Hi I have a question about recovery from crack abuse. My ex-fiance (yes I had to end our relationship) is a drug user for 30+ years. He will be 49 next month, started when he was 17. He's addicted to alcohol, pain pills, weed, cocaine, and crack for the last 7 years has been his drug of choice. He uses a very dangerous cocktail to maintain the high and then later come down. I am 42 and have never touched a drug in my life, so I've been very naive to this process.
Sixteen months ago he agreed to go to inpatient rehab at my insistence (ultimatum). He detoxes for 5 days (with an escape on day 2 but back in the same day) and then stayed inpatient for 23 days. He's admitted to 2 relapses, one after two months (crack relapse) and one after one year (alcohol relapse). However, the little I know about addiction his behavior "off" drugs has not changed from "on" drugs. He admitted to not working his AA program as he should, not consistent with sponsor or step-work and the only time he gets "back on track" and begins talking about 90 meetings in 90 days and finding his spirituality is when I've had enough and kick him out again.
After too much abuse, I'm done for good - 40 days no contact. However, he claims to anyone who will listen that he's clean. My therapist insists you can't control a life long addiction to multiple drugs, with less than a one-month treatment program and then his own will. I need to understand if this is reasonable or not, to figure out whether he's been lying to me this last year about being clean and sober. He also comes from a family of multiple addictions for all immediate members.
I appreciate anyone's feedback. I feel guilty for not believing what he is saying, but my gut says he's full of BS.
Follow your gut, it takes much longer than a 1 month inpatient rehab. This is a life-long process.
Why you have a fiance (ex or not) who is a alcoholic/user for 30 yrs bothers me .....
Are you attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings?
Look them up in the telephone book and give them a call. They will help you.
All the best.
Bob R
Are you attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings?
Look them up in the telephone book and give them a call. They will help you.
All the best.
Bob R
Bob, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry I did not, have been caught up with daily life of kids and work.
After my ex-fiance got out of rehab, I did learn about Al-Anon and attended a weekly meeting for several months. I don't think it was exactly the best fit, as I really needed to "talk" and ask specific questions about what was weighing my heart so heavy, and these meetings were very structured to the weekly topic, however I did learn several crucial things, one being that I did not cause his addiction and can not cure it. I did end up going, and still do go weekly, to private therapy.
I guess I was just trying to get an answer from someone with experience (personal or family member) as to what my gut was telling me was going on. My ex is an alcoholic and everything drug addict, but his drug of choice is crack cocaine. He went to detox for 5 days then an inpatient rehab for 23 days and came home. In 16 months he has admitted to 2 relapses, but maintains he is otherwise clean and sober. His recovery work (sponsor, 12-steps, meetings) is leas than half-a** and he only gets serious about it when I've had enough and kick him out. Otherwise, his behavior has not changed one bit from the time he was actively using to supposedly clean and sober. He's so verbally abusive, screaming at MY kids and I every day, spitting in my face, breaking things, walking on egg shells around him daily. He shows me the AA book, the chapter on the family after, and reads how his "instability" is to be expected in early recovery. And that I need to be patient and tolerant with him.
He had me brainwashed until last month his anger got so out of control that I had to kick him out of my house, again! I know that there is no justifiable reason to accept any abuse, but I keep wondering if maybe this is due to the fact that he never got clean. He'a 49 and has been doing crack heavily for 7 years and everything else for over 30 years, since he was 17. My therapist tells me that if curing a 30+ year drug and alcohol addiction would be as easy to cure as atrending a rehab for less than 30-days then there would be very few addicts in the world.
I'm just confused as my ex is painting the picture that he'a doing great these days and remains clean and sober. I'm wondering if maybe I am the crazy one.
After my ex-fiance got out of rehab, I did learn about Al-Anon and attended a weekly meeting for several months. I don't think it was exactly the best fit, as I really needed to "talk" and ask specific questions about what was weighing my heart so heavy, and these meetings were very structured to the weekly topic, however I did learn several crucial things, one being that I did not cause his addiction and can not cure it. I did end up going, and still do go weekly, to private therapy.
I guess I was just trying to get an answer from someone with experience (personal or family member) as to what my gut was telling me was going on. My ex is an alcoholic and everything drug addict, but his drug of choice is crack cocaine. He went to detox for 5 days then an inpatient rehab for 23 days and came home. In 16 months he has admitted to 2 relapses, but maintains he is otherwise clean and sober. His recovery work (sponsor, 12-steps, meetings) is leas than half-a** and he only gets serious about it when I've had enough and kick him out. Otherwise, his behavior has not changed one bit from the time he was actively using to supposedly clean and sober. He's so verbally abusive, screaming at MY kids and I every day, spitting in my face, breaking things, walking on egg shells around him daily. He shows me the AA book, the chapter on the family after, and reads how his "instability" is to be expected in early recovery. And that I need to be patient and tolerant with him.
He had me brainwashed until last month his anger got so out of control that I had to kick him out of my house, again! I know that there is no justifiable reason to accept any abuse, but I keep wondering if maybe this is due to the fact that he never got clean. He'a 49 and has been doing crack heavily for 7 years and everything else for over 30 years, since he was 17. My therapist tells me that if curing a 30+ year drug and alcohol addiction would be as easy to cure as atrending a rehab for less than 30-days then there would be very few addicts in the world.
I'm just confused as my ex is painting the picture that he'a doing great these days and remains clean and sober. I'm wondering if maybe I am the crazy one.
