Well this is my new post. I have smoked for 10 years and want to give up. It really is time for me I have given up before for a few days here and there but now I must do it for good. First I must empty my bowl and then take it from there. I never really had a chance as my family were right into the pot and it was forced on us all the time as teenagers. It annoys me now as they seem to think they are the perfect parents and they are far from it. I don't wish to blame others but everytime I try to give up they stuff me up. I have had to change my name etc as i feel they even watch what I write on here as I stupidly told them how great it was to have found a web site that can help. So bang they started there usual spying s***. Worried about what I may say so this is the only way I can be me. I was beaten in every way my mother told me my nana interferred with me and then told me never to tell my Dad so that left me very confused. I was born not ugly so all my life she has been nasty put me down kept me away from my sisters and brothers and all my family sent me far away so she didn't have to worry. I find now I am older it's to late I really don't like them and they want to be friends well I can't anymore its to late. So smoke smoke smoke thats me. I know I must let it go but I can't understand how a women that was loved by her own parents could stand back and watch an innocent girl get beaten and then just join in on the abuse by rubbishing me and constantly interferring in my life and lying and never ever saying sorry. I will never understand. I found myself always trying and trying to please her I thought if I try hard enough she will love me but no just more negative s***. So for you Ma if your reading this and have worked out its me go f----k yourself your a disgrace to motherhood and I wish I could say it to you but yoou would't here me. You are pathetic and a sad sad example of motherhood and women hood. You hate all women why ? Dad was the arsehole not them us. You have ruined my life and you know it I have protected you all these years because I was ashamed and embarrased by your behaviour and could never face it so I just smoked and smoked. You had a great family life why would you destroy mine you took everyone away that you could or you tried but it didn't work because they could see even more embarassing for me you had years to change but no never and you never will. Kama will get you and you deserve it you really do. I have kept this in for so many years and I can't anymore anything that mattered to me you f----k---d but you couldn't get to my children thay are loyal and smart and they know and can see your nasty arsed ways I trusted you and put you on a pedal stool I felt sorry for you you loved that more attention you could of had a great life but no you choose to me a mean nasty cow. Enjoy your life as to me you are dead in my soul you are I will never again respect you and your false stupid nasty nasty s***. Wow thats better .Now I will try and stop again.
Wow! Man, I am so sorry you've held all that in for so long?
Is there any way you can get counseling? I'm sorry I don't know your name. That's a ton of stuff you have and had going on.
This may sound shallow or something, but no matter how this all came down on you and trust me I understand your point, but no matter smoking ain't hurting your mom. It's not effecting her. It's hurting you. I know you already know that.
I'm just really sorry you are carrying around all that pain. Writing it out does help, but would your mom be open to just listening? I'm a mom and my daughter hates me. I've found it helps immensely not defending myself or reliving how I see things, but just listening. Maybe your mom will do that.
Congrats on deciding to stop smoking. You can do it. Do it for yourself. Not your kids. For you. You're worth it. It must hurt. I'm really sorry.
Is there any way you can get counseling? I'm sorry I don't know your name. That's a ton of stuff you have and had going on.
This may sound shallow or something, but no matter how this all came down on you and trust me I understand your point, but no matter smoking ain't hurting your mom. It's not effecting her. It's hurting you. I know you already know that.
I'm just really sorry you are carrying around all that pain. Writing it out does help, but would your mom be open to just listening? I'm a mom and my daughter hates me. I've found it helps immensely not defending myself or reliving how I see things, but just listening. Maybe your mom will do that.
Congrats on deciding to stop smoking. You can do it. Do it for yourself. Not your kids. For you. You're worth it. It must hurt. I'm really sorry.
