so last night went out to a party with some friends and let my guard right down... had a few beers in me so I got high.. I felt horrible and it really made me realize how stupid it makes me.. was my first time in about 2 weeks and it seems every time I do slip and use it recreationally I get that feeling that it's not right and I shouldn't be using it. So in saying that I can still say that I haven't gone back to daily use or anything of the sort, but I also know I can't get overconfident in thinking I've beat this thing. I proved it to myself when on another occasion I smoked and felt so depressed and stupid, and thought ok I dunno why I did that.. then 2 weeks later for it to happen again.. damn I wish I hadn't smoked last night because It put another hurdle in the way of getting back with my wife.. but you gotta live with what you do.. and i'm not proud of it but at least now I can see how powerful addiction is if you actually know you're not going to have a fun time with the substance and you know how mentally incapacitated it makes you feel but go do it anyways... I was gonna hit an NA meeting tonight but fell asleep and i'm gonna go tomorrow. anyways take care everyone and be careful if you do slip because the grief and shame itself from slipping can cause us to go back into daily use..
I "slipped" after 15 months, whats up with that. How stupid! Slipped so hard I fainted. Duh, I felt ignorant. Keep trying. This is evil stuff.
Regarding tonight,
Tell you what, you tell me all about your meeting and I'll tell you about mine. :-)
Accountability works.
Peace,
D
Tell you what, you tell me all about your meeting and I'll tell you about mine. :-)
Accountability works.
Peace,
D
bah.. I did it again.. that damn guard keeps on sliding down. I even ended up purchasing this time but plan on getting rid of it very soon. I have only dipped into the bag twice and every time I realized just how dumbed down and careless it made me.. it's downright scary. Damn this evil weed.. damn it to hell.. anyways I tried to hit a meeting tonight but I couldn't find it.. it was in the besement of a local hospital but even the nurses didn't know about it.. so i spent a while wandering around the hospital looking but finally gave up. I'm working all day / night tomorrow but i'm going to a meeting on saturday night no but's about it. I can't believe I keep walking back into the same old trap.. I honestly think pot has messed my brain up so badly from the fact I smoked it so heavily through my early teens till now. My brain was maturing and growing at it's fastest then and I fed it a steady amount of mood altering substances.. now it's so confused. I have so much trouble with spimple tasks now, I can't concentrate nearly as well as I remember, and I just plain can't remember anything. Short or long term it seems like I cannot retain anything in my memory unless I do it a few times.. and even then it's not a sure thing. It seems like I never learn from my mistakes either. I know the bad effects, the long term effects, the depression that follows quitting; yet I still continue to temp fate. Oh well.. I think it's time to bring out the big guns, 12 step, counseling, and cognitive behavioral therapy in combination.
So how is everyone else? do you guys notice any of these symptoms from your years of overuse?
So how is everyone else? do you guys notice any of these symptoms from your years of overuse?
Hello PK
Im quite new here and only a few days into being off the pot.
Not my first time trying, quit so many times ive lost count and every time i slipped up and bought some i beat myself up for it. Didnt like myself when i was off it and hated myself even more when in a moment of weakness i got back into it.
Im a strong person with everything else in my life and it makes me mad that such a thing has kept me tied for so long.
Memory wise, ive been using for about 17 years. I never thought i had a problem with concentration or memory loss but over past year its really struck me how things slip out of my head just like that.
I cant remember peoples names, places ive been, simple everyday things that i need to keep on top of just to keep house running and kids organised. Sometimes the best i can do is remember to go to work and do school run!
Not very helpful when studying and trying to revise for exams either.
Stick with it. Every day you dont smoke is a day of progress.
Lou
Im quite new here and only a few days into being off the pot.
Not my first time trying, quit so many times ive lost count and every time i slipped up and bought some i beat myself up for it. Didnt like myself when i was off it and hated myself even more when in a moment of weakness i got back into it.
Im a strong person with everything else in my life and it makes me mad that such a thing has kept me tied for so long.
Memory wise, ive been using for about 17 years. I never thought i had a problem with concentration or memory loss but over past year its really struck me how things slip out of my head just like that.
I cant remember peoples names, places ive been, simple everyday things that i need to keep on top of just to keep house running and kids organised. Sometimes the best i can do is remember to go to work and do school run!
Not very helpful when studying and trying to revise for exams either.
Stick with it. Every day you dont smoke is a day of progress.
Lou
Had every symptom under the sun when I quit after 10+ years. The weird thing is, after i smoked again after 15 months, I only did it one night, and had those symptoms again for about a week. Weird. But it is a chemical that works on the brain. So.... It would make sense. I am getting back to "normal" these days. Just smoking cigarettes like a feign. I did walk my dog last night, something new to me EXERCISE ooohhh
fark this damn drug! I went to a meeting today.. a nooner, I felt very uncomfortable tho. I don't know why.. I felt that I have things to share for sure, but I can't seem to get any thoughts together and form coherent sentences in my brain before they leave my mouth.. and if I do start speaking it's usually before i've thought anything through and end up gettin mixed up in what I was talking about. I am starting to think this is maybe a self esteem issue that's not letting me be who I want to and do what I need to... today was real tough tho. I thought about smoking all day. I even weighed the facts and the bad dramatically outweighed the good, but did that stop me from wanting to puff? noooo .. damn this drug I tells ya. Anyways how's everyone? and also Jamv were those 10+ years of use starting in your early teens?
Everyone,
It seems we all face the same demons here.
every time we quit, we feel better. every time we slip or fail, we beat ourselves up, hate ourselves etc, etc.
This has helped me, maybe it will help you.
Before (on pot) After (off pot)
dependence--------------------------------independence
addiction------------------------------------freedom
crutch----------------------------------------walk on my own
habit--------------------------------------------more free time to do what i want
shackles/chains--------------------------clear, free shoulders
endless procrstinating------------------decision making
unhappy, resentful, guilt-----------------happiness in myself
focus on past-------------------------------focus on present and future
who the hell am i?------------------------i know who i am straight
paranoid-------------------------------------confident
messed up thoughts---------------------normal thinking
stuck------------------------------------------free
barriered-------------------------------------unencumbered
decadence----------------------------------fun
cough---------------------------------------clear lungs
red eyes------------------------------------beautiful eyes
recluse--------------------------------------sociable
no friends---------------------------------freinds
doubt my ability-----------------------know i'm good
So which would you rather be? i am chosing after, and this time i am never, ever going back to that poison. It makes me feel worse!! It does not help with any aspect of my life, it causes depression, irritability, panic, psychosis, changes brain chemistry, wrecks the immune system.
I could go on.
These things helped me.
If they help just one person who reads them i will be happy.
God bless all of you, sending lots of luck to you all
sm12 england
It seems we all face the same demons here.
every time we quit, we feel better. every time we slip or fail, we beat ourselves up, hate ourselves etc, etc.
This has helped me, maybe it will help you.
Before (on pot) After (off pot)
dependence--------------------------------independence
addiction------------------------------------freedom
crutch----------------------------------------walk on my own
habit--------------------------------------------more free time to do what i want
shackles/chains--------------------------clear, free shoulders
endless procrstinating------------------decision making
unhappy, resentful, guilt-----------------happiness in myself
focus on past-------------------------------focus on present and future
who the hell am i?------------------------i know who i am straight
paranoid-------------------------------------confident
messed up thoughts---------------------normal thinking
stuck------------------------------------------free
barriered-------------------------------------unencumbered
decadence----------------------------------fun
cough---------------------------------------clear lungs
red eyes------------------------------------beautiful eyes
recluse--------------------------------------sociable
no friends---------------------------------freinds
doubt my ability-----------------------know i'm good
So which would you rather be? i am chosing after, and this time i am never, ever going back to that poison. It makes me feel worse!! It does not help with any aspect of my life, it causes depression, irritability, panic, psychosis, changes brain chemistry, wrecks the immune system.
I could go on.
These things helped me.
If they help just one person who reads them i will be happy.
God bless all of you, sending lots of luck to you all
sm12 england
PK
First joint was at 14, just had it here and there. Smoked off and on thru college, graduate school started the ball rolling, marriage to my husband which early on smoke too. Then 2 babies very quickly together, only made me appreciate it more. So I am 37 now so I guess it was more than 10 years. The past 4or 5 was daily.
Good luck to you.
First joint was at 14, just had it here and there. Smoked off and on thru college, graduate school started the ball rolling, marriage to my husband which early on smoke too. Then 2 babies very quickly together, only made me appreciate it more. So I am 37 now so I guess it was more than 10 years. The past 4or 5 was daily.
Good luck to you.
smokefree
what a great post! thanks.
what a great post! thanks.
