Leaving

Pain Pills
1
Im starting to think the thig to do is cheak out and save my family from the living hell that is happening,I went 5 days relapsed im starting to lose myself Brent
2
Brent, STOP AND BREATHE DUDE... You slipped, that is all, so stop beating yourself up over this. I will hold your hand and get you thru this. Your family needs you more than ever now. Haven't they always been there for you? Yes, they have. I hope that you will consider getting on an a/d to help you thru these mood swings. STAY HERE, TALK TO US, LET US HELP YOU TO HELP YOURSELF. Your family and you deserve this. You are sooooo worth it. Never give up.
3
Hey,brent
I know how you are feeling.i dont know your story and i know you dont want to go back through it.Was you going cold trukey?Im sure you have heard of suboxone?If you are here i will be around.Do you have insuarance?Sorry,for all the ?'s but,i would like to help all i can.I have a few resouce rather you want inpatients or outpaitent.crystal
if you would like email me
lovelytobe23@yahoo.com
4
brab..everyone stumbles when they start a new venture. You have A LOT TO LIVE FOR. I bet there was a time when you didn't think you could go five days..and YOU DID. Start again, buddy...you'll be okay..it's just a little set-back. I know you can do this..I've seen so many people fall and get back up and MAKE IT..and you will too.
5
Brent,

Things wont always look so bad. You are trying, dont beat yourself up too bad. This can be done. Just keep trying. Burn your bridges, do whatever it takes.

Regards,
Tom
6
Brab,you are not the first one to relapse.This"checking out" s*** is the drugs talking.You really need to call somone.Look in the phone book now for maybe a "Suicide Prevention" number or a help line.We are not equipped to deal with this if your serious.If you want to talk and write about it,get after it.I cant tell you how many times I wanted to check out.Its the effect of narcotics.Whats going on in your head right now?Write down exactly what your feeling.
7
Brab, I hope you don't mean check out of life. Think about your family and how devastating that would be for them. Especially during the Holidays. You have to stay here whether you like it or not. So, make the best out of it. If you want to get off the drugs bad enough you will. Just have to keep trying. Or, get help, but don't CHECK OUT. Talk it through with somebody, anybody. Just hang in there.

Love,
Liz
8
If you have been strong enough to make through your drug addiction you can be strong enough to make it through gettong sober .YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! YOU HAVE ALL OF US!!!!Stop reconsider this you must sleep on this and think abouteverything you would be giving up.I did not get sober until my daughter was 11 and she had to witness me in FULL BLOWN addiction and watch me hit bottom atleast 10 times and she is still my biggest cheerleader.My mom is in recovery herself and I have been trying to get sober since I was 15 I am 31 now and finally have gotten a grip on this disease.You can get through this many of us have been just where you are right now and made it through .Our addictions are baffling and cunning and the darkside wants you back!!! Dont go FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE PLEASE!!!! You CAN and WILL make it through this.DONT kick yourself when you are down if you want to beat yourself up over this wait until you are strong enough to go through your relapse but for now just pick yourself up and dust yourself off.It is going to be alright it is I promise sometimes it just takes us a few tries to get it .I have honestly been trying for 16 long years you by no means have to be as hard headed as I was but today I have a beautiful life and I have been homeless and stole for my addiction I even spent 18 months in prison and that wasnt enough!!! I only stayed sober for one month after being sober for 18 months in prison for writing scripts that is completelty INSANE this disease is insane .If you need anything at all you just let us know and we will do ANYTHING TO HELP YOU just do not use again NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!we are pulling for you!!! Cristina
9
Hey Brent,
I am sorry to come to the board on Thanksgiving Night and hear you talking this way. First of all your family is not better off without you so stop thinking that way! Secondly you have another chance at getting clean, don't hang the towel up quite yet. It sounds like you really need to check into out-patient treatment or rehab if it's an option. You may benefit from meetings or one on one couseling, I don't know. I hate to see anyone this depressed and talking the way you are. It makes me sad and I don't know al the right words to say. I do know you have to dig deep and really sit and think about what is important to you. I am sure the 1st thing that pops in your head is your family.

Well I am here to tell you if you don't get your act together your right you won't beable to give all of yourself to anyone else, your family included. Brent has to take care of Brent for a while and go to any lengths to make himself better. Nobody is going to get clean and change your life around but you. You have a wife that is very supportive and a child that depends on you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and fight back against your disease. Get angry, get pissed off and get back up and start over on Day # 1. It is not impossible it can be done. I have relpased many times in the past and started over. Sure I felt like sh*t for it. I have even thought of throwing in the towel from time to time and saying fu*k it all. I am not a selfish person though and I would never do anything to hurt my children and me leaving this world would do that. So although I have been down and out I have pulled my head outta my a$$ and got back to reality.

It just depends on how bad you want it. You have a choice to live clean or stay in active addiction. You don't have to be unhappy and continue using pain medication to numb your feelings. That is your disease keeping you sick and talking to you. Fight back Brent you are worth it. I wish I had some better words for you all I can say is I am here for you if you need me. Since the 1st day you came to the board I have always looked for your posts and I have faith in you and I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. Hang in there and keep posting and talking about your feelings. Rae You can also e-mail me at Bunny4804@aol.com. Rae


Hang in there Brent
10
Hey there

I understand how bad you are feeling right now, I felt exactly the same way a week ago, the great things about bad feelings are that they dont last. HANG ON!!

The world would most certainly NOT be a better place without you. The fact that you had 5 days of clean is a great tool for you to use to start again. Do you know that the average smoker tries to quit at least 10 times before they MAKE IT?????? Each time they learn from their mistakes, learn what worked, what didnt......so you took a step back and took some pills. Okay its done. Sometimes when we step BACK, we can actually see things more clearly...ask yourself what was the trigger? what caused you to use again??? Use that information to BEAT THIS....because YOU CAN BEAT THIS......

Call someone that you can trust, reach out and take a hand right now. People do care.Ending your life would cause so much pain for your loved ones, cause them pain thatwould never ever heal. You had 5 days of being free from your DOC, that took strength and courage. you can do it again and be even stronger and wiser than before.Stay in touch with us here at the board and letus know how you are doing.

Gigantic bear hug,
Ali
11
BRAB/BRAD


PLEASE CHECK IN WITH US WE ARE VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

I JUST GAVE MYSELF A HEADACHE WORRYING SO MUCH AND I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU !!!!

PLEASE TELL US THAT YOUR OKAY

LOVE

ALI
12
Dear Brad,
if we all gave up because of a slip, none of us would be here. It's hard work staying clean but it's worth it. To give up is to say you aren't worth it and you are worth it. You are an exceptional human being and there is no one else on earth exactly like you. Figure out what caused your slip and eliminate it. Reach out to others and seek help. We can't do this alone.
Don't ever give up! Every single day is a fresh start and make tomorrow yours.
Do it for you first, then do it for the ones you love. You are needed and to give up would crush the ones who matter most to you.
Love, Kat
13
Brad,
Please call someone..a friend, a sponsor, suicide prevention line. I relapsed last week and felt awful. But I picked myself back up and am going forward. You can to...you are sooo worth it.Please call someone.
You are in my prayers.
Pammy
14
Listen my friend if you think you are causing your family pain now think of what it will do to them if you kill yourself. I am sorry to be to blunt but self pitty is a killer.

There are solutions, you are worthy of better and perhaps it is time to consider options other than sitting in a corner feeling sorry for yourself. Treatment options are available, others have experienced exactly what you have and through the support of others, the support of the services available and most importantly through their higher power have found the strength to carry on.

There are choices to be made, do you want to recover and if so what are you willing to do to gain serenity?

I will pray for you and I do understand your pain.

God bless

God bless.
15
Brad, Please listen to me i know a father who thought his family would be better off with out him and that person was my cousin alot of the older members might remember when i posted about him anyway BELIEVE ME HE WAS SO WRONG the daughter he left behind sure did not think she was better off and if he could have seen what takeing his life had done to hers he would have never made that choice hes been gone for what feels like along time now but his daughter stayed with me for a little while and this is what she said and (BRAD PLEASE CLOSE YOUR EYES AND JUST THINK OF THESE WORDS COMING FROM YOUR CHILDREN AND WHAT IT WOULD DO TO THERE LIVES) his girl asked me why her dad left her if he loved her she said he would not have gone away if he realy loved her she even asked me if it was her fault she is so messed up she said he took her right to have her father away she says she hates him she has turned inward and will not let any one close to her and brad i 'am so sorry but this is what this will do to your children believe me i know about what you are feeling and i have been there thinking the way you are but after seeing what my cousin taking his life did to his family i knew it sure was not the answer for me i needed to be here for me and my family after hearing that little girl with such wisdom by just her saying WHAT RIGHT DID HE HAVE TO DO THAT sure WOKE ME UP brad she was right he had no right he took her right to have her father in her life to be there when she needed him he had no right! and i had no right to take my childrens right to have there mother either and with the help of others here and my hubby and doctor i fought back brad i 'am only posting because i have seen what it did to his family every time i see the heartache when i look into his daughters eyes its so tragic NO BRAD YOU DO NEED TO BE HERE FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY NEEDS YOU and i know it feels impossible but it is possible but you have to fight please look at your family and tell me there not worth it again please forgive me if i over steped but seeing your post opened up a very big wound that will never truly heal for me and his family that he left behind please hang in there you are not alone there are so many great members here and others who have been there and can help. LOVE + HUGS LITTLE H.
16
little H
what a great image to keep in ones mind.ill remember it myself
Thankyou for sharing that story with us all.

Hugs,
Ali
17
Brad Im sorry you feel that way.But you must know in your heart that it would hurt your love ones so much if you did that.Why are you so willing to take the easy way out after a small relapse?Ive always said it takes alot of little steps to learn.YOU my friend should not give up so easily.You know you love your family & you need them as much as they need you.Do whatever it takes to get back on track
There is no shame in relapse,the only shame comes when you give in & no longer try>>>>>mj