I am alone and wondering if I did the right thing. I left my best friend, well he ws my best friend until he changed and became this person addicted and devoted to oxycontin. I can't believe he changed so much, he is a zombie now. I have been lied to, stole from, and I am here to say that these pills don't show any mercy, and I consider myself to be a smart girl, and he fooled me for awhile. I knew something was wrong because he would refuse sex with me. Why is it that these pills either affect the ability to have sex or do they just decrease the sex drive completely? I have a lot of issues to deal with because I felt it was me for so long, until I discovered he was using. We weren't living together so I wasn't able to see or know his every move either. I tried to offer counseling that we could both go and receive together, but he would refuse. He wanted to go to rehab, then because he had no insurance--because he lost his job due to these pills and failed a drug test--he went right back to his old s***. I need to talk to someone who understands, and need some uplifting advice on should I try to be friends with him-because I am tired of sacrificing my needs for him--he is not worried how I am doing--but it is not fair because he has a substance to numb his pain and I have to deal with reality and it hurts. I was wondering if there is any type of counseling for partners of addicts> THANKS AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY-WENDY
sweet wendy -
here's a link that of a club that is very active and filled with people who are the same journey as you.
http://groups.msn.com/Alanon/_whatsnew.msnw
God bless you. i hope this helps.
love -
sammy
here's a link that of a club that is very active and filled with people who are the same journey as you.
http://groups.msn.com/Alanon/_whatsnew.msnw
God bless you. i hope this helps.
love -
sammy
Wendy,
You did the right thing. I don't know if there is a help group for loved ones or not (I am sure there is somewhere but I don't know how to help you find them) I am an addict myself. I have only been "without" for 74 hours but I was not on oxy's. I took lorcet. I know that right now it is so hard for you. I have actually been in your position and I was stupid enough to get hooked myself. I am not saying that you will never be able to have a relationship with him again. It is possible that he could get clean and sober and decide he wants to salvage the relationship with you. If that happens then it will be up to you to decide if you could possibly be with him again. I do advise you to think about this carefully. You need to be sure if you want to be with him that he is honestly clean and is dedicated to stay that way. I am now married to a wonderful man and I have two beautiful children. My love that turned to drugs never came back to me but I am happy that I got out when I did. But my situation isn't something to base yours on. You are going through a tough time right now and hopefully you have family or friends that your trust and can talk too. I wish you the best and hope that your life turns out great!! You never know......it could be the best decision you ever made. I have found out that sometimes we make decisions and go through he** for them and in the end it makes things wonderful! You never know what God has planned for you! If you need someone to talk to you can email me at wvredhead74@yahoo.com.
There are some very wise people on this board. I am sure they will all have some good advice for you
God Bless
Danis
You did the right thing. I don't know if there is a help group for loved ones or not (I am sure there is somewhere but I don't know how to help you find them) I am an addict myself. I have only been "without" for 74 hours but I was not on oxy's. I took lorcet. I know that right now it is so hard for you. I have actually been in your position and I was stupid enough to get hooked myself. I am not saying that you will never be able to have a relationship with him again. It is possible that he could get clean and sober and decide he wants to salvage the relationship with you. If that happens then it will be up to you to decide if you could possibly be with him again. I do advise you to think about this carefully. You need to be sure if you want to be with him that he is honestly clean and is dedicated to stay that way. I am now married to a wonderful man and I have two beautiful children. My love that turned to drugs never came back to me but I am happy that I got out when I did. But my situation isn't something to base yours on. You are going through a tough time right now and hopefully you have family or friends that your trust and can talk too. I wish you the best and hope that your life turns out great!! You never know......it could be the best decision you ever made. I have found out that sometimes we make decisions and go through he** for them and in the end it makes things wonderful! You never know what God has planned for you! If you need someone to talk to you can email me at wvredhead74@yahoo.com.
There are some very wise people on this board. I am sure they will all have some good advice for you
God Bless
Danis
Wendy
This is coming from someone who was once on a whole lot of oxycontin.
Drugs become your best friend. They become your lover. Your food. Your water. The very air that you breath becomes less valuable than those little round tablets. They are cunning and able to make you believe that it is them and not you. Addiction is a horrid disease. And Oxycontin is a bad addiction to have. You did the RIGHT thing by leaving. You are never even going to come close to the worth of those pills whhile he is using. And maybe it isn't even his fault and it certainly isn't yours.
Being with him and letting him do to you what he will while he is using only makesit easier for him to use. Addicts need people to tell them what they are doing is not okay and that while you love him, you truly hate what he has become and unless he seeks help you can't be there for him.
Losing his job is NO reason not to go to rehab. IN FACT it is the opposite. Medical assistance he almost certainly qualifies for. That would be something I think you COULD help him with. How bout calling your local assistance office and finding directions etc. for him to get there. Call him and tell him he most certainly qualifies. Then call around to all of the different hospitals and ask them about their detox programs. Get him to get the medical assistance and then have a list of rehabs for him. That is about all you can do. ONLY HE can quit. And as long as he is using and you are staying, he is going to keep using. You leaving him (but loving him from afar) ius THE best thing for him. I wish you luck and guidance in this struggle. I don't know if you are spiritual, but if you are I recommend a lot of prayers for him to see the light and come to terms with his addiction. He's got a lot of work to do. BUT he needs to do it himself. You can only be there to help once he is clean and wants to be clean.
I wish you peace, hang in there knowing that you are doing the right thing. It would be so much more worse for you to hang around and enable him. Maybe with you being gone, he is a lot closer to the bottom which is right where he needs to get before he starts going up again. BTW, sex is all but impossible on large doses of OC, physically and mentally.
Cindy
This is coming from someone who was once on a whole lot of oxycontin.
Drugs become your best friend. They become your lover. Your food. Your water. The very air that you breath becomes less valuable than those little round tablets. They are cunning and able to make you believe that it is them and not you. Addiction is a horrid disease. And Oxycontin is a bad addiction to have. You did the RIGHT thing by leaving. You are never even going to come close to the worth of those pills whhile he is using. And maybe it isn't even his fault and it certainly isn't yours.
Being with him and letting him do to you what he will while he is using only makesit easier for him to use. Addicts need people to tell them what they are doing is not okay and that while you love him, you truly hate what he has become and unless he seeks help you can't be there for him.
Losing his job is NO reason not to go to rehab. IN FACT it is the opposite. Medical assistance he almost certainly qualifies for. That would be something I think you COULD help him with. How bout calling your local assistance office and finding directions etc. for him to get there. Call him and tell him he most certainly qualifies. Then call around to all of the different hospitals and ask them about their detox programs. Get him to get the medical assistance and then have a list of rehabs for him. That is about all you can do. ONLY HE can quit. And as long as he is using and you are staying, he is going to keep using. You leaving him (but loving him from afar) ius THE best thing for him. I wish you luck and guidance in this struggle. I don't know if you are spiritual, but if you are I recommend a lot of prayers for him to see the light and come to terms with his addiction. He's got a lot of work to do. BUT he needs to do it himself. You can only be there to help once he is clean and wants to be clean.
I wish you peace, hang in there knowing that you are doing the right thing. It would be so much more worse for you to hang around and enable him. Maybe with you being gone, he is a lot closer to the bottom which is right where he needs to get before he starts going up again. BTW, sex is all but impossible on large doses of OC, physically and mentally.
Cindy
Cindy
That is exactly what I meant to say but you said it so much better!
God Bless
Danis
That is exactly what I meant to say but you said it so much better!
God Bless
Danis