Life With An Addict

hi i saw this site and i just need to vent. any advice would also be appreciated. i have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years. he started out addicted to pills and took up heroin almost 2 years ago. he's tried to quit a million times w/o success but i'm not sure he ever really wanted it. finally he got out of control violent on the sht and we got him involuntarily put in the hospital. he stayed about a week and has been clean for almost a month now. the problem is, i don't feel any better. he's all positive about quitting and getting help and all that and i just want to say "give up, you'll never quit" i think this time he might have a chance but then again i thought that every time he quit. i am so sick of the lies. i feel like i'm insane and like i don't even know what is real anymore. i believed him so many times when in my heart i knew the truth and now i'm scared i'll never be able to trust him again. the worst is he'd always find a way to make it seem like my fault. i'd tell him i thought he was on it and he'd fight with me the whole night until he finally convinced me that i was bad for not trusting him. he'd say he needed my trust to quit and if i don't have faith in him then he should give up but he really was on heroin the whole time. and i was so pathetic i kind of believed that maybe i was just paranoid. my life is so screwed right now. we have no money and i feel like things will never change. is it dumb to give up now when he's actually quit? he's never made it this long and i feel bad for not being more supportive but i am so sick of pushing all my problems aside to deal with his. i know he really wants to quit but the sht controls people. its disgusting. it can take a great person like my bf and turn then into a selfish mean manipulative person. i hate this back and forth feeling. one minute i think he can make it the next minute i think its hopeless. i don't think i'm ready to give up but i listen to people in the n.a. meetings who say they made it 10 years and then went back to it. does ANYONE ever get off this crap forever? i hate life with an addict. i really feel like i am insane and dont know what to do. i tell him i'll leave over and over but i never do and he knows it which is the biggest problem. i should have left so long ago but now when i'm ready to give up he's clean. thanks for letting me vent and sorry so long.
i know how frustrating this is hon. i went through it as well for 3 years. all i can honestly tell you is that you are the most important person for you to worry about. and i know that's easier said than done. he's not going to stay clean simply because you are there to hold him up. as much as we'd like to think that after all the time, money and emotional effort we've spent on these guys that the least they could do is stay clean, it's just not realistic. in fact, in fear of hurting your fealings, i feel i must give you this to think about....do you think it may be easier for him to fall back down into it knowing you will always be there? the reason i ask this is because i finally had to leave my boyfriend. he became both emotionally and physically abusive. but he did get clean for good about 8 months after i left him. you have spent 5 years trying to help him. it hasn't gotten him very far yet. i think the best thing you maybe could do for him right now is let him know what it feels like to truely get clean...on his own two feet. who knows, maybe after he gets clean "for good" you guys might be able to try again...he'll be a whole different person. and yes, people do get off it for good..they just have to want it like that. good luck!!
Hi, Yes people can get off of heroin for good.

Listen, he might be blaming you for 'not being able to get clean' but he is blaming the wrong person.. the only person for him to be angery at and to blame is his own self.

Did you put the drugs in his body? Did you go and score him the drugs and bring them back to him to hold a gun to his head and force him to use them?
-No and no.

It sounds to me like you are being emotionally abused; your borefriend (borefriend) might be the one saying the nasty remarks, but you're the one taking it from him... ... why don't you just ditch him and get a real man who shows you priority and respect?
hi again, thanks for the advice. the main problem i am having now is that he's clean... he's not actiong like a jerk anymore by the way. i am just worried that i will never fix MY problems. it seems like he's on his way to recovery and i am feeling worse. does anyone have any experience with this? i know i should have left him a long time ago but now that he's clean it seems kind of stupid to leave him now. i don't know, i am so confused. i worry that i will never trust anyone again. he really is trying to help me get through this but it seems like we both have so many problems that neither one of us is able to help each other. also i am terrified that he will start using again. part of this is my own paranoia, he seems like he's really ready to quit this time, although it does make sense to worry b/c he's tried to quit so many times before (he's never made it anywhere near this long before). if he goes back to H (or anything) i have made up my mind to leave him for good and i think i have the willpower to do it this time. but i would love for this to work and he is clean now, going to NA meetings and will start counseling next week, so i hate to give up on him after 5 years when it's the 1st time he's ever been totally clean. i could really use some suggestions on fixing what's left of our relationship supposing he does stay clean. how do you learn to trust someone again? is it even possible to ever fully trust an addict again? thanks
I am married to a heroin addict that was clean for 4 years. Enough time for us to get married and have two kids. Now he is using again. My advice leave now or drug test him for the rest of your life. It is easier to leave when you do not have children. He has a great job and he is a great father but, he is using heroin so everything else means nothing.
IF you decide to stay with him, you should both seek counseling to work through your problems.
reading youre post it was as if i had written it myself . they make you so screwed up you lose all self esteem and confidence in youre own judgement it has to be another heroin trait of this vile life destroying drug. good luck mate youre not alone