Impermanence...this thing called life isn't about continuity. Yesterday was a great day for me. It was one of those days where I was productive, felt accomplished, and grateful. Today reminded me that I am not living a fairytale where only good days exist.
I've shared once before that I was bulimic for a few years. I also shared that I've lost 8 teeth due to the consequences of the eating disorder. Today I can increase the number of teeth pulled to 9! Say it ain't so...35 and have had 9 teeth removed due to chronic infection as a result of bulimia, sugar, and genetics! A tooth started hurting about a week ago. I know the signs of an infection and need for a root canal. I made an appointment for today. I thought it was a bottom, obscure tooth that was causing the recent pain only to find out after x-rays that it was a top tooth, 4th one from the front, so visible when I laugh or smile; something I seem to be doing more of since putting down alcohol (imagine that!). Since I don't have dental insurance the bill would have been around 1500 after rootcanal and crown. I don't have that kind of money so the next solution was extraction.
Once the procedure was done I sat on the dentist chair long after. Inside I was crying and weeping for the damage I created due to poor choice and coping skills. If we I am only looking at tangible items, I've lost a car due to alcohol and nine teeth due to bulimia. I ask myself, whose in charge of damage control...NINE teeth! Humor is getting me through this blow to my self-image, I guess.
My sponsor told me that when she first saw me she didn't take me for an alcoholic since I am thin and missing one tooth (that is visible). Guess I look like I had a long-tweaking weekend now...
The good news: I don't have to drink over this! I had my pity-party for a bit with tears and a call to mommy and all. Then I called my sponsor. Now I am writing to you all. So point is, I DON"T HAVE TO DRINK over this!!! That is my "one cool thing" for the day...(thanks skg for the idea, lol).
That really is a pretty cool thing. You know, you've made me realise that good choices, like bad ones, are cumulative. Thank you.
So very true...and you are welcome.
Gidday Zipper
The kids in my sons class all know that if you eat too many lollies then your teeth end up like mine, or at least thats what i tell them when they ask me why my teeth are brown
It was embarrasing for awhile but then hey thats my teeth and thats what happens when you clean your teeth with a beer and break half of them off by opening beer bottles, even 12 years down the track of recovery i am still feeling the affects of some of my drinking stupidity, and you are so correct in saying at least i can have a laugh at myself and stay sober, although i must say i am still conscious of my teeth when there are cameras about....ooooohhh well at least the tooth fairy pays good money in our houseLOL
light and love Zac
The kids in my sons class all know that if you eat too many lollies then your teeth end up like mine, or at least thats what i tell them when they ask me why my teeth are brown
It was embarrasing for awhile but then hey thats my teeth and thats what happens when you clean your teeth with a beer and break half of them off by opening beer bottles, even 12 years down the track of recovery i am still feeling the affects of some of my drinking stupidity, and you are so correct in saying at least i can have a laugh at myself and stay sober, although i must say i am still conscious of my teeth when there are cameras about....ooooohhh well at least the tooth fairy pays good money in our houseLOL
light and love Zac
