Good evening everyone.
This post is for all the users and abusers. Like myself. I first joined this site at the end of June and have since visited religiously daily. I've read many post from the one's whom are hurting to change they're way of life because of their daily routine of living the same sad, frustrating and unbearable way day by day and hour by hour. Reading some of the things an addict writes about can be very harsh at times for me. I can sometimes feel their despair and desperation that they carry. I too will feel the same as everyone else because I too share that same boat ride as everyone else does. You know that boat, the same one that has kidnapped all of you including myself that has no means of sharing us with anyone else not even with our own mother's or precious little daughters. Mann, I miss her so bad. That's so outrageous that heroin will demand all of our time, patience, all that we value and all our hard effort and make it so hard for us to get it back. Only few of us have, but not until giving up more of what we hardly have anyways. And then I read the post's that have heartache and suffering drenched in it. The post that can only come from a mother. People say, a recovering addict has skin and bones tuffer than a normal person would because they have lived and learned of how to fight the battled of addiction with great progress. Ultimately making them a stronger human being. And I believe that. But in my other own opinion, I believe the mother of an addict is the toughest of all. Not just because she gave birth for some long hours but because the mother has never left their addicted child's side. A mother will be pushed and shoved and spoken to very vainly but will not listen. She will you not leave her child behind to die. And God forbid but, not even to die alone. She will never give up. Never let her guard down. Never listen, even when she is mixed with confusion. And she is the only one I have ever known to pray so much. No matter what, a mother will not give up. A true fighter. A true warrior. A true guardian angel. That we should all be grateful to have as the only one in our corner who will fight for our protection. She fights with the devil himself and doesn't even think twice about doing so. Just thinking of this, makes me want to go hug every one of your mother's. ! You all don't know how damn lucky you all are to have your mom's alive and offer you the help that is needed. I wish for just one conversation with my mother that she would put me as her first interest. Me as one of her first priorities. Or should I say better, I wish she wasnt on the same boat as all of us are and was able to offer me the help and support that I am only able to wish about hearing from her. Instead of doing what is best for me even when I ask her to, she won't,,,she wont. Makes me sad. Instead of wishing for my sobriety,I wish for hers too. I know we are supposed to think of just ourselves when it comes to our sobriety but now I think if I go into an inpatient program and get sober without her that I will feel completely selfish. Like if I didn't include her or like I abandoned her. I love my mom. The last thing I want her to think is I abandoned her too. All in all, I think,, to all the other addicts out there who's mom's are always "killing your high" accept her help. For once, take her advice and get the help that you definitely need and we all know, you want to get right too !. We all hate to be dope sick and stealing from out families. Every day it's the same thing, try to get enough money to live until tomorrow morning. That suck. Just listen to your mom and get the help. Stop making her cry and pray on her knees for a change. Give her - her wish and bring back her baby that she used to laugh with. The one who had a good relationship with her. I would love for my mom to be like yours and harass me with getting help. Because I seriously want that help. Imagine if your mom was like mine. And seriously didn't allow you to get clean. Who stood in your way on purpose. And who waited for you to get home just so she can take half of the dope you bring home. At least your mom's care. And if you don't want to cherish what you got, then fine, whatever. But then, do me a favor and do this for me, even if your not too cool with your mom's right now. Trust me, she'll enjoy it and at the end so are you. But go home and give your mom a tight hug and thank her for, just being your mom. I'm telling you, just thank her for loving you and not giving up on you. As difficult as you are, thank her for staying by your side and having your back. Then tell her Jessica said she loves you too. Cause I do. I really do love all the mom's out there. I wish I had what you guys all had. Call your mom. Go home and hug her. Put a smile on both of your faces and a little warmth in both of your hearts. So you can all feel good just for that moment. Then get the help you really deserve. Good luck to the one's that have it hard like me.. And to all the mom's, I'm going to tell you if your kids still won't. But I love all you mom's, just for being our mom. I love you because your heart is heavy. But no matter how heavy it is, it's still not ready to give up. I love you for that. For not giving up. Stay strong, keep your chin's up and don't forget to all pray. And just have hope and have faith that it will all work out.
Thank you everyone for reading my long letter. Bye.
It says Guest. But that was me, BabyLove. I made the topic of this discussion. " Let's trade Mom's".. I didn't correct it and put my name because I didn't want to lose all my hard work in my letter. But thanks anyways every body. Sorry if I sounded like such a B word.
NO worries my dear, I kinda thought that might be you- and I understood 'cuz I too posed two things (*think it was two*) before actually signing up for an acct here. I was thinking of you 2day- as I think I mentioned b4 and was hoping to be able to talk privately with you- but only reason I wanted to go private is because I was going to ask you a couple of personal questions and offer up some very personal info myself. Just not stuff that I want "out there" floating around in cyber-space as I'm sure you would feel the same and can understand what I'm saying. So I wonder if there is a way we can chat privately without breaking any rules here. I surely don't wanna dis the folks from this site as they are so great as to make this space available for all of us and I very much respect it... I just wanted to ask ?'s that I wouldn't ask in public and I don't wanna do that here. Can we possibly find each other at FB? Is there a username you could share (or even poss make a new FB acct) and I'll do same and we could go from there. I'm just not sure if that would be breaking their rules here cuz I REALLY, really do NOT want to do that...... See what you think of that and I"m gonna try to check their "Policies" here to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong..... My Best thoughts are with ya darlin. Pls start thinking / pondering about a doing a taper so that -at the very least we've both got a very basic thought process / beginning of seeds of a plan for that.... Sound ok with you?? Hope so darlin, really hope so...... OLuvR
O L were at. I see I missed u like four or five hours ago.
That's why I wanted to catch you on her at that exact time so I can be able to send you some info on how we can get in contact then like 5 mins later I can edit it real quick so my info doesn't linger on here.
BLuv, OOOOOOO that's a GREAT idea hon! Yes, yes we can try to time it so we're here at the same time. Ok 1st tho- we're in totally different time zones, so we gotta keep that in mind. I'm waaay over here in NewEngland and it's a bit after 8pm on Tues evening now, so that means that means that it's little after 5pm for you... So I'm three hours ahead of you. I'm online here now and will be hanging around for the most part tonite. But obviously its too late to make plans for us for tonite, so why don't we try to meet here tomm (Wed) evening at 8pm (Eastern), so that'd be 5pm for you- is that feasible for you hon? If not, please just tell me a better time and I'll try my damndest to work with it. I'm not around during the day (weekdays) just cuz of work and I usually don't get home until around 7-7:30ish on most evenings. So anytime after that I can work with- that ok?? Tell me best time for you darlin and we'll go from there..... OLuvr
I see you sent in your message at 8:29. So I know the times on here are different from yours and mine.
So my time says 9:49. So Ima check back in one hour and if possible you too check back in one hour then maybe we can be on here at the same time and go on from there. See u soon. I'm so excited.
Nope okay. We gotta try that again.
We have to check our times here at home then the time on the website here. So it's 10:28 pm. So now we see what time here on this site is but I'll be looking for you tomorrow at 8. Bye.
Baby, I'm a teeny bit late but it's 8:05 now here. I actually had a lil accident today at lunch. Nothing major but I was walking down the street and took a spill. The streets down where I am are in horrific shape. It's the friggin Freedom Trail, and there are a million dips and hills where they've dug up the sidewalks and filled it back in again. It's been patched over patch since 1875 and the state of the sidewalks is really bad. I was walkin along kinda fast and BAM I went down and I guess my knee went out in order to not have my face hit the pavement. I literally saw stars for a few seconds. When I got up it took me a minute to get it together. I tried to continue on, but I could tell that I couldn't put any weight on that knee. So I went back to work and took it easy. However now I'm home and it took me about 45 mins to walk the walk that I usually do in about ten minutes. So- my honey here is getting me ice bags and wants me to sit on the bed so I can stretch it out. OMG- it's always something isn't it? ANYhoo my dear I'm hoping you are around and that we can find each other. I'll give this msg a little time to see if u are around and I'll keep a close eye on it. Talk soon! OL
Hi OL. I actually didn't get on here at all yesterday. I don't know why I've been extremely sleepy lately. Not exhausted from constantly working in the yard or just tired from a lack of sleep. But i do know when I get so stressed or depressed that my body will shut down causing me to just sleep all day long.. sometimes two days. But hmmm , I hope we can still make this happen. If I'm in Los Angeles county then I wonder what the time difference is over their were your at.?? Cause that should make it easier for us to do this! (Come in contact with each other) well see. I gotta get ready. Ill be gone for about 4-5hours. But ill check in when i get back. So long.
Hey BL, I completely understand about the sleepy / tired thing. I'm sure you know by now that-- that is your body trying desperately to tell you something. That is the only way that it really has to communicate with us, and sometimes we don't listen. When we smarten up, we listen. If your body wants sleep darlin, you had better give it sleep, and then some. It probably needs alot more than that too... Like some really super good nutrisicous & wholesome food and alot of water. So I'm glad to hear you are listening to your soul and sleeping more. I've been off my feet taking care of this silly knee injury that has me sidelined. I had to take two days off work and I never, ever take time off work. This is the first time since last December when I had a another serious fall and was out for 3 days cuz of falling in the snow on the very same crazy pitted sidewalks in downtown. I also just got some news about my company that we may be going under and that all of us may soon be out of a job. That has really, really shaken me. OMG that is SO, SO not what I need right about now. Anyhoo my dear- there is a three hour difference between us. Right now it's 4:30 here which means it's about 1:30ish out your way. I've gotta go put some ice on my knee then I'm gonna cook some clams (w/black bean sauce) & basmati rice for us. I will then try to check back in here around 8pm this evening. 8 for me is 5 for you- is that do-able u think? I'll keep on checking here at 8pm and see if we can find each other.... Sure hope u are not sick and that u've been able to fight off whatever it is that is making u so tired. PLS take special care of yourself ok? Hopefully we'll hook up soon. OL
Holy cheese and crackers OL, the first 16 hours that I haven't looked on here is when u are. Okay so, 16 hours ago was at, 12:24 pm. My clock here at home says 5:24 am. You said a three hour difference, hmmm is that behind or forward? Ill go with forward. So ultimately it is 8:24 am out there. Mann I hope I'm right . So how about let try to be here in twelve hours from now. And if that don't work then let do this,.i say mainly let's do this --> how about we shoot for Tuesday afternoon at 12:00pm . That's September 29th for me. Hey so twelve my time isn't the same as your time. Holy mackerel. Ummm ok at 12 my time and 3:00pm on Tuesday your time. Is that how that works???? Well. I hope we can make this work.. I hope you hurry up and are able to heal properly. Especially if your job does sink, your gonna need all the hours you can put in. Alright,
I know I'm not crazy for still feeling that same way.
