Laugh and joke and pretend................give advice and wish people well and try and give them hope.
Bottom line well I'm kind of where Davey was maybe in a way a few days ago......hell, I been feeling like this for probably over a wekk or more..........push it down..............shove it all down..........eat it..........shut it out..........and smile and keep going and live bulls**t.
I wanna use.............mine ain't a craving.............it's more like I gotta tell the truth I love heroin...............as long as I had it and didn't get sick from there lack of...................ya know what................nothing compares.............and what did I ain't got no more or maybe never had.
It's yeah a pity party.................boo hoo and all that, but if I didn't have a panic attack before I walked out my front door yesterday well I'd have copped..........short and sweet.
Now, is this lifelong or what? Cause it sure sounds like it. I'm extremely sorry and said for anyone lost their loved one to this heroin thing or whose parent has to stay awake and wonder if their kid even has a place to put their head at night.
Otherwise ya know it makes it all right...............for me anway..........and me being honest goes to show i didn't pick up..............but it ain't looking that bad the thought and all and basically..............there's nobody for me to hurt.........nobody to be responsible for..............nobody wouldn't get along without me...................I learned that alright that people ya live with and are born to or birthed...................they ain't nothing..............nothing but other people................used to be the way I convincedmyself not to use.
Ya know and talking myself out of it for almost four years man it's just old and yeah I should care for myself................sure I should, but I could give a flying really who I am or what I deserve...................or need or want......it don't matter.
That people is how heroin works..............and I am mighty glad i got to know it.
I don't think many addicts will argue here. Man, I love coke too, but it has a price attached to it that makes it so not worth using it. The price is my life and I'm not willing to give that up.
Hi Bryn ,can't give much advice always asking for it ,and you are always one of the people that answer me.YOU are important you have touched me,and helped me more than you now.Life is important,my daughter has said she loves Heroine,but I hope that one day she will be as brave and as careing as you are.
Hang in there you are important
Welsh Lady
Hang in there you are important
Welsh Lady
Bryn, Please don't throw away all the wonderful progress you have made.
You have given hope , love, understanding and amusement to so many people.
What can we give to you that will help? I know you have been going to a therapist, have you gone to any NA meetings lately?
I am at a loss as to what to say.
You have my prayers, and my love.
rita
You have given hope , love, understanding and amusement to so many people.
What can we give to you that will help? I know you have been going to a therapist, have you gone to any NA meetings lately?
I am at a loss as to what to say.
You have my prayers, and my love.
rita
Hey Bryn
Yeah sure you're glad you got to know it! I mean why the hell wouldn't you be? It's helped to mould you into the person you are which by all accounts is something real special. Four years eh! A long time... tell me has anything cool happened during that time or has it all been just one big bummer? Did you perhaps start to give a damn about stuff you never gave a damn about before? Like people maybe? I think perhaps you did! How about youself? Yep no doubt you did! Hmmm did you notice the feel of the sun as it warmed your skin, the the moon and the stars, the way the breeze moves through the trees,for example? I cant believe you havent!
In answer to one of your questions yeah its like that for a while. I went back briefly after two years. The weirdest thing....I didn't belong there any more and even weirder I didn't feel I belonged anywhere outside nof it. I went back at four years...about where you are now for an even briefer time but I couldnt do it because I knew! I knew it would kill me for sure this time.
There's only one way now B
Yeah sure you're glad you got to know it! I mean why the hell wouldn't you be? It's helped to mould you into the person you are which by all accounts is something real special. Four years eh! A long time... tell me has anything cool happened during that time or has it all been just one big bummer? Did you perhaps start to give a damn about stuff you never gave a damn about before? Like people maybe? I think perhaps you did! How about youself? Yep no doubt you did! Hmmm did you notice the feel of the sun as it warmed your skin, the the moon and the stars, the way the breeze moves through the trees,for example? I cant believe you havent!
In answer to one of your questions yeah its like that for a while. I went back briefly after two years. The weirdest thing....I didn't belong there any more and even weirder I didn't feel I belonged anywhere outside nof it. I went back at four years...about where you are now for an even briefer time but I couldnt do it because I knew! I knew it would kill me for sure this time.
There's only one way now B
Sorry bout that...where was I oh yeah...theres only one way now Bryn and thats straight ahead! Don't look behind because its that life thats old!....old hat!
Be free
Love
Caz
Be free
Love
Caz
Oh do I relate so much. As you already know things happend i found myself on the block last week. I got a bag for 40.00 a rig 5.00 I was gonna bang it all oh the jokes on me it was not dope lol. It's acually real funny now i don't know what it was but, it smelled bad did not break down right i tossed it out. I scared the crap out myself it was so auto piloit. I had my moms station wagon with no heat no power steering out scoring dope freezing cold winter shacking the whole time i'm 2 years off methadone!. Lil stay at the nut house things are looking better today. I AM THANKFUL I GOT RIPPED OFF.
I think i should have woken up properly before i read that post....
Bryn, what is it they say...honesty is the best policy??? You've got way too much too lose, **** we all have! I think all us addicts feel that way. These past 2 weeks all i've thought about is drugs and something else cause i've made a decision to put them out my life. Like you say, when we are not sick and are high how good is it? So good. But, it can never last then all the BS that comes with having a habit hits you like a rollercoaster.
As most of us on here, no all of us( cause everyone gets efected by it) knows that when that happens it's living hell. Right now i'm living a real quiet life- a bit too quiet for my liking- but i'll tell you, it beats sitting rattling thinking all the **** that goes with it.
Bryn,You're too good to go back to all that!! So are you ZG, that was a close one, eh? Addiction, what i it all about eh? Will we get over it? Is there an answer? If anyone knows enlighten me....
Here's to a good tuesday everyone. Peace N P Vibes, Kev
Bryn, what is it they say...honesty is the best policy??? You've got way too much too lose, **** we all have! I think all us addicts feel that way. These past 2 weeks all i've thought about is drugs and something else cause i've made a decision to put them out my life. Like you say, when we are not sick and are high how good is it? So good. But, it can never last then all the BS that comes with having a habit hits you like a rollercoaster.
As most of us on here, no all of us( cause everyone gets efected by it) knows that when that happens it's living hell. Right now i'm living a real quiet life- a bit too quiet for my liking- but i'll tell you, it beats sitting rattling thinking all the **** that goes with it.
Bryn,You're too good to go back to all that!! So are you ZG, that was a close one, eh? Addiction, what i it all about eh? Will we get over it? Is there an answer? If anyone knows enlighten me....
Here's to a good tuesday everyone. Peace N P Vibes, Kev
Close call ZG! Amazing how God will do for us what we can not do for ourselves.
I think if we get real honest a lot of us have tried to score in our recovery or at least really WANTED to. I do have the most issues with wanting it when life gets weird on me i wanna run to the comfort of H. It was crazy how it happend to be not dope i was thinking real clear i wanted to end it H was the fastest way i could think of. Right after i figured out it was fake i figured out i needed some help.
Bryn my friend ain't life crap sometimes.
This month has been awful, broke after christmas, wet, cold, miserable, winds and to cap it all we in Liverpool had to listen to Ringo Starr playing his guitar on a rooftop -even i wanted to score.
This is how it goes me thinks, this why even after 15 years clean it's, always there in the background and my man has said before - i love drugs - that's why this is as it is, why so many stay stuck in it, why it kills so many.
Some solid advice above when you're clean YOU FEEL which is great but you YOU HURT moret which isn't and you worry because without having to always focusing on the gear you have time.
The more addicts I know and work with the more I think they are the most sensitive of people, often artistic, musical, articulate often too sensitive and that's why they seem to get sucked into it.
So sister fish get it into your head that life often is crap - January is a crappy month and things may not get better quick but using won't make you feel one bit better it will only make you feel worse.
Chill Lady
k
x
This month has been awful, broke after christmas, wet, cold, miserable, winds and to cap it all we in Liverpool had to listen to Ringo Starr playing his guitar on a rooftop -even i wanted to score.
This is how it goes me thinks, this why even after 15 years clean it's, always there in the background and my man has said before - i love drugs - that's why this is as it is, why so many stay stuck in it, why it kills so many.
Some solid advice above when you're clean YOU FEEL which is great but you YOU HURT moret which isn't and you worry because without having to always focusing on the gear you have time.
The more addicts I know and work with the more I think they are the most sensitive of people, often artistic, musical, articulate often too sensitive and that's why they seem to get sucked into it.
So sister fish get it into your head that life often is crap - January is a crappy month and things may not get better quick but using won't make you feel one bit better it will only make you feel worse.
Chill Lady
k
x
ZG
2years clean - off of mdone -
4 bags?! (or is that 1 bag for 40 bucks)- I dont know the quality,but you know if you ran 4 bags of even decent dope you might not be able to handle it on such a clean system.
Good thing you got beat for sure
be careful out there,
jack
2years clean - off of mdone -
4 bags?! (or is that 1 bag for 40 bucks)- I dont know the quality,but you know if you ran 4 bags of even decent dope you might not be able to handle it on such a clean system.
Good thing you got beat for sure
be careful out there,
jack
One bag for $40.00 about one-quarter gram.. yeah i knew it was too much on a clean system. Scary stuff there for sure. I'm feeling better now but, still having a hard time. Glad that's over.
Good Morning Bryn,
You were there for me when I needed it so I'd like to return the favor. Damn, I can't say ANYTHING to what you wrote...I mean, it's never clean for more than 3 days Constantine.....Bryn, it sounds like maybe you just need to get into something else at the moment, something new, something exciting. Can you afford to take a mini vacation ? how about maybe getting a new pet ? Dont laugh, I'm just thinking maybe that would change your direction somewhat, change the focus, but maybe it needs to be something a little more than like, going shopping or something, or painting, something maybe a bit bigger to really distract you. Hey Bryn, Im not gonna say dont use, f*ck, Im the LAST person that would judge or lecture you, but , being sick sucks, dont forget that Bryn, and having to score to keep yourself well sucks too, and all the fear of running out, and all the pain in the a** sh** of rigs and cooks and wondering if what you get is gonna kill ya this time....just some thoughts...take care and be safe Bryn, be safe.
You were there for me when I needed it so I'd like to return the favor. Damn, I can't say ANYTHING to what you wrote...I mean, it's never clean for more than 3 days Constantine.....Bryn, it sounds like maybe you just need to get into something else at the moment, something new, something exciting. Can you afford to take a mini vacation ? how about maybe getting a new pet ? Dont laugh, I'm just thinking maybe that would change your direction somewhat, change the focus, but maybe it needs to be something a little more than like, going shopping or something, or painting, something maybe a bit bigger to really distract you. Hey Bryn, Im not gonna say dont use, f*ck, Im the LAST person that would judge or lecture you, but , being sick sucks, dont forget that Bryn, and having to score to keep yourself well sucks too, and all the fear of running out, and all the pain in the a** sh** of rigs and cooks and wondering if what you get is gonna kill ya this time....just some thoughts...take care and be safe Bryn, be safe.
Hey Bryn
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now but what's all this??????
"there's nobody for me to hurt.........nobody to be responsible for..............nobody wouldn't get along without me..................."
well actually there are plenty of us who love and need you..... right here!
You've been there for me when I've been ready to throw in the towel on the whole world because of my little girl being a user! But who helps me to see that there's always hope and to hang on in there. You and the other guys on here, so just for the record "we wouldn't get along with YOU".
You are a very special, caring person so please don't ever forget it
((((((BIG HUG COMING TO YOU))))))
Luv
Christina x
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now but what's all this??????
"there's nobody for me to hurt.........nobody to be responsible for..............nobody wouldn't get along without me..................."
well actually there are plenty of us who love and need you..... right here!
You've been there for me when I've been ready to throw in the towel on the whole world because of my little girl being a user! But who helps me to see that there's always hope and to hang on in there. You and the other guys on here, so just for the record "we wouldn't get along with YOU".
You are a very special, caring person so please don't ever forget it
((((((BIG HUG COMING TO YOU))))))
Luv
Christina x
