Good Morning peeps...wow what a roller coaster latley...sponsor I had split...had a big argument...she likes to yell at me...after the third time of that I got a bit angry back...she then said she guesed she didnt meet my expectations ...dont know what to say to that...maybe she was right...dont know,...but my dealing with the AA right now isnt particulary a good feeling and I dont know if Im going back...seems way too stressy...in fighting and everything...a small group of people who have been there forever...I dont know, Im feeling pretty frustrated and down with it all...maybe shes right, my expectations were hoping that a sponsor would help with the learning process...she would give me stuff to do and then never call or ask about it...Id wait weeks with all this stuff she'd ask me to do and she never asked about it...if I brought it up she would say oh ya if you need to talk about it maybe we can meet...and then never follow up on that either...she has never called me, though she has my cell phone, home phone and knows where I work...i feel really let down...the methadone is going ok though...but i keep going up on it..true addict that I am, cant get enough..ha ha...actually thats prob. not funny cuz I worry Im gonna use...even on top of the meth cuz I feel so antsy and let down right now...im not sure what to do...go back to the meetings ?...I just dont know...she yelled at me pretty alwful on Tuesday right out in front of the meeting...I feel pretty humilated...ad Im sure she made sure that everyone else knew...dont know what she is saying to everyone but I can bet it aint to kind...whatever...I sure miss you guys...maybe theres something bout ex H addicts lol...sigh...well...I know you all got worse things to worry about and this is just a small silly thing but you know how small s*** can sometime be the biggest pain...thanks for listening guys..
Con
Alrite Con glad to hear yer still clean even after all the mental pressure you been goin thru .You deffo dont need that from yer sponser,she dont sound all that anyway........in my book which aint the big book the idea of a sponser is tio be there to help ya thru the rough patches etc.,has she done that nope and to ball you out in front of the rest of the group is very unproffesional and unkind.How much juice are you on???im glad as im sure you are that you got that as a back up......coz it works for me.What are the ramifications if you give a dirty ua at yer clinic??hopefully enuff for you to not use.
Take care Mrs.all the very best .........Davey
Take care Mrs.all the very best .........Davey
Can you try a different meeting Con?
Yelling at you is abuse, plain and simple. No-one in touch with their HP is going to yell at another human being. That's her stuff, not yours.
What's good is that you're doing the work, you're willing. You're right to fire her and to want to work with someone who keeps their commitments.
Seems to me there's plenty to learn about yourself from this experience, and what I hear in your post is someone who wants to recover and grow, someone who's aware of their own behaviours - you mention some alarm bells ringing about using - and someone who is looking to do the next right thing.
So what's the next right thing for YOU on your journey of recovery, Con?
Cheering you on from the sidelines,
Martin
Yelling at you is abuse, plain and simple. No-one in touch with their HP is going to yell at another human being. That's her stuff, not yours.
What's good is that you're doing the work, you're willing. You're right to fire her and to want to work with someone who keeps their commitments.
Seems to me there's plenty to learn about yourself from this experience, and what I hear in your post is someone who wants to recover and grow, someone who's aware of their own behaviours - you mention some alarm bells ringing about using - and someone who is looking to do the next right thing.
So what's the next right thing for YOU on your journey of recovery, Con?
Cheering you on from the sidelines,
Martin
Hey Con. What a b****! Tell her I'm going to kick her sorry a*se! Seriously though, you don't need to take that from ANYONE! Lose her. Try a different meeting. Get a new sponsor. If she can't be bothered she should never have agreed to be your sponsor in the first place. Keep your head up babe, you did well not to lose it with her and let it put you back.
Linz x
Linz x
I know for "me" i always felt like AA/NA had a nitch i never could slip into. I also know it helps many people. I am sorry your sponcer is stressing you out. It would be best I think to look into getting another sponer maybe with another group. Where i live there are a LOT of places that hold meetings. If the meetings acually do help you i would just check out a diffrent meeting place other then the place where your crazy ex sponcer is at. Of course i'm sure you have thought of that already. The methadone can be tricky i was so bad i went up 5-10mg EVERYTIME I could even thou i got to 130 and would nod while eating I know I abused methadone when I was on it. At a stable dose it can do WONDERS!. i ALWAYS HAD TO push my limits with it...like with everything else it's a personility flaw i guess.
Con, sadly sponsors are just addicts learning to cope with life like the rest of us. Sponsors are fallable. I suggest asking someone else. Don't let one person turn you off to sponsorship. I had 4 sponsors before I found a keeper and the one I have now I've had for over 7 years. Just keep trying. No one said recovery was gonna be easy <G> The important thing is finding someone willing to take you thru the steps. That's where the recovery is.
smooches
smooches
Yelled at ya?
What?
Con, ya should have pulled an Oprah on her........."It's all about fear, Sponsor! What are YOUR fears?"..........then again Linz is gonna go kick her azzz for ya so that's that!
LOL
Con, go BACK.........you're Con for heaven sake.............like Stepper said....I'd go back..............you're really working on you in my opinion........you get mad props............yes you do...........don't let no yelling wench keep you from your program..............might as well give it another chance and if it don't work then.........at least ya tried.
Eh, maybe she was jealous of your sassy, sissy shoes! Had to end on a lil laugh and yeah the small things are HUGE!
What?
Con, ya should have pulled an Oprah on her........."It's all about fear, Sponsor! What are YOUR fears?"..........then again Linz is gonna go kick her azzz for ya so that's that!
LOL
Con, go BACK.........you're Con for heaven sake.............like Stepper said....I'd go back..............you're really working on you in my opinion........you get mad props............yes you do...........don't let no yelling wench keep you from your program..............might as well give it another chance and if it don't work then.........at least ya tried.
Eh, maybe she was jealous of your sassy, sissy shoes! Had to end on a lil laugh and yeah the small things are HUGE!
Oh My Peeps !! WHAT would I do without you all !!! I would have written sooner but our internet system at the house was being upgraded....ya !!! Our small non existant town fnally has internet access now for like all the time and Im finally on my own computer at home now and not my wifes whose key board is in German and drives me nuts ! ANYWAYS....
well....things kind of worked out...I read everything everybody said here...and then I thought...hell...damn...ya...you are all so right...so I gulped down my fear and my feelings of like total humiliation and wrote another couple in the group there...they were so supportive...I was really surprised...they didnt bash anyone...anyways I got Linz for that ...thanks Linz...you put a huge grin on face when I read that...and Bryn...OMG...like...your right...probably is my new sassy shoes...damn...never thought of that...LOL...:)...anyways...so they pretty much told me...hey, the ride is just getting started...dont give up now...and just thank her (the one who yelled at me) for the help she gave you...and well..she offered to be my sponsor if I wanted it and then she said that its my program and that we have to sit down and figure out how I need to go about it...she seems pretty practical...she is the wife of the couple I emailed...They were the first people there I actually talked to when I got there...her husband and her have always been there...so ...I mean, Im kind of still thinking about it all...but she really made me feel a whole lot better about things, her and husband both....there was no malice and no have to be right or anything...and I felt a huge weight lift...whew...I mean...ya, it was pretty small thing but for some reason to me it felt like the world was crashing...Martin...thanks so much for the wisdom as always...too true...yelling is abuse...and I sure dont need that ...ZG and Davey....ya...ZG sometimes I really feel like that too..like just cant find my niche there...but then like 12 stepper said...maybe I just need to keep trying on a few people until I find the right one...and Davey...LOL.yup and sure as hell...definetly did a bit more the other day during all that...know exactly what you mean...what a fine line it is huh ?...I mean...being an addict and all of course were gonna try to feel that high no matter what...but Im trying...and the methadone is still the best opt for me as you know...Im at about 4.0 and still climbing...but I think Im almost ready to say I might have found my level...think a few more and I should be good...and I too save up a bit here and there just for those really rough days...I think thats OK though Davey...at least it not H and were not on the streets...
So anyways...thats where its at for the moment...thanks to all ...jeez I was really really stressing...but you were all there and I swear that means so much !!! so im going to go back this week...suck it up as a learning experience and go sit in the meeting and continue to work...Im so glad ...I was feeling so lost without something to work for...wierd I know...but thats how it felt..:) Love to ALL of you...
Con
well....things kind of worked out...I read everything everybody said here...and then I thought...hell...damn...ya...you are all so right...so I gulped down my fear and my feelings of like total humiliation and wrote another couple in the group there...they were so supportive...I was really surprised...they didnt bash anyone...anyways I got Linz for that ...thanks Linz...you put a huge grin on face when I read that...and Bryn...OMG...like...your right...probably is my new sassy shoes...damn...never thought of that...LOL...:)...anyways...so they pretty much told me...hey, the ride is just getting started...dont give up now...and just thank her (the one who yelled at me) for the help she gave you...and well..she offered to be my sponsor if I wanted it and then she said that its my program and that we have to sit down and figure out how I need to go about it...she seems pretty practical...she is the wife of the couple I emailed...They were the first people there I actually talked to when I got there...her husband and her have always been there...so ...I mean, Im kind of still thinking about it all...but she really made me feel a whole lot better about things, her and husband both....there was no malice and no have to be right or anything...and I felt a huge weight lift...whew...I mean...ya, it was pretty small thing but for some reason to me it felt like the world was crashing...Martin...thanks so much for the wisdom as always...too true...yelling is abuse...and I sure dont need that ...ZG and Davey....ya...ZG sometimes I really feel like that too..like just cant find my niche there...but then like 12 stepper said...maybe I just need to keep trying on a few people until I find the right one...and Davey...LOL.yup and sure as hell...definetly did a bit more the other day during all that...know exactly what you mean...what a fine line it is huh ?...I mean...being an addict and all of course were gonna try to feel that high no matter what...but Im trying...and the methadone is still the best opt for me as you know...Im at about 4.0 and still climbing...but I think Im almost ready to say I might have found my level...think a few more and I should be good...and I too save up a bit here and there just for those really rough days...I think thats OK though Davey...at least it not H and were not on the streets...
So anyways...thats where its at for the moment...thanks to all ...jeez I was really really stressing...but you were all there and I swear that means so much !!! so im going to go back this week...suck it up as a learning experience and go sit in the meeting and continue to work...Im so glad ...I was feeling so lost without something to work for...wierd I know...but thats how it felt..:) Love to ALL of you...
Con
Con, where do you live like where Heidi lived?
O.K. I am literally sitting here laughing! Do you live on a Mountain with Goat Peter? Wait that was Austria, right? Or was that The Von Trapp's?
Small town indeed. It sounds quaint though. Hey, it has to be progressive though as ya have Meetings.
Con, you did good. You did great. It is a huge deal. You're allowed to think it is. I give you big props, Con for going full speed ahead and taking control. See, it probably worked out for the better. These people sound nice and I'm sure they will be helpful. You're no quitter. Except for quitting in the toughest way. That which was holding you down.
Your wife has to be wonderful, Con. Now that's y'all have internet access 24/7 hey it's all good. Anyone that allows you to use their keyboard loves unconditionally. LOL Con, we are all proud of you and your sassy shoes.
BTW, I didn't really mean where did you live. LOL I envision you live in a place like where they have all the fairy tales drawn on the walls. Where they sell the cucu clocks.
O.K. I am literally sitting here laughing! Do you live on a Mountain with Goat Peter? Wait that was Austria, right? Or was that The Von Trapp's?
Small town indeed. It sounds quaint though. Hey, it has to be progressive though as ya have Meetings.
Con, you did good. You did great. It is a huge deal. You're allowed to think it is. I give you big props, Con for going full speed ahead and taking control. See, it probably worked out for the better. These people sound nice and I'm sure they will be helpful. You're no quitter. Except for quitting in the toughest way. That which was holding you down.
Your wife has to be wonderful, Con. Now that's y'all have internet access 24/7 hey it's all good. Anyone that allows you to use their keyboard loves unconditionally. LOL Con, we are all proud of you and your sassy shoes.
BTW, I didn't really mean where did you live. LOL I envision you live in a place like where they have all the fairy tales drawn on the walls. Where they sell the cucu clocks.
Bryn...you had me rollin this morning !!!! HONESTLY....Heidi !!! LOL !!! Damn, but I swear sometimes it might as well be up in the mountains with the goats !! LOL !!! but no...it IS a really small village though kind of like you would imagine...small cobble streets and grape vines and a small town square with a fountain...its definetly a german village...heidi...OMG...Im STILL Laughing...Love ya Bryn...
Con
Con
