--you gotta be open with this man about how you feel--let him know you need help--and if he isnt willing to suppport you other than finfncially, theres other ways to raise your family, you are a good mother--dont think your not, and an honest one too--i wish i could wave a eand and have all the right answers, just know we are all rooting for you girlie
Hopefully our Zero Girl will hop on and see how much support she has.
Just wanted to say I'll holler for her..............off the board..........I didn't want to bother her and usually she didn't post when things were chill......so it about worried me sick to see she's going through it.
ZG has been a source of strength to many of us here...........during some really dark times.............I know she don't like all mushy, whistles and bells and all, but this girl has my utmost respect.............I value her opinion..........and without knowing it a few times just her "I don't know what you're going through, BUT......" pulled me up and away from that dope man and that's the stone truth......I just don't flatter her and all.
Please ZG you got so much respect here and people that care...........no human being could get by how you're supposed to honey.............I'd about say that's impossible................it's too much...................holler back or I'll sick Miley Ray on ya now.
Just wanted to say I'll holler for her..............off the board..........I didn't want to bother her and usually she didn't post when things were chill......so it about worried me sick to see she's going through it.
ZG has been a source of strength to many of us here...........during some really dark times.............I know she don't like all mushy, whistles and bells and all, but this girl has my utmost respect.............I value her opinion..........and without knowing it a few times just her "I don't know what you're going through, BUT......" pulled me up and away from that dope man and that's the stone truth......I just don't flatter her and all.
Please ZG you got so much respect here and people that care...........no human being could get by how you're supposed to honey.............I'd about say that's impossible................it's too much...................holler back or I'll sick Miley Ray on ya now.
You guys and gals are the best. I wish i could say all is swell but, that is not the truth. The story is real complex to post it online and anyone get a FULL concept of the situation in not possible. I am very thankful for every reply and the show of advice and support it means a lot.
My daughter is the kind that would make up this. She has told my mom "i'll call the cops on you then you can go to jail" because my mom told her it was time to come inside. She is so messed up I know it's because i really sucked as a mom when she was little I NEVER DID bond with her or her with me I never was as attached to her as i am the boys. I started coke and crack before she was born. After her birth i got deeper into drugs less into reality she was 4.5 when i started H. Her father was a addict i was with him 8 years he was a crap face as a father. He left she was 5 we have never heard from him. No calls, no child support, she tells me," I miss my daddy" she yells at me about him. I never ask him to be gone he chose to not be a Dad.
She was with my mom more then two years while i was on methadone getting my life together. She's been bounced about her dad left, I lost coustody when i was there i was nodded out. I do ACCEPT she's a BRAT 98% is probley because i was never there. I did not even try to be. I do know i'm paying for it now. She tries to run the house mouths off so sassy and bossy. FULL OF SO MUCH DRAMA kid cries and puts on a show like the best actresse she is known to tell stories. She has been diagonised as bi-polar and she has delusions mental illness runs deep in her fathers family and mine. I remember a lot about my oldest son being a baby i was there for the 1st days of school. My daughter I don't remember many things at all. Honest her first day of kindergarten I droped her off on the playground showed her where to go in and left i was dope sick had to score. My sons first day of school i took photos i met the teaher i was worried about leaving him. With Her is was not like that H robed her of me being a mom. I feel like crap about it all I don't feel close to her and she pushes me away i don't blame her her whole life i pushed her away.
My daughter is the kind that would make up this. She has told my mom "i'll call the cops on you then you can go to jail" because my mom told her it was time to come inside. She is so messed up I know it's because i really sucked as a mom when she was little I NEVER DID bond with her or her with me I never was as attached to her as i am the boys. I started coke and crack before she was born. After her birth i got deeper into drugs less into reality she was 4.5 when i started H. Her father was a addict i was with him 8 years he was a crap face as a father. He left she was 5 we have never heard from him. No calls, no child support, she tells me," I miss my daddy" she yells at me about him. I never ask him to be gone he chose to not be a Dad.
She was with my mom more then two years while i was on methadone getting my life together. She's been bounced about her dad left, I lost coustody when i was there i was nodded out. I do ACCEPT she's a BRAT 98% is probley because i was never there. I did not even try to be. I do know i'm paying for it now. She tries to run the house mouths off so sassy and bossy. FULL OF SO MUCH DRAMA kid cries and puts on a show like the best actresse she is known to tell stories. She has been diagonised as bi-polar and she has delusions mental illness runs deep in her fathers family and mine. I remember a lot about my oldest son being a baby i was there for the 1st days of school. My daughter I don't remember many things at all. Honest her first day of kindergarten I droped her off on the playground showed her where to go in and left i was dope sick had to score. My sons first day of school i took photos i met the teaher i was worried about leaving him. With Her is was not like that H robed her of me being a mom. I feel like crap about it all I don't feel close to her and she pushes me away i don't blame her her whole life i pushed her away.
oh man ZG I am deeply concerned about you, I dont want to be rude, and im sure oyu know this and are already doing htings, but youve gotta reach out and get some assistance not just for her but for you, I think untill you deal with your guilt and depression, your daughter will only up the ante on her attention getting acts, i know you must feel so overwhelmed, i do hope you have at least 1 person who supports you in all this...it does get better...please keep reaching out, the worst thing is to bottle up and let it all slip away...no words
